All Comments on 'Two Couples Relationship Grows Ch. 01'

This is what Loving Wives is supposed to be about.

Having one person, a narrator, reporting almost everything that is said and done, gets very boring. There is a reason why "Speech" takes place. We get to experience wordings from other people and that is how things are in real life. Not one person reporting what everyone else says.

Please get an editor! The story would have been rated higher (*2) if it wasn't so hard to read. Run-on sentences, lack of commas or inappropriately placed ones really made this read a bit tedious.

Block after block of narrative do not a good story make. In three pages there's not a single sentence attributed to a person.

and pointless distracting descriptions.

This is a story about two couples deciding to fuck each other, so what? Its called Swapping, and in itself is no big deal. What makes the story interesting are the emotions, the drama, the suspense, the plot of how and why they decided to abandon, or at least amend, their marriage vows. If you want to describe some dogs meeting in an alley and deciding to fuck then you just get an animal fucking story; pathetic.

All the information about clothes, rooms, scenery, dress, food, drink, what's the point? Of course all the people are beautiful and have all the maximum physical attributes, just like in real life. And they all fuck like Gods. And the story is supposed to be true? Its not even true to life.

And this is just chapter 1? So we get how many chapters of how much detail and itemized recounting of every orgasm and penile penetration, and know almost nothing about what sorts of people treat their marriage like a formality and their spouses like interchangeable sex objects. And, wait, it all makes their marriage stronger. Of course it does, its a true story.

You might as well write a story about a woman meeting her future husband when he rapes her.

Thanks for the effort.

That was one ponderous read about nothing, and it’s only chapter 1. Listen to the constructive criticism before you try again.

Good first story. Next time, beef up the dialogue and cut back on the exposition. Break up long paragraphs. Put all expository prose in the past tense . . . always. Put dialogue and supportive prose in the present tense . . . always.

Eschew cliches. Never write, "Don't get me wrong," or "We wound up blah blah blah." There are many more cliches. Don't use them. It's lazy writing and boring.

Keep adverbs and adjectives to a minimum. They often distract rather than add.

Put your reader inside the character's head. Tell us more about what he thought and felt. Tell us his worries and fears.

His wife is in another part of the house sucking another man's penis. She will probably swallow his semen. Is that worrisome to hubby? How does he feel about it? Will it bother him next time he kisses his wife?

Soon, another man is going to fuck his wife and very likely smear his warm semen all over her cervix with repeated thrusts of his bare cock. Is hubby concerned? Let us readers watch along with hubby and listen and smell and taste along with him. Let us live the wife swap vicariously.

Strong first effort. I'd like to read more.

Seriously, your writing needs help. The grammar is all over the place to the point that some senses make no sense. You actually managed to say that you shaved your eyes! "Barley" is a grain food, also used to make beer. You meant 'barely'. The plural of belly is bellies, not belly's. Plurals never take apostrophes.

But worst of all is that you contradict your own writing at times. You write "Maybe they just haven't fucked yet", but earlier said you saw them fucking.

A potentially good story destroyed by bad writing.

Several of the prior critiques seem accurate, but: I found your story very lively and erotic. I liked it that they knew and cared for each other. The womens’ bodies were differentiated, their personalities somewhat. Sequel could be good. 4/5, with more coming if you will keep writing.

If as you stated this is a real life story, I can understand why it seems intense and a bit sloppy. Not perfect but well worth reading.

Thanks for reminding me of our first swap, also done in a two-room suite at a hotel. On the second night of our three-day trip, I was with both men, and it was thrilling. I am confident others will read your great story and happily recall their own experiences.

Hey, guys! (cynics,) it may be just a narrative because he is just telling his experience. It seems that following every story that starts out, “This is a true story,...” there is a race among commenters to demonstrate their sophistication and who can be the most cynical and critical.

Sincere. Sin*cere. lat. “without wax.” A Roman endorsement that a statue was being sold, as is, chinks and imperfections, without filling in, or covering the blemishes with wax.

Let him be.

it thought the story was very good if actually true. Granted the writing of this isn't great but this site wasn't meant or the next Samuel Clemmons or Ernest Hemmingway anyway.