Where The Heart Is

And if my attraction to Thea was just a fluke, then there was no reason for me not to stride over towards her and say hi now, was there?

So I did, and smiled all the more as I neared and finally noticed the ensemble Thea was wearing. She had a coat over it, but that was definitely an elf costume peeking through. My eyes drifted towards the paper bags she was carrying on her arm, and saw an elf hat—with matching elf ears attached to it—sitting on top of one.

"Oh, this is too good to pass up!" I commented as soon as I reached her, and Thea whirled around.

"Liv!" She said, clearly surprised. I let my eyes go over her clothes before meeting her gaze, and I watched Thea's cheeks redden when she saw my amusement.

"Let me guess," I told her. "You could use the extra?"

Thea laughed, and I tried to ignore how cute that smile looked in her little elf costume.

"No," she replied, shaking her head. "Someone I knew from work needed someone to fill in for her here tonight, and I figured, why not?"

"Taking a break?" I asked her, falling into step as she continued to walk through the aisle.

"Actually, I'm done—it was only a one-hour gig," She said. "But I thought I could get some Christmas shopping out of the way."

"In the toys section?" I asked, frowning a bit.

"My youngest brother is eight," Thea explained. "I know someone who's going home for Christmas, and he's agreed to get some of this stuff to my family since we lived in the same city. What are you doing here?"

Thea glanced curiously sideways at me, and I shrugged. "Just trying to get some Christmas shopping done like you." I told her.

"In the toys section?" Thea echoed wryly.

I should've seen that question backfiring on me but I didn't, and I began to sputter, unable to come up with a quick reply. Thea stopped, grinning over my reaction before she decided to take pity on me and changed the subject.

"Are you heading back to the loft after?" She asked.

"Not yet." I told her, our eyes meeting as we turned our gazes toward each other at the same time. There was something dangerous about the way Thea's deep brown eyes mesmerized, and I looked away quickly, feeling something that I could only call as panic. "Actually, I have to go. I promised to meet some friends for dinner."

"Don't you guys ever just have dinner at home?" Thea said, sounding a bit disappointed as I began to step away. I glanced up quickly to see the slight frown on her face.

"Oh, well, I have a life," I responded without thinking, eager to get away from Thea's pull. I had already walked a few steps before my mind finally registered the slightly stricken look that had crossed Thea's expression and I realized how my words might have come across.

I turned back, hoping to clarify that I hadn't meant to imply that she didn't have a life, but I was too late and Thea was already gone.

*****

"Well, she's new," My bisexual friend, Kirsten, observed, smiling appreciatively at something she was seeing over my shoulders.

It was Friday night and the two of us, along with our other friend Alex (also gay), had decided to check out the new lesbian bar that had opened up in the city last week.

It showed promise, as most new places tended to, but it didn't take the three of us more than thirty minutes to notice that the place was crowded with pretty much the same crowd as the older clubs we frequented. And that was what we had been discussing as the three of us sat in a booth with our first round of shots.

I wasn't really there to look for people I wanted to date—I already had Rachel for that. But when Alex nodded her enthusiastic agreement after following Kirsten gaze, my curiosity got the better of me. I turned in my seat to casually gauge this 'new' person for myself, and frowned.

What was Thea doing there?

She was positively smoking in the thin-strapped, light-colored dress that she was wearing. It was too short in my opinion, although it still left some room for the imagination, coming up just a little below her mid-thigh. It certainly showed a good enough deal of her long, tanned legs to make anyone actually want to start imagining.

It was also too tight—again, my opinion—and although the bodice was modest enough, there was no mistaking the round swells of her breasts behind the fabric. Anyone's eyes would be drawn towards the curves so starkly outlined by her outfit unless they were blind or cold-blooded—and I was neither.

Thea wore her hair up and some make up, but no jewelry, leaving nothing to take anyone's eyes away from the smooth skin on her neck. She looked nervous as she stood there in her high heels, scanning the place, and I turned back towards my friends, my scowl growing darker at the way they were eyeing Thea.

I knew Kirsten and Alex well enough to know exactly what they were thinking, and I found myself getting out of my seat despite my better judgment.

"Are you lost or something?" I said as I fell into step with Thea on her way to the bar.

