Vertigo Milf

"Swim?" She asked coyly standing before me in her knickers and bra. "I'll need to borrow a t-shirt later. I'm exhausted. I'm sure you are too, Davo."

I waited until I'd led her to the pool and watched her navigate the steps before removing my own clothes. There was a trip hazard I was sporting since she'd undressed in front of me. The water was cool on my skin and I gasped when it cupped my balls. Her laughter told me she'd seen the moment and my erection by proxy.

"Hunter's father was six foot six." She told me under her darkened frown.

"Okay." I muttered as she glided toward me. Her fingers found me first. They clutched my throbbing boner and squeezed.

"But parts of you make him look like a baby."

Anything witty I could have come up with was lost in her hot sweet breath and heavy swollen kisses. Her tongue danced along my lips and teeth and I was worried for the clarity of my pool until she just as abruptly giggled and pushed away from me.

"Davo?"

"Let me guess, you're still not going to fuck me." I laughed and looked up at the cloudy sky.

"Hahaha." She put her elbows on the edge and tilted her own head up to the sky. "One day maybe. But tonight, I'm going to hold you tight enough for your wife and daughter. I'm going to hold you like they would want to hold you tonight. It can be about me another time. Speaking of which."

"Hmm?"

"I have a meeting I have to go to tomorrow. I could really use a friend for support. It's important to me."

"I'll do it."

"I know. But I still have to ask. You're a big softy. Jo-jo's got you all wrapped up and the boys..." Her eyes roll and she fills my pool area with that musical giggle. "I need a shower and t-shirt. I'm wrecked old mate."

She smelled like warm woman skin and shampoo. There was a lingering taste of mint on my tongue from her tender kiss goodnight. It was the strangest moment. I've never got into bed to sleep, with a woman I wasn't already intimate with. I was laying there with the warmth of her pressed into my chest and side, her head cradled in my shoulder and her face on my chest hoping she couldn't feel my boner.

"David, are you awake still?"

"Hmm." I gave her a gentle squeeze with my arm.

"Not fucking."

"Uhuh. You said. That's fine, look-"

"Shh. Let me waffle for a bit, yeah?" Her warm lips kissed my hairy chest and I could feel her smile against my skin. "So... That first night, you know with your chilly bin and the catfish."

"It was an esky and a flathead. You're in Australia now."

"Jerk." She laughs and playfully thumps my chest. "Once upon a time I would have jumped your bones on the spot. Your big blue eyes and the way you looked at me. No one's looked at me like that since Thomas's dad."

"Like what?"

"Like you did. Like I'm some kind of queen or I don't know... Fuck I've had men look at me like I'm meat, like I'm porn, like I'm property, all sorts of things but... Just don't put me on a pedestal, okay? I'm just a woman. Just a girl. Mateo... Matty, he learned. Thomas's dad. I... I'm just... I'm just this, you know. My face is pretty, my skin is a good colour, I'm tall and not fat yet. But that's the outside. Inside isn't so pretty all the time. You know what I mean?"

"Kind of. I've known beautiful women who were bitches to me. What are you trying to tell me?"

"Well. I wanted you. I want you right now, but... I really don't know you. You really don't know me. God, I didn't even know you had a wife until tonight. I just knew you were the sexy blue-eyed fisherman who smelled like my brothers always smelled and looked at me like he'd get on a horse and ride into battle for me."

"Er... Not much of a horse rider."

"And every day while I was away, Amara would ring and put the kids on speaker and I'd fall more in love with this Uncle Davo bloke every time. But... It's not real."

I didn't know what to say about that; it was far too early for the "L" word. Like she said, I was attracted to her but hardly knew her either.

"Soooo many damn things you need to know about me. So many things that I want to know about you. So for now, I'm not going to fuck you even though my body is burning up for you. I've done so many dumb things because I... because I launched myself into bed with someone because I..."

There was wet on my chest where her face was and I could feel her small sobbing convulsions, so I pulled her tightly to me. I had no idea what else to do or say.

"Matty was first. I hurt him so bad. He was such a sweet man but I had this bad boy thing going on. I played up. It was only after we split that I found out I was pregnant. He was long gone by then. Fuck... I sound like such a slut."

"Shh... No judgement, Hana. We've all travelled a broken road to get where we are today and sometimes, we leave a bit of a body count behind."

"Body count..." She echoed sarcastically then went silent.

