All Comments on 'Where Are You? Ch. 01'

You have a good start going here, with a nice storyline. I'd suggest having someone edit before you submit, to catch typos and oddly-phrased sentences. Can't wait for the next part though :)

Well! Once again, an up-&-coming Literoticist has pounced upon my "Bestest-&-All-Time-Favoritest" libido snack: a tale of a brighter future wherein O/our poor, wilted, ravaged, plundered, patriarchy-sullied Earth - Mother Gaia - has been rescued from us gonad-driven, testosterone-addled MANimals, well on Her way to being lovingly nursed back to health by the innately-nurturing hands of Womankind, and where Women are Women and males are kept safely (and firmly!) at the Feminine heel, where we so rightfully belong. Splendid!

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'...before them was the sprawling streets of the old river town St. Louis, what was left of it. Used mainly as a trading post, the rest of the city had been pulled down to allow nature to over take the land.'

Outstanding. Also like the 'friend-cum-slave' relationship dynamic between Leah and nate... it touches a personal note for me, as my best friend of nearly a decade is a gorgeous, little blond Who's feet I've groveled at, squirmed beneath and lavished with breathless kisses on many occasions over the last few years! *grin* And although W/we cherish our deep BFF (BestFriendsForever)friendship, the short-fused little Minx now also fully regards me as Her personal, on-demand servant. (Of course, the 'Mistress/slave' aspect is carefully maintained as 'O/our Little Secret' from O'our spouses - whom W/we're SURE wouldn't grasp all the therapeutic/cathartic benefits W/we glean from such Jungian indulgences.

What floored me was how startlingly similar the characters of Leah & nate are to J****** & myself! Leah acts just LIKE my sporadically-huffy little Mistress and in nate I see my own occasionally-'pissy' (though cautious) grumblings. Ha, I was staggered.

For example, this passage could have had O/our names instead! lol...

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'He sighed heavy enough for the rider to hear.

"Don't start..." she spoke softly.'

Unreal, lol. Heh; must confess, though, that I'd get a hoot out of envisioning the surprise on nate's face, were he to mutter something pissy around Leah at just the wrong moment & earns himself the surprise of a toasty, little, palm-to-face class-reminder from Her lol.

But I digress - don't let little old ~me~ influence your creativity.. *poke* :)

Seriously, the story has scads of potential, and i can't express how hopeful there's many more installments to come, since it's well-conceived & captivating, not to mention believably back-plotted.

And THAT'S why - typos-be-damned - you're STILL getting a solid [5] from me:

[4] for concept, content & style, and another makes

[5] for your more-than-admirable first-timer effort. (...ok, yeah, yeah; and hopefully some incentive to encourage you to continue honing your glaringly-obvious F/D story-crafting potential here at Literotica.) *fingers crossed*

Lastly, (I promise, lol), if you'd like, I'll volunteer my services to ya as a proofreader/editor/ any future installments of this or similar stories from you - and believe me, I'm up to the task, as I've written/edited/proofed professionally in-house for well-known publishers - though my offer must be limited to F/m, F+/m, F/m+ F+/m+ or FM/m material.

I'll be happy to look over anything along those lines you may wish to send me for proofing and/or editing, to help hone those developing skills of yours before shooting them back for you to read thru and learn from, than to post as yours, if you wish.

Hey; I'd be remiss not to offer any assistance/nurturing/guidance to a budding Gynosupremacist, wouldn't I? :)

Again, bravo. Will look forward to reading more like this one from you - regardless of whether or not you choose to accept my help.

Peace :)

nEt..

Solid start. Like that your characters have lives and stories that stretch beyond your tale. Makes the reader eager to learn more.

Just curious is there more to this?

Like the explaintions you have as to how this all happened but more information would be good...

Would like to read more.