What a True Father Really Is

Trevor took time off once again and took me to my doctor's appointment for my follow-up, taking a vacation day. He was being so loving holding my hand all the time yet talked so sad. Physically everything was good with me stated my doctor and after a short talk without getting into great detail with her, she suggested a counsellor for me to speak to. Timeline was becoming an imperative for me to make a decision one way or another. I made an appointment right away and trying to get as many visits in before the inevitable deadline, when abortion would be out of the question.

That weekend we went and visited Trevor's mom. Trevor's dad had divorced his mother and had not had much involvement in his life in the later years. His mom was a loving person and I got along well with her. We never spoke of our situation but I could tell his mother knew something was up Mother's intuition. We had a good visit and she gave me a big hug as we left. As Trevor drove us home I took the opportunity to call my dad and talk about visiting him the following week. My mother had passed away about 5 years ago and I still missed her so. It was good to hear my dad's voice it calmed me inside, I'd always be daddy's little girl.

The meeting with the therapy counsellor went very well. we covered a lot of ground that first meeting. I spoke of my fear of resenting the baby, She talked about how the baby was a victim too. I told her my fear of losing Trevor if the baby went full term. She asked me if Trevor had shown any lack of love or shown any sign that that's what he would do? We also discussed other options like having the baby go full term and adoption. She talked to me a lot about what ifs " If Trevor and you were not a couple. Would he not date a woman that already had a child? Would he not have fell in love with me if I had been a single mom before he met me?" We spoke of me feeling guilty, victims remorse. Asked me if my sleep problems had to do with anxiety in my relationship what fear of being a victim in my sleep again. "Could your lack of desire be lack of sleep? " She asked me "If you ate something distasteful once would it take away my appetite for food for a lifetime?" Stating,"Try not to confuse that what you and husband do, it's not just sexual it's love making."

I thanked her and we made another appointment to talk more.

That evening when we got home I talked to Trevor about my therapy. I told him everything we discussed, full disclosure. "Trevor I'm hoping you can be honest with me and tell me everything you're thinking. Our love and open communications is what will get us through this."

"I'm trying Brittany I'm trying real hard. I love you with all my heart. I want to be and give you everything. I feel as though I can't give you everything you want or need."

"STOP right there Trevor you giving me everything I ever desired.

You give me everything you have to give and if you can't give it then I don't need it."

"Yes but I know that you wanted to have a baby."

"No No Trever you and I could not pull that plan together right then. You have not withheld anything from me."

"Tell me this then are you having second thoughts about aborting this child?"

"That... I now am uncertain of, I don't want to make the wrong decision and resent it for a lifetime." We both sat silent after that.

"Trevor tell me this, do you not desire my body any longer. I feel your love and your touch. You have not given me your arousal, does my body disgust you now?"

"You're the only woman I've ever desired Brittany. My self-restraint is only my fear of hurting you."

"You would never hurt me Trevor you are my lover best friend and my only love. I love you I would never withhold anything from you, my body, my heart and soul is yours." That evening as we ready ourselves for bed, I invited Trevor to join me in the shower. As the water cascaded over us we began to passionately kiss. Grabbing a bottle of very berry body wash and a loofah, we decided to wash each other's bodies

Trevor taking the lead. It felt sooo good to have his loving hands all over me. No surprise he spent exorbitant amount of time on my butt cheeks. Not that my breast went dirty he was a true ass man and my nipples did receive a tongue bath. Taking my turn, soaping his chest and muscled arms. Trevor is in great shape and his hard body turned me on immensely. As I grasped the coupe de gras his hard shaft Hard and proud. Working his soapy member with both my hands, looking up into his eyes. Seeing that look of hunger I missed so much. Dropping to my knees, Trevor blocking the water from cascading into my face, I took in rock-hard shaft into my mouth and began pleasuring him. Sucking then kissing and licking then sucking once again never losing eye contact.

Caressing his balls with my long fingernails, staring into his eyes pleasuring my man. Feeling his legs begin to shake I place my other hand on his butt cheek. He saw the hunger in my eyes and was ready to feed me, and I prepared to drink every drop. My lover began a growly moaning sound, his legs began to shake even more. Never losing eye contact he emptied his warm goodness into me and I swallowed every drop. Slowly lowering himself to the shower floor beside me, we embraced and kissed. As we exited the shower I reached for my towel. Before either of us had opportunities to even dry off, he took me up in his arms carried me to the bed and then threw me down. Lying there on my back I knowingly opened my legs to receive my reward it was time for my oral pleasure. Crawling up onto the bed kissing his way up my legs, lips kissing caressing my thighs. His hot breath on my kitty. Then Then MMMmm my lover's gentle feather light touch of velvet tongue, taking his prize.

My man building more pleasure within my body than I'd ever felt before. I don't know why and I wasn't going to question and then it hit me. Oxytocin and dopamine an orgasm beyond all orgasms, I thought I was going to pass out. My hands entwined in his hair holding him till the earth shattering conclusion. Trevor crawled up my body, we rolled on our sides. He wrapped us in blanket embracing we drifted off to sleep.

