What We Yearn For Ch. 05

When I was sure Milan understood where we stood, I allowed him to walk us to the car. For a moment I thought he would drive us to a place of his choice since he was the one in fact paying. But Milan surprises me by asking me where I wanted to eat. I tell him the place of where I planned on going that Hannah had put me on to. Without question he drives us there and while He did promise to keep his talking to a minimum in order to prevent me from being annoyed, his mouth did gradually begin to run.

Whether he noticed it or not and decided to keep talking because I didn't stop him, I didn't know. But I didn't really mind his banter surprisingly. I didn't have much problem with engaging although I still found myself monitoring what to say and what to keep to myself. Still, much like our first meeting, the conversation flowed all the way to the point where we got to the restaurant.

After he finds a parking place he leads the way into the diner, I noticed with ease. Despite me being the one who introduced the idea of going to this place.

"You've been here before?" I ask once we settle in a booth.

"More often than I like to admit." He replies. "But I'm not a real fan of cooking. I rather just come here and get something made for me."

"You know if you don't know how to cook you could just say it."

I say before I can stop myself. The statement was meant to be a mental yet snarky, verging on a playfully rude joke. It was my humor...that could often rub people the wrong way. Especially with my lukewarm tone. It could easily be misinterpreted as me being serious.

But Milan, instead chuckles. His vivid green eyes flickering with mischief. "I was never taught but yeah I guess you're right."

Relief washes over me.

I'm both happy he didn't take offense and a bit confused as to how I slipped up and became so lax around him. Then again, we aren't in a work setting. And if I'm being completely honest, he wasn't acting like the spoiled brat one would expect a young man with a rich aunt/guardian would be.

"I never really needed to. Foods and meals are usually always prepared for me "

Unimpressed my lids lower.

I take it back.

"Must be nice." I murmur, picking up the menu.

My eyes barely get a chance to skim the breakfast portion of it before he grabs my attention again.

"Not always. I appreciated having what I needed. But it could get a bit lonely eating by myself as a kid."

I blink at the admission. It's the only thing I can think to do in that instant as a solemn feeling tugged at me. no, I hadn't known Milan long, but somehow picture a small version of himself sitting alone at a table because everyone was too busy or couldn't be bothered made me feel terrible.

I guess I was a bit quick to judge at what I initially assumed was a privilege.

"I'm sorry," I manage to say. "I should be a lot kinder."

"don't worry about it." he smiles. "It doesn't bother me, really. plus, it was all before I got left with Monika."

Left?

I have questions. but for the sake of prying and being annoying I keep my mouth shut as he continues to talk.

"you've met my aunt and been around her long enough to get a feel for the type of person she is, right? can you imagine her wanting to raise a kid?"

Not in the slightest. I want to say, but I again I remember who I'm in front of.

"You know you've been a bit closed off since we've met again." Milan says after a beat of silence stretches between us. His eyes playfully narrow.

"you're my bosses' nephew." I shrug. "It would be unprofessional for me to say comment on what you just said."

"So?" he mimics my shrug. "I think we've sort of crossed the boundary of professionalism since you caught me with some girl wrestling my belt."

"That doesn't count."

His head tilts. "How so?"

"I didn't even know who you were at the time. which you should have made clear. Instead of just...I dunno winging it."

Maybe it was my hormones paired with me being hungry which often alter my mood. But I could feel myself getting annoyed at the situation just by thinking about it. I did admittedly enjoy our car ride home that night. but I couldn't help but feel a little deceived that this boy was mischievous enough to put me in his little deceitful game. It made me feel like some sort of pawn, now as I looked at it as a whole.

Then again, where have I known a man to use me in any other way but that-

"you're right." the words suddenly leave Milan's lips.

I blink. "I'm sorry? About what?"