I couldn't take the silence, so I foolishly started remembering girls' names and trying to count. I was at fourteen and still a couple off Catherine when she drew a really deep breath and broke the silence.

"I could count the men I've fucked on one hand, David. But I wish I could forget some of them."

"Shit, I'm glad I didn't volunteer my number then." It left my mouth before I think.

"Man-whore!" She giggled and thumped me. "Just... Just I have regrets. And I don't want to add you to that list. If we end up just being mates, I'd treasure that."

"Buh-bow! Friend zone!" I joked earning me a kiss on the cheek.

"You're a bit of a wally, cuz. I'm in your fucking bed, wearing one of your t-shirts, drooling from the box like I could roll you on your back and fuck you until I took skin off your dick. We're a long way from friend zone, old mate. Was that vulgar enough for you David? Looooong way from friend zone. I'm just..." She's giggling against me and my already hard dick gets harder feeling her ample breasts jiggling against my side.

"I'm confused." She said, settling. "And I'd like to take this at a brisk walk instead of a gallop. Every relationship I've had started in a bedroom- well that's not quite true but you know what I mean."

"Back of a car? That was Mel Bishop in high school for me. Big mistake. Total user."

She laughed again and the feeling of her pert pressing breasts jiggling made me commit the rest of my life to the cause.

"So..." I frowned as I tried to think past my swollen cock, her lovely breasts, the smell of her hair and skin and her sheer proximity. "Any ideas?"

"Take me fishing."

"Fishing?"

"It worked with the boys. They know you. They trust you. They love you. Maybe if we-" Then she's sobbing quietly again. "I wont fuck it- I won't- we can-"

"Shh..." I pulled her to me. "We'll work it out. What's this meeting tomorrow?"

"Oh fuck. I meant to talk to you about it. I have to go into corrections and talk with a parole officer."

"Okay... I swear we put you through crim history checks."

"Not me, wally." Her laughter is my new drug of choice. "My brother."

"Right. So... What do you need me for?"

"Just to hold my hand if that's okay. I'm nervous. He's up for early parole if he can prove established support systems."

"So, you're vouching for him as family?"

"Yeah, and residency. He needs an address. Nikko and Amara can't get time off, but I can support his claim of residency at their address and you know."

"Jeez, it's a bit crowded over there already."

"God yes! This is the first time I slept in a real bed in two years. Bloody bunk in my donger at the site is munted and Amara's sofa is killing my back."

"Right then, I thought I was the drawcard this evening."

"Dickhead! You are. I promised I'd cuddle you hard enough for your wife and baby. I still will. But let's just say this mattress is almost as arousing as you."

"Hahaha. Okay... I am a step up from a mattress. Good to know."

"Fuckwit. How do you make me laugh this much? I'm normally so... So, serious that I hate myself. Sometimes the kids, the looks on their faces... I just don't like- fuck being a mum is hard."

"Hana?"

"Yes Davo."

"Are we going to do this cuddling and sleeping thing because despite what my flagpole of a dick is telling you, I'm wrecked gorgeous."

"Gorgeous?" She echoed quietly. "You make me forget the bits I don't like about me until I almost feel gorgeous, David."

"So, meeting, swimming, fishing. Anything else on the agenda for tomorrow, Gorgeous?"

She rolled up on her elbows and brought her sweet warm breath so close I knew we would kiss. I've never cum from kissing alone but it was a close thing. I felt her mouth smiling in the dark as she drew away.

"Be careful David, or I'll add fucking to that list."

"I'll be dreaming about it, Hana."

"Goodnight David. Thank you for the boys. I haven't seen them like this- like... so long." I'm sure she cried herself to sleep. I held her till she finished shaking or at least until I was asleep and didn't know she was.

In dreams I laughed as Catherine joked with me while we picnicked under the bottle tree. She told me that Hana was supposed to be there to comfort me, not the other way around. Little Juliette just danced in the golden sunbursts and smiled.

"You better not have little woman!" Woke me. It sounded like Amara but muffled.

More importantly, there was a coffee beside the bed calling to me with its wispy tendrils of steamy promises. Promises that the ten beers and two cones would fall away from me in the shower if I could get my hungover arse out of bed.

Two cones... Jesus... that's a couple of weeks of riding my pushbike to work right there. I need my licence. Damn it... I've just crumbled since the visit out bush to my girls. My heart has just opened itself right up like an old wound and god, I need that coffee.

