When a God Loves a Princess

"Yeah. At first it was God of Thunder or Thunder God. Then it was shortened to just God. It sucks. The more I begged them to stop, the worse it got, of course."

She shook her head. "I've always noticed that the only nicknames people generally like, are the ones they give themselves."

I wondered if she was referring to what the tabloids called her when she first married Prince Frederick—Princess Legs. At one of her first formal events, she wore a skirt that was shorter than decorum probably called for, but wasn't obscene, and...well, she has amazing legs. When she sat and crossed her legs, the dress hiked up showing that her nylons were thigh-high stay-ups.

I said, "Well, they certainly think it's funny. Why couldn't I have a nice nickname like Smitty or something?"

"Your last name isn't Smith, for starters," she laughed.

She slid over and said, "Come here, God of Thunder."

She kissed me and I couldn't believe it. Her lips felt like soft pillows as they pressed into mine. Her hand touched my cheek as she pulled back.

"Thank you for a lovely dinner, Andrew. It's the nicest first date I've ever had."

I pulled her into me, and she sighed. Her head rested on my chest as she settled between my legs. I wrapped my arms around her torso and folded my hands onto her tight stomach.

"I could stay this way forever," I whispered.

As if he knew we were comfortable, her son started crying again.

"I wonder what's got into him tonight," she sighed separating from my grasp.

"Kids will be kids, I guess," I answered.

"It's getting late anyway. We should probably call it a night," she said before kissing my cheek. "Goodnight, Andrew. Thank you for a lovely evening."

She was holding my hand and let it go slowly as she walked away. I'd never seen her look so sad.

***

The next day I felt well enough to cut loose of the sling permanently. My range of motion exercises were going fine, and my wounds seemed healed. I didn't have much pain and I was finally able to sleep comfortably. Life was good...well, except for the specter of terrorists wanting to kill me hanging over my head, of course.

The little cock-blocker, I mean Prince Walter, was sitting in his highchair eating some kind of puffed treats when I walked into the kitchen. Jen was making pancakes and looked amazing in her ubiquitous leggings.

"Good morning," I said as I poured a cup of coffee.

"Good morning, Andrew. May I get you anything?"

"Nope. The pancakes smell great though. Do you do something different making them?"

She smiled, "I add vanilla and cinnamon. It gives them a French Toast feel."

"I can't wait to try them."

"Andrew," she said softly, "thank you for last night. I needed it very much. Between my duties and tending to Walter's needs, I don't have much time to be me."

I walked around the counter and kissed her on the cheek.

"I like you very much, Jen. Whether we continue on a romantic course will entirely be up to you, but my feelings won't change."

She turned and said, "I'm not a casual relationship type of person."

The look in her eyes betrayed her sadness.

"What if I don't want casual."

"Andrew..."

"Look, Jen. We get along well, and we're obviously attracted to each other, why not see where it goes?"

She turned back to the pancakes. "Andrew, I'm not some girl you met on the street. I'm the mother of the future king."

"Doesn't the mother of the future king get to be happy?"

She laughed, "No, she doesn't."

"Well, I'm not giving up that easily."

Walter started fussing and broke her attention away from our conversation. While she was tending to him, I took a couple of pancakes and left to eat in my room.

***

A few days went by, and Jen refused to speak about having a second date with me. I wondered if I even wanted it considering the insanely public life she has. She has more baggage than a 747, and I had no idea what hoops I'd have to jump through with the monarchy as a potential suitor.

I used my tablet to google members of the royal family who dated and what I found wasn't awful. There were plenty of lovely stories about how some of them met their significant others, but there were plenty of stories where non-royal significant others couldn't handle the scrutiny and the relationships ended. It gave me a lot to think about.

I knew she liked me, I just had to figure out a way to get her to give us a shot.

"Andrew, could you keep an eye on Walter for me for an hour? I'm having a zoom meeting with a charity I help, in a few minutes.

I didn't have a chance to respond before the boy was placed onto my lap. I immediately began tickling him to hear his cute giggle. I looked behind me and she was already halfway back to her wing.

I sighed after I finished leering at her and went back to tickling the prince.

