All Comments on 'What a Mistake to Make'

Don’t we all wish.

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Classic “Damn the torpedoes! Time for you to find a new hobby, babe! We didn’t need your paycheck anyway! When the bullies underestimate me, it’s just too easy” kind of story.

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You couldn’t figure a way to include the minions in the bathroom?

Simplistic but loved it.

5/5

You made me smile.

Regards

Kick ass! No need to take names.

5

Great story. Well done

5stars

Great. Nice to see someone taking names in a simple way AND a loyal spouse!

Very James Bond!

Great Read. Now to fuck up all the cheaters that condoned the asshole, including his wimpy father. Need to expand the story, and show what truly happened to all the cheating fucks.

The Bear loves it. 10 stars, because I can- I pay extra, and this is worth it. Your story is great. You are the next Saddletramp56. I love stories like this. Makes all the cuck shit stories, 'Feb. Sucks Trash, and the worthless tropes about husbands getting screwed by the courts worth NOT reading. Keep up the good work. More, please. You write them like this, I always read them. I am your newest fan.

The BEAR

More Dentist stories!

Like Lye. Soap, strong. 5

But now she needs another job. D

I don't generally like 750's BUT this was something else! :)

F@$&ing awrsomr

Good job

Now THAT’s a real Walter Mitty story!! 💥💥💥💥💥

Great!!! 5*****

That was a fun fantasy.

Of course it's extreme fantasy but it's SOOOO much fun. It doesn't try to be be realistic, just the way most of us would like the arrogant jerk and his buddies to get handled. Plus, for icing on the cake, a VERY loyal wife.

Like you said, there isn't much story development possible in the 750-word restrictions. This was one of the better attempts and I liked it.

It was very clever to make it appear to be two stories to get past the 750-word limitations. 4-stars.

Short and sweet.

And that sir is the best ending ever written. Now the hard part. Cutting and pasting to the end of all those terribly written FS stories. I’ll ping the Anonymous.

Hmmm. Better than the average 750 story. Nicely done.

Fun

Nice work! 750's are difficult, but you nailed it. - Cindy

Exactly!

I'd give it 5* except 2x750 is 1500 words, so not a 750 word story. LOL! 4.1*

Within the self-imposed limits, very nicely done.

HOORAH!

Tired plot and lackluster characters. 2 stars, thanks for sharing. - gb

If it were longer I probably would have given it 5 stars. It loses a star with me as I think these 750 word vignettes are idiotic. Yeah, said vignettes because very few of them actually contain all the required parts to qualify as an actual story. But I guess if you’re a writer it’s an interesting challenge. Just rarely satisfying for the reader. Thankfully, you nailed it. Thank you!

Too short but I loved it.

Excellent!

Nice effort, hard to get both POV in 750 words. I didn’t count them by the way.

I do t believe a word of it, but it was fun.

Arrogance often results in underestimating one's adversary.

Thanks for sharing.

10 Big Blazing stars for writer! Great effort and well done. Thanks Buster2U

good fun read

Short and to the point. Don’t think you are untouchable, your arrogance will get you killed. ‘There is always someone meaner, bigger, better trained and smarter.

Great fun. It's always nice to see the bad guys get some "dental work". 5 stars

I loved it, but if you want an official 750 word effort it needs to stand alone rather than bookending both halves of the story. With that said, I did enjoy it.

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5 Stars

Short, sweet and both perspectives presented. Outstanding!

Thank you for sharing.

"Ain't a horse that can't be rode nor a rider that can't be throwed"

Five stars from me if I could get the thing to work. I hit the stars and nothing happens. Can anyone help?

Excellent! This is how the situation should happen in real life - the wife is faithful, and the husband is a true bad ass.

Loved it. 5 stars.

This was. Fucking. AWESOME!!!

Title should have been "How to make friends and influence people".

Great stuff! It’s always a pleasure to see a “bull” get whipped.

entertaining 4 stars

Interesting take ! Enjoyed it

Loved it! 5 Stars

Yes, great story…. But how is this a LW story???

Man wish that could have been longer lol good won

Thanks for sharing...

Of principle I never give a 750 word project 5* because I think it’s demeaning to the truly great stories in this category, however this one came close:)

I liked it. A lot has to be assumed with the particular challenge you've set for yourself. I'm just some asshole newbie but I enjoyed it. Do you edit? Because it's been 30 years since I trained near the south downs and I could use some help with British idioms.

Nice short story.

Unfortunately, it proclaims that the winner is the most violent person.

Is this your intended message?

I would like to see more stories where brain beats muscles.

We already have enough Putins, Kims and you know whos in this world.

LOVED IT! Granted, it's somewhat tropee, what with the guy being a natural trained killer, but even still, both husband and wife were a wonderful team and couple. She wouldn't abandon her husband for anything, and he wouldnt let his wife down for anything. This could have been much more than 750 words. Perhaps a more fleshed out version of this story?

Too short even with two points of view. MORE please. Slightly before the beginning and and a completed version of what happens afterwards omg this will be epic.!!!!!!!

now that's the way a short story should read.

Once in a while it's always good to see a rare tale, even if too much short, that don't belongs to the endless femdom fetish-cuck bombing propaganda. This short tale has been well written, with a premise, a body and a conclusion (maybe one more paragraph for an epilogue would have been nice). There is some potential for more development of these characters, but for now, it's a very good example on how the the endless train of fetish-cuck-raac feb-suks tales should be done. 5 stars, of course.

Smug randy boss meets February Sucks sort of tale.

Appearing to score very high marks.

