All Comments on 'Vows'

All characters in this story are scum and deserve to have their lifes destroyed forever No relationship could ever work for such

She'd lose her license (if she actually had one in the first place) so fast it would make her head spin. Unconventional story. Unconventional methods. Sure seemed like a lot of unnecessary sex. None of them seemed particularly bright. And then you had the Hallmark ending. Try again. This wasn't great.

Better luck next time; try to make it a real loving wife story.

how is it his mother knew of a therapist who was capable of teaching her son to be a better lover?

Sounds like Michael Smith, the main character in "Stranger in a Strange Land". Apparently, Naomi and Frank "groked" each other and others if they so choose to. Good effort but you've got a way to go to be the next Robert Heinlein.

Wrote a story after a long time…time has only made u worse!! What a shit piece!!

One of the weirdest things I ever read

Pheromones!

5

What the fuck was that. ?

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A supposed therapist and a bowling alley who sees A devastated man And decides to play sexual games with him?

Whimsical, unrealistic, but very refreshing and a good joy to start the day. 5⭐.

We all have one day or another dreamed of being Superman. 🤣

Well balanced. Appropriate. Don't think I've ever met anyone like that though there were a couple of possibles. They sure didn't reveal themselves to me. Patricia, Linda, and Sally are, of course, LW types. Naomi is exceptional. Thank so very much for this story.

Good one

5 stars

It was okay, but I didn't get any of the supernatural stuff. I don't have a problem with sci-fi or fantasy in a loving wives story, but there was no explanation for any of it.

Naomi can make him cum instantly.

Now he's suddenly god's gift to women in bed.

What the hell?

It was 0k. I'm not a big fan of MC's hooking with their therapist or lawyer. Unethical and few would risk their license.

Was quite an interesting story until Naomi entered the picture. Then it became, "Yeah, that happened."

That was stupid as hell

10 stars. Pat was an idiot. Naiomi taught him, and was his wife, before she was actually his wife!

I have to say this one was not your usual good read. While I hated the story and gave it ⭐. I have always enjoyed your writing and the concepts you develop in that mind of yours.

Please keep writing. Just because I hated this one most of your others have been at the top of my list of great reads.

Keep Writing

JH4Fun

Who is Brent ? How can you go “outside” through the door at an outdoor wedding…what on earth was that ridiculous narrative about ?

I know it's never stated, but I get the very real feeling Pat and Sally are very boring, entitled, pretty white women. And Naomi is some deep thinking exotic beauty. Not just because the names themselves, but let's be very honest. White western women gave up being traditional women a very long time ago. They lost the passed down the generations secrets women bestowed on other women. How to be empowered by being feminine. How to command respect using sexuality.....not unlike how Naomi did.

I'm not giving all credit to 'exotic' women. Most western women in general are sexually lazy, and just expect the men to do literally everything in a relationship. I'v met a few traditional women that were white too, but it's super rare.

When I see the name demander as the person who wrote it I there's only one word to follow. Dud.

You can't imagine how good it felt to click one star. Your stories continue going deeper and deeper into the shit hole of life. You need mental help.

Hmmm, how did Emily know Naomi?

It's just not really believable that she would screw him but not other patients.

He also does not understand that this is exactly transference.

The one way in which this might be clever is if readers are supposed to realize Naomi is lying, the main character is an idiot who needs to be lied to to be happy, and his mom knew he needed a hooker.

Naomi would be smart for lying at the vows. The title makes me think that's it.

"Blake and I have....compatibility. In one respect." - And just how did they discover this "compatibility?"

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"I knew she was....ambivalent." - If she knew that she was "ambivalent," then she should have told her to put the wedding on hold,

Sorry, I was lost in the wilderness of love and missed this one.

Wow, Naomi took him away from reality from the very start. Exactly what he needed. And in a sense he crushed his very stupid ex-fiance. Fitting

It was good until Naomi. Three stars.

The entire 'therapist' part of the story was beyond stupid. It ruined the story.

Great and interesting story. When the character of Naiomi was introduced the story detoured into the fantasy whimsical realm. Nothing wrong with fantasy just wasn't expected since the story started off in a serious mood. Story provided an interesting exploration of love and hate, two normal human emotions. Both are valid and there's certainly nothing wrong or incorrect about expressing either of the two. Glad to see that the story didn't trip over itself by pushing the concept of forgiveness as a requirement to "move on'' with ones life.