I laughed as he giggled and I said, "You know Walter, when you're Crowned or Coronated or whatever it's called, I'm going to tell everyone how I tickled you as a baby. Yes, I am. Yes, I am."

He wasn't impressed and wiggled away from my tickling his toes. He crawled to his exersaucer, and I got the hint, so I placed him in it. I realized he didn't have any socks on, and the wood floor was probably too cold for him, so I made my way towards the Princesses wing. Her door was open, and I heard her talking to someone. What she said floored me.

"I'm falling for him Cammy. I'm trying to resist, but he's so damned perfect. He made dinner for me a few nights ago and dressed in a suit. It was all I could do to keep myself from clearing the table and making him take me right there."

I smiled and backed away. I saw her security guard and waved him over. I asked him to get me a pair of socks for the prince and he smiled and said, "Shall I tell the princess you were eavesdropping, or shall I keep it between us?"

I stuttered and he slapped my shoulder as he laughed at me. "Wait here, sir. I'll get the socks for you."

I thanked him and looked over to see Walter walking my way. The little chair made so much noise I jogged over to him to avoid getting caught by his mother.

Steve, the guard, laughed as he tossed me the socks and returned to the Princess. James, the Prince's guard shook his head and said, "There's a bag behind the couch, sir. It has some of the prince's clothes in it."

"Why didn't you say that before?" I asked.

He laughed and said, "My money's on you in the pool, sir." He walked back to his post still laughing, leaving me to wonder what the hell was going on. I would later find out that the guards got a kick out of watching the interactions between me and Jen and they had a pool going for if and/or when we would finally hook up.

***

Thanksgiving came and Jen invited the guards to eat with us. There were two groups of five guards. There were always five at the cabin, with the other five rotating in for relief as needed from off site. James and Steve seemed to only rotate out once a week or so. They were the personal guards for Walter and Jen respectively.

Everyone had a great time, and I was surprised at how much Jen was drinking. She made mimosas with breakfast, had Chardonnay with lunch, and Rose with dinner.

I spent much of the day explaining the finer points of American football to the guys and they got into it more than I expected.

After dinner, everyone's phones chimed at the same time.

"Oh, shit!" James shouted from Walter's room where the prince was down for bed. "Alpha, Alpha, Alpha."

I looked at Steve and he was already running towards the door, with two of the relief guards, shouting commands. Tom and Chris, the outdoor guards on duty were shouting back and then I heard gunshots. I grabbed Jen by the hand and ran towards her wing to find James and Walter. I could see lights outside the windows and heard snowmobiles.

As I pulled Jen to her wing of the house, the front window broke, and I saw something splinter the wall in front of us.

"Shit! Their shooting at us," I shouted as I tackled the hysterical Jen to the floor to stay low. I didn't know if that was correct or not, but I didn't want to get shot and it seemed like the right thing to do.

We crawled and saw James run across in front of us with Walter in one arm and his weapon in the other.

"Panic room!," Jen screamed as she stood, then ran after them.

A bullet missed me again as I tried to stand but was too close for comfort, so I dropped to the floor again. A few moments later, I got up to follow her, but I had no idea to where she ran. It was just a hallway with a bathroom and closet.

I heard an explosion at the front door, and someone screamed. I looked around and didn't see anywhere they could've gone. I turned and ran to the other end of the hall. Not being allowed in that area, I had no idea what to expect.

I knew the guards had a bedroom as did Jen and Walter, but I didn't know what else was there. I realized I didn't hear the snowmobiles or any more shooting and didn't think it was a good sign.

I found the guards' bedroom and was pleased to see a shotgun on the wall. I hoped it wasn't just decoration as I looked in the credenza below it for ammo.

I had no idea how to shoot a gun, nor load one, but I'd seen plenty of action movies. I found a box of shells, and once I figured out how to open the gun, I loaded it. Thankfully they seemed to fit, and I closed the gun and went out to see if everything was clear.

I crept into the hall and heard voices near the great room. I peeked around the doorway and saw two men dressed in white snowsuits. They were not our guards, and I could hear them talking in a foreign language.

