All Comments on 'When We Were Married Ch. 06A'

So did not want that sort of cliffhanger. But another good installment. Don't really think I can predict where this one is going, either. So keep on writing them, and take the time you need to do it right. And I'll keep being patient.

definitely worth the wait - quality work, hope to see more

This is a gripping suspenseful chapter. I will wait, albeit not patiently, for the next chapter but I do understand that quality takes the time it needs.

Interesting how you've managed to turn this all around so that its Bill's fault. She did everything she could to destroy him and his relationship with his kids with Doug, had been cheating for years before that (yes, dating, dancing, kissing and masturbating others is cheating!) and he still gets portrayed as the one at fault. Sure, the shrink will come up with reasons why she was a slut and betrayed her marriage, but in the end actions matter more than the underlaying reasons for the actions. His Mom was right about her while they were still in college.

black cop going to blow bills brains out.

owen davis-smith is a black bastard

what can it all mean

but one thing i really dont get about people,

you loved some ONCE, and for 10 years, it was good, 5 was ok, was may be shitty,

now you dont love him/her, (sorry, IN LOVE)

you dont love any one for now (you di not find replcement yet)

And thinking that when you realised you are really not in love with your ex and just some flashes, is RESOLVE?

What kind of twisted people you are? you can go out find some one new and TRY to LOVE some one ELSE, but cant do the same with your ex? why ? because it might give your kid, an unbroken home, it might make time you spend with each other meaningful, because it was enough to bring you back, because it might heal the jilted party here. Because there will be some familiarity, because it will be easy to adjust with someone you know, because you already know, what happened in past and not make same mistake again. And all this is bad? because you want some dramatic ending, and want to say that dramatic line that, it was for all good and remain good memories, you think yourself a part of Dramatic movie? just to make this you will set an example that broken home shud never be tried to repair, kids should never be given a hope, without even trying, may be kids are mature, but it always good to have natural parent together. But you wont do that right?

No! I m not here in favor of reconciliation, just thought about thought, lets say she did not cheat, she just fell out of love, and wht? cud never dell in love with him again? but cud go out and try to find someone new to fall in love again? what is this, contest, where you say "forget failures and move on, clib on, new target"

really very silly thought, looks good in novels and movies, but in really life they twisted people. and they call it being mature. and resolved? get tested your generation is going towards ZERO, one day there will be no difference in you and other Animals, on the earth. just "FUCK, BREED AND FORGET"

I am not sure if my reaction is due to the long "layoff" or something else. I got the feeling reading 6A that it really was chapter one of a new story. To me it had something of a Tom Clancy air where the main characters, and many of the supporting actors, are famiiar people and the situations they find themselves in have some familiarity, but the tale being told is whole new.

Still in all a very good story with a lot of closure on some issues and foreshadowing of others. Careful reading of the flashback scenes to Debbie and Bill in college may well give pause to those who claimed from the start that Debbie was nothing more than what she has always been, a common slut whore bitch. Frankly, Debbie has always seemed to me to be a much more sympathetic character than most commenters have given her credit for.

Aline's gentle let down via email is also appropriate. My guess is that she is out of the story for a long time, maybe forever. As it should be, she always loved her husband and son. So, Bill can and will move on from that love.

I found most interesting DQS's treatment of the two children. There is a great paragraph at the end of the fifth page that well describes what the relationship of a divorced couple with grown children should be, something about being parents and grandparents together. There are a few other references to the kids in the mind conversations of especially Bill but also Debbie that lead me to think the kids may take on a bigger role as DQS takes us down the road.

Still a story worth looking for every day.

Lesson One: Fall in love with a self centered slut and you will be punished for the rest of your life. HAHAHAHAHA! Remember to get an ugly girl to marry you!

Lesson Two: You can't ever have enough of big round TATAS!!! They justify becoming stupid!

great read,but a long novel.

Wow, very interesting turn of events. The only thing I really want to stress is, don't wait a month or more before posting the next installment. I realize that "life gets in the way", but you really set the hook to keep the interest level high for that next chapter.

Another cliff hanger! I think you should end this story soon. It is getting to be too long and I am kind of getting tired reading and waiting for it to end.

There's just so much useless filler. There's no reason for this to be at 06A, when it could have been done in 4 chapters.

Did Bill get killed? Wounded? I was wrong thinking Debbie was going to go in and kill Shawn.

There doesn't seem to be any love between the two of them, what they seem to have/had is more lust than anything else. Debbie just comes across as more superficial than ever. The more that is learned about Debbie the harder it is to see how she and Bill would ever have ended up together.

A college girl who lets herself be sexually used in a train, and the psychiatrist thinks she was sexually healthy?

Great Chapter!!!

Keep 'em comin'...soon, I hope!

More and be quick about it...

well done!!!

Forget the Anonymous Whiner.

I love the Story of Course i would l;ove it to be Published every week.

