All Comments on 'Two Visits to Mom'

Sandra's story needs to be amplified. It has some potential.

Hahahaha!

Funny stuff today.

Thank you.

5* Two lovely little contrasting snapshots. I certainly didn't see the second one coming. You don't need to develop them into longer tales - they say everything they need to.

Please keep writing. Very amusing. And no matter what anyone else says, they don't have to be longer stories than they are.

hahaha i liked them

Ha! Those were fun shorts. Thanks

Nice fragments!

4

Well, okay, but I’m not sure why you bothered to post these fragments. I would argue that you (and I) would have been better off had you saved them to a hard drive for future development.

Interesting and utterly unrelated fragments

3 stars

Au contraire! I think they are complete as they were conceived. Sometimes a quick sketch is more eloquent than a tome. Each story reads as a joke, with a lengthy setup and a punchline for a finale. Well done. Thanks.

"Neither RAAC nor BTB"

Not a fan of authors spoiling the ending. Lately I skip those stories.

Two great starts. Would love to see them fleshed out.

Little ditties like this should not be published because they simply waste the readers' time and effort in reading.

Nothing interesting here, but just two cheap little "ditties."

LOL Great shorts. Loved them

Bare bones, but good bones for an extended story, at least from the first part. I gave it a 4. Flesh it out and maybe come out with a 5.

You’re right, either could be worked into a full story. Perhaps you’ll revisit them at a later date

Both were fun.

Since you stated they were fragments from the beginning, I didn't expect more than that. I think both are interesting and would make good full stories.

Why bother to post these little ideas? The first made for an interesting start of a story,but not the second.

First half is worth a 5, the second half a 1. So an average gives you a 3.

Hey, I've read a lot worse that took a lot longer to get through.

Nice. 2 short full stories.

5* for the effort.

Loved em. I don’t need an amateur novel from someone that has to tell me their wife’s attributes and how they met for 2 pages before they get to a story.

More please! (Thank you!)

Second one is dumb, who is she going to explain not showing up to a planned brunch

As someone willing to put my name to my comment, I liked it.

Why? Just why?

Did you write these while sitting on the toilet taking a shit? Maybe you should have flushed these down the drain as well.

Boy, these were very short and very weak.

Why did you bother? There's nothing here.

Didn’t get this one at all. Two disparate parts don’t make sense.

It may have been a good story if you had taken the time to develop it and then write it. **

Cute

Please, never pull this shit again. Full stories or nothing.

Nice twist, in both tales.

Don't mind the idiots who spend more time counting words than reading them. These were great as is. A story should determine its own length. The problem with most entries in the 750 word challenge is that the stories do not lend themselves to 750 words. These ditties were perhaps more joke than story due to the length, but they were definitely enjoyable.

It would be funnier if in the second story the daughter turned to her mother with her fears about her husband's fidelity and asked for advice and help in exposing the adulterer.

Next time, tell a story

Hilarious!

Just one note, are you religious as I have read a few of your stories and you always refer to the Bible and the 10 commandments, this part I find unnerving as a church goer myself I find people using the Bible and quoting the 10 in sex stories actually quite offensive. Something I thought the editors would have picked up on.

Oh and forgot to mention the 9th commandment is thou shell not give false testimony, and the 7th thou shell commit Adultery, the 6th you used was thou shell not kill. You can't even get your facts right.

Ha!!!

Blasphemy using the lords commands which you clearly do not know it only appears once which is the 7th command 'Thou shell not commit Adultery'

I’m a contrarian, I guess. I think that that both stories are complete as they were written. And, they are very well written (other than the 10 commandments thing, which may have been deliberate.) Could you have gone on and on for pages, days, weeks, even months like some authors? I am sure you could, and others will. But it isn’t necessary, and it gets boring. *****

These are more jokes than anything. Next time, write a complete story.

That was very weak.

Cute , like two jokes

@Impossiblefuture: It strongly depends on the religion you believe in

catholic: 2 commands, 6 and 9

jewish: 1 command, 7

LOL

Hell some comments are harsh even with the foreword, do people even read anymore or just scan? Geez really wake up folks, just do not get woke thought that's political. 2M