I turned and leaned back against the wall, out of sight. I heard them coming my way and quickly crossed the hall to Jen's room where I had a line of sight at the doorway to the foyer, from where they would be coming.

I wondered where the panic room was and hoped Jen and Walter were safe with James, as they came in and looked down the hall.

I watched one of them pull a piece of paper out of their pocket and point towards the dead end of the hallway. I realized someone had given them a map with the location of the panic room and watched them walk towards the bookshelf at the end of the hall.

I crept out of the room and said a silent prayer as I lifted the gun. When I pulled the trigger, I was shocked by the amount of kick the gun had. I believe it saved my life, as I tripped over a table when I stepped back and fell on my ass.

The bad guy I didn't shoot turned and fired at where I would've been standing. I fired my second shot and somehow hit him in the chest, ending his ability to fight.

I ran over and took the guns from them in case they weren't dead and crept to the front of the house. I was shocked at what I saw.

Steve was the poor soul caught in the explosion. His lifeless body was in the doorway. A tear fell for the friendly man who gave his life to save ours, and as I looked outside, I saw only two snowmobiles. I looked around and saw Tom and Chris also dead, but from gunshots. I looked ahead and in the distance, I saw the other two guards laying lifeless on the ground. It seemed they might have been trying to draw their fire away from the house and lost their lives for it.

I hoped there being two snowmobiles meant that there were only two bad guys, but I didn't feel like taking any chances. I walked back into the house and dragged the dead terrorists out of the hall and outside. It hurt my shoulder like hell, but I didn't want them in the house.

I took the extra ammo magazines they had and walked back to the hallway in Jen's wing. I sat against the wall where I assumed the panic room was and looked at the guns I took from the baddies. I didn't know what they were but from the sound of them, they had to be automatic machine guns.

I explored one of the guns and figured out how to take out the magazine. It was full so I put it back in and waited. I knew that James likely wouldn't open the door to the panic room until the cavalry came and told him it was clear, so I sat there and leaned against the bookshelf, hoping they came quickly.

As I waited in silence, I realized no one told me that there was a panic room and I got pissed. If I would've known that I'd have tried to get there sooner. Those precious seconds killed my chance of getting in there as we would've made it before the shots forced us to the ground which delayed me and separated us. I guessed they didn't fully trust me, but it didn't make sense. I also thought about not being given any plans on how to handle an attack on the house. I guessed they trusted that security could handle any threat presented.

Jen being tipsy probably slowed her reaction time and clouded her thinking. I shook my head at that thought and heard a helicopter fly overhead. I knew the landing spot was a bit away and they'd have to clear the area as they walked over, so it would be a while before they got to us.

The minutes felt like hours, and then I was startled to see someone pointing a gun at me.

"Andrew, put the gun down and stand with your hands up."

"Anne! Thank God!" I shouted.

I dropped the guns and stood with my hands up. She came over with two other men and whisked me outside. I saw two other men checking the bodies and I was told to sit on the bench seat which overlooked the yard.

"Don't move from this spot," Anne said seriously, and walked back into the house.

I saw flashing blue lights in the distance and wondered if I was going to be in trouble for killing those guys. I figured I wouldn't, but who knew?

Five sheriff's cruisers pulled into the driveway along with three ambulances. After that it was a flurry of activity and I saw an SUV speed away.

Twenty minutes later, Anne sat next to me.

"It's over, Andrew," she said.

"Yeah, I figured that when I saw there were only two snowmobiles. I figured there were only two of the attackers."

"No, I meant it's all over. We got the main cell neutralized this morning. These guys were the last of the crew here in the states."

"Thank God," I whispered. Then I remembered the paper they were looking at inside.

"Anne, I think there's an inside guy. When the assholes came inside, they had a map of where the panic room was."

She frowned, "I know." She turned around and as I looked with her, I saw James sitting in a police car.

"Not James?" I asked.

She nodded.

"Fuck. Why didn't he just kill the kid in his bed? Hell, why not do it when they were in the panic room?"

She answered, "My best guess is that he was more valuable as an inside man. If he killed the prince, he would've outed himself. He was better off hoping they succeeded in getting into the panic room."

