Unexpected Gifts

Not going to nitpick, just not a big fan of the last couple of pages. Story with a ton of promise but the les/bi/hetero combo that got rushed in at the end just seems forced and clunky. Please don't think it's all bad, it really had me getting into it until then.

Excellent 2nd entry.😊👍

Nice flip! Providing a follow up humanizing the previous villain. And I LOVED the interracial threesome that didn't detract from any one but rather built upon our differences! 😍

So many of these are based on denigration of one character or another! Where normally I'm bothered by that genre, here I was titulated!

Please, PLEASE pick up your "pen" and entertain us again!

Thank you everyone for all the wonderful support. I wanted to demonstrate how being messed up doesn't mean you have to be a victim to it. That some times what you least expect is what you need to heal. I had real life changes this past year so I went on hiatus. Sorry for taking so long to reply. I do appreciate every one of you, I'm just quiet by nature. I've been so blessed to be given the opportunity to try writing and learn along the way by this community. Thank you for being patient and letting a newb among your midst.

I've been on hiatus but am coming back, so this is a delayed response.

The things people will nitpick without googling never ceases to astonish me. I always sneak real but unexpected things into my stories. From candy brands to music yet every time someone complains about it. Its all real things. Even locations and bars are real. Googling will be your friend with me. If you do not like my work, that's fine but if you want to follow me you'll need to come with a little curiosity.

Nickleback is a real postition on NFL football teams.

Mexi-Tex is a brand of candy out of Texas that is very spicy with a lot of Mexican spices. If you eat a lot it will shred your stomach.

Google is your friend.

I can’t wait for more! Brilliant!

Very well written and engaging considering how much hate there was for Jake after your previous story. Bravo!

Fantastic writing. So complex and nuanced. Your character development is a welcomed breath of fresh air. I hope you continue writing for a very long time, you’re talented.

Lots of good things in this story. But not everything...

Nickelback? I'm willing to admit that when it comes to football, I'm not going to pretend that I'm an expert. But I have never heard of that position on a team before. I'm reasonably sure that it doesn't exist.

Now, "Mexi-Tex" cuisine on the other hand...cringeworthy screw-up!!!! Seriously, nobody but NOBODY calls it that! It's TexMex Food!!!!!

And just for the record, there's many different states in the USA that allow first cousins to legally marry. Not just the one you named.

Your dialog separation was better this time around, so congratulations on that improvement. I'm still not inclined to vote you better than 3/5 because you're not quite there just yet. But I did see improvement. Good job. 👏

Ditto… don’t listen to Anono-drivel criticism, because it’s not critique. Long, 8-pagers are only tedious when there aren’t characters and plots a reader can’t invest time/effort in getting to know and following the arc of growth. You have done that with flying colors. You presented some vivid, well sketched characters, who through no fault of their own and external abuse/painful experience, develop coping mechanisms that lead to stunted emotional attitudes, destructive behaviors & depressive episodes, which all lead to one making bad and often self-destructive decisions. I know, I was also in that rut, and I believe a large majority of us are, too, so speaking for myself and probably others, we can empathize and are happy to see you depicting how a special person can spur emotional evolution, yet also showing how internal growth occurs through introspection and the scary vulnerability of humility. Again, bravo… in fact 8 pages was too short, for it felt like now that all 3 had reached a mutual epiphany, how do they get over and through the eventual missteps, pitfalls and “falling off the wagon” of emotional growth? They’re finally at the top of hill, but where do they go from there? Only sequels will do here. I have 1 quibble. By using terms like “Uni” and other Britishisms, you’re not American, but the setting (pick up truck, police, bars - not pubs, etc, make it feel American. That’s rather jarring, choose 1 milieu or the other, but the hodgepodge is distracting and weird. Secondly, why do all use “gods” instead of “god” when making epithets? It’s distracting b/c their doesn’t seem any reason for it. Most natural native English speakers use “god” unless they’re of a polytheistic bent, so here it sounds unnatural and comes out of nowhere. Either you establish a good reason for it or don’t use it. Keep up the great work, and you’ll go far here. BTW, there was a noticeable improvement with your dialogue presentation after the first page of this story, do I see you’re capable of taking constructive criticism.

Great story. Don't listen to idiots.