All Comments on 'Visit'

Kind of reads like a restaurant menu. Google translate and spell check are only so accurate, they can still leave a wrong word or tense of it. " Vince and Miranda were always opened to each other" should have been " open with each other" . Still a good first effort

Gave this a three ( 3 ) rating despite my thoughts . . .

Very amateur presentation with exceedingly poor grammar, inconsistent referencing to persons and parts throughout!

Please, find a Proof Reader and/or an Editor; subsequent readers will appreciate these additions.

Your story line is, however, GOOD. Undoubtedly your "cousin" will join you in later episodes, be they on your fantasy or reality

A little on the short side but I enjoyed this tale. I hope you continue this storyline.

This is more like a little cheese before dinner.

All are over 18? Who cares. Such nonsense.

I had to give up on this when "Vince's thoughts were running through MY head". Huh?? Best to get an editor to check your work. There's free volunteer editors on Lit, it just takes a little pride in your work to engage one.

Keep writing, just employ more polish.

I love the story, it leaves much room for more chapters. But I have to agree with the others though, the grammar is very bad. If you improve on grammar it wil be much more pleasant to read.

Keep it up!!!

His crouch area? Try crotch...

Ridding?

Really?

How fit her cheeks where... You mean WERE!

Terrible spelling...Go back to high school...

2 stars