Unity and Destiny Pt. 01

"And I heard the other half of what you said," said Javier. "It feels so awkward, but if it would ease your worries, I'll try to be open about sex with—other women. It doesn't seem very likely right now anyway, and that's all right. Esther, if we stopped having sex completely, I'd still love you just as much. I'm trying to say, the sex isn't such a big deal."

He felt awful saying it, though. Because in truth the sex was important, to both of them.

"I'll talk to Nicola," said Esther. "I bet—"

"No! Don't do that, Esther. I mean, at least, give me time to wrap my head around the idea."

He had major doubts that Nicola even thought about him that way. And she already had Mark, after all. God, even Selena seemed less problematic.

Selena was out of bounds for so many reasons. He tried to wipe the stray thought out of his head, but it was surprisingly persistent. His stupid brain.

Esther was wiping a tear from her eyes, and suddenly he realized how much relief she must be feeling. She'd gotten out some really tough things to say. He crawled over and leaned against her, and she put an arm around him.

A few minutes later, he finally mustered up the courage to bring up what he really wanted to talk about. But Esther looked strangely distracted.

"Esther?" he asked, and she didn't respond. Strange. It was as though she was deep in meditation, but she wouldn't have started that in this kind of moment.

"Esther," he said more loudly, stroking her face.

After a few seconds her eyes focused and she jerked, looking panicked.

"What? What happened?"

"You zoned out for a bit," he said. "Were you stuck in that abstract place? I know you feel pulled there sometimes."

"No," she said uncomfortably. "No, this was something different. Have I done that before?"

"I don't think so," said Javier. But then, he hardly spent much time with her these days. It was a depressing thought.

"Esther," he finally said. "I'm worried about you. You're so tired all the time, and you just don't seem happy. Something's worrying you, but you won't tell me what it is."

She hugged him. "Well, I worry about sex. Too much, as you always tell me, but I can't help it. Thank you so much for listening to me. I have to believe things will be easier now."

"Esther," Javier said, shaking his head. "That's not all it is. It's something to do with your abilities, and the fact you're not making the progress you want. I'm here, Esther. You can talk to me. I probably can't help you much, but I can listen. I'm so worried that you're expecting too much of yourself. You're only human, Esther."

Esther buried her head in his shoulder.

"I don't know what I am, Javier," she whispered eventually. "I don't know what I should expect of myself. But it's not working, and I can't make it work."

He waited for her to say more, but she didn't. He suspected he was lucky to have gotten that much. So he got up and turned off the light, then carefully tucked her in under the covers. She shivered against him despite the warmth, and he stroked her hair. This much, at least, he could be for her.

* * *

Esther awoke for good around sunrise. Javier slumbered peacefully beside her, and for a while she was able to sustain a light meditation. Sunlight filtered through a window, lighting the problematic sculpture she'd felt more and more drawn to. And something clicked in her mind.

There was a relation between that sculpture and her troubling dreams. Even now, she could feel a lingering sexual edge, something unsettling and compelling. But that wasn't all of it, or even the main point. There was a structure to it, one that dissipated even as she tried to grab hold of it. It wasn't anything familiar. Could her dreaming mind be trying to make sense of a remnant of Abuela's own thoughts?

That made more sense than anything else she could think of. Quietly she stood up, feeling the air deliciously cool on her naked skin. She sat in a chair and took hold of the sculpture, turning it in her hands while she watched Javier sleep.

Part of her wanted to rub it on her body. She could almost envision the texture of the root, sliding between her legs. It was unnerving. She didn't react this way to any of Abuela's other sculptures.

Feeling a little foolish, she rubbed the sculpture lightly between her breasts, and pressed herself against the back of the chair.

Her body still worked, mostly, when she wasn't too nervous. She felt herself getting damp between the legs. But she didn't feel any closer to whatever was hidden in this sculpture. And she heard the sounds of Mark eating breakfast. Selena was taking a shower, so Esther was very careful not to snoop. But she might as well check in before the woman left.

Esther threw on her robe and slippers and walked outdoors. The air was quite chilly this morning, but it didn't bother her. It was kind of nice, mixing with the arousal from earlier.

Without thinking too much, she walked to meet Selena just as she was leaving the bath cabin.

The older woman was also in a robe, one that covered her completely. Selena turned and stepped back in shock when she saw Esther.

"I—didn't hear you," she stuttered. "Oh. Of course I didn't hear you. Do you have a mirror? There isn't one in the bathroom, and I really need one."

"There's one in my cabin," said Esther. "But Javier's still asleep."

"Oh," Selena said. "Never mind. I'll only be a minute. Tell Mark to wait for me, please?"

"He heard you," said Esther, and Selena frowned.

"There isn't any privacy here, is there?" the other woman said slowly. "You can all hear as well as I can. Better. And you can do more than just hear."

"We're used to it," said Esther. "And we try to be polite. Nicola was being intentionally rude when she first met you."

"I gathered as much. I still feel naked around her. Around all of you."

Esther nodded sympathy. "I think you will find Mark relatively easy company. And you should do what you need to be comfortable. I'll leave you now."

Selena disappeared back into the bathroom, and Esther understood. She'd been so careful to avoid giving Selena's body much attention, but it was obvious enough what Selena did each day. The makeup covered the spots on her arm, and probably the hidden ones Nicola had mentioned. And she had the same unusual cheekbones that Abuela and Esther did, and Lukas to some extent. But Selena was an expert at using makeup to distract from that as well.

Abuela said the external Changes continued slowly through life, and that the same was true of the mental ones, though training made a much larger difference. Selena hadn't had any training aside from what she'd managed on her own. And based on physical appearance alone, she might have even more potent powers than she realized. But Abuela had warned her against generalizing about that, too.

Esther found Mark cleaning up in the dining cabin, dressed and ready for his usual day trip.

"Don't push her too hard," said Esther softly. "I think she's more stubborn than I am in some ways. I suspect she's used to being physically strong."

Mark considered that. "She is much stronger than she knows," he said. "She uses her body well for endurance, but not for strength. I can see it in how she moves. Should I not challenge her?"

"I suppose it worked all right for me," said Esther. "But maybe I'll talk to her once more."

Selena entered shortly, dressed practically. She gave them both suspicious looks.

"You were talking about me, weren't you," she said.

"Yes," agreed Esther. "You see, some of us are able to use our bodies very efficiently, giving great speed and strength. Mark has rare gifts in using his body this way, well beyond anyone else I know. He is a good teacher, but you should not feel ashamed if he makes you feel inadequate. He does that to everyone without intending to."

"Ah," said Selena lightly. "A challenge is probably good for me. Shall we go?"

A few minutes after they left, Nicola staggered into the dining hall and started making coffee.

"Maybe a workout with Mark will get the pole out of her ass."

Esther walked over and started a pot of oatmeal for three. Eventually Nicola flopped down at the table, and Esther joined her.

"She's the worst roommate," said Nicola. "Complaining about the bed, the dresser, the everything. Me being naked. Every little noise. For Christ's sake, Mark and I didn't even have sex last night, and I can only imagine what she'll say. Esther, you were brilliant in comparison."

They sat together for a while, and then Esther looked up.

"Feel better?"

Nicola smiled slightly. "Yeah, a little. Maybe I should set aside a regular time to be a raging bitch, where other people don't have to hear."

"You'll have to go a long way for that," said Esther, and Nicola laughed.

Esther poked at her oatmeal. Javier was still asleep.

"I told Javier about what the two of us have been doing," Esther said.

"Oh," Nicola said. "Uh, good, I guess. Is he all right with it?"

"Maybe," she said. "He says he's fine. He says anything that makes me feel more comfortable is good."

Nicola paused. "You should probably take him at his word. Did you talk about anything else? Your troubles?"

"Not really," Esther admitted. "I don't know how to explain it without him—"

Something happened. Nicola had moved too fast, and now she was holding Esther's hand, staring at her with concern.

"Esther. Are you there?"

Esther blinked and reflexively checked on the Watch. Everything was fine. She tried to remember what she'd been saying, but there was a weird haziness about it.

"Did I space out?" she asked.

Nicola nodded, squeezing Esther's hand. "About twenty seconds. You just kind of stopped. You barely even blinked."

Esther pulled her hand away and sighed. "I need to sleep more, don't I. Javier keeps telling me so."

"Esther, I don't think you should brush off something like that. Javier's right to be fussing over you."