"Shh! He's sleeping Sissa!" Hana's attempts at a whisper reach me all the way down the hall as I quietly make my way to the bathroom to piss.

"And you're not taking him to Ricky's thing today, ow. He don't need our trouble. You hear me little woman?"

"I need 'him', Mara. I don't know why. I just-" and then my heart breaks a little as Hana's tears fall louder that my morning piss.

"Shh, baby siss. Dignity hey? Show him your power, not your broken hey?"

"That's just it... I want him to know all of me... I'm so fucked this time round siss." And then she does that thing where girls can giggle and sob at the same time.

"Is his dick good?" Makes me miss the toilet with my stream.

"Mara!"

"Well little woman? You slept next to him and you wanted to fuck him but," Her voice is teasing, "'you want to get to know him proper'-"

"You're horrible!" Her giggles make my morning wood re-awaken.

"So? He's a bit short eh, siss?" Amara sounds like she's still teasing but I'm still a bit wonky with my hangover, so I'm a little offended. I mean, I'm taller than Hana and my dick... it's never won awards, but I've always been told by lovers that I'm-

"Fuck off, child. No way. Nikko's not that big and he's six-four."

"Shut up! I can't believe I said anything. You just won't stop now, will you bitch?"

"No way. You're just joshin me."

"Serious. I seen him this morning. Well... Haha, yesterday in the pool too. But Davo's more than just big blue eyes."

"Big blue balls I bet right now, after you sleeping all over him and not giving it up."

"I told you!"

"Shh. You'll wake him up." Laughed Amara, echoing Hana's earlier warning.

"So, I'm calling work and telling them my dog died or something. We'll go and do Ricky's thing, see how it all goes. Then this arvo I'll take the kids up to Alex for a swim and you and Mr Luvva Luvva can go fishing, eh?"

"Fishing..." Hana sounds broken somehow. I should be empathetic for her but I'm kind of chuckling internally at 'fushin'.

"Get to know him baby siss. Let him know you. Let him show you how he loves. You should see him with the kids. That man has a heart like Phar Lap." Amara laughs a little then adds, "And a cock like him too, eh?"

"Fuck you, cuzzy. You need to go home and sort Nikko out or something. You all about the cock this morning."

"Oh... Big man was all teared up for his little bro Davo last night. Nothing doing in the cot for me then. I'm a little wound up, you know right?"

"Mad bitch. Haha. I might go wake him, he's sposed to work this morning, I think. You right with brekky?"

"Sure."

I'm smiling as I shake my dick and flush. These people just don't have filters. Well, they do until they know you. Then it's just straight up to your face. I like it. It reminds me of the people that Catherine and I met when we were flower hunting out bush.

Ooh! And just like that, her name came up in thoughts with happy memories and a past tense. Alan will love this.

"You in there?" Accompanies the knock on the bathroom door.

"Out in a sec, gorgeous."

"Haha." I can hear her blushing almost. "Need help shaking old mate?"

"Shocker."

"You love it. Oh, you snore, you know."

"Catherine used to- oh sorry."

The door opened while I was still pulling my pants up to a scowling Maori woman who looked like she was about to hold my head in the toilet and flush me like the boarding school seniors did once. She takes my jaw in her hand and huffs as she pulls my eyes to face her.

"Catherine and Juliette are my people now too. Never be sorry to speak of them. You hear me?"

I nod slowly. In my defence, it was just the one coffee and I'm still hungover.

"In fact, I want to know all their stories. All your stories with them so that I can be part of your mob. Even those who've gone on. You hear me, David? You hear?"

"Loud and clear, Hana."

"Shit." She releases me and softens. "Sorry. Just don't hide parts of your heart from me. You don't need to. What was it you said last night about broken roads?"

"Body counts..."

"Yup." And then she's crying on my shoulder as I wash my hands and she cuddles me from behind. "You're a bit emotional this morning, gorgeous."

"Welcome aboard the roller coaster, Davo." She giggles and slaps my arse. "Come on now, Mara doesn't really believe we didn't fuck and she's got bacon and eggs and shit happening. Come on, spunky."

/`--------------------------------<><

"Get fucked! She's fucking... You just found her picture on the net somewhere. You're winding me up arsehole!"

"Serious. That's Hana. That's yesterday. They came over for a swim and dinner."

"Fuck off." Ebony laughs.

Tan joins in, "Well, I'm impressed. Can I have her number? We've been talking about a menagerie."

