All Comments on 'Upstream'

3*.

Headed in the right direction, but it simply fizzled out.

It looked good and then it seemed that you got bored of writing and decided to wrap it up.

3/5

It will score higher if you end it correctly.

I would have liked a little more discussion at the end. Just a little more hinting' while the guy squirms and perhaps an introduction to who the women, Eve and Mary are. It would have fleshed it out a little better. I still gave you a 4.

Thanks for something different. 5 stars.

The Bera likes it .5 stars. As I Jersey boy, sometimes the words are better than beating the shit out of him. but hBi8ll had better keep an eye on his wife. Just saying. Keep on rowing, pal.

The BEAR

A bit abrupt at the end but the discussion with Tom was great!

Great potential for a story that fell flat.

Started well then went downhill.

Started off as a really good story.

It's too bad the author rushed to get the story ended without bothering to have a conversation of any meaning between Bill & Julie.

Not really sure why the brief section from Julie's perspective was even included. It really added nothing to the story.

Disappointing that a story with such potential wasn't fleshed out more.

I had to go back and read that second to last paragraph a couple of times for the story to make any sense. After that, I am very happy to upgrade to 5 stars.

5* :) ......

Guido Huh? LOL

a word to the wise... yup!

Seems unfinished but might be me

Fantastic. Sure cure for a lothario.

Haven’t read the free will offer made to a potential perp before. Clever!

The basic storyline is solid, but more character development--especially with Tom-- would have made this a lot richer and more resonant.

"Sometimes all of us get dumb"? That's right in line with "Sixty precent of the time, it works everytime".

But to this simp fantasy of a story. Fact of the matter is all you did was delay her betrayal. Since the MC didn't have the testicular fortitude to correct his wife, she will be more enticed to cuck his lame ass.

Ending what ending, good first part then dropped like a stone, needs a lot of work to get a 4 let alone a 5 star

I loved your originality and you so-well-done surprise ending. Thanks for a great read.

Ed

Liked it, straight to the point, no stuffing around, saw his problem and dealt with it.

Oh god the stories on here just get worse and worse. Maybe authors should stop trying to be clever and just write a god damn story!

The best thing I can say about your story is that the writing style is, shall we say, 'stilted'.

Only fixed the symptom while ignoring the problem. Julie is a cheating skank slut and will find another man now that Tom is out of the picture. Hubby is either a sissy wimp cuck or he'll bounce her ass ASAP.

Were you bored with your own story? Build it up then just let it fizzle out!

Non-story

What more could be needed. Guy was sniffing around. Husband warned him about someone who does wet work. Guy got message.

I agree with the others that it ended too quickly. It was on the right rack.

I'm not so sure abiut the ending, with Julie having regular lunches with Mary and Eve, who are sluts who have already tasted some strange and will be spending a lot of time on how to cheat netter without getting found out by their hubs.

Yawn

That’s called taking the bull by the horns and spelling it out in so many words! 5*

Good story line, but. If she is going to have a last fling, she will have one. He hasn't stopped a thing. Obviously her take on this is that it is better to ask forgiveness than to not do it. Also, a lie is a lie is a lie. He might as well turn Guido loose on her now. Look, the story was kind of rushed and fleshing it out would have given some resolution because Tom wasn't the problem.

A capable accountant knows all about Wills. The "taking him aside and giving a "God-father" type speech" was just ridiculous.

Nice setup. Premature ejaculation on tne finish. Especially the lack of any conversation between the husband and wife.

.

3 ***

So, Bill scares Tom off with some thinly veiled innuendo but its only a job half done. So why does Julie get to skate for her behavior? Julie needs a "come to Jesus moment" and attitude adjustment as well. Otherwise,=, she learns no lesson about actions having consequences. Are we to assume its Mary and Eve's job to educate Julie on the pitfalls of straying in your marriage?

3 stars for a no ending story.

I see no reason why he couldn't tell his wife he had someone check up on her and he knows she lied. I also agree he needs Mohave that talk at the end but have the wife present and indicate it goes for her as well.

Too much innuendo, not enough story. So far, his marriage wasn't worth saving.

Did Bill read the section Julie wrote about Eve and Wendy nodding in agreement about the assholes sexual skills? How would Bill know about that? As another commenter said, great start, fizzled at the end.

Bill again: " Julie, I know you lied to me which forced me into action. The "talk" I had with your work husband convinced him maybe he should not come on to married women. It looks like it was successful. Now, the next time you lie to me about any relationship you have with another man...or woman, start packing your bags and prepare to have hell rained down upon you. Am I being clear enough?"

Great! The "talk" was meant to be an indirect threat to Tom, so it was subtle and slightly obtuse. Most of your readers are not as savvy as Tom. Your challenge is to show, not tell, and considering your need to make the reader understand what Tom has suddenly understood will stretch the skills of most writers.

Hubby handled that very well. It was a shrewd move to invite him over for dinner. Story-wise, I would have liked to see a discussion between husband and wife on the topic. It would have helped the ending to not feel as rushed. 4 Stars!

It was a good story as written, but would have been even better if Guido had been the one having a one on one with Tom. Richard demonstrating his bending of hot steel would have reinforced the talk substantially.

It was a good story as written, but would have been even better if Guido had been the one having a one on one with Tom. Richard demonstrating his bending of hot steel would have reinforced the talk substantially.

Well played!

Story was ok, could have had more content . Not a fan of going back and forth with characters.

"I know and have been the definition of work husband." - HE was a work husband?

~~~

"I slipped one of the best into her purse, unknown to Julie." - No, you're going to let her know about it, LOL!

~~~

"I didn't know whether to be relieved or alarmed." - Well, relieved that not much happened, but alarmed that she did more than she promised.

~~~

Who are Eve and Mary?

I liked the idea the story, could have been a little more detailed.

I don't think that would discourage a player. Plus, the wife will be looking. A much bigger confrontation is needed.

A word to the wise, huh! Like some other commenters mentioned, it needs a little more.

4

Incomplete story. 2 stars.

Probably best to keep it to one point of view, especially on a story this short. Definitely needed more proof reading before being released into the wild.

Nah, she'll find someone else. Needs a LOT of work.

Too short. Kinda silly. Nice try but could have been better with more effort.

Would like a part 2 where they discuss this and work together to make sure nothing like this would happen again.

What was that? I'm inclined to say first it didn't take any sense and then it ended.....

Are we talking the mafia here?

Loved this tale as I hate stories where husbands refuse to believe their eyes and ears making excuses to themselves for doing so and put off addressing the problem until it becomes critical or too late. In my world,it's just not the way a man acts..I believe I would have been a bit more direct with the hints..5stars..JZK

Cute little story. Some of the husband's in your other stories should take tips from Bill here to ward off possible lotharios.

LOL, not bad for a short story.

Half concepts no sex with her work husband Real Husband saw or new nothing. So what the Hell was this story about? I have many times said where is the ending to a story But this had so many gaps it had no story line to fallow almost from beginning to the end!

Oh I had to smile reading this, nicely done……

Hubbt dot the message across to would be lothario. Short story but done well.

A good solution

Not much actual plot or real story, but not a bad vignette, and well-written.