Esther heard what Nicola was saying, and part of her knew it made sense. But she was so distracted. Something had happened in that bit of lost time. It tickled the back of her head, and somehow it was related to the dreams, and that sculpture. She needed to understand this.

"I'm going to get in touch with Jacob," she said slowly. "I need to ask him some questions, and I think he could be a help with Selena as well."

"That's a good idea," said Nicola. "Now, do you want to get together this afternoon? Just schedule it, since now we're definitely not sneaking around to avoid Javier?"

Esther sighed. "Sure. Is that really what we were doing?"

"Kind of," said Nicola. "But you talked to him. Good job. Now just keep talking to him, and everything will be peachy."

* * *

Javier told himself he'd meant every word of what he'd said last night. Esther should feel fine continuing whatever she and Nicola were doing at this moment in the other cabin.

He poked at the computer and tried not to imagine exactly what position they were in. Esther said it wasn't sex, not really, or that wasn't the main point. Maybe he should've asked for specifics. His imagination was running wild enough as it was.

An hour later he heard Nicola's voice, and he closed down the computer. He wasn't getting anything done, anyway.

Esther found him immediately. She still looked tired, but she gave him a kiss.

"I have to use the bathroom," she said. "And I need to meditate for the rest of the afternoon. But I think having you around might help, if you're not busy."

He blinked in surprise as she left. Lately Esther always preferred meditating alone. Or, apparently, with Nicola. Well, he wouldn't complain.

The door opened and Nicola came in. To his surprise, she gave him a smile, and then an actual hug. A real, solid hug like Kat would give anyone. She smelled good.

"Esther says you're fine with what we're doing," Nicola said. "And before you say anything, yes, it is helping her relax. And yes, there is certainly pleasure involved. You know I'm not shy, Javier. It occurs to me you're the only person not part of our glass-walled world. So if it would make you feel better to be around when I'm trying to help your stubborn girlfriend, I have zero trouble with that."

"Oh," said Javier, trying to wrap his brain around that prospect. Esther and Nicola. Both of them undressed, at least partly. Nicola's perfect breasts, her heart-shaped ass, her Changes, familiar and yet exotic—"Yeah, OK. Sure."

"It'll be fine, Javier," said Nicola, trying to smile. "You know I don't mind if you look at me. Esther's the one you love. You two deserve each other. This is me trying to convince myself I didn't fuck things up in my usual fashion."

"You didn't," Javier said. "You're doing something kind for Esther. How could I really be upset about that?"

"OK then," Nicola said, a little too readily. "Great. I'm going to go work on my project now, but before I go, there's something really important. Have you seen Esther have a sort of fit? Like, she spaces out briefly?"

"Yeah," said Javier. "Just once, yesterday. I'm starting to think it's her sleep. It reminds me of what happened to me before finals first semester, when I tried to pull two all-nighters in a row. Esther does get sleep, but it's not restful enough. I don't know if it's the nightmares, or what. She doesn't seem to know either."

Nicola sighed. "So, I guess it's up to us to take care of her, even if she doesn't want it."

"Yup," agreed Javier. They smiled at each other, and Javier felt unexpectedly warm.

He let himself watch her ass when she walked away. Maybe he'd see a lot more of her soon. And Esther wanted his company right now. Things would work out.

* * *

Esther stroked Javier's face, and he smiled. He'd fallen asleep on her chest while she meditated, and to Esther's surprise, having him there had helped. She hadn't been quite as comfortable as usual today with Nicola, but this made up for it.

She sensed Selena and Mark returning, with Selena heading straight for the shower. Time to get up and prepare dinner.

When Selena entered the dining cabin, she was again perfectly made up. She moved stiffly and leaned on the counter with a groan.

"You know," she said. "I used to run ultramarathons. I often won them. I suppose this is what I get for not really listening to what you said about Mark."

"Yeah," said Javier. "It's lucky he's on our side, isn't it?"

Selena gave him a careful look. "Our side. Are there sides I should know about?"

Javier glanced nervously at Esther, but she simply nodded. They'd discussed how much to tell her.

"There were," he said. "We think that's over with. You deserve to know about it, because it affects all of us, but it's a long story. Maybe we'll talk about it over dinner."

She nodded, seeming satisfied.

