- Mature
- Under the Castle
- Page 2
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Click hereMeanwhile Peter was lying down on a rug with teary eyes thinking about Agatha's betrayal and her unforgettable hand job. Suddenly he heard something moving behind the wooden board. He got up from the floor to investigate the noise, with limited light, he walked towards the board and heard the noise becoming a bit louder, he found out that it's the noise of somebody walking.
On the other side Agatha put the lamp on the floor and and took out an iron rod which locked the board to the wall. The board was actually a secret door which connected the corridor with the room Peter was staying in. Agatha slowly opened the old door revealing herself to young Peter. She walked into the his room with the lamp which made the dark room lit up.
Peter looked at all of that with wide eyes and a shocked face, he saw the lord's mother standing in front of him naked wearing nothing but a headwear, holding a lamp. He looked at her voluptuous body with hunger in his eyes, his eyes suddenly locked on to her old, widowed big behind. But he quickly snapped back into reality.
"Look at the mess you have gotten me into,, M'lady" Peter asked Agatha with a low voice while tiptoeing towards her.
"Nobody will hear us young man" Agatha said after seeing his careful steps towards her "And don't worry about this, you are in safe hands, come with me"
Peter followed Agatha into the corridor, they walked towards the door she went through earlier. Peter and Agatha entered the room, peter was looking at her hips and ass cheeks. Then Agatha lighted the candles she put on the table earlier and place them on the corners. The candles did a nice job lighting the whole room. The young thief and the lord's mother alone "under the castle", looked at each other with nothing but lust in their eyes.
- COMMENTS
ThisFNG2 months agoHey Good,
This is a good start. 4/5 from me probably. :) If this is an early story as you say, I like your work, and there are only a few things to watch out for...
1) Grammarly helps me, though not perfect. Little things like starting (restarting) dialogue after a visual prompt for your reader should be capitalized.
2) Modern morality standards and modern words don't fit this period. Words like (self) delete and meters did not exist in this period. Touchy-feely men who cried did not exist either. Those people were hard as woodpecker lips by the time they were 14-16. They answered lords' calls to war hoping they could spear enough of the other lords' guys so they could be recognized and promoted to knights allowing themselves and their families to advance in society. There were lords called to war, who got too fat for their armor. Then they tried to cut their beer bellies off with expected fatal results. Skip the emotional stuff that breaks immersion, their moralities were completely different than ours.
3) Don't tell me what Lord Henry is thinking. Show me. It's harder writing, but comes out better: [Lord Henry hated being lord and just wanted to do anything but...] or [Lord Henry ground his teeth at the interruption. He snapped "Why are you bothering me with this petty thief? Just deal with it! throw him from a bridge or something!" His attention drifted over to his compatriots impatiently waiting for his renewed input on their next hunting expedition. He groaned at the next interruption from his guards as he tried to turn his attention back to the morrow's hunt...] Harder to write, but show me with Henry's actions that he wants to do something else and you build a better character. It allows your readers to establish their own opinions which in turn fleshes Henry out better than anything you can 'tell' me about Henry.
Hope that helps :)
Keep it up. This is a fun story so far.
Goodalphamale3 months agoAuthorGuy's, I'm so happy to see my story getting your love and support. I'm trying my best to finish the part two, my job really makes writing stories hard.
Anonymous3 months agoIt’s great. I can’t wait for him to fuck her deep in her asshole and pussy.
Also, I personally didn’t proof read it. However, if you or someone else has the time to elevate it. I wouldn’t mind waiting. Nonetheless, that is me.