Last night I slept better than I had in a long time, we hadn't had intercourse yet but we given each other a much-needed release. We were talking and keeping the doors of communication open as well. Falling asleep in each other's arms with the lights on probably didn't hurt. Today was the day we were going to go visit my dad. I love my daddy so much but it always makes me sad to see pictures bittersweet. After breakfast and cleaning up we headed over. We did not talk a lot but listen to the radio. I was well aware that we needed to talk more about the baby and what my decision would be. I was being open and communicative but I had nothing more to say about it at this time. I was fairly certain that abortion was off the table.

My dad answered the door and put his arms around me. "There's my baby girl."

Then reached out to shake hands with Trevor. "Good to see you again son."

I made tea for us all and we sat at the table and talked for the longest time. He spoke about his friend who plays Bridge. I inquired if he was eating right before snooping through the cupboards and refrigerator to make sure what he said was true. We talked a little bit about Mom I'm glad Trevor had the opportunity to know her before she passed, his love and support got me through. Inevitable he started talking about me when I was a little girl. "Dad do you remember that night light that used to shoot stars and moons on the ceiling?"

"Yes it's in a box in your room with the rest of your childhood stuff that your mother couldn't part with, try the boxes in your closet."

"Would it be okay if I took it home Dad?"

"Take anything you want sweetheart."

I went upstairs to rummage through boxes to see what I could find. Leaving the men to chat Trevor and my dad got along very well. I really think he looked at him like the father he never had.

"Trevor that little girl of mine is a miracle you know."

"I know Dad, she's a special lady."

"She'll make a good mother, it took so long for her to be conceived because of me. It was a hard pill for me to swallow let me tell you thinking I couldn't cut the mustard. But by God eventually she came along. Now that she's not in the room why don't we drink something a little stronger?"

I found them out on the front porch drinking brandy. I came out carrying my NightLight (a stern look on my face) "what's the occasion?"

"FAMILY"

I had decided to make dinner for us everyone pitched in cooking and cleaning. After dinner the men had a couple more drinks. I caught my dad staring at me as I drink water, but he never said anything. Trevor even played a hand of bridge with my dad as I nodded in and out watching TV on the couch. My dad recommended we spend the night it's getting late. Its a pull out couch. It sounded like a good idea I was tired, and Trevor had had a couple of drinks not that he was drunk far from it. Dad said there were spare toothbrushes and toiletries below the sink, kissed my forehead and said goodnight all. Trevor and I pulled out the sofa bed and made it up. I could not wait to see my old NightLight stars on the ceiling so I plugged it in. It was just as I remembered, it brought me peace just looking at it. Trevor went to bed in his boxers and I wore his shirt only. As I hopped into bed my bare bottom hanging out from his shirt he had a hungry look in his eye and I knew I wasn't tired enough to turn down that invitation. It did feel naughty being in my childhood home, as he began to kiss my neck and slowly tease my nipples with his fingertips. Under the Stars my husband claimed my body making slow passionate love to me. When I felt him explode inside, it was a feeling of euphoria.

Trevor held my hand in the car ride home the next day. This too was something new we hadn't held hands in the car since I can't remember when. In the evening we snuggled on the couch and watch the hockey game together. The rest of the week played out very similar to a regular work week. Friday off work at noon, I had another therapy meeting. We talked about some of the same things as the last meeting and some of the new developments between Trevor and I. Talked about families and my mom a little bit. I even told her about my silly NightLight that seem to be helping me sleep. For the first time I said it out loud to another person. "I want to have this baby."

When I arrived home Trevor still hadn't arrived, I started dinner. I took this opportunity to talk to Sandra on my cell. When I told her I was pregnant she immediately jumped in and said I knew you two could do it. I'm so happy for you. In that moment I couldn't even tell her what the truth was. Tears ran from my eyes as we spoke and in that moment I knew that I was going to be a mom. What I also realized was I did not know if Trevor was going to be a father to this child or a husband. Drifting back from my inner thoughts to the conversation I was having with Sandra. She was talking about her latest boy toy and partying, we were not on the same path any longer I thought to myself and that makes me sad too. I also knew I needed to have a talk with my best friend, my husband. I heard Trevor coming through the door, "We'll talk again Sandra, Trevor's home."

I ran to meet him hugging him at the door giving him a big kiss. "How was your day honey? Dinner won't be long" During dinner we talked about his work, and the antics of one of his work buddies. Once again I told him about what I discussed with my therapist, I did not bring up any baby talk. We settled in to watch a romantic comedy after diner. I snuggled into his arms and pull them around me, what would I do Trevor decided to leave. At the end of the movie I could feel my heartbeat, my body was trembling.

"Trevor turned me in his arms to face him "What's wrong you? Britney you are shaking?"

I began to cry "I'm scared."

"Talk to me." he said

"Trevor I want...I want to have this baby."

(Silent ) But he did not let go of me.