But the story is Great and the Characters are Fantastic.

Cant wait to see whats Next.

Five.

I gave you a five simply because you are good at creating and writing good and captivating stories...no more.

Disagree with Bob on Aline - wrong. I think you are well traveled and do know the difference in culture and mentality of the Europeans versus the Americans. My point is simply that Phillip called Aline when she and Bill were together and in a very cool European manner (knowing Bill) he laid a guilt trip on Bill about fidelity and other mens' wives...he knew he could shake Bill up and why...he gets to keep Aline and his entourage of fuck sluts and his big hold - their son. Finally, there is a solution to this situation, they are very much in love (Bill & Aline) and you damn well know how to work it. Personally, I've been there, done that and see Phillip for his conniving ways and I don't think leaving Bill & Aline to spend a lifetime of wishing about the what ifs is right. You placed them in real love - Handle IT!!!

Unfortunately DQS, having to wait so long between your submissions and realizing that the new chapters, while very well written and entertaining, are just more fodder for story I don't any longer want to find myself waiting and having to re-read the last chapter as a refreshment to indulging in more character play and analysis so - as you once indicated to another author - this could go to Spring and with that in mind, I'll check back this summer, read the last several paragraphs and then decide on whether to go back and read 6b and so on.

Debbie, loose morals, in love with her looks and attention, never really knew or felt what real love is - not just sex but everything that goes with two people who enjoy every aspect of life together. Her problem, she cucked him, mentally and verbally emasculated him and needs to keep on finding other interesting guys to dribble over what ifs with.

Bill, remains very good at his chosen vocation in life and how he goes about tackling his job and opponents. He'll eventually find out that he is actually and intellectually screwing woman because of a deep rooted feeling of inadequacy brought on by Debbie's conduct.

So, DQS, you are good but too much, too long and while I have a lot of patience, I find that I can pretty well second guess your moves and...you are good.

Thanks for the story, I did enjoy it!

Do what? I'm not sure, but I sure as hell enjoyed this chapter.

This is great, but the suspense is starting to kill me. I just hate having to wait another month or more to see what happened. I, probably among the few, would still like to see him and Debbie get back together in some way, he isn't perfect, married to his job and she can be a slut, but those things can be overcome.

You really are a gifted writer. It doesn't matter if I like where the story is going or not, I still check back every day to see if you have posted the next chapter.

One of the ladies either jennybear or kelly_kelly wondered eons ago if a life threatening event would be used to bring Bill and Debbie back together. It's starting to look like a real possibility. Of course Bill still has to do battle with the mexican drug cartel first.

and you will receive my comments on this segment in private and the intelligence (or lack thereof) of some of the responders.

Do

I agree with all of the other commenters, this was a great chapter, but I also hate cliffhangers.

Even during their courting she was a cunt. Now that they are divorced, Bill the pussy whipped wonder can't even keep her from his business office.

Sorry, but how hard is it to say, if this isn't business DON'T come in my office and IF YOU LIE I will do my best to get you fired.

Is he physically brave or is he just tired of living due to the bitch.

DQS1,

Great chapter and glad you are writing it in your time frame and as you feel it is right to submit. Great story writing.

Thanks for sharing on Lit. !!

x

Well, it was a long wait, but worth it. Parts of the chapter were outstanding, particularly the segments where we get some understanding into the early relationship between the Bascombs and more insight into why he always felt inadequate to be married to Debbie.

I did think the last segment with the cops was overdone a bit. Too much analysis of how and why Shawn can't get away with it. It could have been compressed and made shorter, but still lead up to the ending, where Debbie is racing across the wet grass to the man she still loves.

And now we wait for the next chapter. At least we know that there will be no grand jury for Shawn Smith, but will Bill still be with the DA's office after this?

Will Debbie tell Bill how she feels, or not?

I really enjoy reading your stories. And When We Were Married is another masterpiece. I am overwhelmed by your ability to craft a complex storyline and make it come alive before our eyes. There is a very real depth to your characters and their lives.

now Bill will rest in peace, finally and that slut of a woman can fuck the whole florida state.

The chapter was amazing. The build up was long but felt justified in the end . Just one request don't take so long to put up the next update. I know you will have many other pressing matters to attend to ,but tormenting so many who love this series for a month must be a sin, somewhere.

Thanks and again a brilliant story.

I keep thinking that I have had enough and that I will put this story aside once and for all and then you submit another chapter and I get pulled back in. I think that this was the best chapter we have had since Bill kicked Lew's ass in the courtroom during the killer granny case.

You keep writing them and I will keep reading them, unless you have killed Bill off! That might finally end it for me.

Thanks, as always DQS1, for your efforts.

WOW! Great chapter, particularly the 20 year flash backs, and the FOP segments.....I think everybody complaining about the gaps in time between chapters forgets that, unlike a lot of authors here, your chapters are 4 or 5 times longer than most. Sure it would be easy to divide one of your chapters into pieces and get them out more often, but this way each chapter is a powerful, emotional experience. I think you pack more hardcore emotion in one page of a chapter than most authors put into an entire story....Sooooooo, take your time, keep up the top-notch writing, and we will get it when it is truly ready! Thanks for sharing your incredible imagination and skill in writing with us!

there's still more to be said before bill and debbie ride off onto the sunset together. was bill shot by shawn or was shawn shot by his fellow brothers in blue. did bill die in debbie's arms, while telling him how sorry she was for everything that she did. still some unanswered questions to be answered before the end... anyway great story and please not so long in the next chapter

I do enjoy the story. I no longer look for the next chapter. If and when it arrives and I have the time, I will read it. This chapter had the almost perfect break, unlike most chapters and most stories. That said, this chapter caused me to no longer care too much about Bill. He is really messed up. When he decided he wanted to marry Debbie, when he was so obsessed with her tits, when he knew and even saw that she loved to fuck and suck cock, almost any cock, it became obvious that our hero is very flawed and perhaps too flawed. I like my heros a little less stupid. Debbie has dropped even lower on any scale I can imagine and Bill is sliding down it rapidly. This story is long, well written and interesting on many levels, but the level I was enjoying seems to be eroding.

Then he is surprised in his later years when Debbie falls for a younger, bigger dick? It had to happen because of the way she is, as well as the way he is. Both Debbie and Bill expected, and even wanted, Debbie to experience some new big dicks, again. Somehow it made both their lives complete, and that is sorta fucked up, on any level. I will keep reading and it is very well done, but we all know that if Bill heard the shot, he was not the one being shot, so the cliffhanger is not as "hangerish" as some fear. Thanks for all the tremendous work and time. You are really very good. It's just that some intangible element is now missing, at least for me.

This chapter was by far and away your best chapter. You are starting to pull the pieces together and starting the run to the conclusion. Don't know how you are going to beat this chapter but I have confidence that you will find a way. You and Rehnquist are my best 2 authors. He just happens to write faster than you-----ha! ha! That is a joke. I would much rather wait an additional month and get your quality of story than get something not worth reading. I joked about you timeliness but I'm eager to read each submission as quick as you publish it. You and Rehnquist match one of my best authors--John Ringo. Thanks and keep writing.

lyonsbob62269

You have woven together a large number of threads that I didn't notice until I read this chapter. A very satisfying infilling of information, and still I wonder if this is the end (it would satisfy if it were), or if there is more to come. Nicely done.

one could be renowned as the creator of the worlds most artistically crafted chamberpots and, alas, the content of said pots would still be - crap.

This is an excellant storiy. hope the next section does not take as long to write. I agree with a previous comment made. This is a 6

to knock yourself out of first place. You write good sh-tuff. But we tend to loose interest when you take so long between story segments.

You only release new parts when you are falling out of contention on the 30 day ratings.

I give you 5 for the story but 0 for your timing.

80% mind numbingly boring drivel & 20% genius, intelligent writing. That's my opinion of this chapter & more & more this entire series. You go back & show us Bill & Debbie 20 years ago but you don't tell us anything we didn't already know. She was (& still is) a completely self-centered slut & he's smart enough to be a lawyer but still completely as dense as a block of wood with no self respect or self esteem. The whole flashback thing was a complete waste of time & space. It did nothing to advance the story or tell us anything you hadn't already told us before or shown us some new side to either one of these characters. OK, actually it made me lose even more respect for both of them & it seemed like a really obvious foreshadowing for the eventual reconciliation scene.

Cut the flashbacks out & the redemption of Debbie's character scene at the Doc's & we've got maybe one page of good stuff. The cliffhanger's actually good & might keep me reading the next installment but the seven pages preceding it was making me wonder why I was wasting me time on this pointless, mindless drivel.

So, after reading the first page I almost quit.. GOD is it ever going to end, MORE melodramatic bullshit cases on the horizon it's pathetic, in form of a mexican drug cartel.. Also, I have to ask you DQS, was this your attempt to make Debbie into a more likeable person? Hardi-fucking-harr. Worst. Joke. Ever. You show us she was just as much of a shallow slut in college as she is now, the party at CC's place pretty much proved it, so how exactly are we supposed to like her more now? She was completely selfish and shallow and she still is. I still remember how SHE treated HIM, I know you want to paint their divorce as Bill's fault, but I, and I think quite a few others, still remember what she wrote in those e-mails and how she truly thinks of him... "Guys! You think we walk around with tape measures and if you're a quarter inch shorter than another guy we're going to throw you back. If it wasn't so stupid, it would be funny." - but isn't that just what she did? I mean, 'she could hardly feel him' and 'she only got any pleasure from her 12" dildo', she wrote something like that in her e-mails and she has told Bill several times, that she ment everything she said in those e-mails even now, when anger doesn't cloud her mind, she still told him to his face, that those e-mails were the truth... She's truly a horrible, horrible person and seeing her as a college student STILL hasn't told us why Bill would ever be married to her, so now, can Bill PLEASE move on already?..