Wow! Pat was quite the slut, messing around with Brent AND Blake. Not sure what kind of closure the MC gained at the end, because that was never clear…or does great sex equal closure? I suppose the story represents some people’s fantasy, but not mine.

Entertaining read. Not really sure what to make of Naomi's "therapy".

I could give more stars. Nice story but from a realistic stand point a little over the top. Thank you keep writing

Odd story. You lost me on page 1 when Blake became Brent.

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The Naomi stuff was just weird. And how did his mom know about Naomi? 4 stars.

This could've been a good story but it failed miserably😒... he threw pity parties, went into depression and even fuck'd the slut one last time😕... I guess the question I have is WHY? 🥴....It's OK to be sad... but you move the fuck on.. you definitely don't stick your dick in a slut so dirty they'll fuck your best friend.... how did his dick even get hard for her?🤮🤮... all that woe me, feeling sorry for himself gets irking... he was thinking about this the wrong way.. he should've saw it as a blessing... he only wasted one year on her, there's people out here who waste YEAR'S with someone that don't deserved them.. he should've felt blessed he found out what type of cum slut she is🤷🏾‍♀️🤦🏾.. a divorce ....especially with kids, would've been expensive.. that whole relationship was a lie.. she was fucking Blake BEFORE him and continued fucking Blake.. they even planned to continue after her marriage😭😭😭😭.. the only thing he should've been feeling was relief of getting rid of a gutter slut and a snake in a grass friend.. he should've been sending Blake a "thank you card". Patricia kept saying "I love only you" it was just sex, cause we're sexually compatible... ummmm, that's not love... that's also not wife material thinking... it's "NOT" just sex.. it's stabbing the person you claim to love in the back. It's destroying the trust that person had in you. It's about being a lying cheating dirty cum slut. It's about showing your total lack of respect.. it's a lot of things... "just sex" isn't one of them.. anyone with this it was "just sex" , it didn't mean anything " mindset should be avoided.. you don't date/marry someone like this.... they'll bring you home STDS and side babies... I'm just very confused why he slept with her and her treacherous friend? I wouldn't of touched either of those tramps.. especially the slut.. the friend that KNEW and said nothing wouldn't of even been allowed in my house let alone my presence.. they both played him for a fool.. yet, here is little cucky, lovessssssss tasting/fucking Blake's leftovers😭😭😭😭.. how pathetic...how do you get sexually aroused for a woman that wouldn't of had NO problem passing Blake kids off as his..?😭😭😭.. cause best to believe they would've of NEVER stopped... he's delusional if he really believed she believed she would've eventually "stopped" once married?🙄.. she didn't stop when they started dating, didn't stop when she moved in with him, didn't stop when he proposed, didn't even stop when she walked down the aisle.. she had NO PLANS of ever stopping🙄🙄.. her equally slutty friend would've been giving her alibis as she's in a hotel riding good ole Blake backwards🤭. neither of those sluts are to be trusted.. I wouldn't stick my dick (if I had one) in neither of them.. this story was so BORING.. the first part was good, not quite sure why more parts were needed? 3 parts for what? He found out at the alter, called off the wedding, went home and packed up her shit.. sounds about right.. the next stop should've been blocking her and moving on.. all this crybaby crying over a cum slut, that's been fucking your best friend for who knows how long.. nothing to cry about... be thankful you found out before you made the biggest fucking mistake of your life... also, why did Frank start dating/fucking/proposing to his "friend" ex bed partner? I'm a woman and we have girl code.. we don't sleep/date with our friends ex's.. that's just nasty and it's called leftovers!. I guess it's different for men.. y'all do all y'all thinking with y'all dicks 😭😭😭🤭...

Frank’s mother gave him the referral for Naomi. Makes you wonder whether she, Frank’s mom, needed her services at one time. Good story. Thank you for sharing. 5*****

And it was his mother who recommended Naomi? Wonder where she got that info.

Any male that has a relationship with a femanist can never be a man.

As always, so very amused at how so vury surious the commenters take everything.

You did well. It was fresh and a little different. Thanks.

interesting

I enjoyed it, but the way it was written I was waiting for a punchline.

I think I need an analyst.

