White Cocks Make Me Do Bad Things

By the time I got home, it was already midnight. I had no idea what I was going to say to Grant. I had totally fucked up, and there was nothing to be done. When I thought about what I had done, having sex with two men who violated me in every possible way for hours and hours, I couldn't even figure out how I would begin my confession.

My worst fears were realized when I got home and saw that all the lights were still on. There was not going to be any opportunity to sneak in and pretend in the morning that I had come in earlier. If it came to it, I was ready to make a full confession.

I almost thought about turning around and spending the night at the motel, but I decided I'd better face the music. I walked in, and I saw the stricken look on Grant's face.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I got a drink with a colleague after work, and lost track of time." I had to work to keep my tears in check.

"Sit down," he said. "I have to tell you something."

I sat down and looked at him. He looked sad. I felt terrible. He must have put two and two together, I thought. Maybe someone saw me going into the motel after work.

"Can I say something?" I asked, even though I didn't know what I was going to say.

"No," he said, firmly. "I have to do this." We sat in silence for a while.

"I've been cheating on you," he said, finally. My heart skipped a beat. "I've been sleeping with Cindy."

Cindy was his old girlfriend. I didn't feel anger, I felt relief. I looked at Grant. He had his head in his hands, unable to look at me. I put my arm around him. We sat that way for a while. Grant started to cry, softly.

"I didn't mean to," he sobbed. "It just happened."

"How long?" I asked.

"Since your retreat a few months ago."

"Do you love her?" I asked.

"No," he said. "I love you."

I hugged him tighter. I'm sure he must have been confused by my response.

"We'll get through this together," I said. "It's going to be fine, as long as you love me."

"Why are you so understanding?" he asked.

"Because," I said. "I haven't been a good wife in bed. It's no wonder you would be frustrated and look for something else. But I'm trying to be better. You know that, right?"

"No, you're great," he said. "And yes, I appreciate your making an effort. I've really noticed. I don't have an excuse, I'm just weak and easily tempted."

"No, when it comes to sex, we all have our issues. The two of us will get through this together."

I did think about confessing my infidelity, but I think I made the right call in not telling him. I think it would have been devastating to him to learn that someone else had to teach me how to enjoy sex. I do think that my own infidelity made me more understanding about his. If I hadn't cheated, I probably would have left him when he told me about Cindy, because thinking about his old girlfriend had always driven me crazy with jealousy. I also wonder if I knew subconsciously that Grant was up to something the weekend of the retreat, and that was what caused me to sleep with Ryan that night.

So is everything fine now? Mostly, I would say. Sex with Grant is good most of the time, and I'm able to get aroused several times a week. It still takes a lot of work. But I've learned that imagination can go a long way in our quest for sexual satisfaction. Also, identifying what turns me on has helped. I've told Grant that I get turned on by the idea of being an Asian slave to White cocks, and role playing this fantasy has helped the two of us. It seems that this particular fantasy gets him off, too. Who knew? Grant bought a very large realistic dildo, and I love getting fucked by it. I have to say that it bears an uncanny resemblance to Andrew's dick.

As for Ryan and Andrew, I've managed to stay away from them. If Grant is promising fidelity, then I think I'm going to try and be faithful, too. But I don't know if I would ever say never.