He sets the menu down, and shrugs again. "I said you're right. I was wrong. I should have at least tried to be more upfront about the whole thing and what was going on. I didn't even think about whether you or the position it might put you in both work and personal wise. I was just thinking about getting out of the situation. my bad."

I shift in my seat as an uncomfortable feeling suddenly settles over me.

Ok, I've also never known a man to flat out apologize for any wrong he may or may not done me. I get it, you can expect everyone to be responsible for your own feelings even when you yourself emotional invested in them. but it'd sure as hell would be nice to have someone be that considerate. But I never really dwelled on it. or at least, I tried not to. I always took it into stride when I placed my eggs with the purest of intentions in one basket, and the person I trusted to hold it (sometimes purposely) dropped it. it of course stung but again, it wasn't their fault.

It was mines.

I should be so careless. Or expect people to be sorry for hurting.

So, this, what Milan dropped on me sounded like a foreign and uncomfortable language being spoken into me.

I clear my throat, "anyway. Lunch is on you right?" I divert, picking up the menu.

Like clockwork a waitress makes her way over to our table to take our order.

Even after wave placed our order, Milan doesn't bring up what we'd just talked about. instead, he makes the topic about idle things yet again. it's almost as if he could sense the former topic had made me uneasy. Or at least, the way he spoke to me during it did. And yet, he still continued to speak his usual animated way with me as he asked me questions about work. I did notice however that he didn't pry about anything personal.

This man was full of surprises.

I've only known Milan a short time but I got the vibe that he was someone who usually asked and inquired about what he wanted in some way shape or form. However, this time he seemed to keep the topic strictly on work.

He was still his animated and lax self so it was hard not to crack a smile whenever he smoothly interjected about something. I'd never had a lively conversation like this with the opposite sex before so it was rather easy to get wrapped up in and forget about the dull aches that occupied me.

but...it was also easy for the overwhelming disappointment to consume me when his phone rang.

I'm so glad his eyes diverted from me, to his phone, when it happened; the way my shoulders slumped before I could control the action was embarrassing even to me.

I quickly push against the invisible weight on my shoulders and speak, "its fine. don't worry about it. I can imagine how busy you are with your own work."

He shoots me an apologetic but boyish look, "thanks, Elle. I'll be back in a bit."

He slides out of the booth across from me.

Ironically moments later, our food comes. Even though Milan was treating, and I did have an urge of pancakes, I kind of kept myself at bay when I ordered. It was a mixture of my step mothers constant berating of me eating like a pig from childhood all the way till adulthood and my lack of table mannerisms. And just plain being insecure. I know it was embarrassing that a girl my age would be so worried about eating in front of man, especially when it was just a normal outing. But I couldn't help but be a little cautious. Hell, even Quinn, the father of my child, use to make jokes about how much I eat. At least he said it was a joke. But I still felt a little odd eating in front of him.

The last thing I wanted was someone id possibly be seeing at my work more often mocking me for my portion's sizes. So, I kept my meal at minimum of a sourdough grilled cheese sandwich and pineapple juice and prayed that'd be enough to ease the pangs in my stomach.

Milan on the other hand ordered a small tower of blueberry pancakes, a side of bacon and even German hashbrowns...whatever that is.

I'm about to reach of my sandwich, when I halt myself midway, remembering being scolded to the point of being told to eat by myself for at emptying eating ahead of everyone in my home

My hands drop to my lap and I wait. occasionally, as time passes, I wince. The hunger pangs are becoming more frequent and littler more prominent. Almost to the point where food doesn't even seem of interest. Time passes by a little longer, and I look outside the window and see Milan is still chatting on the phone with his back toward the window.

I glance back down at the untouched food, cradling my aching belly.

How rude would It be if I just wrote down a note and left?

Maybe not too much at all. I mean he did seem rather busy. Like whatever it is he had to talk about on the phone absolutely could not wait. maybe I was keeping him from wherever he needed to be right now at this moment. or maybe I'm just making excuse-

"Brielle?"