"How'd you know it was him?" I asked.

"I recognized his handwriting on the map and he didn't deny it."

"I'm sorry, Anne."

She nodded.

"Well, come on, Andrew. Let's get you home."

I sighed and realized I'd never see Jen again. It must've been her whisked away in the SUV. She didn't even say goodbye.

***

I opened the door to my apartment and saw that it was exactly as I left it. There wasn't even any dust, as I expected to find, since I'd been gone almost a month. I set my bag down and went to the kitchen to take inventory of what was in my fridge.

I was surprised to see that anything that would've expired was gone. No milk, no leftovers, even the eggs—all were gone. I looked and saw the dishwasher was empty too. I wondered who did the cleanup, as I grabbed my bag and walked to my bedroom.

My bedroom was spotless. The hamper was empty, my bathroom gleamed, and my bed was made. It was obvious someone cleaned for me. I wondered if it was my mom or if the security team had someone do it. I guessed it was probably my mom. She couldn't stand a mess and with me being gone, it probably drove her nuts. I sighed and picked up my phone.

"Hi, mom."

"Andrew! Oh, my God! Where are you, baby? We've been so worried."

"I'm home, mom. Everything is fine now. They had me in a cabin up north, but it's all over now. They caught the group that wanted me dead and it's all over."

"Thank God! Let me get your father, we're coming over. Don't go anywhere."

Before I could respond and tell her no, she hung up. I laughed as I tossed the phone onto the couch.

They gave me my phone back when I left the cabin, and I was able to respond to all the well-wisher texts and I deleted all of the interview requests and surprisingly the messages from strange women asking me out on dates. I knew I'd have to change my number since it had somehow gotten out there and strange women had it.

I needed to get back to work if for nothing but my sanity. I called my boss and set it up to return to work the following Monday. He was glad I was okay and offered to let me have another week off, but I declined. I needed to get my mind off her and getting back to work was a great way to do that.

I sat on my recliner and turned on the TV. I was shocked at what I was seeing—someone released or leaked the security camera footage from inside the cabin. They had edited together all of the different angles and the different camera's footage. I couldn't believe they let it get out.

They showed it from us sitting at the table all the way through us diving on the floor, then me shooting the two bad guys, and finally ended with my sitting in front of the panic room waiting for help.

When they went back to the anchor lady she was crying. I rolled my eyes as she said, "That amazing man did everything he could to save Princess Jennifer. He refused to go into the panic room and sat lone guard to make sure she stayed safe. If we could all have a little bit of Andrew Carlton inside of us, the world would be a much better place."

"Oh, for fuck's sake." I whined. They had it all wrong and were making me out to be some kind of chivalrous superhero. I was pissed that the video got out to the public. I wanted to yell at someone, but who was I going to yell at? The Queen of England? Yeah, right.

It turned out it was my mom that cleaned my apartment. She didn't realize that there was a security man posted outside and was shocked when he came in with his gun drawn as she had a toilet brush and cleaning solution in her raised hands. I found that visual very funny.

I got lavished with attention from my parents, my brother, and his wife. I got sick of being gushed on and made everyone stop asking me questions about living with the princess for several weeks. I didn't tell anyone about our date night or our mutual interest in each other. I didn't think mom's heart could take it knowing her son had a date with a princess and we wouldn't be seeing each other again.

My dad was more pragmatic, calling me an idiot for not letting the security people do their job. I couldn't get him to understand that there was nowhere for me to hide safely, and I couldn't stand by and let them get to the princess and her child. I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

The hits kept coming when the media showed up on my doorstep and rang the bell incessantly. I asked my brother to tell them I wasn't home and had no comment. He ended up giving a twenty-minute interview to a hot Fox News reporter. He always was a sucker for a leggy blonde.

***

I got more of the same at work for a few days. My boss intervened and made everyone leave me alone. That was helpful, but the press camped out in front of the building didn't help. I was able to escape without notice, by wearing hoodies and using the side exit. They gave up after a few days and within a week, things were back to normal. There were other stories to drive by. The British press was more blood thirsty. They never left my parking lot and they never stopped trying to get my side of the ordeal. They were like piranha.