What Have I Done? Pt. 03-04

This is based very loosely on a 14-day period five years ago. This is not written for an English class to be graded, so fair warning there will be some errors. I have done all I can to fix everything I could. Again, I could not find anyone interested in helping edit. This is multiple parts and not sex all the time. There is more backstory than sex. This will not be most people's cup of tea, but I liked it. It sets up further adventures. This part may not makes sense without reading the prior parts.

Part 3 Reconsidering or Moving Forward.

When I said yes, it was Tuesday, it is one day later. After my morning workout and returning home, I start exchanging texts and emails to plan this adventure I had agreed to do. I was giddy as a little schoolgirl. I was also in full panic mode. This was way way out of my comfort zone and not something I would do. I mean it is fucking cheating, even with permission it is cheating. I really had no idea why I was even considering it. I wanted this at a very deep primal level. I needed it I was finding out. I was finding I was actually attracted to Greg, not sexually so much as his whole person. Not love mind you, but an attraction. I really can't explain it that would make sense. But, the big but here, I wanted to see what he had and what he could do sexually. This was even stranger since I had not even looked at his crotch to see if he had "the package".

As for the amateur porn movie, this had me extremely excited for reasons I had not figured out yet. I mean, I have no idea how he is going to set this up. My mind runs from three or four cameras around a room all the way to a person doing a video cam and two other stationary cameras to just really amateurish with a single cam with a grand overall view. I have tried to pin him down but he turns it back against me and asks how I want it done. Greg finally said let's do a planning lunch for Monday. This gets you past the middle weekend of the dare and you can decide for sure then. While I get what he is saying makes sense, it just seems too little time to compress into one week, next week and I fear I will back out if we put off the meeting that long. I am already trying to treat it as just a cold business transaction to appease my brains fighting me on this. I am trying to suppress the lust I keep finding myself experiencing. The lust is for the idea and the naughtiness, and not for a person at this point. I know that much. I am just a big ball of confusing feelings and ideas. The one upside is between my masturbation to my fantasies about this and fucking my hubby's brains out, I am getting lots of satisfaction. Mark is totally clueless about why.

. . . . . .

Sunday our team had the noon time starting so we were at wild wings early in the day. It was still crowded. It was the normal group of us plus one. The librarian, Dani, brought her latest partner. A very hot female she met through work. They had been seeing each other for a whole four days as of game time. As Dani put it "We have been hanging together since Thursday off and on. Meaning we have been fucking our brains out as often as we can." We all laughed and her new friend blushed a very bright red. Apparently, her friend did not know Dani could be very blunt and relaxed around our little group. Well, now and then she could.

It was Dani who was the first to ask me "How my special project" is going. I just laughed and said it's not. That I had not decided on how or even if I wanted to proceed with it. Everyone seemed to give an unhappy moan. Even my fucking husband groaned like the old here we go groan. Being a good little scout girl, I was prepared for this reaction. I had a plan to just ignore all questions on it from that point on.

While the game was going on I got this semi-cryptic text from Greg. It said he had a marketing contract for the porn movie I can look at just encase I want to let his friend put it out there. Because of that possibility, he suggested that I wear a lace mask. We would just do a short lead-in where I would be unmasked for proof of play are we would figure something out. I was stunned, Greg was suggesting very subtly that he was making me into an amateur porn star if I wanted. Anyway, I think that's is what he is implying. Now I was struggling again, this time being turned on by the idea, terrified by the idea, and pretty sure now I could not go through with anything. I finally texted Greg back that we could talk tomorrow when we meet. That the coming week is great if I do this as hubby is leaving town in the AM till Saturday.

When we got home that night after the game I finally decided it was time to have that in-depth talk with Mark.

Me: Why the hell did you support this? Do you really want me to go fuck someone for money? Is it just because you did it you feel I need to or something?

The week of turmoil, the conversations with Greg and all the other stuff, and his cavalier attitude about it were all vomited out in my long series of questions.

Mark (husband): Woah, wait, no, it's not like that at all. Not at all. You have me all wrong in this. I , I ahem ....

You could tell he was shocked by my verbal assault.

Me: Then what the fuck is it? Is it a secret turn-on? I mean we have been fucking like a bunny in heat all week. My pussy hasn't been used this much since we met in college. Come to think of it, you would have been fucking your investor while dating me and telling me you loved me.

I was getting mad now that the timeline of his story became clear.

Mark: yeah I know.

All he did was look down and quietly say this to me. He would not look me in the eyes.

Me: Is that fucking it? You want me to do this so you won't feel as bad for being such a fuck and doing that to me and then keeping it secret all this time? Is that the fucking reason? Does the idea of your wife being a whore or prostitute turn you on?

Mark just stayed quiet and could not even look at me. I was getting madder by the second.

Me: Fucking say something.

Mark: Yes

Me: Yes? Yes to what? You are going to have to talk to me!