No idea if it is the story and not February that sucks, or if I'm just 750 worded out. I suspect the latter.

Like an occasional treat that would make you nauseous as a subsistence diet, the 750-word story is at its best as an occasional delight.

I suspect the advert fibs and the ambassador didn't really serve Ferrero Roche, but even the most crass host wouldn't want to be the cause of a lake of coco and hazelnut puke.

As a better man said: "I'm going back to New York City, I do believe I've had enough!"

Then moods and tastes change. Even in the despair of my last thoughts, they turned out to be. Finger Lickin Good

Great story!

In regards to your comment up front, about 750 words or less. It is my understanding that a Lit. Story must contain at least 750 words. I will read your story later.

JPB NOT BOB

There is zero part of this story that isnt cliché as fuck.

But, I did kinda enjoy it.

Kind of not worth it, since it doesn't feel complete and the author said that they won't follow up, so what's the point as there is no aftermath.

I love reading stories like this one. The husband takes care of the entitled assholes and the wife stands up for her a man and marriage. Love it FIVE big stars

Pretty good. A bit shallow, which is usual for a 750. But still worth a solid four stars.

JPB NOT BOB

Excellent tough guy story with a very faithful wife.

Only thing missing was MC pulling out significant equipment and wetting up the jerk a bit.

Very well done! Five stars!

JR

Ah, a fun little romp. Suitable for the 750, amy more and it would be trite. But a little bite-sized Rambo LW action can be fun.

Short, sweet and to the point! East 10 stars. I was all set to hate the "story from her point of view" (which for LW cheating wives is usually an exercise in wasting anyone's time, reader's or MCs, to listen to lying excuses and self-flattering justifications). But in your case, it worked beautifully. Thank you!!! I hope your pause from 750s isn't long, I really enjoy yours.

@demander - Um... somehow, I suspect this guy isn't hurting for money from the wife's job as a what appears to be a low level flunky. Companies like that don't usually pay peons well, either. Not to mention that (a) she would not likely want to continue working there since it's owned by sleazebag's daddy and (b) if either one of them was smart/lucky enough to get proof, they will sue the company and the sleazefamily into the ground and end up quite well off.

looks like arrogance got trumped by ability

Hehehe. Nice.

Sorry, but telling the same story from both perspectives really added no insight or, uh, perspective to the events or the characters. This is a well done little Walter Mitty fantasy that would have been adequately served with just one telling (either one would do).

It's nice to read a story where the guy isn't a wimp.

OK Rambo. What are you, still in high school?

Not bad. Thought that to do this story line complete justice. Needed to be more than the 750 words.

"You can only get so much said in the words available, and it doesn't give much scope for detail." - Leaving out detail is fine, in fact, that's the first thing that should be left out. Many full-length stories could probably lose a lot of the details!

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But the story should still be complete.

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I, personally, and I believe that many if not most readers, don't care for present tense, so I'd use (yes, this is me, you can do as you wish) would say, "We entered," not "We enter."

Damn! What a wife! Hubby is so very lucky!

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Liked the concept of “paired” 750s. Worked well.

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5 *****

Nice simple story that gets straight o the point... ouch!!!

BAMO68 needs to go back to his Superman comics and learn that Superman is only interesting when there is Kryptonite or a viable threat. I found The Dentist and his Barbie as off putting as Jensen. They all have an all powerful smug vibe. Thanks for putting your 12 years old fantasy in print.

Nice one but too short.

Excellent. Not one more word required. Five out of ten stars.

This is another story where the build up, execution and aftermath would have been awesome in longer format. It's good as is, but wanted more.

Much respect for that effort.

Enjoyed the story very much.

Cannot wrap my head around the number of readers who complain that there isn't room for an entire football team in a Honda Fit. They know what it is. One quick look makes it obvious that it's quite small, and yet they still complain about the lack of third row seating and space for luggage.

Well done working within the constraints of the genre.

Thanks, now when are we going to see another part of 'Going to Hell'? 😁

Very nice work.

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"Dentist" indeed, "forceps" might have worked as well for a team name, except that might be confused with a team medic.

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Depending on what your unit is, you don't choose your own name, your team does it for you, and only after you've proven yourself are a part of the team.

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Or occasionally when you've made a completely bone-headed move. Hint: You don't even want to be saddled with "Kaboom," or "Boom-boom." Or maybe "Bamo" ?

The name is Bond. James Bond.

Wish it had been an ordinary guy instead of Rambo, but I loved it.

Liked it but wh where are these guys who think they could pull shit like this?

Very nice, 5/5. Glad you submitted both stories together.

Outstanding-both of them

And THAT is what any wife who love her husband, cherish their marriage and the life they've built together should do... fuck a job!... you can find another job.. a good husband who loves you is hard to find. After my husband got dome kicking his ass, I would be filing a sexual harassment lawsuit again him and his company... he would've wished he NEVER approached me and my husband, and found him another dumb whore willing to sell her body and marriage for a job.

Nice moves. I'm a retired Spec Ops. thanks

Super! 105 stars! Love stories where the wife and husband are on the same sheet of music.

So Silly

Yes, a good deal of fooling around does occur in law offices, just as it does in hospitals and in insurance offices. Yes, self-designated alpha name partners in law firms can be horn dogs. Yes, these guys can fool around with paralegals and associates...

BUT, make a crude play for a wife-employee with NO prior flirting or lead-up? Involving many other employees? In this litigious age??

Absolutely not. These guys can be crass and reckless, but they are not abysmally stupid.

Great short 1500 word story! Or 2 750 word stories! Love it. 5*

What fun! Great story, more of this!