All Comments on 'Vex and the Badminton Club Pt. 01'

Good story !

looking forward to episode 2 !!

But it's too confusing. Too many women, all involved simultaneously.

Better if the progress were slower. Not everybody actively involved so fast. There was lots of opportunity for a lot of preliminary teasing him. And his cock never even got touched.

Could have been worth five stars. I gave it four.

Having read the previous comment I’m thinking that the pace of the story is just right. The other women have made him realise that he’s wasted his time chasing girls when there are women, real women, out there with healthy libidos who know what they want in the bedroom, or any other room cum to that. As far as the Badminton Club are concerned it appears they're likeminded women: all dommes or wannabe dommes, luckily for him. Hopefully theres more action to cum before he has to get the bus home, the bus wanker....

I haven’t read any of your other stories so I can only go by this one which I saw on the first page of bdsm. It was the title that intrigued me.

Good plot and not badly written but there are some things you want to consider. The first is are you writing a story or having a conversation with the reader? I’m thinking particularly of “on to the subject of our story” and “more about Liam in the next chapter.” They are out of place as I assume you are writing a story.

Also in the case of “more about Liam in the next chapter” don’t tell the reader what’s going to happen. You’ve made references to Liam. Make the reader wonder if he’s going to feature in the next chapter. Make the reader want to find out what’s going to happen and not just in respect of Liam.

Many of your paragraphs are overlong, two in particular. There are two things to remember. A lot of people read on a phone, as I do, and what appears as a short/medium paragraph on your laptop doesn’t look the same on a phone. You need to have plenty of “white space.” There’s also a tendency to skip a long paragraph and possibly miss reading something important to the story.

I didn’t notice any particular errors with grammar, punctuation etc which is always a good sign. It’s a 4⭐️ but it would have been a 4+ if available.