You continue to amaze me in the management of the plot lines. Bravo!

Now hurry up with the next installment. I hate hanging by my nails for too long.

he shot and killed Bill, let me call Clint and see if he has time to sooth my nerves for the rest of the night."

Could you please give us a cliffhanger for an ending? On pins and needles for the next chapter. Five Stars...

should read "soothe". My bad.

I don't get it. I'm new here, and every time I check the top lists, or every time I read comments half of the writers here praise this story as if it was....I don't know. To me it's just long. There are lots of writers here whose stories are just as good, but haven't been stretched out for what 2 years? Come on there really aren't very many things that can happen here. Either they get back together or they don't. Can we have a fucking ending already.

Having Bill turn around and present his back is a good way to draw Shawn's fire away from his head and to his torso. I liked that touch. I'll be pissed if you let Bill walk into a trap without a bulletproof vest, he is not that stupid of a prosecuter.

Why am I not surprised that many of the negative and impatient comments are from anonymous sources? We should look at their literary submissions and compare them to DQS ... but wait ... we don't know if they have any! They're anonymous! Of course judging by the spelling and grammar in their comments it is fairly obvious they are probably not authors.

You are creating an excellent "novel" and deserve the proper accolades for your literary efforts! I realize that not everyone is going to like a story no matter how well it is crafted but they can quit reading. I also realize that some are injured by life and can only see characters such as Debbie as the "cheating slut that hurt me... " rather than a developing and important part of the story.

I am amazed at the development of this story! The depth that the flashbacks give the reader is great. I often judge a story by my beginning to think I know the characters and your story's characters are becoming "real" people. The threads of your story are interwoven and slowly giving the reader special knowledge, understanding and what is becoming three-dimensional characterizations.

Thank you for sharing your talent. Those who are impatient should try to maintain a job, a life and author a story. Perhaps they would find that the time between chapters is not what is important; rather the quality of what is written is what matters.

I check for a new chapter daily and consider the days one appears as special. I wish I had your talent!

Wonder if Bill will have had enough, and leave the prosecuter's office. He had no real support when it counted. No loving, devoted wife and family. Perhaps it's time to move on and leave the memories of his slut ex-wife behind.

To the person who wrote that he or she didn't get it. Dude it's not always the destination, sometimes it's the journey. Like you wrote there are only so many things that can happen in this type of story, that means the true art in writing this kind of story is how you set up and arrive at that ending, and whether or not you actually entertain and interest your audience. DQS is a past master at this, so many of the people who both read and write here recognize the quality of his efforts and just flat out like this story and these characters. If you think it's that easy why not write one yourself. Any way DQS this was yet another excellent chapter, although I find myself liking Debbie less with each installment, the journey continues to intrigue me, and unlike the person I was just speaking to, I don't care how long it takes. Great job as usual!!

Do you also write under the name Jack Straw?

For me, your best chapter yet!

Whilst I'd like chapters more frequently, I appreciate it takes time to create and refine work such as this.

Thank-you.

Emm Sea

PS Does anybody know if there's a way to filter out anonymous comments? Most of them are gratitious self-serving crap, and I begrudge even having to spend a few seconds skipping over them. I'd rather they didn't even appear!

so it's all bills fault she cheated gotcha, i honestly don't understand why you don't just sum it up in 1 chapter, she's a slut, she fucks around, she comes back, he's grateful. Really what kind of person are you basing him on, no man is going to willingly take what she did and just be like it's ok, even to hang out with her after at his workplace no less. And then you put this cliffie which was so predictable in and now somehow he's gonna see she loved him all along. Well i guess her being a whore is his fault i see it now, not her whoring but his love. Thanks for making me stop reading this series.

I agree with HDK - these characters are sliding down down down. Earlier chapters were superb, but this one is just a downer.

And I didn't see one spelling mistake! I'm glad that this was such a great chapter. As I read all the comments, I wonder what avenue you'll take this story down. I can't wait.

As far as the Nazi Lit editor who rejected your submission, remember that person is only trying to dominate writers. They usually have no talent or the imagination to create. They can only exert their dominance by pulling other people's work down to their level.

One of my submissions was rejected this year because I forgot to close the quote on one character's utterance. It took more work to reject the story, than it would have taken to

The readers on this site have no idea what happens to authors just trying to put their work in front of readers.

Keep up the great work and don't let the little minded people pull you down to their level. You have a great readership and isn't that what we all strive for? (Well 52 weeks at the top of the NY Times Best Seller list wouldn't be too bad either......)

Mendom (oops look at that, I spelled my name wrong. I'll probably get this comment rejected)

Best chapter yet. Thank you for one of the best stories ever.