She gave a little start, saw it was just me, and relaxed. There was a confused look on her face before she eased into a smile, having reached some sort of understanding over what it was she had been wondering about.

"No," she replied flippantly as she continued to walk. "Just getting this thing called 'a life' that I've heard so much about."

She was joking, but the reminder made me feel both guilty and inexplicably annoyed that this whole Thea-in-a-lesbian-bar-wearing-a-sexy-dress thing turned out to be my fault. I placed a hand on her arm, letting go as soon as she stopped and gave me her full attention.

"Do you know that this is a lesbian bar?" I asked, and one side of Thea's lips turned up in amusement before she pretended to look around in shock for a moment.

"Yes, I'm aware." She finally said, in effect telling me that she was also gay. Her eyes twinkled as she looked at me, one finely arched eyebrow rising. "Do you?"

I didn't know what to say after that, and could only stare after Thea while she proceeded to take a seat at the bar. I returned to my friends, who were both grinning at me as I sat down.

"Struck out?" Alex guessed teasingly.

"I better bring my A game then," Kirsten mused, leaning back as she lazily studied Thea.

"No, she's my roommate, okay?" I grumbled. I wanted to make my friends understand that it wasn't what they were thinking, but I guess I came off sounding overly protective instead.

"What, is there a rule now somewhere that says we can't hit on each other's roommates?" Kirsten grinned, but I could tell that she was seriously thinking of going for Thea and the thought wasn't sitting too well with me.

"Okay, okay! I was only kidding!" Kirsten laughed when I scowled darkly.

"Looks like Dani's already beaten you to it, anyway," Alex quipped, and we all glanced to where Thea was sitting.

True enough, Dani Morrison was already standing by the bar and talking to Thea.

Tall, lithe, and with strikingly androgynous European features, Dani was the type who could get any woman that she wanted. She knew it too—always flitting from girl to girl and never dating anyone more than twice.

I didn't know what came over then, but the next thing I knew, I was striding over there and giving Thea a light kiss on the cheek as I placed myself between her and Dani.

"Hey, sweetie," I smiled at Thea. "Sorry, I'm late. Been waiting long?"

I had no idea why I was pretending to be Thea's date when there were probably a few other ways to drive Dani away, but it worked. I flicked a glance over my shoulder to make sure that Dani had already walked away before turning back to Thea.

"You're welcome," I smiled. Thea had a stunned look on her face, and I thought I should explain. "You do not want to be Dani's flavor of the week. Trust me."

I walked away then, feeling pretty accomplished as I returned to our now-empty booth. I could see Kirsten going off on the dance floor and I figured Alex was around somewhere as I took a sip of my beer. I drummed my fingers on the table as I glanced around, wondering what I should do next, only to see Thea talking to a redhead named Suzy this time.

I didn't even think twice before doing the same thing that I had done with Dani, and Suzy backed off easily enough.

"Too clingy," I explained to Thea—who now looked a little annoyed—before I casually walked off.

It happened a few more times over the course of the next hour. Some random woman would hit on Thea, and I would step in to drive the girl away, finding one fault or another on whoever it was. By the fifth time though, Thea was no longer having it.

She stood up as I neared, excusing herself from the brunette that she had been talking to, and headed towards my direction. She held my wrist as she passed and, for a moment, I thought she was leading me onto the dance floor, but she had walked towards a relatively quiet corner instead, away from the crowd.

"Okay, Liv. What is your problem?" Thea asked as she whirled around and faced me, clearly frustrated by my antics.

"What? I was just looking out for you.' I said, telling her the same thing I had been trying to convince myself of all night.

"Looking out for me?" Thea repeated incredulously and I shrugged.

"Yeah," I nodded. "I figured, you're new here and, as your roommate, I should help you out."

"I don't need any help!" Thea scoffed, not looking very pleased with me at the moment.

"Oh, I can see that!" I sneered, unable to contain my annoyance at the number of women she had been attracting throughout the night.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Thea frowned, now sounding a bit angry. Her right hand went to her hip, and my gaze fell, distracted by the movement—except I couldn't get past the top swells of her breasts as her chest slightly heaved.