"You fucking whore!" Ebby laughs, "It's a menage-a-trois, and no! No menageries for you, bitch."

"Serious, David. Her phone number, I've got an old hall pass Eb gave me one night back in college."

"You tunnel-gutted fuck-monkey! Give me the phone and stop rubbing yourself! David, you know this chick? You actually had a conversation with her?"

"She even slept in my bed, Ebby."

"No... way..." They say in unison, like only old married couples can.

"But you didn't fuck?" Ebony asks.

"No. We want to get to know each other."

"Right... Is your dick broken?" Tan asks, "That bitch was in my bed, I'd be pulling Eb off her so I could take a turn."

"You guys are like poster children for the whole alphabet community, aren't you? You should be on billboards as an example of contemporary sexual politics."

"I fucking love you Uncle Dave. I'm going to use them in an assignment one day as an example of toxic feminism." I hear Kat laugh in the background. "I'm sorry about the belligerently aggressive bull-dykes."

I put the phone on speaker and leave it on the island bench while I look at my spotlessly clean kitchen, rub my gloriously full stomach and wonder what the hell I'm going to do with seven days off. Today even? I've used work for so long as a distraction from the empty reality of my life. The raw hole left behind by my family seems even emptier now. It feels a little like now even they are slipping away and the hole is just the emptiness that I've left unfilled.

"So David," Tanya sounds like she's trying to compose herself while I can still hear Ebby laughing like a donkey in the background. "Stock agent is here on Friday to look at the stores. We should have them in the yards on Thursday before lunch all going well. There's a sale in Roma on Monday and he's expecting good dollars. Could really use a hand over the weekend with loading and such if you're free."

"And here I was thinking you called just to check in with your favourite brother-in-law."

"You know you're my favourite."

"I'm your only."

"Just if you can though. I don't want to cock block you with the hot chick though."

"Leave it with me, I'll talk to you later in the week."

"Love ya. Forward her nudes hey?"

"You clown."

"No serious. Nudes... Send them."

"Bye Tan. Give the girls a hug for me."

"Alright, let you go."

As far as Monday mornings go, this was quite a new experience for me. I can't remember the last time that my Monday didn't start with a conference call with Laura and Trish. The urge to call them and just check in was overwhelming as I carried my coffee from room to room looking for some mysterious motivation or direction. Eventually I found myself standing in the garden shed staring at my lawn mower.

Would the world shift upon its axis if the lawn was mowed on a Monday morning instead of Friday afternoon? This question plagued me as I sipped the last of my coffee and placed the empty mug down beside the old coffee tin of nuts and bolts that I might need one day. Maybe I 'could' mow the lawn today. That would occupy a couple of hours and the thought of how to fill the rest of the day then bothered me enough to lead me back into my office to make a list.

My world runs on lists. There are lists upon lists pinned to the corkboard above my desk. Then there is the master list that tells me which lists need doing first. In a brief moment of clarity, the false business of it all mocked me. This was who I had become to distract myself from my loss. These lists were my security blanket. They saved me from moments of free time that could lead to introspection.

An hour later, I had two piles of lists. The pile on the right were things that were work related and could be dealt with by other people in my absence. Patiently sifting through them, I sent half a dozen emails and spoke briefly with Annabelle. That was the end of having to think about work for the next seven days.

The lists on my left were personal things I'd been procrastinating; ironically listing and planning them when I could have been doing them.

"X-mas." That list had sketched ideas for gifts for my girls and my colleagues. I don't succumb to extravagance, but I do like to plan personal gifts that show I put a little thought into things. That list could stay.

"Shops" was a list of things I'd thought I should purchase at one point or another but hadn't. It was an eclectic collection of needful things that had occurred to me over time. It included things like, 'furniture - spare room', 'undies', 'pool chemicals' and so on. I crossed off a few of them as I read through it, having solved the need. Pool chemicals for example was now redundant as I found a lady who comes every week and manages the pool. Undies... Well, my old ones were comfortable. What would they tell Hana about me though? Maybe I should do some clothes shopping.

A fresh sheet of note paper beckons me and I scribble, "Clothes." Then I hastily add, "Nikau, Amara, Thomas, Jo-jo, Hunter and Hana" to my Xmas list. "Presumptuous of you to believe they'll still all be part of your life by Christmas, old bean." I tell myself in my best British butler voice.

This list though... I've been dreading it.

"Girls."

. Boxes in garage.

. Subaru.

. Accountant.