All Comments on 'When the Husband is Away...'

Did you ever hear of spell check and punctuation? Commas are needed and so are periods. The run on sentences are ridiculous.

By the time her husband gets home anna should tell jerry she is carrying his baby

Poor husband. So "what he doesn't know won't hurt him"? And why does Jerry have to have a bigger cock. Why can't in these cheating stories the author leave out the dick size or make it where the guy has a 3 inch dick and she basically cheats for nothing as the sex is not what she is accustomed to. Unless of course it has nothing to do with sex and she just wants the other guy.

Hopefully Trevor had installed a security system and is now talking to the lawyer about enforcing the prenup she forgot she signed.

Not only is the grammar and punctuation horrible, what I read of it, she was in a sun dress when he arrived and a paragraph later he was taking her pants off. It's errors like that which will bring you a ton of criticism, oh, and this would be in LW, not erotic couplings

Read some of the better authors here - male and female and keep trying....what have you got to lose?? Also maybe learn the difference between shaved and shaven an all too often common mistake here.

The earlier comments are on the mark but for a first submission it's not bad and there's a promising story in there. I felt it was rushed somewhat and should have been spaced out more over, say, 2 pages. And then there's always the possibility of a sequel.

You need to hit the reader with the first sentence or two which should be aimed at setting the story. It's a shame there's a bad mistake with the second word.

But don't give up; it's much easier to comment than to write in the first place. I suggest that you review the top scoring authors here and try and learn from their styles.

Sorry, even though the story started out well, at least it should have just ended a chapter but there has been zero admissions sense this one. 3 stars!

Incomplete

Lazy writer, I suspect. This was submitted in July of ‘20 and there has been no continuation. This story is obviously unfinished. Absent some tragedy, Pelandria appears to have made no effort to finish up. Too bad, this is not a bad start.

Nah, I won't pull punches, the story sucked and was incomplete. A finish with Trevor coming through the door with a .45 automatic blazing, making big holes in Jerry and Anna would have been perfect.

You're a talented writer. It would be nice to know what happened to them.