I really, really hate Demander's stories. Told myself not to read anymore, then I forgot. There's NO moral fiber in any character in any of his stories, no backbone, no principles. Everyone is a slut or a cheating horndog at heart, so everyone should put aside their stupid ethics and just screw everyone else, all the time, everywhere. Eating and breathing? eh, who needs them? Sex is the most powerful motive, and should be indulged in constantly. For a guy who writes well, and knows how to put a story together, the CONTENTS of his stories are pure crap.

I like the story, however my take was that Blake/Brent had control over Patricia the way Naomi had control over Frank. If true, Patricia was being used and giving her the best sex of her life only to dump her was unnecessary cruel.

Criteria:

Was it well written from a writer's point of view, consistent in all the criteria taught in Writers' Workshops, have a relatively logical (in terms of the plotline) beginning, middle, climax, denouement? Yes, definitely. 5 of 5

Given the necessity for suspension of belief for several key aspects of the plot development to be accepted, was there sufficient background given to establish that? Or were the climactic events the equvalent of "the god from the machine" reaching down and simply decreeing "this will happen" so that the plot action can evolve and work out as the author required? Um...well, no...and yes.

While I love me a good fairy tale (especially when the two sexy protagonists can wreak havoc on the libidos of anyone they choose), and while I truly salute the imagination of the author and the creative skill with which it was deployed to give a great ending to what had been (until Naomi) a rather sad but average description of the emotional destruction of love--there was no attempt to establish where Naomi got her power nor her ability to transfer it at will to her "chosen recipients". Supernatural gifts whisked out of thin air need at least some basis for existence; but given that the tale (after Naomi demonstrated her ability) was damn well written and with great erotic imagery...the lack of that basis for existence is easily given a hall pass (of sorts). 4 out of 5

So, with my minimal math skills that averages out to 4.5 overall; which I choose to round up to a solid 5.

Because I really, really loved this story!

Meh, not your best. The whole thing with Naomi was... just meh. Different but not impressive.

And his mom knew Naomi how, exactly?

5 stars! I loved all of it including the metaphysical part but I have one question

( okay, two ): where did his mom get Naomi's phone number and why did she have it?

Ok, another comment. With his new-found skills, what is going to happen when Frank get's closure with Blake. Wow... I thought that putting Blake in the hospital, the punching him up, was good closure, but looks like Frank has new skills. @Blake: don't look Frank in the eyes!

So how did Frank's mom know about Naomi?

What was IMPLIED but MISSing from the story is what Frank did to Pat and Sally.

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Frank performed his newly acquired Jedi mind trick giving such a HIGH sexual intercourse that no man will ever be able to measure up for Pat or Sally - and that was Frank's revenge to the CHEATER and her accomplice!!! An outstanding revenge that few LW readers will figure out.

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6******, Hooyah, Salutes for such quality writing, I'm following this author!

Nonsense.

Just didn't get it. A therapist talks him into getting naked and then without touching him makes him ejaculate twice in a row without touching him? At a bowling alley?

Ridiculous. All the way around.

Ok, another comment. With his new-found skills, what is going to happen when Frank get's closure with Blake. Wow... I thought that putting Blake in the hospital, the punching him up, was good closure, but looks like Frank has new skills. @Blake: don't look Frank in the eyes!

Oh yeah, I'm also signing on on the prior commenter's train. How'd his MOTHER know about Naomi? Sus.

Can we bottle what Frank got from Naomi? Doubt it. Thanks for the uplifting tale of romance and sex.

I liked it. 5 stars.

Could have done without the Pat and Sally sex-a-thon.

Have to wonder where Frank's Mom got Namoi's number.

Strange, but sweet! Kinda erotic, too. Four stars ⭐️ for this one.

The BEST name I ever saw in the society pages was the 'Steele-Dick' wedding. In the same edition was the headline (since immortalized around the world) 'Newlyweds Choose Hot Springs Honeymoon Fun'!!

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You with near-perfect dialogue!! [She said, "Damn. But...I guess I understand. I'll have the shrimp scampi."] Everyone who writes dialogue on this site needs to study your work, me included. You don't write in hyperbole, or lectures, or long, rambling manifestos (which as used to cover bad storytelling), or cliched prose. Your dialogue is realistic, tight and flows like a warm syrup. Combined with great storytelling and clever word use (e.g. MC found himself in a trough-'nuff said!)

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Tight and concise writing: [Blake was lucky that Frank didn't have the true killer instinct, because the truck was a lethal weapon. Frank did consider it, if only for a second.] AND [He hesitated. She pointed. He sat. She had something, for sure.] AND [She stood slowly back up, floating without apparent effort, like an insubstantial hologram.] And so many more. Unequivocal, descriptive and easy to read. A joy to read.