Sometimes I hate the direction you are going, then the next installment comes out and I love it. This is wasted on Literotica. You need to publish your writings. I can't wait to see the next submission.

Debbie will walk in to the FOP lodge and scream at Shawn, who will then turn around and shot Debbie. Then the other 11 cops will shot both Shawn and Bill, claiming that they shot each other. But we will have to put up with all the BS in between Ch6 and Ch 187.

This was a good read. There are lots of threads going on and they are all pretty interesting. I have only one significant criticism and that is Debbie's development. Debbie seems to be both a bimbo and a very smart woman. She is not portrayed as an intelligent person who loves sex. One minute she seems almost brainless, then very smart. The "psychology" is trying to reconcile the two but as far as I'm concerned hasn't been very successful. You have the personalities of two different and incompatible women.

Debbie"s feelings toward Bill, and Bill's toward Debbie are changing, heading back to what they had been like about 10 years earlier. Debbie has found (1) that Bill is appealing to other attractive women (e.g., Aline), (2) that Bill is indeed every bit the leading prosecuting attorney that people say:: namely, one that can be relied on to consistently make correct legal decisions, and (3) that with Dr. Teller's help, Debbie now has good insight into her reaction to her Aunt Clarice's hatred of men, including the negative opinions Debbie has had of Bill.

Now with the meeting at the FOP Hall there is the possibility that Bill has been shot by Officer Shawn Smith. At this point, the story could go in a number of different directions. Was Bill shot and, if so, mildly, seriously or fatally? This may be only a story, but to me it's real. There seems to be a renewed romance developing between the two. But will this be cut short? Chapter 6A has balance and gives us a window to the early relationship between the two at the University of Florida. Additionally, it gives us information of the upcoming courtroom activity surrounding the trial of Officer Smith in which Bill is the lead prosecuting attorney.

DQS: your story is as good now as it was at any other earlier stage. However, you definitely need a dedicated editor to correct sentence structure, spelling, etc. Thank you for your extraordinary story. It probably could be made into a successful movie.

You've done such a good job making Debbie Bascomb despicable that it was not even enjoyable reading her seduction of, and subsequent dating, Bill. Despite excellent writing skills and decent eroticism, it was difficult to read.

While I am not averse to cliffhangers (usually), I am afraid with your track record, for long periods between postings, regarding WWWM it's actually offensive. This is as bad as Stephen King with 'The Gunslinger' chronicles. And, I understand, he received death threats over that!

Present day (2005) storyline is good. College dating timeline hurt.

Given you tendency towards reconciliation, please read Mandy01's story 'Lemon to Lemonade'. Because of Debbie's abhorent behavior, there (IMO) must be penance before reconciliation. Not just some therapy, from a psychiatrist whose behavior seems questionable at best. That may just be the Catholic in me though.

Thank you again for a fantastic story.

Finally another piece of the great saga of Bill Maitland. Seriously, I love it!

However, I do not think that you did your epic much help in feeding us the long flashback to Debbie's college days. A little, yes; but not a full chapter. We already knew what kind of a person she was. Thanks for a great read.

Don't you dare make us wait over a month for the next chapter.....lol. Awesome story.

Still entertaining, still a wonderful story. Press on.

When this started Debbie was a bored wife that fucked around on her good husband, got caught and divorced.

Now we learn shes been a self centered bitch back in college, a cheating tease during marriage, and afterward a nymphomaniac.

I once hoped for them to get back together. Now I want her to be the one to die in this cliffhanger. She's poison to Bill and she selfishly keeps at him. The birch needs to just die and go away so this good guy can have a slim chance at happiness.

Sorry, but I've been giving you 5 stars up to this one, which only gets a three because frankly your milking it too much. Stop adding new threads, assholes who are fucking Debbie, and threats who plan on killing bill and his family. It's just getting too much like a soap opera.

Move the story along with a real direction and stop all the fluff and you'll earn back those two missing stars.

First, I hate the little "mini recaps" at the start of the chapters. They're not long enough to introduce new readers, and they're not reminder enough to carry over readers from the last segment. If you're going to do those things, please think hard about what purpose they serve, and then work on making them serve that purpose.

Second, Bill. He's like Thomas Covenant, just a whining little self-centered prick. "Oh, I got married to this hot babe, and then blew her off and stopped hanging around my wife and kids, but how dare she give up on our dead marriage and ask for a divorce! Oh, and I never do anything myself, the deus ex machina just hands things to me whenever a tough case appears."

The story is fairly well written, the characters are almost believable - just enough larger than life. But I swear, every time he gets threatened by some bad guy or another, I'm cheering for the bad guy. Please, please, please kill that worthless miserable loser. He's spent however many years ignoring his family, they'll only be sad for a year or so. And God knows he's spent twenty chapters alienating the readers. We'll be ecstatic for a couple of hours.

