Vagabond Sunset

Please... please... get you writings proof-read before publishing ! They desperately need that to happen - for each of them!

Example 1 - "watched her in the throughs of her orgasm." - try "throes" !

Examples 2 to 4 - "Luna was till in her throughs of extasy when she heard Joe mumble something..." - "throes" again ! And shouldn't that be "still" ? And it should be "ecstasy" !

Surely you have come across the word "throes" in your life? So that you don't have to seek (guess) an alternative spelling ?

As in 'noun - intense or violent pain and struggle, especially accompanying birth, death, or great change."he convulsed in his death throes" '

Example 5 - "Luna, I want you to know that there are times when my burden is more than I can bare. " - should be "bear".

As in - "Bear can be used as a verb meaning “endure” or “carry” and as a noun to refer to the animal. It's also used in a range of expressions (e.g., “bear with me” or “bear in mind“)."

Please also heed the earlier criticism about mixing first and third person "narration".

My final word, and seen elsewhere - you may conceive and plan the most wondrous Palace of a story, but if you use faulty materials (wrong words / misspellings) and put them together in poor ways (poor construction techniques), your Palace turns into a huge shabby hut!

The story itself was good, but it had been better with a proper editor, and the jumping between first and third person made it messy. 4 stars only, you can do better.

Excellent. How did he make his money?

I have steered away from reading this and now wish I had read it sooner. Think the title is what kept me from reading it, but what a great story line. Thank you.

An unusual story, which was fascinating even without the sex scenes. 1st/3rd swap towards the end was confusing at first.

Bravo for the courage to try different approaches to story telling.

I too agree with UmmAight comments below and yes you had me in tears at the end…⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Damn Frakenstien you can write some good stuff!!! Not sure how much of this world you've seen, or how many things you've done, but you write like you are the most interesting man in the fucking world!!! And your characters are GREAT!!! Love your stuff!!!

In the end, was the love he took equal to the love he made? We don't get the feeling that he left any other mark in the world. I mostly agree with Umm Aight below, flip flop of first and third person took a second to process, and seems more like an editing error. Also agree that more of the 'love grows day to day' scenes would have helped more than any additional length would have hurt.

What would have been nice to see would have been a scene or three of Joe asking / Luna telling about her mom (I would have found it impossible to keep myself from asking at least some questions) and maybe a flashback to Luna asking her mom "What was my daddy like?" questions in the letter scene. How her mother felt about him would have had at least some impact on Luna's own thoughts / feelings on their relationship and time together.

The Grace and Beth scene followed by him immediately moving into Beth's apartment seemed a little 'off'. As though you made a decision that "This is for a porn site so I better put at least one good and nasty scene into it." Just didn't work for me. A bit more time spent on his mom's Irish relatives would have been okay as well. I don't recall seeing even when or why she left for the US.

This was a very good read, didn't put it down, but while I understand the decision to keep it from getting too long another Lit page or two would have made it even better.

I'll be looking into your catalog and watching for future postings. Thank you for sharing your time and creativity.

☆☆☆☆☆

Benchmark storytelling right here. For all its flaws, a true pearl.

Good reading except for the flip-flop from first person narrative. The ending is extremely sad. I didn't like it because my own life has been horrible except for a ten year period that was decent. Real life sucks so much that I don't really care for stories like this. But it was still a very well written piece and I'm not going to be a hypocrite. Thanks for the entertainment.

I was at that Dead concert in '74