Two Step Tango

I'm not really sure why, but I said "yes." I nodded my head and "uh-huh"d my consent. What the heck?

I guess it was his turn to be surprised. He just kinda looked at me wide eyed. New territory for the both of us. Guess he didn't think I'd agree. Well, that's two of us.

It would be a bold-faced lie to say I wasn't nervous. But then again that's kinda my default state. With him, it was manageable. Nervous but also exciting.

It's not like I'm not curious about him to. I got glimpses of him. Changing clothes. Out in the yard. Not too salacious, mind you. Just peeks. But the offer to see the whole smorgasbord, appealed to me just as much as I to him. Abstinent or not... eyes are eyes. Haha!

As he crossed the living room towards me, I cut the stove off. It was starting to smell undeniably delicious. A delightful reward after our shenanigans, I told myself.

He took both my hands in his. I thought he would lead us into the bedroom right away, but he didn't move. Instead, he looked me directly in the eyes. Searching for something...

I'd guess he was searching for my doubt or fear. But he didn't find those emotions. My nerves quelled quickly once I turned my focus to seeing him naked.

I might be a chronic overthinker. But if I act quick, before the thinking starts, you'll be surprised just how bold I can get. I have no doubt he holds a safe space for my rare rashness.

And with that, I walked to the bedroom with him in tow.

Once inside, we both froze. Now this was his idea! How is he gonna freeze! He meekly shuffled a little closer to the bed. I felt like he was giving me space to escape. Which is a little funny in retrospect. Because now that this idea was in the air, I was dead set on getting to see what I wanted to see. And that would be him, stark naked.

"So... this was your idea, wanna start us off?"

"Uhm... that's true... but... well, I mean that IS true... ugh I guess there's no buts but..."

"Same time then?"

"Yes! Let's do that!"

Once again, I was somewhat conscious of the notion that if I slowed down here. I would definitely chicken out.

My heart was racing but I was determined anyway. I was wearing a cardigan, v-neck, and bra for the top half. Black sweatpants and black underwear for the bottom half.

Low stakes, I started with the cardigan.

Unlike me, he was not wearing as many layers. Standard tee, black jeans, black briefs.

"No matter what I remove you get to see skin."

"Thems the apples. Maybe now you'll start bundling up like me." I felt HELLA triumphant. IDK when this turned into a competition but... it was now.

He opted for his shirt. Off it went, thrown on the bed. And I got to see a semi-familiar site. One I thoroughly enjoyed though.

He was muscular. One of his hobbies certainly including spending a little quality time with the local gym. And it showed. I knew he was fit. But I hadn't really realized just how toned he was.

The one word my brain managed to think up and project out my mouth was "delicious". Said with a healthy does a salivation. The chili was definitely making me hungry... definitely the chili and not those rock-solid abs, I could probably grate a block of parmesan on.

He blinked at me and chuckled.

"Feast your eyes. An appetizer for my love."

Queue several minutes of him playfully flexing at me. Full gym bro mode. His playfulness always made my nerves disappear. Perfectly timed, and naturally him. Just one of the many things I love.

But it was back to my turn and fair was fair.

I pulled my shirt over my head. No fancy ceremony about it. Trying to convince myself that this was just like getting changed. Never mind, the pair of eyes, mentally recording every centimeter of skin I revealed along the way.

Well now the shoe really was on the other foot because he looked hungry. And unless a three-course buffet was chilling behind me, I was his meal.

I threw my shirt onto the bed with his. And then I stood still as a statue. Arms at my side. Fist clenched. And eyes firmly on the ground. The nerves didn't hesitate to come right back to my head.

He didn't say anything. I thought he would. But as an eternity of embarrassment started to stretch itself further, it was eerily quiet. What does he think? I need to look at him. Say something...

I looked up and well... I didn't expect this. He was looking at me so astutely. Seriously, looking at every detail of my body. I watched his eyes trace from my waist, up to my shoulder down my arm and repeat across the other side of my body. Several times. Focused. As if he wanted to memorize every detail he saw.

Did he think he wouldn't get another chance to see me again? Maybe not like this? Savored. That's the word I would use. He was savoring every aspect of me that he could see.

It's funny. Seeing him looking at me like that. It wiped away my nerves. Any anxiety about showing him my body, gone. If anything, I felt emboldened. Maybe even proud. Generally speaking, I do have a nice figure. I never much felt that way, but I did in that moment.

"You like what you see over there?"

"..."

He didn't even say anything. But he looked me in my eyes again, and I could see a longing in him I had never known.

Big and bold and rash... it wasn't really fair that he was standing there completely topless and yet I was still covered by my bra. Right? So off with it.

I could feel him watching as I undid the strap on my bra. Loosened it and threw it to the side. And then once again, arms at my side, fist clench, eyes on the floor. The thing about boldness and anxiety, is that they're two sides of the same coin. It takes just an instant to flip.

But this time, I heard him move. He was walking towards me. I looked up surprised and he stopped in his tracks.

He'd gone from hungry to fighting a war in himself and I was shocked. He wanted to come across the room, close the space, devour me. But he also wanted to respect my boundaries, take things slow and intentionally, make sure I was comfortable, play our little impromptu undressing game. Ultimately, his eyes asked me if this was a boundary and I... I wasn't sure.

He registered my hesitation and stayed where he was.

But it was his turn, and he continued on. Pants now. Off and on the bed.

I mean... he was fit but somehow this was a little less exciting than his shirt removal had been for me. He has nice legs, and a round butt. Of course, I had seen him in shorts during the summer before. Even swim trunks. The briefs were in the way! Ugh...

"Disappointed? You look like you want more. Too see more of me, I mean..."

"I do."

He shuffled nervously. Like he wanted to turn away from me. Just slightly, but I noticed it. Before I could say anything to reassure him or praise him, he asked:

"Did you think you would feel this way? Seeing me."

I paused to think. "Honestly, I didn't. I was selfish, so focused on hiding my body, myself from you that I didn't stop to think about the affect you would have on me. Or just how much I would want you. I was scared you would see me and reject me. That you would think that I am ugly or something. And I never got past that to think about how I would feel seeing you. I mean, I know that I want you as my husband. But I want... something else? Now. I'm not sure..." My voice trailed off as I recognized the start of my own nervous rambling.

He took the two steps to close the distance. And he hugged me tightly. Chest to chest. This was undeniably sexual. But it also wasn't. A closeness in a way that was new for us. And there we stood for a little, just holding one another. I listened to his breathing. A heaviness with a slow rhythm. And I knew the wheels in his head were turning over and over just like mines.

And then he stepped back. Two steps forward, three steps back as the saying goes.

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End - Part 2