Die, you mealy-mouthed whiner, die!

A full effin' month?! What the hell were you thinking?!

Unless you're dead or dying, there's no reason not to post another installment.

Anyways, liked this installment, minus the flashbacks.

The flash back to how Bill and Debbie fell in love is deeply repuslive. As HDK said the entire romance and courting is fucking outrageous and bizzare.

Bill and debbie are 2 different people. Bill sees it and knows it... and sees How Debbie is far more into fucking LOTS of other men than he ..Blll.. is into fucking lots of other women.

Her story about NOT fucking Ramon when they were on the boat was crap. Yet he believed it. WHY? Because is a wimp and loser and he is desperate to fuck Debbie.

Then she tells this story about waiting for 3 months and not having any sex... which given her sex drive is not remotely believeable.

Their marriage and relationship is built on a LIE. The hero stopped debbie from a gang bang she wanted. Since that Point Debbie has KNOWN for years that Bill is soooo pathetically weak that he will do anything just to see her left tit for 2 seconds.

I'm not a fan of the flashbacks, especially this far into the story. The flashbacks reek of some impending lame RetCon trick.

You could have him play Bill in the movie. You know, I like my good guys to be good guys. And I like the bad guys to be bad.

The prose is very good. Solid, polished and smoothly running from one point to another. Your writing is one excellent quality DQS2. There is no denying talent! :)

So why now are you having to resort to "tricks". The flashback scene was totally unnecessary. The cliffhanger. Bill ain't dead. If he is, the story in over. If he is not, why the cliffhanging? The whole magilla of Bill getting healed and walking into the FOP meeting with Debbie outside reminded me too much of cheap melodrama. It was cool the first time out with the Coop in High Noon, but now, it plays very gimmicky.

The whole Bill seeing Debbie, Debbie seeing Bill, la-de-da, total melodrama. And it tries my patience.

The whole FOP standoff, while great for the story was complete bullshit. I was a cop in Cleveland, my son-in-law is a cop, 2 brothers of mine were cops, and cops are no different than anyone else. They will do what is best for them. All lies are eventually uncovered and they would know that at some point the truth would come out. And they would be in jail, their pensions, medical, mortgages whatever, history. But, if Smith gives himself up, then they have to deal with the dirty cop witch hunt. But, if smith dies, well, he was dirty cope, we dealt with it. The best scenario for everyone is Smith buys the farm right there. so, when Smith told them to drop their guns, someone would have told him, no, and asked if he was really ready to kill, conservatively, a half dozen other cops.

I have to say, again, the writing is super, but this is too long, too much time between installments, and you are now reacing for plot devices. Time to end it.

Regards,

C

I just don't know what Bill ever expected from a slut like Debbie. He knew what she was before he married her, and was surprised when she just showed her true colors. His own mother warned him several times that she would hurt him and she did.

I wonder what Debbie will think of herself when she is in her mid sixties, with her tits hanging down to her belly button and her ass as big as a Mack truck.

Lets face it; she now thinks with her pussy most of the time, but the old clock is running and she won't keep her good looks and sexy body for ever.

It was a real crappy place to end the chapter

I think I'm more confused now than before reading this chapter to where the story is going.

Truly excellent stuff. I don't like Debbie but you've made me understand her. And, I reluctantly appreciate the old "cliffhanger" ending to this chapter--just don't do it too often-it makes my heart hurt.

And if Debbie manages to rehabilitate herself, please don't make Maitland demean himself by getting back together with her.

Liked all previous chapters. Hated this end do not like cliff hangers as there is too long a time between chapters.

OK if next chapter in a few days time, not weeks as seems to be ususl.

HuwR

Australia

Finally - we get another chapter in the saga of Bill and Debbie. I was beginning to wonder if DQS1 had given up and gone bye-bye.

If anyone is interested, this story so far spans 563 pages in Microsoft word (8.5x11, 1" borders, 11point Times New Roman font). That's the size of a pretty large novel. And, considering the progression of the plot line since page 1, this is a damn slow moving yarn by anybody's standard. Hell, it's almost real time! While I still read it, I no longer excitedly look for it every day - both because it's getting to drag on - and on - and on, and second, because he takes so damn long to submit another chapter.

I sure do long for the days when he'd write a decent length, really great story every couple weeks or so. Man, those were the days.

I`ve been a anonymous reader of literotica for over 10 years. I can see this story(series) being played out in a movie. Keep it going. Its so...so....good. Much more than just sex. Its characters that you fall in love with....and hate....just like any good movie should be. Thanks for letting us read the fruits of your writing labor. And to all of the haters...get over yourself..its just a STORY.

I liked you comments: Upon entering the Hall Debbie exclaims "Holy shit he shot and killed Bill, let me call Clint and see if he has time to sooth my nerves for the rest of the night."

