Upstairs Downstairs Ch. 02

I do still get those images in my head of Marianne and Shawn together when I'm having sex with my wife though, it's like the harder I try not to think about that stuff, the more likely those images come to mind. I mean, maybe it's not a bad thing when my thoughts do wander there when we're in the middle of a hot fuck session, I do use it to encourage my performance even more. But afterwards it always bugs me that I even think about it.

The questions I end up asking myself later are always the same; Why can't I let those memories die? Why do I always have to think of them while I'm fucking Marianne? Why do those thoughts turn me on so much but later make me want to gouge out those memories with a sharp blade?

Do I actually miss listening in on my wife with Shawn? Do I wish that I could've watched her with him more than just that one time? My answer to both of those questions is always no, unless of course I'm in the middle of fucking my wife, then it annoys me that perhaps my answer would be yes. I need to stop thinking about this shit, like Gary said, it'll just eat away at me otherwise and that's exactly what they're doing now.

It's a Sunday afternoon so I headed over to Gary's house as usual. He was home alone; I was thankful for that. As we sat down on his porch, he handed me a beer.

"You look like shit, what's up with you? You been fighting with Marianne again already?" Gary asked me.

"No, not at all. It's been going great between us, it really is."

"So, what's with the long face then? What's up?" Gary persisted.

"Fucked if I know, really. No, that's not true. I do know why, it's just not that easy to talk about." I replied.

"Just spill it already, whatever it is."

"It's not really something I should be talking about. It's more than a little embarrassing." I replied.

"Embarrassing? Fuck, Dave. I have a list as long as my arm of all the embarrassing shit you've done over the years. If I started telling everyone about it, you'd never live that down. Hold on, is this about you watching Marianne and her boyfriend? About you being frustrated because of how good he fucked her. You've already told me that shit. What could be more embarrassing than that?" Gary replied, laughing out loud.

"Yeah, thanks Gary. Way to support your friend." I replied with a smirk.

"Alright, tell me or don't tell me. But if you don't want to talk about it, shut the fuck about it then." Gary responded, still laughing a little.

"Alright, I'll say it, but don't judge me you mutha-fucka." I replied with a chuckle.

"Fuck no, I've already judged you, too many times to count." Gary continued his laughing at my expense.

"Okay, I've been annoyed because you're right, I've been struggling with thinking about Marianne with her boyfriend, she doesn't know anything about this, though. I don't even know why the fuck I'm thinking about them." I responded, taking a large mouthful of my beer.

"Hold on, when are you thinking about them, what's the context here?" Gary asked.

"I only think about them together when Marianne and I are fucking. I don't know why, but at the time when I think of them together, it makes me want to fuck Marianne even more, I don't really get it." I answered.

"Maybe you want her more because you feel like you're fighting for her, to reclaim her, to win her back after he's had her. Love and jealousy can make us all do some weird shit." Gary offered.

"No, I don't know." I replied, before I laughed ironically.

"I do want her more than ever when I think about them together. What does that say about me? That I get off on thinking about her fucking someone else. What the fuck, honestly." I offered with a depressed tone in my voice.

"Hey, if that's what works for you two, maybe you two should try having threesomes with her old boyfriend." Gary responded, chuckling a little which wasn't helping my mood.

"No fucking way! I'm not going to be some loser sitting around watching another dude banging my wife before I have a go. I can't do that shit." I responded.

"You already have though, and you must have liked it. Didn't you get back with your wife right after she'd just banged her boyfriend? Sounds like your pride just hasn't caught up yet, maybe you're still in denial." Gary replied, still chuckling further at my expense.

"Denial? What? Am I supposed to be okay with being some sort of cuckold? Getting off on watching her with some other guy who can fuck her better than me? How is that ever going to work? I just want to be with my wife, as a normal happily married couple and not be thinking about this shit." I answered, a little frustrated with this conversation.

"Yeah, of course you do, Dave. So, why haven't you done that already?" Gary retorted.

"I don't know." I answered.

"Maybe it's because you liked watching her. Are you worried that sooner or later you might want to watch her with him again?" Gary responded.

I went silent shaking my head, I wasn't sure what to say. I did enjoy watching my wife getting well fucked by Shawn, but that doesn't mean I want to ever watch them do it again.

"Look, Dave. I'm just poking the bear a little here. I'm just having fun with you. You're my best friend, but in the end, you need to be talking with your wife about this stuff and not me. I'm just happy if Sonia gives me a blowjob once in a while, I'm no fucking relationship guru." Gary finally added while still chuckling to himself.

"Yeah, I'm just not sure how I even bring the subject up. 'Oh Honey, by the way, whenever we have sex, I'm thinking back to when I watched you getting plowed by your hung boyfriend, it's what gets me going but then I feel bad about it afterwards.' Yeah, right." I replied.

"And what's wrong with saying that? What are you so afraid of? Is it just because you don't think it's normal? You'd be surprised by all the kinky shit that a lot of married couples get up to in the privacy of their own homes." Gary replied while laughing a little.

"It sounds like you're talking from experience, huh? Got anything you want to tell me?" I replied, smiling a little for the first time.

"Nah, we're not that kinky. Sonia just loves to be choked and have her hair pulled when we fuck. She gets off on me treating her like a slut in the bedroom, don't you ever repeat that to her or anyone else though. She'd fucking kill me." Gary replied, laughing along with me.

"Yeah, I can keep a secret if you can. Don't you dare tell anyone what we've talked about either, not even Sonia. I'd die from the embarrassment." I responded.

"It's all good, Dave. Now, go home and figure out what you're going to say to your wife for fucks sake." Gary replied, before I said my goodbyes and headed home.