It took me a full moment to force my eyes away from that tempting view, and when I finally did, I had trouble concentrating on anything else but the soft red tint of her lips as they pursed. All of a sudden, I found myself wondering what they tasted like—and very much wanting to find out.

"Liv?" Thea asked uncertainly, feeling the shift in the air as I finally met her gaze.

My feet moved on its own accord, drawing me closer as I braced my palm on the wall behind her. I stared into her eyes, not knowing how to stop myself, but I watched Thea's gaze drop briefly to my own lips and it was all the encouragement that I needed.

My free hand went up, my knuckles lightly grazing Thea's cheeks as I closed my eyes and leaned forward.

"I think it's time to take Kirsten home," Alex's laughing voice sounded loudly behind me. I felt the weight of my friend's palm on my right shoulder as she turned me around, completely oblivious of what she had just interrupted.

"I don't know what she's been drinking," Alex grinned at me tipsily as she cradled a shot glass in her hand. "But she's had waaaay too much of it."

I turned my gaze towards the dance floor and found Kirsten easily enough, flailing about and bumping, it seemed, to every single person around her. I looked back at Thea but she had already snuck away. My eyes scanned the room until I found her, grabbing her coat as she hurriedly left.

I let her go, knowing there was no way I could catch up to her now and it was probably for the best. I turned to Alex and took the shot in her hand, downing the warm, golden liquid as quickly as I could.

Rachel, remember? I stubbornly reminded myself as I let Alex lead the way. You like Rachel.

Still, the image of Thea's soft lips and brown eyes haunted me for the rest of the night. It followed me even after Alex and I had made sure Kirsten got home safe and went our separate ways. It stayed with me even when I got back into the quiet loft, and while I was readying myself for bed, never letting up until I finally slept.

*****

Eight

"Let's all have dinner together on Christmas Eve before I go to work!" Rachel said, looking up from the dining table where she had been doing her bills.

It had been a pretty mellow Sunday morning so far, and all three of us were in the loft, doing our own things. Rachel in the dining area with her bills, Thea on the living room rug and packing stuff she was planning to send home, and I just reading a book on the sofa. The past hour had gone along quietly until Rachel had made her suggestion.

"What?" I asked absently from my position.

"Yeah, we could order in or, I could cook some pasta!" Rachel said, her voice definitely sounding more excited now. "And maybe Thea can whip some delicious dish up, and you... well, you could get the wine."

Rachel grinned at me before turning to Thea. "What do you think?" She asked the dark-haired woman.

Most of my interactions with Thea since Friday had been a little weird, with neither of us being particularly keen on talking about what had happened—and both of us trying to pretend there wasn't any tension between us now.

I couldn't seem to get that almost-kiss—and what it would have felt like had it not been interrupted—out of my mind. Worse, my desire to see that kiss through always seemed to come back stronger whenever Thea was around, and it was all I could do to try and keep my focus on Rachel.

I watched Thea now hesitate as she considered the idea. In the end though, she couldn't help but smile wistfully as she nodded at Rachel. "I think that sounds nice, actually," Thea said.

And then Thea casted a furtive glance my way, although she still wouldn't look me in the eye. "I mean, if that's fine with you?" She asked me.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Rachel interjected. "You don't have anything planned on Christmas Eve, do you, Liv?"

I did. I had planned on walking Rachel to work that night and finally telling her how I felt, but I also knew that a nice Christmas dinner with Rachel would fit that plan perfectly. While Thea also being there did give me pause—especially since I couldn't seem to shake her effect on me now—I figured, if Thea could act like nothing at all had changed between us since that night, well then, so could I.

"Dinner sounds perfect." I beamed at Rachel.

"Then it's settled," Rachel said, clasping her hands together. "I'll make some pasta. Thea will cook something up. And you... well, you could get the wine."

*****

The smell of delicious food greeted me as soon as I entered the loft on Christmas Eve. The place seemed empty, however, and I looked around anxiously as I put the wine down on the table.

Tonight was the night, after all. I would tell Rachel how I felt later this evening, hopefully Rachel would say she liked me back, and maybe then the fantasies of kissing Thea would finally stop interrupting my thoughts.

"Guys?" I called out as I took off my coat and hung it. "Where's everyone?"