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You take risks when you write, such as with the Naomi character. That's more than refreshing on this site. You're one of the best storytellers on this site. Thanks for posting your stuff for us to read and enjoy!! But one final thing I need to know: How did his mom, Emily, know about Naomi?! THAT is the $64,000 question!! 5++++++++++++/5!!

@Frank66 complains about Demander's stories, but apparently reads them so he can bash and down-vote them! I went to read and learn from one of Franks' better, more cleverly written stories and found.............. nothing! I am sooooo shocked! (/sarc)

I'm not quite sure why but I found this slightly distasteful. I think the main protagonist was more corrupt than his original intended partner.

A quack shrink and revenge closure.. Would've been better if he just stayed angry and the timeline for getting over her seemed pretty quick

The dude wears clogs??? Out at that point..

OK - It wasn't just the clogs. I'm not a fan of your style. You write in sentence bursts. Frank did this, Sally did that, Frank came on Naomi.....on and on. There is very little emotion for the reader to invest in. Frank apparently loved this woman over to the moon ad back. He picked up that there was no fidelity clause in her vows and immediatly became a machine - a series of actions just happened. No emotion converyed from any of the charactes, in fact they all became robots - his parents, Sally - the whole lot. I had no real connection with any of the characters - and then you add in that the MC wears clogs....;)

what a great story I absolutely loved it. Don't understand why readers feel the need to dissect it just read and enjoy anyway its just a fictional tale once again loved it

keep up the great work

Oh yeah, It’s Magic! 5*s

Demander, you shouldn’t write when you’re trippin. I know this made sense inside your head, but on paper? Not so much

Gee a, and Im not going out on a limb here, fragile Con who's such a pussy a feminist gets his panties twisted and wet.

Clean up your snowflake issues and maybe you'll improve.

Pretty sure you're batting a thousand though so I dont see that changing.

First page was good but why would a man want to marry a feminist anyway?

Couldn’t finish page 2

should have put a tag of sci-fi also

You never explained how his mother knew the sex therapist?

Or, what the deal was with her.

BTW, him ejaculating without touch was just too strange for words, considering that is next to impossible consciously.

Anyway, 4/5, l enjoyed the story.

I like Frank’s “kick ass” attitude with Blake , and great revenge on Patrica. Really good story.

Science fiction?

I'm conflicted. Is there a LW/Mystic category? Frank has three rather unusual sessions with Naomi and he becomes some kind of Satyr or as Naomi calls it, "you're a magic man". There's no drug, potion, spell, exercise, incantation, involved. But miraculously, he now can control and inflame females to orgasms beyond their wildest imaginations.

Well the story is certainly a flight of fancy and any semblance of reasonableness goes out the window. And ultimately Frank gets his revenge on his ex-fiance by giving her a sexual experience far beyond anything she ever experience with her lover then dismisses her as now totally irrelevant.

OK, I'll buy it. It was enjoyable.

What does being feminist have to do with any of this? As a man, my fellow men really need to understand feminism better instead of maligning a concept we should all be behind.

If some women take feminism too far, that's not a problem with feminism but with those women.

That was a rare story. An original for sure

The first half of this latest demander story was a strong rendition of a common trope on LW.

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And then he wandered into Saddltramp’s universe 😎. Where unexplained paranormal and/or supernatural things can happen! Like a spooky “therapist” who turns the guy into an actual chick magnet sex machine! Given that fun premise, he uses his new talents to demonstrate to his ex girlfriend…AND her friend! —- that she lost out on being married to a Sex God! Talk about a BTB!

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Biggest unanswered question: how did his Mom know about the “therapist”?

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Fun story!

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4 strong ****

A different sort of revenge fantasy, but still a revenge fantasy. Makes him look decidedly unpleasant.

Too contrived and mechanistic. More like a computer than human beings. Replace the failed software with a new improved more powerful program, reboot, reconfigure, establish the desired settings, then just turn it on and let it run. Easy peasy. I'm not even sure what the plot was supposed to be. I did notice you were done with Frank's parents, even though it was his mother that hooked him up with his clairvoyant new Olympian mind reader and fuck master wife. You know the most important sex organ is supposed to be the brain. So all these brainless fuckbots kind of spoiled the concept of the best sex ever. Like some teen band thinking they've just composed and played the greatest music ever written and performed. Silly, and juvenile. I did enjoy the plot fault, where Frank claims there was No Way that he could have known that Patricia was lying and betraying him, but then Naomi declares that if Frank lies to her, about anything, she'll know, and Frank realizes that that's true, even though they just met. So was Frank that deaf dumb and blind about Patricia and Blake, or was Naomi some kind of extra sensory savant? Of course it was neither. You just morphed your characters' personalities and behavior to fit the plot, regardless of if it was consistent or made sense. So why could Patricia just stop fucking Blake after it cost her her marriage, but she couldn't stop fucking him to prevent it from costing her her marriage? Why was Blake such a selfish heartless shallow asshole so he could fuck his best friend's fiance', but then after he ruins his best friends marriage, then he became a contrite self-sacrificing supplicant offering his sincere apology and seeking Franks' forgiveness? The contradictory and juvenile behavior of your characters appears to have a common source. I hope you can overcome that with future work. Thanks for the effort.

I liked the story but throughout the last i kept going back to how his Elly knew that Naomie was the right therapist for him? Was it an intuition or more of a personal insight on her behalf? Makes one wonder about her fidelity....

I will admit this story is a little over the top as another commenter said Jedi mind tricks, but what I want to ask about is how did Frank's Mother know about Naomi?

Also Frank ruined Patrica and Sally ever finding as good a sex machine as him. Feel sorry for Linda.

Good story. This author likes, or at least plays with, the idea of female dominance over a strong tough man. I am guessing that part of Naomi's initial affect on Frank was her unstated but real dominance; she was teaching him to project the same quiet but real presence and dominance on women and to do so with physical confidence, strength, and presence, not just "Alpha words." I'm not sure that a woman would be able to have the same affect on a plainly strong principled man unless he was predisposed to be submissive, but it works here. And, as usual, demander is a very good writer and this is a well written and well constructed story. 5*****

His mom went away for ten minutes. She came back with a name. She did what all women do in a crisis. Called a friend that she knew had a child with a similar problem. She probably didn't know much detail. Just networking. Should have made that clearer. D

This one was a bit strange, well written as would be expected from Demander and certainly original but wasn't one of my favorites.

I liked it. Well written narrative and steady plot development. I enjoyed the mysticism you generated around Naomi. I read your comment about explaining better where his mom got the name, but I liked it as is. 5*

How did his mom find a bowling alley sexpot therapist for her son to see about his angst from a cheating girlfriend?

at least Naomi wasn't a super slut and fucked everybody before marriage.

If she's not doing her sexual magic, what other type of therapy can Naomi realistically do out of a bowling alley? Nobody is going to pay $100 per session just to talk over the crashing sound of falling pins. The inescapable truth is a man for whom fidelity is a deal breaker chose to marry a whore, albeit one with extrasensory talents.

@sbrooks103

"Blake and I have....compatibility. In one respect." - And just how did they discover this "compatibility?"-

They had dated before Frank and Patricia met. Didn't you read the story!

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"I knew she was....ambivalent." - If she knew that she was "ambivalent," then she should have told her to put the wedding on hold, -

That isn't what she did no matter how much you think she should have. You are always trying to tell authors what and how their stories should be.

And for those of you that didn't figure how his mom came to know about Naomi, you aren't smart enough to be commenting.

That was.....weird....

Better give it a four and thanks.

Soooo Stupid!!!

This story seemed so long to me, that I just about quit reading it, about a third down the second to last page.

But then I decided I had to know how this story worked-out. where you were headed with it.

I was going to quit, pre-Frank meeting up with Pat, for closure.

Glad I read through that night of sex between the three of them, because after that section was done, the rest of the story took-off, was an easy read, all the way to the end.

Don't know...but I sure can't fault any part of this story, whether too long, or what! Your writing was good, and the story ended, IMO...just right!

Thank you author. Another fine story you've posted here for us! 5 Stars!

Never give a cheater closure the don't deserve it

Oh yes. Very good read.

Why do so many critics have trouble with the word "fiction", especially those who demand answers to questions that the author has no intention of giving them?

So how did his mother know about Naomi?

Weird but good.

Great story; creative AND well written.

Ok, good. One question? Naomi is the therapist your mother recommended? I had a hard time accepting that idea with all that happened after that.

Nope. His revenge was becoming a sex god? Stupid.