I opened the door to our home, Marianne was sitting on the couch in the living room watching TV, so I joined her, sitting down beside her and placing my arm around her.

"Are you hungry yet? I've got a nice roast in the oven." Marianne asked.

"Soon. I was hoping we could talk for a bit." I answered.

My wife looked up at me, normally I don't ask for us to talk, we just go ahead and talk. She must know I wanted to discuss something specific.

"Is something bothering you?" My wife asked me.

"Kind of. It's nothing serious and it's no-one's fault. It's just something I've been thinking about, yeah, I guess you could say it's been bothering me." I replied.

Marianne didn't respond, she just kept looking up at me waiting for me to continue.

"Well, I'm not really sure how to say it, how to even start this, so I'll just come right out and say it. Ever since we got back together, every time we have sex, I can't help but get images, memories in my head of you and Shawn. Of him fucking you."

Marianne moved her head onto my shoulder and began to rub my chest softly.

"Why? Why would you think of that when we're together?"

"I'm not sure, perhaps because it turns me on when I think about you with him in those moments. It makes me want you even more, but afterwards, it annoys me that I think of you with him. It makes me feel like shit." I added.

"Sweety, I don't get it. I love you and not Shawn. He never meant anything to me, I only needed him for some sexual relief, that's all. I mean that." Marianne responded.

"I know, I'm not blaming you, it's more about me. I mean, I really enjoyed listening to you having sex with him, I enjoyed watching you too. I don't get why I think about those memories in the middle of us having sex now, but it happens every time. Like I said, when I think about you getting fucked by him, it makes me want you even more. It's like I need to prove myself to you, like I need to win you back or something. It makes the sex we're having even better if I'm being honest. But after we're done, I hate myself for using those memories of you with him." I responded.

"Okay, put aside your memories for a moment. Why do you hate yourself afterwards? Why is it such a bad thing and that it clearly bothers you so much?"

"Because, I shouldn't be thinking about that stuff, no husband should be getting off thinking about their own wife being fucked way better by her hung ex-boyfriend." I replied.

"Do you worry that he fucked me better than you do? Is that what this is all about?" Marianne asked in a confused tone.

"I've listened to you with him many times, I watched you too. I know he fucked you better than I ever have. I also know you enjoyed fucking him way more than you ever have with me. You can't deny it." I responded.

"Really? I can't deny what exactly? That Shawn is a better fuck than you? That he was able to make me cum more than you can, that I enjoyed his big cock a lot more than yours. Is that where all this is going?" Marianne replied looking up at me once more.

"Well, yeah." I replied. That escalated quickly.

"And so what? What if I did enjoy fucking him more?" Marianne asked me defiantly.

"What do you mean? This is the part where you tell me that I'm the greatest ever, that no-one even comes close to me." I replied, this time with a cheeky grin.

"Oh, grow up, Dave. Just because Shawn's good in bed, that doesn't mean that you're not, or that I don't enjoy the sex we have. I love what we have and the way you fuck me, I really do. Besides, what about all the women you've slept with over the last year. Should I be paranoid that I'm not the best fuck you've had either?"

"You're not. Tasha did things with her mouth that I can't even explain to you." I cheekily replied while smiling.

Marianne hit me with one of the throw pillows as she then smiled and rested her head back on my shoulder.

"So, just admit that you get excited thinking about me getting fucked by Shawn's big cock and let's move on. You don't need to hate yourself for that, it doesn't need to be anything. Just enjoy the memories for what they are, we can even use them to have more fun if you'd like." Marianne replied.

"Use them how, exactly?"

"I don't know, we can have some sexy talk while we're fucking, I can tease you a little maybe. Tell you how much I loved it, how good it felt. Would that get you excited?" Marianne replied while starting to rub my cock from outside my jeans.

"My God, you really are full of surprises. I never knew you could be this naughty." I responded, rubbing her thigh under her dress in return.

"Oh, this aint naughty, if you want naughty, we can get Shawn back over and do it for real. Now that's naughty." Marianne giggled as she started to undo my jeans buttons.

"Fuck, where did my wife go? What have you done with her?" I laughed in response.

"Shawn fucked her, that's where she went. She'll never be the same again." Marianne giggled in reply, as she slid down onto the floor to kneel between my legs, pulling my boxers to the side and taking my extremely hard cock into her mouth.

After about thirty seconds of giving me a wonderful blowjob, she took my cock from her mouth, looking up at me with the sexiest of smiles on her face.

"Now, what exactly did Tasha do to your cock with her mouth? Maybe we should get her to come over and show me so I can learn it too." My wife said while giggling before she began hungrily sucking my cock once more.

Damn! I'm loving this new Marianne, If I was happy before, I'm fucking delighted now.

"Alright, maybe I'll keep using the memories of you with him to help inspire me in the bedroom, I won't need to turn those into reality once again, though. Because you're all I need and could ever want. A bit of sexy talk when we're fucking might be nice though..."

"Okay, we can try that. But I want you to always remember one thing while we're doing this, is that when I close me eyes at night, when I think about the man of my dreams, it's always you that I think about, it's never him."

"I know, and I feel the same way. Although, I'm still open to the idea of having Tasha over to show you her technique, just saying..." I replied laughing as Marianne softly bit down on my cock to make me stop.

I couldn't be any happier than I am right now.

I was never an emotional kid growing up, so it's hard for me to explain how I was able to fall into such a depression a few years ago when everything went wrong.

That I'd not only blame myself for all of it, but that I'd lash out at those trying to help me, those who loved me the most. To push them away, to hurt them.

I almost lost it all, but for my wife's stubbornness to keep persevering with me, to keep loving me even when I no longer deserved her love. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to repay her, but I'm going to try, one day at a time from this day on.

The end.