Vertigo Milf

"So, you're some kind of executive something?" Amara asks pointedly.

I shake my head embarrassed. "I just do interviews. I have a company that screens employees for the mines and some other places. Nothing fancy."

"I'm fire and rescue. Private, with the forestry." We talk about his work for a while. It's a fascinating insight into an industry that I just drive past all the time and don't think about.

Amara sits at the table near us and asks, "Why did you give her the job. She's not going to fuck you."

I can't help laughing at that. "Yeah, I've been told."

"So why, ow?"

"Well, firstly I think it's a bit rude that you think I got her the job. Hana got herself that job. I was one person out of three on the selection panel. We didn't even vote. She was just perfect for the role."

"So, you don't want to fuck her?"

"Leave him alone Amara. You're just being cruel now."

"Sure, take his side. All you men gotta stick together. She my baby siss cuzzy bro." She gently shoved his shoulder, "Don't you even forget."

"Fucken women, eh?" Nikko slaps my back and fetches us another beer while Amara cleans up the table. "Just snags mate. You know back home if we were inviting someone over for the first time, we'd lay a hangi. This is rental though, can't go digging no holes. This is just embarrassing to me, cuz."

"It's fine. I love the simplicity. Your family are cool. The kids are great. I have no idea why Hana wants me to teach the boys to fish. Aren't you worried I'm some kind of creep? This is... frankly, all a bit weird."

"Ah..." He slaps my shoulder and nods. "I didn't want to like you. No-one good enough for my people. And Hana and her boys they're as much my people as Amara and Johanna. But I do like you."

He opens another can and passes me one which I put on the table because I haven't finished the last and I'm feeling a bit sozzled already.

"First... I guess it's not up to me. Hana picked you. Second. No, I'm not worried at all. If you or anyone else ever hurts my family, I will take you out into ten thousand acres of forestry, kill you and crush your skull so that the wild pigs can eat all of you and shit you out. Did you know the only thing they can't break up is the skull? Unless you crush it of course. Weird huh?"

Amara chooses that moment to appear, standing behind me and resting a warm hand on my shoulder. "You just hold on tight, David. I didn't want to like you either."

"Are you really going to take us fishing Uncle Dave?" A small girl who I know is Johanna but haven't spoken to all afternoon asks me and I look for an answer from Amara and Nikko.

Amara laughs, "We're mob, Davo. You get one, you get us all. And Jo-jo, you listen to Uncle Davo when you near the water, you hear me? If you fuck around, he gonna slap your arse so hard it turn around on the front of you and you have to walk backwards for a week."

Jo-jo for her part must have been used to the hollow threats because she instantly squealed and ran off to talk with the boys who were playing some computer game in the lounge.

"Be good to see those fellas get off the playstation." Nikko nodded and passed me another beer. That made two lined up in front of me.

I was just opening my second of those when a shy small man approached us at the outdoor setting. He held out his hand very formally and his bottom lip was quivering when I took his hand in mine.

"My name is Hunter."

"I am David."

"Uncle Davo, I aint got no fishing pole." Although it almost got me laughing when he said, 'fushin pull' I held it together because his eyes just overflowed and spilled down his cheeks. Instinctively, I reached and lifted him to my lap and held him.

"Shh, little mate. You don't need a fishing pole. We'll make some handlines. When I was very little just like you, my Nan Draper... she wasn't really my nana, just an old indigenous lady that loved all us kids; she showed me how to make a handline from a coke bottle and some fishing line. You know one time I caught a yellowbelly this... long on it. Damn, it took me about a week to reel it in. She had to hold on my shoulders like this, to stop it pulling me in. We'll make some handlines and you'll be just fine."

By the time I'd finished that mouthful I had five sets of eyes watching me intently. Nikko smiled and nodded, putting a hand on my shoulder. When I looked to Amara, she wiped her eyes and nodded. Thomas and Jo-jo were looking equally curiously at me about making handlines and why I was cuddling Hunter. Hunter's big brown eyes, just like his mum's burned into my soul with mischief as he said defiantly, "I'm gonna catch a bigger 'fush' than Thommo."

Three beers later, many laughs later, I wobbled home wondering what the hell I'd gotten myself into. The dappled dachshund of death had even claimed a spot on my lap by the end of the afternoon. Then I closed my door behind me and the echo through my empty house mocked me so deeply that I broke. I sat cradling Catherine and Juliette's photograph from my bedside table and I cried for every ounce of family that I'd felt this afternoon that I could never give to them.