I have modified it:

"Holy shit, why that son of a bitch bill has to die tonight? I was feeling so fucking horny, I wanted to fuck everything with a dick. My black dress is not even ready and my make up, GOD! that mother fucker really ruined my plan and my life. It's so painful; itch in my slut pussy."

A question; Clint was a visiting professor? What the fuck is that mother fucker piece of horse shit still doing in Florida? yeah, scratching Debbie's pussy?

Too many open items for Bill to Die now.....

Love the story and the character development. It is what sets this story apart. Observation: The speech Bill gave the cops about how their wives would understand that their first duty was to their jobs/fellow cops pretty much mirrors Bill's earlier life with Debbie. Hmmmm. Constructive criicism: As we have reached the penultimate moment in the story, or at least "A" penultimate moment, it might be a good time to bring all the threads together for a climax and resolution. Anyway, thank you for your hard work. We all enjoy it and, while I'm anxious to see how it all comes out, I will also be sad to see it end.

When it ends.

IF it ends.

You know it, we know it, and we all look forward to your published work -- or, perhaps "posted work"

How good? 80 comments after being posted only a few hours.

Keep on readin' and writin' -- you can leave the 'rithmatic to some one else.

If Bill gets killed, STORY OVER.

haven't understood how it's been established that she is an intelligent cunt? she uses her tits and pussy for teasing and fucking indiscriminately, signs of intelligence!! Sadly, the daughter is turning out to be a slut like her mother.

Bill knew about the cock crazy cunt and still married her, where is his intelligence? presumably in his prick. Now it's payback for his stupidity. If he has any self-respect he should excise the cancer and hope for survival. She doesn't love him anyway. Let's forget the history, there is enough grief in the present.

Hi - it's me again.

Since posting the page count, I've had a couple of you E-mail me asking for a word count as well. According to MS Word 2007, the word count so far is 287,404. This is counting the title and chapter/part headings.

My thoughts: the flashback was worthwhile, though I think it should have come earlier in your saga. It helps the reader understand Bill’s persona better and how under that tough-guy exterior is one messed up dude when it comes to personal relationships. His mother wanted to spare him from her? Please, spare me! He needs to get back into counseling to figure out his own problems with personal relationships. No, Bill is not dead. To paraphrase Vietvet, “No Bill, end story.”

With that said, I still thoroughly enjoy your great story. I like the great side-bar threads, which add tension and diversion to the romance (Yes, this is a romance story). Finally, I like the great old-fashion cliff-hanger ending. Now, I get to hate the wait for your next installment.

Thank you as always. Keep on writing.

I haven't read any other comments but people who where going crazy before about the speed of chapters must be shitting themselves NOW!While I would love for chapters to come quicker - I am willing (not happy) to see what DQS1 will give us in his own words and own time. Hell of a read so far. Well worth time to read and really enjoyed it. Nice plot twists DQS1 keeps throwing in there!!!

Just PLEASE don't stop writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you

Tower: You're losing altitude, you're approaching the red zone. C'mon Q, you've done all you can - it's over, punch out.

DSQ: Negative tower, I've got control again. I can get this old crate back. Once I was able to let go of that ridiculously implausible Aline/Phillipe story arc the flight characteristics smoothed out immediately. I can do this.

Tower: Roger that, you've levelled out but you came dangerously close to crashing. Damn it Q I'm too old for that shit.

DSQ: You big pussy.

Tower: Always with the size thing Q.

Having read each chapter from the beginning, I want a conclusion like so many others. But I would like as happy an ending as possible for Bill. Great series, great story, superbly written. Thanks for the pleasure.

I am beginning to think a comparison to Leo Tolstoy might be more appropriate. It is till a Five, but you are wearing us down. When you took Aline out of the picture, you left us with a bunch of characters who just don't seem to have any redeeming values. Also, I think Officer Smith committed suicide and I agree with the Gary Cooper observation.

I am anxiously looking forward to the next chapter.

I am inspired.

This chapter seemed to try to put more blame on Bill - she begged him to go to the gym and gave BJ's as a reward? Where was that in the earlier chapters?

While I expected reconciliation in this story, I'm not liking Debbie's character much better. Bill has been the passive one who lets her walk into his life and call the shots. Debbie has been seducing men since she was 13. So she claims that she has sex with her basketball buddy because of her sexual frustration. If she wanted Bill, she knows how to push his buttons. He fucked her slut friend with little effort. She is a slut and is offended when he makes her see herself. She hangs out with CC and his sleazy life, and expects Bill not to associate her with her friends? She blows guys in the parking lot.

Why would Bill the monastic student think that they could have a healthy relationship? This chapter showed she was a good student. We have been told that she was a good mother, although the kids have run away ASAP. Debbie has feelings for Bill but still can't stop from hurting him. She has not grown from the experience nor has he. He is still letting others control his emotions. He is only in control in the courtroom.

No evidence that he is a better father either.