A feminine voice suddenly pulls my gaze toward my right.

+++++++

"Oh, Hannah? What are you doing here?"

The former dirty blonde was now a brighter more bleach color and had a soft tan to her usual fair skin. the look in its entirety was a huge contrast to how I saw her a couple of days ago. one wouldn't imagine she'd been crying over some asshole earlier.

"I live around here?" she says slow and 'duh' -like. There's a gleeful smile on her face though that tells me it's not with the full intent to mock. "What about you?"

Her baby blues drop down to the sight of the plates at my table. "I see...treating yourself?"

Now I wasn't so sure if she was trying to be a smart ass, or throwing a low jab at my eating habits.

A part of me is tempted to say something snarky back. but then I quickly think against it once I remember id likely have to see her again. And the last thing I needed was her running to Monika.

So, I decide to be the bigger person.

"Actually I'm here with someone. They had to take a call just now. what about you?" I force a smile.

"I'm just coming back from the spa!" she beams, "but later I have a hair appointment. I wanted to grab a bite to eat at my favorite spot...you know I didn't think I'd be able to come back here or even say that again. but I guess I have you to think for that."

"What do you mean-...wait this was the place you and that guy use to go to?" I ask.

"The very same," she nods, a somber look filling her eyes. "We use to eat here all the time although now that I look back at it, he never really seemed to interested in talking with me alone. mat the time I just assumed it was because he was more focused on eating but. I swear talking to him felt like pulling teeth. but anyway, you look nice. What do they call it? glowing you're absolutely glowing."

Again, I move in discomfort where I sit. it's not solely because I don't feel my best right now with the slight cramps that keep riddling my body no matter what position I'm in. but mainly because I'm not use to such a compliment from her. usually, Hannah's words no matter how positive they may have seemed came with smoke sort of backhanded compliment.

Either way it was getting harder to focus on anything other than the cramps now. even the food in front of me had lost its appeal.

I try my best to keep myself looking neutral. Although I'm certain with someone as vain and Hannah she wouldn't notice unless I outright said it. hence why I'm not surprised when she continues on talking as she even helps herself to a seat at the booth in front of me.

She now unapologetically occupies Milan's spot and continues on. "I honestly don't know how Milan's id wear pregnancy. Or even motherhood for that matter!" she exclaims. "I hear horror stories about mom's lives becoming hundred percent about their children to the point where they either have no personal life or their kids just consume it. like I couldn't imagine not being able to do what I want!"

I try to keep focus during the duration of Hannah's insistent talking while she's sitting across from me. occasionally I nod, throw in a smile and even chuckle when she does. But it does nothing to take my mind off the more consistent cramps riddling my body.

I usually don't like being dramatic or overacting but then I remember at that moment it's not entirely about me. not anymore. I had to think about the little one I was carrying. I couldn't just sit here and simply tough it out and hope the feeling would pass. I needed to go.

I steal a glance outside the window.

I don't realize how much a part of me had actually been looking forward to eating with Milan until I look out through window at the thought of getting up and leaving.

But something halts me. the place where Milan had been standing is empty. Save for the idle city folk occasionally passing by. My eyes scan the area still.

Where did he go-

"And then I...what is he doing here?" Hannah's voice suddenly pulls my attention. only when I look to her, she isn't looking directly at me. more specifically past me.

The look of shock and hurt is torn between her face. it's skewed with such vulnerable emotion and contrast to her usual poised self that it shocks even me. and makes me curious as to just who she's talking about.

"Sorry about that, Elle- "I felt Milan's hand on my shoulder. "Got kind of caught up in-...oh hey Hannah." He beams, his smile cordial.

But Hannah's brows only scrunch deeper together and her gaze zeros in on the hand that hadn't left on my shoulder. A frown makes it way to the pouty pink lips.

"what's going on?" she looks back up to Milan before shifting her gaze to me. "How do you two even know each other?"