At dinner, Esther prodded Javier into telling most of the story. As agreed, he left out information about Esther's abilities, as well as the specifics of how Nicola had killed Andrew. He also got a few details wrong, but all in all it was pretty close.

If Esther had told the story, it would have been harder to hide what she'd done to help Kat with the hacking, and then against Franklin. Not to mention the terrifying knowledge she'd gained at the very end: the other listeners. As it was, Selena seemed to trust Javier's account.

"That," said the older woman, "is a hell of a story. I had no idea those terrorist attacks were part of anything like this. And I have to tell you I'm scared to death that I didn't even know Franklin was out there, or that anything like that was possible. He could have found me at any time, just as Esther did. And you're sure there's not another Franklin?"

Nicola shook her head. "I don't think it was easy for Franklin to find people like us, if we were careful about our abilities. We don't think he had Esther's skill in that way. As for anyone else like him: we can't be positive. But Lukas believes he would know, and he has every incentive to warn us about another Franklin. Abuela would have known, as well, if they were acting in this country."

Selena nodded. "Abuela could have done what Franklin did, couldn't she?"

They looked at each other unhappily.

"Yes," said Esther. "If she had devoted all of her energy to it, I think she could have. But it was against everything she stood for."

"And you?" Selena asked.

"No," said Esther. "Even if I wanted to, I don't have that skill."

It was certainly true at the moment. But she felt guilty nonetheless. When she'd felt Franklin's power, she'd understood what he was doing, well enough to believe she could eventually replicate it.

And she'd been stronger than him. Though she wasn't sure that was true anymore.

Selena sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Everything you've told me is true, but I think you're leaving out a few things. I understand, though. Lukas must be one of the most powerful people in the country now, an expert at teasing out secrets, and I can tell you don't fully trust him. I'm a complete stranger to you, so I'm surprised you told me as much as you did. I don't intend to abuse your trust. The simple fact is I desperately need what you can provide. Since you don't appear to be getting anything out of the deal, at least I can give you some loyalty."

* * *

Jacob arrived shortly after dinner, and after a brief reunion, Esther introduced him to Selena. The three of them retired to her cabin.

"You're a priest?" Selena asked skeptically, seeing his collar.

"Episcopalian, yes," he said. "I have a congregation near Reno. I won't try to convert you unless you want me to."

Selena seemed to appreciate that, but she was still rubbing her forehead.

"Esther, can you do your magic thing again? I can barely think."

Esther nodded, settling a quiet around them. She'd meant to do that right away. She was so distracted all the time.

While the other two chatted, she sat with the sculpture in her hands. There was something on the edge of her perception, a pulsing without sound.

A hand on a thigh. A shoulder against a naked breast. The cold ground pressing on her back and buttocks. Her body, but not hers. Her hand, curling around something. A man's penis, thick and warm. There was a whispering, and a dizzying vision—

She blinked and it was gone. She'd zoned out again, but she didn't think she'd lost much time. The others hadn't noticed anything.

Her heart pounded. This was progress. She was getting something out of this strange memory. Perhaps Abuela was one of the people she'd felt. There had been at least five, men and women. Naked, and with the tingling of arousal.

The vision had been the center of it all. The brief glimpse had reminded her of Abuela's map, but she couldn't remember enough. This was what she needed to understand, the message from Abuela.

Except Abuela hadn't intentionally left any messages for her, had she? She would have said so. She'd told Esther the sculptures only made sense to her, and that like Esther's drawings they didn't have any specific meanings. Still, Esther was drawn to whatever was contained in it. It must be important.

When Selena left, she asked Jacob to stay.

"Jacob," she said. "Did Abuela ever say anything to you about her sculptures?"

"What do you mean, exactly?" Jacob said, looking at the sculpture Esther held. "You know, I sometimes used to tap my feet in weird rhythms. Abuela said it was like that. Just a thing our minds liked to do, some of us anyway. A bit different for everyone."

"Did she suggest any of them were particularly important, or that there might be information encoded in them? Do you remember this one?"

Jacob shook his head. "No, nothing like that. If you can sense anything deeper in them, that's more than she ever told me was possible."

"I can," said Esther. "I'm convinced there's something important here to understand. This is a strange question, but—was Abuela ever part of some group? Maybe doing a ritual of sorts outdoors? Everyone naked?"