tagHumor & SatireVirgin Mudslide

Virgin Mudslide

byBlack Tulip©

Warning: there is no actual sex in this story.

"Ted? Is that you?"

The middle-aged man stood waving at the poolside, his short stocky frame clad in blue swimming shorts. He was not sure, but it looked like his friend Ted, doing laps in a determined if not amused way. He squinted against the glare of the sun on the moving water. It really looked like Ted.

"Hey! Ted!"

The swimmer finally heard him, grinned and raised a tanned arm before finishing his lap. He ignored the steps in the corner and pushed himself up and out of the pool, showing bulging muscles in the process.

"Donald, you little shit. What're you doing here?"

The guy named Ted was just as middle-aged as Donald, but the opposite of short and stocky. He looked like the traditional male suffering from midlife crisis. A tanned skin from the parlor, toned muscles from the gym and instead of graying hair he had dark curls from the hairdresser.

Donald eyed his friend with a quizzical look. "Man, you make me sweat, just by looking at you. Why do you do it?"

Ted grinned and pointed at the round middle of his friend. "That's why." He stretched his trim body and looked quickly around to see if there were interesting subjects in the vicinity.

"Let's have a drink. It's been ages." He picked up his towel, draped it around his neck and walked towards the terrace, expecting Donald to follow him.

He chose a table near the front of the terrace, sprawled in a chair and watched Donald lower his compact body. He called the waitress with an imperative gesture. "A Perrier for me. And you?" He looked to his friend.

"Beer, drafted." Donald grinned. "I know, I should drink water like you. Man, I don't know why you do it."

Ted looked a bit uncomfortable. "That's the second time you said that. What're you saying? You think I'm turning into a sissy? Is that it?"

"Jeez, cool it, man. Course not. Just what I said. Why?"

Donald's asking seemed sincere, so Ted relaxed a bit. He looked at his friend for a moment, the confident mask on his face slipping a bit. He nodded as if he came to a conclusion.

"I'll tell you why. This is strictly between you and me, right? No blabbering, specially not with Irene."

He waited for Donald to say something before he continued.

"Ok, I won't tell my wife. As if I would." Donald huffed a bit indignantly.

With a final look around Ted moved his chair up and leaned over the table.

"Janice. That's why."

"Huh?" Donald looked baffled. "Who the heck is Janice? Are you cheating on Hilda?" He stared at the handsome face in front of him. "Oh – my – god! You are, aren't you?"

Ted signaled him to silence as he spotted the waitress returning with their drinks. He waited until she was out of earshot again. He saw the approving gleam in Donald's eyes and suddenly he grinned a lot more confident. Sipping from his bottled water he nodded.

"Yes, I am seeing someone else."

Donald snorted. "Seeing, my ass. You're screwing around Ted. Don't give me bullshit." He clapped Ted on the shoulder. "Come on. Details, give me some details. Where did you pick her up? Is she a looker? What?"

Ted cocked an eyebrow. "A looker? Course she is." He bent over again. "Twenty-two. At the most. Long legs, tight ass and long, blond hair. And the best part of it: she loves cock. My cock." He grinned in anticipation of his friend's envy.

Donald smiled, but not with the expected envy. "A blond knock-out, huh? And what about Hilda?"

"Hilda? Nah, she's not suspecting anything. You know how it is. The fire died out a long time ago. She's just not that interested anymore." He took a sip of water. "Fucking Hilda is like a Virgin Mudslide. It's sweet, but it's half-frozen and it lacks a kick." He laughed at his own joke.

Donald wiped some foam from his mouth, and set his empty beer glass back onto the table. "Have you ever tried to unfreeze her?" He eyed his friend a bit curiously. Seeing the blank look on Ted's face he made a gesture. "Never mind. How did you find this blond dream?"

For a moment Ted thought Donald was not really admiring his success, not as much as he had expected. It was only a fleeting impression and he was too eager to share his prowess to linger on it.

"You know I surf the net, mostly late at night, when Hilda has gone up. I know you do as well, so don't give me crap." He frowned at Donald's raised eyebrows. "There's this site where you can read all kinds of porn and you can chat with the writers of those stories as well."

"Are you saying this Janice is writing porn for the Internet?"

"No, but she's reading it and she was chatting there as well so I kind of chatted her up." He laughed again, not realizing he was annoying Donald with his bad jokes. "Think of it! A woman who likes to read porn. Have you ever heard that one before?"

Donald shrugged and avoided the question. "How did you two meet? Come on, out with it."

Ted settled himself in his chair, obviously getting ready for the real telling. "We exchanged Yahoo-nicks and after IM-ing for a while she got really hot for my little pecker. I persuaded her to give me her phone number. After that we had some pretty intense conversations, if you know what I mean." He snickered. "We have met twice now and man I tell you, she really loves it. Yes sir, she really does." He nodded his head as his eyes got a faraway look in them, clearly thinking of the sex-loving Janice.

Donald coughed as he got up. "Sounds interesting Ted, but I have an appointment with a client. I really have to go." He stood up and looked down at the bronzed and muscled man sprawled at the side of the pool. "Don't worry, I won't tell Irene."

Ted frowned a bit at the sudden departure of his friend. He smiled as he recalled his last words though. "That is why I really like him, because he is a true friend", he thought, finishing his bottle of Perrier with a sigh.

Donald had trouble keeping his laughter inside as he walked away. No, he wouldn't tell Irene, but he hadn't said anything about Hilda, now had he? She'd be very happy to know she wasn't robbing Ted of his fun. All that had been needed was a not so little pecker to defrost that lady. Virgin Mudslide indeed, the moron, more like molten lava if you knew how. And conversation worth listening to as a bonus. He doubted young Janice even knew the word.

Thank you for reading my story. I appreciate feedback to make the next one better. Oh, and please vote.

Report Story

byBlack Tulip© 7 comments/ 14845 views/ 0 favorites

Share the love

Tags For This Story

Report a Bug

1 Pages:1

Please Rate This Submission:

Please Rate This Submission:

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Please wait
by Anonymous

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.

There are no recent comments (7 older comments) - Click here to add a comment to this story or Show more comments or Read All User Comments (7)

Add a

Post a public comment on this submission (click here to send private anonymous feedback to the author instead).

Post comment as (click to select):

You may also listen to a recording of the characters.

Preview comment

Forgot your password?

Please wait

Change picture

Your current user avatar, all sizes:

Default size User Picture  Medium size User Picture  Small size User Picture  Tiny size User Picture

You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.

Select new user avatar: