Welcome to the Club

************

Avril was still asleep when I woke at eight the next morning. She woke for a minute while I was getting dressed. She sat up and drained the glass of water. Her bloodshot eyes looked my way; she mumbled something about wanting to die and then lay back down, pulling the covers over her head.

I thought about the cigars in my closet as I dressed. I thought about them while I made breakfast and then while I ate. I couldn't get them out of my mind. I wanted nothing more than to pull the rich smoke deep into my lungs. I figured that I must be addicted, but I'd never heard of anyone becoming addicted to smoking in less than two days.

I headed into the backyard with a book, hoping to get my focus away from the cigars. It worked well at first. I was reading Green Scare, a fascinating book on the government's attempt to demonize eco warriors by calling them eco terrorists, among other things. I got lost in its pages until the seductive scent of my neighbor's cigar pulled me away. I stuck my head over the fence to find Tank sitting on a workout bench doing curls with a sizable dumbbell with a cigar poking out the side of his mouth.

"Morning, chief. Just getting in a workout," he said. "Want to join me?"

"I'll get changed and be right over!" I ran inside to change into some sweats and grab my cigars.

We were still working out a couple hours later. I was pounding out a set on the bench press while Tank spotted me. There was 225lbs on the bar and I was feeling a great burn in my pecs.

"Milo, where are you?" Avril called from the other side of the fence.

"I'm over at Tank's. I'll be home in a minute." I set the bar in the bench's cradle and sat up. I grabbed my cigar and workout towel off Tank's cooler. I put the cigar in my mouth and took a deep drag while I wiped sweat off my brow. There was nothing like a good smoke after an intense workout session.

"I got to go, Tank." I grabbed his hand in mine. He pulled me up into a brotherly hug.

"Come over later. I've got a surprise for you."

I sucked on my cigar as I walked over to my property, leaving a trail of smoke in my wake. I looked inside my box of cigars, 15 remained. I needed to get Tank something to show my appreciation for the cigars, maybe a nice single malt whiskey.

I found Avril in the backyard. She stared at me with her mouth agape. "What is happening to you, Milo?"

I pulled the cigar out of my mouth. "I was just working out with Tank while you slept off your bender."

"Come with me." She grabbed my hand and pulled me into the house. "Look at yourself," she demanded once we were in the hall bathroom.

I looked into the mirror. I thought I looked pretty good. My muscles were pumped from my workout. The Harley Davidson tattoo on my shoulder glistened with sweat. The dark stubble on my face was starting to look like a beard. My thick chest hair peeked out of the top of my wife beater and my shaggy hair hung past my ears.

"I look good."

"This isn't you Milo. Can't you see how you've changed? Look at your body. You've got huge muscles and a tattoo for goodness sake."

I looked at my reflection again, the man in the mirror becoming a stranger before my eyes. It was me, but I didn't have thick, corded muscles or thick, dark hair or a tattoo. And the smoke. I was breathing in smoke from my cigar like I was breathing oxygen.

"Our neighbor is doing something to me." I stormed out of the bathroom.

"Where are you going?"

"To get some fucking answers," I roared. I snatched up a baseball bat I kept in the hall closet.

"Don't get violent, Milo. Let's call the police. Let them handle it."

"No! No fucking cops. A man should fight his own battles."

As I stormed to Tank's house, the bat in one hand and the box of cigars in the other, I realized that I was still puffing on my cigar. I tossed it on the ground and crushed it beneath my shoe.

"What the hell are you doing to me?" I yelled as I entered his garage. I held up the bat, ready to swing.

"Calm down, chief," Tank said casually. "Have a seat and I'll tell you what's been going on."

"It's these damn cigars isn't it? They're changing me. They're making me like you."

"Set the bat down and let's talk it out."

I dropped the box of cigars and then broke the bat over my knee. I tossed the two halves onto the driveway. "I'm going to bash you're fucking skull in."

Tank laughed. "You're turning out just like I'd hoped. The skinny pansy is gone and a real bruiser is in his place, just what a biker gang needs."

"You better tell me how you did this and how to undue it or its skull cracking time."

"I'll tell you everything. First I want to show you something." Tank walked across the garage. He yanked on a blanket and revealed a gorgeous 1965 pan head Harley Davidson chopper. Its chrome engine gleamed and its black paint job shined. "This is yours. As the second member of our motorcycle club, you need a ride that benefits your status."

"It's beautiful," I said as I ran a hand along its supple leather seat.

Tank put a hand on my shoulder. "I could have picked anyone. I picked you. You deserve this."

I sat down and listened to what Tank had to say. Ten minutes later I was riding my new chopper to The Tobacconist, the store where he'd bought my cigars.

************

A bell chimed when I entered the small tobacco shop and the rich aroma of tobacco leaves filled the air. A long counter with a built in display case bisected the store. On my side of the counter several plush parlor chairs and half a dozen brass standing ashtrays sat on an expensive looking oriental rug. A tall graying, distinguished looking gentleman in three piece suit stood behind the counter. Pipes, cigarette holders, cigar cutters and a wide variety of lighters were displayed on top or inside of the display case. Behind the man were shelves crammed with bags of tobacco, boxes of cigars and cartons of cigarettes.

"Welcome. I am The Tobacconist and this is my store. How may I assist you today?" the man said with an unnerving smile.

I set the box of cigars on the counter. "My neighbor gave these and they are turning me into a muscled up biker. I need you to change me back."

The Tobacconist's smile fell. "All my products are fully guaranteed. If you are not completely satisfied with the results I can and will reverse their effects."

"That's exactly what I want."

"My I ask why you wish to change back? Are you not happy with your changes so far?"

"I feel fucking great. But, this isn't who I am. I spent yesterday rebuilding a motorcycle and this morning lifting free weights. Sure, I had a great time, but that's not me."

"But it could be," The Tobacconist said, his smile returning. "Think about it. No more punching a clock. No more boss. Get up when you want. If you want to take off for a week there'll be no one to tell you no. You won't have to take grief from anyone. One look at you and they won't want to mess with you and if they do, you'll make them wish they hadn't."

"That sounds great and all, but what about my girlfriend? I love her and she won't want to live like that."

"What if she did?" The Tobacconist's smile shifted from creepy to scary. He reached into a drawer and then set a couple packs of Marlboro 100s on the counter. "If your girlfriend smokes these she will become the type of woman who loves the type of man you are becoming."

"She doesn't smoke."

"If I'm not mistaken neither did you a couple days ago. I'm sure that a man like you can find a way to get his woman to take a couple puffs off a cigarette. A lungful or two is all that is needed to get the magic working. Once started, it will take care of the rest."

"I'm not sure," I said.

The Tobacconist opened another drawer and removed a small snuff box. "This will reverse all of the cigar's effects on you. You will also lose all your cravings." He set the snuff box next to the cigarettes.

I picked up the snuff box and put it in my pocket. I then imagined Avril in a full set of leathers, her arms wrapped around me as we rode my chopper to who-the-fuck-cares-where. I shifted my growing cock in my jeans and the snatched the cigarettes off the counter.

"Don't forget these." The Tobacconist held up my box of cigars.

************

As I rode home I tried to decide what I should do. I remembered enjoying my old life, especially riding my bicycle, my blood pumping, breathing in the fresh air. Yet, it seemed so vanilla compared to riding my Harley with the roar of its engine and the wind whipping past my face. A the moment the only thing I wanted to breathe was smoke from a cigar. I thought about my job at Mother Earth. Did I really want to go back to punching a clock and doing what my boss told me to do or did I want to go for a riding with Tank and doing whatever the fuck I felt like doing?

I pulled into my driveway and grabbed the black saddle bag as I hopped off. I leaned the bike on its kickstand and went into the house to find my woman.

"Where have you been?" Avril demanded as soon as she saw me. "I've been calling and texting you for the last half hour."

"I got Tank to tell me what has been happening to me and I've got the fix right here." I held up the studded leather saddle bag.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Use it."

"Later. I want to spend the weekend like this."

"Why?"

"I've got the chance to be somebody else for a little while. I get to walk around in a different body. Look at these muscles." I flexed my arm, making my bicep bulge impressively. "Plus, there's something you haven't seen yet." I dropped my pants.

Avril stared at the long, thick man-flesh dangling between my legs. "And just what do you think you're going to do with that?"

I pulled off my shirt as I walked over to her. I grabbed her hand and placed it on my chest. She rubbed my muscular pecs. I placed her other hand on my rising cock and then lifted her chin. "Tell me you don't want to experience this body for yourself. Tell me that you don't want the chance to have sex with me while I look like this."

I leaned down and kissed her. She stroked my cock while my tongue explored her mouth. I picked her up and carried her and the saddlebag into the bedroom. I sat her on the bed and yanked off her shirt while she pulled down her skirt.

"I don't know if that thing is going to fit inside me," she said, staring at my erection.

"It'll fit. I'll go slow so I don't hurt you."

Avril let out a yelp when I first entered her. I paused and waited for her to give me the signal to continue. She bit her lip and nodded. I slid a little bit more inside her tight pussy. I paused for a moment and withdrew. I paused again and slid back in, a little bit deeper than before. I continued working back and forth slowly until she stop grimacing and began moaning. I built up into a nice steady rhythm and she screamed out the first of several orgasms. I didn't even pause, letting her writhe beneath me as I slammed my pelvis into her clit, my balls slapping her ass. After her second orgasm I grabbed her around the waist, flipped her over and fucked her doggy style.

After I came I lay on my back with my arms behind my head. She lay on my chest and played with my wiry chest hair. We were both drenched in sweat and the air reeked of our juices.

"You'll need to change back on Sunday night," she said eventually.

"I'd rather do it on Monday."

"We're going out to my parents for Memorial Day. My brother and sister are going to be there too." She sat up and glared at me. "Don't tell me you forgot."

"I didn't forget."

"Liar." She poked me in my ribs and lay back down.

"Want to go for a ride on my new motorcycle later?"

"Not hardly," she said with a laugh. "You couldn't pay me to get on one of those death traps."

"Come on, it'll be great."

"Look, this has been fun and I'll miss the anaconda between your legs, but you need to go back to being the Milo I love."

"I'm grabbing a smoke." I slid out from beneath her and grabbed the saddle bag off the floor. I pulled out a cigar, lighter and a pack of cigarettes.

"Don't light that thing up in here," she said as I toasted the end of the cigar. "You're going to stink up the room."

I took a drag. "A little smoke won't kill anyone. I've heard that an after sex smoke is supposed to be pretty good." I took another puff. "And it is. You should try it."

"I'm not smoking a cigar."

I stuck the cigar in my mouth and unwrapped the cellophane from the pack of Marlboro 100s. "Not my cigar. One of these." I pulled away the foil and extracted a single cigarette.

"I'm not smoking that," Avril snapped.

I swapped out my cigar for the cigarette. I set my cigar on the nightstand and lit the cigarette. I let out an uninhaled puff. "Just try a couple puffs."

"No!"

I sucked a load of smoke into my mouth and grabbed Avril's head. I pulled her lips to mine and blew the smoke into her. She coughed the smoke out.

"What the hell, Milo?" She slapped me across the face and got out of bed.

"Get back here, woman."

"Fuck off."

I leapt out of bed and threw her over my shoulder. After tossing her onto the bed, I crawled over her and straddled her waist. She screamed and thrashed beneath me, bucking and twisting her body, trying to free herself, but she didn't hit or kick me; she was too much of a pacifist for that. I sat on her and waited for her to wear herself out.

"Finished?" I said as when she settled down a bit.

She glared at me and panted, trying to catch her breath.

"I want you to take a couple drags off a cigarette. Is that too much to fucking ask? It's not like you've never smoked before. You've smoked plenty of weed. Is one god damn cigarette going to kill you?"

"Why do you want me to smoke so badly?"

"I think it'll be sexy as hell. Yesterday I wouldn't have thought so, but today the idea of you smoking a cigarette after we've had sex is hot as fucking hell."

"You could have said that before you tried to force it down my throat." Her face softened a little. She still looked pissed, but she'd lost the murder in her eyes.

"Yeah, you're right. The new me tends to act first and think later."

"All the more reason to go back to the old you," she said. "Okay, I'll try it." She held her hand out for the cigarette. "But if you ever force yourself on me again I'll find someone who doesn't abhor violence to cut off the python between your legs and bury it the compost pile out back."

I handed her the cigarette and grabbed my cigar off the nightstand. I watched as she placed the cigarette in her mouth and took a tiny puff. I was disappointed to see her release the smoke without inhaling. She shot me a frown letting me know that I'd better keep my mouth shut if I wanted her keep at it.