Thanks for writing but how about fewer plot lines and more character development?

Mr. Do-the-right-thing uses illegal drugs in college? For the common guy this would not seem to out of place, but for Bill it seems wrong.

Bill's code and getting high just does not mesh.

In general I like the story but that was something that just didn't seem to fit.

I hope we dont have 6 weeks to see who got shot... Damn serial movie cliffhangers!

Liked how this one went back to the college life, so Bill always knew his wife was a slut but yet he is surprised when she has an affair? They will reconcile, Bill knows who she is and accepts her and she loves him because he sees her for more than a pretty face and a fast fuck. Waiting for the next chapter eagerly

Since Bill is telling this story he must live, and Debie was interviewed after the shots so she lived.

Thanks for the story, I'm enjoying it!

I'm not sure if this is the end or not. If Bill is dead, then so is the story. Bill and Debbie's past should have come earlier in the narrative. It would have cleared up a few things. However this is well written and thought out. I do hope there will be a next chapter. Here's hoping it will not take weeks for it to appear..

that I can enjoy DQS's amazing story: I have to forget about it between installments, rather than cursing and stamping my feet in impatience.

Then when a new chapter turns up, I read it with total absorption and great pleasure. Is some of it far-fetched? In my opinion, absolutely! But it's beautifully written and very involving and I have a great time.

I thought the flashback sections to when Debbie and Bill first met one another were very powerful, though I have to say that it's hard to believe a woman as confident as she was wouldn't simply have grabbed Bill's hand and dragged him into bed. Shy, she was not!

While I don't really think that Debbie's character hangs together as a totality, what matters more for me is just that the story has hooked me. As long as I don't get caught up in wondering when the HELL the thing will finish, I can keep on enjoying it....

Thanks,

ohio

...for reader satisfaction - certainly for this reader's satisfaction.

Aline’s email hints that she may have been coerced, maybe auto-coerced simply by her conscience or love for her son, into that joint letter. The wording was formal and rather emotionless - I’m sure she would have far more feeling for Bill, and there may be a future communication which reveals her deep unhappiness and inner conflict about having to leave him - or not! You made Aline intriguing and, as we hardy LW followers know, reconciliation does not necessarily indicate permanence and you are more than capable of resurrecting something if that is where the story goes.

However, the story has taken a very interesting turn. In this chapter you have tied up some loose ends, or rather loose starts, which explain much of their life story together. The reasons behind her tumultuous early life, as well as her later behaviors, are at least halfway to being stripped bare. I remember someone, Abbot or Teller I forget which, saying she was really quite a lonely person. Each paragraph of her thoughts reveals her more as a human being who made bad choices under unusual mental pressures rather than her being truly bad. When Debbie finally realizes for herself why she was so angry at Bill for so long her rehabilitation may be complete. For the first time ever I rather like the ‘new’ Debbie, even if they don’t become a couple again.

I liked the way you portrayed her with Bill in their pre-courtship days, just hanging around, happy...ish, albeit with a certain amount of tension as she waited for him to make a move, while he thought she was out of his league. Then the emotional explosion which finally brought them together. You also revealed much more of her innate intelligence, playfulness and a kind of shyness. This is in welcome contrast to her previously perceived persona as just a slutty, blonde nymphomaniac. You gave us one more reason, perhaps the most important one, for Bill’s insecurities. Because of the circumstances under which they finally became a couple, Bill probably accepted on one level that she, not he, was really in charge of their relationship.

I thought you did a very good job of tying up their ‘friendship’ start with their moment of real connection, in the same chapter that they both exhibited some serious (and now better informed) introspection about themselves, their past and where they are today.

The Shawn Smith drama was nicely, slowly built. I’m not sure it’s the most believable sub-plot, a cop going after a prosecutor, but you have shown him losing his fiancee (maybe ‘the one’) and slowly unravelling under great stress, so it works. Both Debbie and Bill’s thoughts and actions prior to the confrontation were very powerfully presented and allied to the escalation very skillfully. Those sequences were, for me, some of the best you’ve done. I was on the edge of my seat reading it!

This chapter moves something on, at least in Bill and Debbie’s mindsets and that’s the true purpose of this - their story.

Very well done - I look forward to 6B.

Just..wow.

I get why she might want to get back together:

Her life is turning to crap

She suddenly sees her husband as other people do; powerful, smart, brave and handsomer then he ever was before.

She's getting a sense of how awful she was and she feels guilty

She feels the breath of mortality on her breasts

So, why would HE go back to her?

She's still the same bitch she was.

She cut his heart out and did what? Certainly not apologize

She admitted to mulitple adulteries (Sorry, jacking a guy off, even sans skin contact is adultery)

He still isn't the guy that makes her breath catch in her throat.

Is pity sex even from a hot chick worth it? Every time he puts his organ in her, her words about size, quality and passion will haunt him.