/`----------------------------------------<><

"Mr Cohen, I have a Miss Scott on the line for you."

"Okay Annabelle. Um... Put her through."

Moments later I'm surprised by my body's reaction to her voice. My heart quickens at her simple, "Hello David, it's Hana."

"Hi Hana." I used the correct har-na pronunciation as my pulse quickens and my nerves kick in.

"Well, I am impressed. Amara must have drilled you a little."

"It's an... ongoing education."

"Hahaha, I'm sure it is." If it wasn't for her big brown eyes, I could put her in a basket with all the other women with beautiful faces but now I had to add the musical sound of her honest laughter to the list of unforgettable things about her.

"How can I help?"

"Oh my fucking god, are you serious right now? How can 'you' help?"

"Um..."

"I've just got home from my first fourteen. My first pay is in my account. I'm fucking physically munted and all I've heard about from my entire family for the last two weeks is 'Uncle Davo'."

"Oh. Um I'm sorry. I've just been enjoying a bit of time with the kids some afternoons and well, you know how Nikko and Amara are. They'd be offended if I didn't show for a barbecue now and then. I'm sorry if I've stepped on your toes." Maybe I've been enjoying her family a bit too much. Maybe it's a bit of a selfish way to fill that ache in my heart.

"You're a fucking muppet. What time do you get home today?"

"Around three-fifteen, three-thirty depending on traffic."

"Good. Well, I'm still not going to fuck still, you but you're getting a visit. And I'm cooking. Do you have stuff... never mind. I'll go shopping. I have money now! Hahaha. See you at four."

The phone hangs up before I have a chance to do polite goodbyes. Exactly two seconds later Trish and Laura and my receptionist Anabelle stalk in.

"We were listening." Laura smirks.

Annabelle blushes and unapologetically shrugs, "I patched them in."

"She's actually telling herself, not you." Trish points out.

"Telling herself what?" I ask cluelessly.

"That she's not going to fuck you, idiot." Laura rolls her eyes.

"I'm making appointments. You two clear his schedule. Um, seven days should do it. That's standard fee-foh isn't it?"

"Er..." I am slowly catching up.

"Boss..." Warns Annabelle. "You have more than three months accrued leave. In fact. I think while you take this week off, Laura, Trish and I will work on a fee-foh roster for you. We don't need you here as much as you think we do. It would be very healthy for you to... Just do what you're told for once okay?"

By two, I'm sitting in a barber's chair. By three, I'm standing in a menswear shop on the wharf with a wildly camp man measuring my inseam. When I leave, I am wearing a brand-new suit with instructions to wear it for first impressions and then change into my 'casuals'. I've never worn a suit to work in my entire life. The collar is scratchy and it feels a bit like a straight-jacket. I can't wait to change into the 'casuals'.

Pulling into my driveway, I turn off the old Landcruiser farm ute that I still drive around. It's only got three hundred and fifty thousand on it so it's still just a pup despite the kangaroo dents and surface rust that make it look a little decrepit. The humid air of early summer hits me like a wave as I step out in this trussed up charcoal grey outfit.

Inside the door, the first thing I do, is notch the air-con down to eighteen degrees instead of a power saving twenty-four. Then I place my briefcase on the island bench, plug in my phone and my quiet refuge literally explodes.

Tap, tap, tap-tap, boom!

Answering the door, a wave of smiling Maori faces crashes on me and flows straight past. Nikko slaps my shoulder, Amara pinches my bum and comments on my suit, Thomas, Hunter and Jo-jo rush to the back doors to shout excitedly about my swimming pool. And I don't notice a single moment of the invasion.

Standing before me looking fabulously exhausted and outrageously beautiful in the same instant is five foot ten of Maori princess carrying four bags of groceries. I am aware that my mouth is open in an unmanly fashion. Somehow, she has become even more beautiful. Her long hair is pulled gently back showing off her neck that goes on forever and the gentle smile she showers on me breaks my heart. She looks so tiredly gorgeous that all I want to do is pick her up like I did with Hunter that first day and cradle her till she sleeps.

"You're so short." She laughs as she grabs my tie and pulls me forward. "Perfect height for this though."

I was going to open my mouth and ask, "What?" But I didn't get the chance.

She kissed me straight on the lips, patted my cheek and reminded me, "Don't get the wrong idea. I'm not going to fuck you. Go get changed, you look all... Hot. Definitely hot, but stuffy. Go on now."