"Trevor....Trevor"

"Let me just process okay Brittany."

He got up and went off to bed leaving me there, I cried for a little while and went upstairs to bed myself. Preparing for bed, he was already there. I turned on my nightlight and spooned in behind. him. In the morning I wasn't feeling well and was sick. Trevor came in and asked me if there's anything he could get me and held my hair. After I took a shower and got dressed and came downstairs. Trevor had slipped out and got me some ginger ale and and a cheese croissant.

"Brittany let's go for a walk this beautiful fall morn."

It was a beautiful fall morning as we walked down the street and cut through the park. As we kicked through the fall leaves he took my hand. We walked in silence for the longest time.

Finally Trevor began to speak "Brittany I'm very well aware that it is your body and your choice. I just don't know how I feel about raising this child as it's not my own."

"Honey please no one knows but us. A baby needs a father and love and you're the most loving man I know and you would make the best father any child could ever have. Please Trevor please I don't think I could bear it if you left me as a single mom"

I began to cry so hard I could barely catch my breath.

He stopped and spun me around facing him, "Brittany what are you saying I love you love you more than any woman, you are my wife. I'm just trying to work through some of this stuff in my head."

I put my head on his shoulder, and he held me as we stood there, the leaves swirled around us. As we stood there a young couple passed us by pushing a baby carriage. I looked in Trevor's eyes and said, "That could be us."

The next day when we went to visit his mother there was a turn of events. She hugged me at the door she asked me if I was okay said I looked a little pale. I told her I was fine I'm just having a hard time sleeping. Trevor had to help his mom get the yard ready for winter. Putting away the yard furniture shutting off the outside water putting away the garden hose you name it. Irene offered me a glass of wine, "Thank you Mom but I think I'll just have a cup of tea if that's okay."

She gave me a look but smiled, "Certainly dear"

I had to take a pee, then didn't feel well I ran to the washroom, just in time before throwing up. Within minutes. Irene was right there with a damp cloth wiping my forehead and holding my hair. Just then Trevor came in the house to wash his hands. Trevor saw his mother and me and before he could even speak. His mother turned took him in her arms hugging him and said "I cannot believe you didn't tell me you are going to be a father I am so happy, I'm going to be a Grandma."

I just stood there in shock I didn't know what the next words out of Trevor's mouth were going to be. His mother held her embrace, as Trevor looked over her shoulder our blue eyes locked on to each other. The moment seemed to last an eternity, Trevor finally cleared his throat, without taking his eyes off me. "Mom we were waiting for the right moment. We are very excited."

My eyes welted up with tears, breaking his embrace with his mother. Trevor took me in his arms and held me tight. In that unexpected moment I had my answer.

After that announcing to my father, our friends and coworkers that we were expecting, gave me such joy. Everyone was so happy for us, the gifts and support started rolling in. My second trimester showed a great increase in sexual libido. My lovng husband reap the rewards. I could not get enough and he was happy to oblige me. Dad worked with Trevor on the weekends preparing a baby room and Irene was around preparing meals for the men. My dad and her seem to get along very well, they were spending a lot of time together with us during the holidays Thanksgiving and then Christmas. Too well maybe, they were enjoying each other's company. I continue to a couple more therapy sessions and felt reasonably okay considering. I did continue to worry about Trevor's state of mind. My follow-up doctor appointments were going well, everything seems to be okay. Trevor accompanied me to most and the one he missed, he made certain his mother was there with me. I'd had my ultrasound but never asked the sex of the baby. Winter turn to Spring, just as I was into my 35th week, waddling around out in the backyard enjoying the spring sunshine trying to help Trevor in the yard even though he asked me to relax. When it happened, my water broke, "Trevor Trevor come quick my water just broke."

In no time at all we were on our way to the hospital. If Trevor was scared he wasn't showing it. I don't mind admitting I was afraid, as I squeeze Trevor's hand. Upon arriving at the hospital they took me in and my husband busied to himself making phone calls okay.

"Mrs. Johnson looks like we're a little preterm but nothing to worry about you and your baby are going to be just fine."

Trevor never left my side once I was placed in a room. I won't go into the details of childbirth, but when our child was born and that doctor held up our little 6.1 baby girl. Trevor was stroking the side of my face with his fingertips, he asked me "Are you ok?"

I smiled "Yes I am, are we okay?"

Trevor had tears in his eyes, "I have a little girl with blonde curly hair and blue eyes, splitting image of her beautiful Mommy."

"There's are things that needed to be done, special care in a nursery until she can feed by mouth, make certain she breathing fine, and maintain her body weight and temperature but she looks just fine." stated the doctor

After I had time to rest, I woke to my loving husband kissing my forehead, "Britney I'm so proud of you, I love you so much. Are you up for some visitors? My mom and your dad are here."

In no time at all and with a lot of help from the staff, I breastfed and held my little girl. The next time Trevor's mom and my dad came to visit we all gathered. Trevor and I officially introduced, Beverly Irene Johnson after our mothers.