I hopped off the bed and grabbed a cup of water from the bathroom. As I walked back to the bed I filled my lungs with smoke and tapped my cigar ash. It hit the water with a satisfying sizzle. I sat on the bed next to Avril and held the cup out to her. She flicked her cigarette against the edge of the cup, her ash joining mine.

"All right, here I go. I hope you appreciate this." She raised the cigarette to her lips and drew on it for a second. When she opened her mouth I saw the smoke in her mouth for a brief moment before she sucked it down her throat. She held her mouth closed and tried to keep the smoke in as she fought against her instinct to cough. A little smoke escaped, but the majority stayed in her lungs, working its magic as she asserted her will over her body. She was red faced and her eyes were watering when she finally blew out a faint stream of smoke.

I leaned over and kissed her. "You're too good to me." I wiped at a tear and kissed her again.

"I think I can do better than that." She wrapped her lips around the cigarette and pulled more smoke into her lungs. She coughed lightly once and then exhaled a thicker cloud of smoke at my face.

"Damn, you look sexy as hell doing that."

"Well, don't get used to it because this is a onetime only thing." She took another drag.

I lay back on the bed and sucked on my cigar. She cuddled up next to me with her head on my shoulder and exhaled smoke across my chest. My cock twitched. She looked at it and then at my face, a coy look on her face. She took a long drag on her cigarette and then exhaled toward my cock, bathing it in smoke. It began to rise.

"You really do like it when I smoke, don't you?"

"You've no idea how much."

She dragged on the cigarette as she sat up. With her face a foot from my crotch she emptied her smoke filled lungs, obscuring my cock and balls in a white cloud. Her upper body began to sway. She reached out and held my erection for balance.

"I'm getting a little dizzy," she said.

"You should stop smoking then." I held the cup out to her.

"One more." She sucked on the cigarette for several seconds and then tossed the butt into the cup.

She wrapped her lips around the head of my cock. As she slid her mouth down my erection she released her smoke slowly through the corners of her mouth. She worked my cock with her mouth for several minutes, trying to take as much in as possible. I sat up, grabbed her around the waist and rotated her body. Her mouth never left my cock. With her pussy half a foot from my face I sucked on my cigar, blew smoke all over her snatch and then tucked in. She came twice before I finally blew my load into her mouth.

"You are much better with your tongue than you used to be," she said as we lay together.

"That was the best blow job you've ever given me."

"I don't know what got into me. I normally don't like giving oral sex that much, but I couldn't get enough of your cock."

"Any chance you've changed your mind about going for a ride with me on my chopper?"

"Maybe," she said with a coy smile. "If you're a good boy tonight and do what I say I might go riding with you." She kissed me and ran her hand over my cock. "Right now there's something else I want to ride."

I picked Avril up and carried her to the shower where we fucked until the water turned cold.

************

After our shower, Avril headed out to do some shopping while I paid our neighbor a visit. He was in his garage working on one of his motorcycles, a Budweiser sitting at his feet, a cigar resting in his mouth. I let out a hearty laugh. He was still showing half his ass to the neighborhood.

"You got to do something about your pants, Tank. You're showing off your ass crack."

"Fuck if I care. You see The Tobacconist?" He stood, wiped his hands and then tossed me a bud.

"Sure did." I popped open the beer and drank half of the can in one pull.

"Don't leave me hanging for fuck's sake. Did he hook you up?"

"Yes and Avril will be pleased." I finished the bud and grabbed myself another one from Tank's cooler.

Tank looked disappointed. "All right, I can respect a man who wants to make his old lady happy. I hope you're not too pissed that I tried to change you. I thought that you'd like the biker life."

"Pissed? Far from it." I tossed the pack of Marlboro 100s to him.

"What are these?"

"Those are going to make Avril happy. The Tobacconist says that they'll turn any woman into a hard core biker chick."

"There's one missing." A wicked smile crept over his face.

"Avril smoked her first less than an hour ago."

Tank gave me a hearty smack on the back. "Fuckin-A, Milo. Fuckin-A"

"Call me Snake."

"Care to go riding with me tomorrow, Snake. I need to meet up with some people and I'd like to have you along."

"I'm there, man," I said. "I'm trying to talk Avril into riding. I'd like to bring her along if she's willing"

He ran a hand over his chin and said, "If this thing goes sideways it could get ugly. Not the place for a tiny slip of a girl like her."

"I'll keep her safe."