What was She Thinking?

"I'm not sure Mom. There are some things Jolene and I need to work out and its best Dakota isn't around while it's going on. Sorry for the short notice and please don't worry." I said trying to reassure her.

"You're my son so I'll always worry about you. Now run along and work things out with your wife. Besides Dakota and I have some cookies to bake."

"Thanks Mom! I love you! Bye kiddo I'll see you tomorrow!" She gave me a wave as did my Dad as she already got him playing a game with her. I gave Mom a hug before heading out the door. As I'm driving back to the house that just a few hours ago was my happy home I wonder if I still have a wife to come home to.

Pulling into my driveway I notice that Rob's car is gone. I open the door and walking into the house I don't see Jolene. My heart sank as it seems she made her choice but one that I never would have expected her to make. I thought that our marriage and our family might take precedence over a romp with Rob. I guess I was wrong.

I decide to head upstairs. I need to lie down as the wave of nausea is overwhelming and I need to get off my feet. By the time I reach the second floor I can't hold it in any longer and I barely make the guest bathroom before I toss my lunch. I get up and rinse with mouthwash to get the bitter taste out of my mouth.

I head for the bedroom that I once shared with my wife. I open the door and to my surprise there is Jolene lying on the bed and sobbing into her pillow. I walk over to her side of the bed and I softly touch her shoulder. She quickly rolls over startled thinking she was completely alone.

"Jolene I thought you left with him." I couldn't think of anything better to say.

"Oh Tom please forgive me!! I realize how foolish I've been."

I sit on the edge of the bed and I hold her until she stops crying. Then she tells me she needs to explain and tell me the whole story.

"It began shortly after I went to work at the firm. He would take me to lunch and he began with his loneliness since his divorce. He couldn't bring himself to date but was in need for physical and intimate closeness." Jolene met my eyes looking for a response but my expression remained neutral.

Continuing, she said, "He would compliment me on my hair and my clothes. During the weekends he made sure to find me when he was here. Small touches to my arm or shoulder an embrace that lingered or a kiss on the cheek became more and more frequent. Finally I asked him how I could help him overcome his loneliness. It was then he asked me to consider sleeping with him." Pausing to catch her breath she keeps looking for some reaction from me.

"It was obvious to me that he took advantage of her compassionate and nurturing nature. After composing herself again she said, "I told him that I would never cheat on you and that I was angry that he would suggest doing that to his best friend."

"That is when he told me I had it all wrong. He thought that if you would agree to our sleeping together or allow us to have a threesome then it wouldn't be cheating. He said it would help him and make our sex life more exciting in the long run. That led to last night."

She looked me in the eyes and said, "Tom I truly thought I was doing it to help him and I thought since he was your best friend that you would be at least open to discussing the possibility. I never expected your reaction though in hindsight I should have known that you would never share me with anyone."

"I never should have asked you to compromise your integrity and I should have never considered violating our wedding vows or disrespecting you in this way. I hope you can find a way to forgive me. I'm resigning tomorrow and I agree that he can never have contact with us again." Have heard her explanation I'm feeling a bit more optimistic about saving our marriage than I was earlier.

"Jolene before you told me all of this, I considered what you have done to this point as cheating. Planning to sleep with another man behind my back and discussing the possibility and plausibility of what form that would take with him rather than with me first. To me this is unacceptable behavior. The fact that you were even willing to consider it and perhaps even desiring for it to happen, for that, I'm extremely hurt."

"However, after talking with Ellen I found out that he was and continues to be an adulterer and I realize how he manipulated you and how convincing he can be. It's his training in the law. It's our job to convince others to accept our view of things. We need to work on us, but I think with time we can get back to where we were before this all happened."

"Oh Tom, please believe me I only thought I was doing it to help your best friend, I had nor have not desire to sleep with Rob or anyone else but you.! I love you! Please let me prove it to you and earn back your trust and respect, please!"

I believe her or shall I say I really want to believe her. Somehow to do so would be too easy. We need professional help to get to the root of our issues and if Jolene accepts counseling, we might be able to survive this threat and come out the other side.

I would like to say that we fell into each other's arms and made passionate love that night. I did return to our bed, but it is for Dakota's sake. It was several weeks before I was able to reconcile that portion of our marriage. I made sure that Jolene gave her resignation to Hal Munson the firm's senior partner and to give him the exact reason she was leaving.

Hal and I go way back and I promised him my support in his run for county magistrate this fall. Knowing him I believed he would do the right thing and sure enough the other partners voted to revoke Rob's partnership and fire him for gross incompetence for engaging in sexual harassment of a subordinate. Hal even hired Jolene as his personal legal assistant.

A week after his dismissal from the firm Rob believing I was behind his firing confronts me outside the courthouse. I told him I had nothing to do with his former partner's decision and that I never want to see him ever again. I turn heading inside for hearing and then he did something stupid.

As soon as I had my back to him sucker punching me on the courthouse steps in front of the sheriff's deputy who provides security. The deputy lit him up with his taser and promptly cuffing and arresting him as soon as he stopped convulsing. I received a broken nose. Rob got 90 days in county lock up for misdemeanor battery.

He was ordered to pay for any and all medical treatments I may require for my injuries. I filed a civil suit and received a nice six figure sum from the jury. He was summarily disbarred by the state bar for gross misconduct, unprofessional and unethical behavior due to assaulting a fellow member of the bar and for doing so at the courthouse.

I don't know what happened to Rob after he was released. He's no longer my problem or concern. We began seeing a therapist to try and identify why Jolene thought sleeping with Rob would be okay and to find out if she at some level truly had the desire to do so.

That part she was working out on her own with the therapist. If I found out that she either secretly or not so secretly harbors such feelings and desires, there would be no way to recover from that. It's something that continues to nag at me and that's something that I'm working on with the therapist on my own.

I wonder if Jolene truly understands just how close our marriage was to coming off the rails and crashing and burning due to her poor decision making. Rob's line of bull aside she had to be sub-consciously receptive to the idea on some inane level.

Her behavior, the way she clung to him while all but ignoring me, Dakota, and our guests speaks volumes to both motive and intent. Okay, it's my inner prosecutor coming out. How much of that motive and intent belongs with Rob and how much belongs with her is something that only she knows in her heart of hearts.

As for my marriage it is mostly on track although I still have trust issues. A year after the incident I have forgiven Jolene but I'm having a hard time forgetting her actions and her behavior during that day. I'm thankful for my beautiful daughter Dakota. She's unaware of how close her parents came to splitting up and that she's the glue that is responsible for holding our family together. So life goes on. Every now and then I catch myself wondering, "What was she thinking?"