"Finally!" Rachel said as she appeared through the hallway, looking stunning in the mint green, with emerald-printed dress. I was surprised how good the color looked against the pink of her hair, and the way her complexion seemed even creamier as the dress highlighted her tall, well-proportioned frame. "You were taking so long, Thea and I decided to take the time to get ready. Come, help me set the table up!"

"Okay," I said, immediately doing as she had told, and we both moved around the cupboards to get everything that we needed.

We didn't really have any fancy dishes in the loft or anything, but Rachel had some nice wine glasses and I helped her take them down while I worked on my courage.

"Oh, hey, what time are you going to work later?" I asked when Rachel left the table to get the food, trying to sound as flippant as I could.

"Probably around 9:30," Rachel replied from the kitchen. "My shift starts at 10 tonight. Why?"

"Nothing," I said, deciding that this was my opening. "I was just going to a party around those parts later and I thought, wow."

I had breathed the last word out as my voice trailed off, unable to do anything else but stare as Thea stepped out of her room and stood in the hallway entrance.

She wore a white, red-trimmed dressed that fit her perfectly, the soft cotton hugging all the contours of her body and showing off her tanned limbs. She wore her hair down tonight, those fine, dark strands silkily flowing past her shoulders and over the tops of her breasts. Her makeup was light, and the glossy, nude shade Thea wore on her lips had me wishing I had her back up against a wall like I did last time.

My eyes met hers, and maybe I was imagining things, but I thought I saw her breath catch a little as she gazed back at me. I couldn't take my eyes away from what was in that look, my mind drawing a blank as my whole body froze with wanting Thea.

"You thought wow?" Rachel asked, effectively breaking the spell as she placed a roasted chicken at the center of the table.

I looked down quickly and cleared my throat as I thought up an excuse, completely forgetting what it was that I had been trying to say to Rachel earlier.

"I meant, wow! This looks delicious," I commented on the food as I moved off towards the kitchen to get the other dishes.

My eyes drifted back towards Thea, unable to keep them off of her for long. She had started to walk into the dining area, looking anywhere but at me.

"Honey, you look gorgeous!" Rachel exclaimed, finally noticing Thea's presence as I returned from the kitchen with the pasta and some beef-in-red-sauce dish that Thea had cooked.

Thea laughed, her cheeks slightly reddening as she returned the compliment. "Look who's talking."

Meanwhile, I stood there in my pair of jeans and gray pullover sweater.

We all sat down for dinner soon after, with Thea and Rachel talking through the delicious meal easily enough. I sat there, mostly silent as I tried to get myself to relax. I had had to sit right next to Thea since Rachel had taken the single seat across us, and I just couldn't seem to focus on what was being discussed.

I kept getting distracted by Thea's closeness—the warmth coming off of her skin, the scent of her perfume, each tiny movement she made—and I had had to constantly remind myself that we weren't alone just to keep my hands off of her.

On top of that, my mind kept on admonishing me, reminding me that I was about to bare my feelings for Rachel in less than a couple of hours. I started to become increasingly aware of both the time and Thea's closeness, those two things reducing me to a bundle of nerves by the end of the meal. The two women kept trying to join me in on the conversation but I was so strung out, I could only give one-line responses.

"Oh, I'm so glad we did this," Rachel sighed now as she took a sip from her glass. "This just made my Christmas suck a lot less. I miss home. You know what I'd be doing if my boss wasn't such a dick and I didn't have to work tonight? I'd be home sipping hot cocoas with my nephews."

"And what about you?" Thea asked in another attempt to include me. "Didn't you want to come home this Christmas?"

"Not really." I replied, reaching for my own glass instead of meeting Thea's gaze.

It wasn't a particularly touchy subject for me, but my increasing anxiety didn't make me feel like talking about my divorced parents and why I preferred not to spend Christmas with them.

"Why not?" Thea pressed. The wine had done a better job relaxing her than it did me, and she propped her chin against the back of her hand as she smiled at me. "I mean, I can't think of anything I'd like more than spending Christmas at home."

I could have responded to her question better, but it was hard to think with Thea looking at me like that. Those deep brown eyes seared, wreaking havoc on my emotions, and I made a desperate grab for my control by trying to turn the question—and Thea's attention—away from me.