All Comments on 'Under the Castle'

Good start but I hope you are not going to drag the story on and on... If so, please let us know so we can decide to continue or not with your journey. Thanks and good luck.

Good beginning but what happens now to keep Peter alive and the Queen continuously fucked? Please continue with plot development or finish it. Thanks.

MLJ

I hope there'll be further chapters to come.

Hope there is a pt2

How's the story guys

Thank you guys for the comments, I'm actually working on the part two and a spin off with Elizabeth and Peter.

The part two will be finished soon.

Good start, though I would like it more if we got a second chapter.

Proof read and edit. The story itself holds promise

Anonymous - should I take it down and proof read it?

It’s great. I can’t wait for him to fuck her deep in her asshole and pussy.

Also, I personally didn’t proof read it. However, if you or someone else has the time to elevate it. I wouldn’t mind waiting. Nonetheless, that is me.

Anal

Guy's, I'm so happy to see my story getting your love and support. I'm trying my best to finish the part two, my job really makes writing stories hard.

Hey Good,

This is a good start. 4/5 from me probably. :) If this is an early story as you say, I like your work, and there are only a few things to watch out for...

1) Grammarly helps me, though not perfect. Little things like starting (restarting) dialogue after a visual prompt for your reader should be capitalized.

2) Modern morality standards and modern words don't fit this period. Words like (self) delete and meters did not exist in this period. Touchy-feely men who cried did not exist either. Those people were hard as woodpecker lips by the time they were 14-16. They answered lords' calls to war hoping they could spear enough of the other lords' guys so they could be recognized and promoted to knights allowing themselves and their families to advance in society. There were lords called to war, who got too fat for their armor. Then they tried to cut their beer bellies off with expected fatal results. Skip the emotional stuff that breaks immersion, their moralities were completely different than ours.

3) Don't tell me what Lord Henry is thinking. Show me. It's harder writing, but comes out better: [Lord Henry hated being lord and just wanted to do anything but...] or [Lord Henry ground his teeth at the interruption. He snapped "Why are you bothering me with this petty thief? Just deal with it! throw him from a bridge or something!" His attention drifted over to his compatriots impatiently waiting for his renewed input on their next hunting expedition. He groaned at the next interruption from his guards as he tried to turn his attention back to the morrow's hunt...] Harder to write, but show me with Henry's actions that he wants to do something else and you build a better character. It allows your readers to establish their own opinions which in turn fleshes Henry out better than anything you can 'tell' me about Henry.

Hope that helps :)

Keep it up. This is a fun story so far.