I was glad for the opportunity to get changed. The suit pants felt extremely tight for obvious recent reasons.

"I told you, didn't I?" Amara smiles at me as I come back from the bedroom. "We're a mob. You get one, you got us all."

"You did. You know you're very welcome. I just wish I could have cleaned the place up a bit."

"Pfft. You seen my joint. This is a mansion... don't be a wally. Oh, kids are swimming. That's okay?"

"Sure."

"No togs though. They're all babies still, so nuddy as the day they born."

"All good. I need a beer."

"I bet you fucking do." She cackled and opened my fridge to hand me one. "Don't you get your hopes up about Hana or me going nuddy though. I know what you little white boys are like, ow?"

"You're a shocker, Amara. What can I do to help?"

"You can fuck off out the kitchen, Davo." I turned back to see Hana smiling cheekily at me. "This is my show now. I been cooking all swing for fellas who don't mean nothing to me. Tonight, I'm cooking for my mob. We good?"

"Perfect, Hana. You want a beer?"

"Nah. I'd fall straight asleep on ya's. Maybe a wine if you have one?"

I find Nikko tossing naked giggling kids into the pool a few minutes later and hand him a beer.

"What's this cuzzy bro?"

"Boags."

"Gucci shit?"

"Nah, just what I got. Didn't know you were all coming or I'd have got some VB for you."

"This'll do. Didn't know you had a pool."

"Doesn't get used much."

"Huge house."

"Yeah, it's pretty big."

"Rent must be crazy."

"We bought it... Was sposed to be... Sposed..." And I slumped a bit; put my hands on my knees like I'd been gut-punched. "Holidays..." The world got a little dark around the edges.

"Where's ya shed bruh?" The big man asks, putting a hand on my shoulder.

The next thing I remember I was sitting on a milk crate in the garage near Catherine's old Subaru Outback and a very large Maori man held me around the shoulders while I sobbed like a broken child.

"When my plane pulled in. There were cops at the airport."

"Hang on, I'll fetch some more beers. Get a breath bro."

When he returns, he's holding my new 'chilly-bin' and it makes me smile.

"God, I'm sorry Nikko. You must think I'm..."

"Men cry bro. Men fight. We fuck, we bleed, work, do lots of things. We cry too. Especially when it comes to family. There were cops?"

"Yeah, they just came straight up to me and dumped it. Mr Cohen, we're very sorry but there's been a terrible accident. Your wife and daughter have been killed in a quad bike accident."

"Bam..." He wipes a tear from his own eye. "Cunts. That's brutal."

"Not their fault I guess but... They could have let family tell me. Then I was taken to the station for questioning about maintenance schedules and safety stuff. It took hours. By the end I felt like I killed them myself."

"Argggggmmmggg." He grumbled deeply and clenched his fists. "Fucking cops."

It's a double bay garage and in no time, I can hear him taking his outrage out on the punching bag that has hung there all through my grief. It's born the brunt of all my anger and it soaks his up too. When he drops back down beside me to grab his own long neck, he shakes his head and laughs, "This Gucci beer is growing on me, little bro. So, what happened to them? If you can't say, that's okay but I've seen a lot. I can carry it with you if you want to share."

I watched him a long while before answering. The horror that I learned that day and carry now, has been mine alone. I've never trusted anyone enough to let them pick up the other end of it to share the weight. So, I nod. I need him to know I appreciate the offer but I'm not so sure. And then just like my door bursting open and this new family rushing in, my mouth opens.

"They were going down to the yards after hunting wildflowers. It's what they did. Wildflowers... Little Juliette was only four like her cousin Kat, but they knew all the names for them. All the scientific names. Catherine loved wildflowers. We used to do ten-hour trips out bush hunting them after rain. We went all around Eromanga, Thargomindah, Innamincka all over the place. The steering crossed up in a rut and the bike rolled over on them. When my Mum found them, they were up under the bottle tree. It was the only place you could get service. They were holding hands."

"Fuck." Nikko sobs quietly beside me so I put an arm on his shoulder.

"Sorry man." I tell him. The responsibility for sharing my memory weighed almost as much as my grief.

"What injuries did they have. Sometimes it helps me if I know why people's bodies stopped. I have a first responder's mind."

"Catherine had a broken leg and crush injuries to her chest. Ribs nicked her heart and lungs. Juliette had a broken neck. It wasn't quick for Catherine. She was able to drag herself and little Lulu up the hill, but her phone was flat."

"That's so fucked. They died fighting though bro. That's some strong women."

"That's what Mum said at the time. That they were trying to come home to us. She's in a home now, mum. I think that was the last straw for her. Dementia these days. Sometimes I envy her. She's forgotten everything."

"You wait here a minute my brother. I'm sending Amara in for you and going home for a bit. This is... it's family business now."

"Sorry." I tell my warm cuddly friend Amara. "Sorry Amara."

"You ever get a splinter, sugar? They fester up too until you get them all out. This is nothing. No-one minds." She kisses the top of my head.

"I'm embarrassed for..."

"We're horrified that we didn't know and couldn't help."

"You help a lot. Hahaha." I can just hear Alan 'not saying', 'I told you so' and simply nodding smugly.

"It's what family do. If you hurt, I hurt too. Until we fix you and then we don't all hurt anymore."

"Hana..." I asked, disgusted with my idea of a first impression. Not that I could one up the fishing fuck up.

"Ah..." she chuckles to herself. "She's probably going to fuck you."

"Jesus. I'm..."

"I saw her when she came home that first night she smashed your chilly bin."

I chuckled despite the disgusting crying mess I had recently been.

"She chosen. She didn't know it yet but the joy in her words and heart while she told the story... Nikko and I knew. The old people will make a way. And then look. Here we all are, ow."

"What's wrong with Uncle Davo?" A timid Jo-jo asks from the sliding door to the garage.

Amara looks at me nods her head and says, "His heart is sad for family, sugar. He had a wife and baby and they died. Us mob all being here reminded him. He's going to have a couple of cones with Nikko and then he'll be fine again baby."

"Okay. I love you uncle Davo. I never had no-one I love die. That must really suck. We'll be your family now, okay?" She hugged my leg, then put her arms up in the universal child sign for pick me up.

"Okay Jo-jo. I love you too darling." She pressed her face into my neck and I was surprised to feel her real tears on me. I don't know how people can bear to have that much empathy.

A little while later, I'd gathered enough dignity and smoked a couple of cones with Nikko to mop my eyes and brush my nice neat new hairdo back with my fingers and brave the walk back into reality. Or I thought I had. I was met at the end of the hall by a woman my own height with a furious scowl on the most beautiful face I'd ever seen. Her hands were on her hips and she looked like she was chewing words.

"Mara, git." She told her sister, "Shoo Jo-jo."

They left me there in front of her and I sucked a deep breath in. I was confused. Emotionally drained, I had no idea what this woman I hardly knew wanted from me.

"Here." She waved me forward and I stepped into her arms. She blessed my head with gentle kisses and held me tightly. "I'm still not going to fuck you. But I'm going to stay tonight. Make sure you're okay. I'll need some clothes from home, or a t-shirt or something."

"I'm okay. Just-"

"Shh. You don't get to worry. You just have some beers with Nikko and your little people. Let the women worry. Go on now."

And hours later, my belly full to the point of discomfort with the most wonderful pulled pork and baked vegies dinner I can remember since mum went into care, I hugged and kissed my new family goodnight. Nikko hugged me like I was his long-lost little brother, pressing his forehead against mine and holding it there with his hand on the back of my head like he wished he could take some pain away. Amara pinched me on the butt and got a scolding from Hana.

"Here woman, get ya own man old girl. Leave this little white fella alone, eh?"

Thomas, Jo-jo and Hunter all got a hug, little Jo-jo begging to come back tomorrow for swims.

"Here bro, watch the little woman. She be movin in too, like the big lady there."

"Oh you fuck off Nikko you pig." Hana scolded him.

"Daddy, can I stay too if aunties staying?" Started a chorus of begging kids.

"You mob all got fucking school in the morning. I hear another word about sleepovers, I'll knock you all on the head with the rolling pin until your teeth fall out." Amara winked at us and left.

I looked around my little home and it felt so different. It had only been me here for so long and now it echoed with the ringing of family business and love and happiness just like I'd planned for it many years ago.

"What are you-" I ask as Hana passes me a bandy from her hair, then her thongs.

"Hold my jandals." She winked.

"Wha-"

She took the waist of her t-shirt and pulled it over her head and I discovered the secret of a python's reticulated jaw. Her bra was utilitarian and black but held the most perfect breasts I'd ever seen. I can't do sizes, so you'll have to do your own measurements. The lady was my height and they were full and pert like eight-dollar-each mangos. Then she shimmied the tight blue jeans down her long, tanned thighs and handed them to me as well.