I was so mad I was not thinking clearly and in my head, I was saying I need to call Greg right now and tell him to set up cameras and I am on my way he has me all night till morning to use however he wants. So far my brain has stopped my anger from winning this battle in my head. But I was losing ground quickly in this. If he did not answer soon and clearly I am storming out.

Mark: Yes the idea of you being a whore or highly-paid escort is a huge turn-on. That's why I am fucking so much. Yes, part of encouraging you to do this is to help me not feel so ugly inside. Until Mary brought this topic up, I had shoved these feelings deep away in my head and suppressed the feelings. I love my company and it was very successful and my division in the new company is a huge profit maker. In my mind, once you do this, if you do this, then we have a shared experience and it no longer is something ugly and cheap, but something fun and shared.

I stared at him in disbelief. My head was lost in thought and losing the battle of doing something drastic in anger. While he was jabbering on and on digging his hole deeper, I texted Greg and asked if he was awake and able to answer questions. His response was fast in coming with a sweet, sure babe, what's up?

Me: I will call or text in a few minutes.

Part 4 Anger, In Hotel, Decisions made.

I stormed off to the bedroom and threw my gym bag back together with some clothes and other stuff and grabbed my keys. I walked out, got in my car, and drove off. As soon as I got in the car I started crying I was mad and sad and angry and deeply hurt. I knew exactly where I was headed. There is a Marriot Hotel on the other side of town near the airport I use when clients come into town. I know they have an executive suite that I have booked several times for clients when they came into town. While I have never seen it personally, I have heard about it with rave reviews. Jacuzzi tub, large bed, a great view of the city from the 10th floor. So as I drove I called and checked for the availability of the rooms. When I found it was open to book, I did.

When I got to the room, I was still angry and so I called Greg.

Greg: Hey babe, why are you so angry? Your texts were vague and kind of incomplete.

Me: I am not you babe, not yet at least! My husband made all sorts of confessions. I need someone to rant to that knows that backstory and is not part of the reason for all this confusion and anger. Right now this minute, I want to do porn and maybe lots of porn and even be prostituted out for real and not just once, just make this all my part-time gig.

I poured my guts out to Greg on the whole conversation, Mark's confession on the whys. Everything just poured out of me. Most of it was in angry tones and lots of cussing and name-calling.

Greg: Whoa, time-out. Was just trying to be flirty, my bad. Let me get this straight, the lady that has protected herself, been loyal, and true-blue to her hubby. Who struggles with this whole concept of being paid and who was still resisting it 24 hours ago now wants me to pimp her and make her a porn star because of what her hubby did years ago and because he admitted he wanted you to do this once so he would not feel guilty.

Me: Don't forget that the idea of me being used like this turned him on just from thinking about it. He had a big fucking boner the whole time he confessed.

Greg: So you want me to set up a session tonight asap as you put it at my place even if it is just with a phone camera and do a cheap amateur porn of me fucking you however I want and post it by morning to the site my friend has. You are wanting to do this as revenge for all he said in a moment of complete honesty to the woman he loves. Look I am not as old as you but I am still knowledgeable enough to know that sounds fucked up.

Me: So are you saying no?

Greg: No, but I also am not saying yes. I tell you what, I want you to sleep on this and go to work tomorrow, skipping your morning workout at my gym. And Call me early tomorrow evening and let us revisit this with some passage of time. Remember he is leaving in the morning for a few days, that's what you told me. Time away from each other can heal a lot of anger.

Me: The prick has not even called me or tried to look for me.

Greg: You did say he called after you as you left, right? You said you told him you need fresh air and some space and time, correct? Aren't you going to have that with him gone till Saturday?

Me: Yes and yes and yes

Greg: Don't you think he is respecting your wishes and sitting at home in a panic that he just lost his wife and his love?

Me: Who the fuck side are you on? Don't you want me to have fun doing this to me and with me?

Greg: Most certainly, but not like this. Not revenge or anger that can lead to other disastrous things.

Me: Fine you will hear from me tomorrow at 6 pm after my work is done. I am sure I will not change a damn thing about how I feel. I also want you to explain the comment about your gym.

If I could have slammed the cell phone to let him know I did not like him being a gentleman I would have. I mean how dare he turn me down when I was throwing myself at his feet? I mean I love how much of a gentleman he had been and his concern. But I wanted to be nasty and get revenge, not be treated properly. At the same time, I felt some of the same feelings for him as I did for the man I love and married now that he went and acted this way. Fuck Fuck Fuck. Now I was even more confused. This was fucking sex, there should not be anything emotional about it. Raw primal needs are all it is. Why did he have to go do that, go be proper and polite. Fuck, Fuck Fuck.

That was what was running through my head. It is also running through it all over again as I sit here in the driveway wondering what the fuck have I just done? Mine you, it was days later but everything had changed. I hated myself and loved myself at the same time. I was more in love with my hubby than ever before. If not for Mark's fucking blatant honesty I would have never done what I have done.