Wide Awake: Exposure Therapy (Pt. 01)

It was a chill Fall day on campus, students bustling to and fro, depending where you stand you'll get caught in the motions of the crowd. So the best thing to do is step aside on the grass, the sun, as warm as it gets in October is on your side and it feels good. This is what Adrienne did.

Adrienne just turned 23, she's feeling good just having started her program, she dyed her hair white to mark the occasion and she's losing weight. But not too much, as she likes a girl with meat on her bones and doesn't think she should be any different. She stood there amidst the chaos after the bell rang, pondering her next move. Should she go to 7-11? Should she go home and eat something? Is she even hungry? That's when she looked across from her and saw some Bible thumpers soliciting. You know them when you see them. Thank goodness they didn't have any nasty pictures with them. There were four of them, three girls and a guy who looked like he didn't want to be there. They were trying their best to get people's attention but it wasn't working. One of them in particular was a slim, pretty brunette with large eyes that stood out. She was louder than the rest and seemed tired, like she's been yelling for a long time and now yelling harder, catching her breath in between and feeling more desperate.

Adrienne went, dodging passer byers who were fewer now, and sauntered over there. She walked up to the girl, but instead of getting mad, she seemed happy, humoring the young girl like alarm bells were ticking. What followed was Adrienne playing coyly, asking questions about patriarchy and feminism. The girl, still yelling, was getting defensive. Tears came falling, and her friends even looked at her wondering what was going on. Adrienne asks the girl's name.

"Anna." She said it like she had no idea why someone would want to know.

"Well, Anna, if you need someone to talk to-" she took a notebook out of her purse, scribbled in it quickly, ripped the page out and placed it in Anna's coat pocket.

Anna looked shocked while Adrienne smiled and walked the other way. Then she fervently took it out, read it and popped it back in. She looked to her right hoping her friends weren't suspicious. She took a step back, decided she wasn't going to say any more and squatted on the grass until the rest felt they were done failing at getting anyone to talk to them.

Later that night, Anna went home to her apartment. She unexpectedly has a liberal roommate she doesn't talk to about religion, she sympathizes. Something isn't right. The pressure was building to message Adrienne, so she sat down in her gaming chair, started her desktop and went to Instagram.

Adrienne's profile pic made her look like a Hobbit. She had light brown hair then. She curiously scrolled through her pictures, she's beautiful she thought. Then came the follow, then the message.

"Hi this is Anna, I was intrigued by your offer. Message me whenever. Thanks"

On the opposite end, Adrienne was sitting in her bed avoiding her family, listening to childhood beats, not really sure if Anna was going to message or not. But alas, she got the notification and opened a new tab excited for what was to come.

They made some small-talk, ensuring each of them felt safe, before Adrienne invited her to a noodle bar. Adrienne was always looking to get in a girl's pants, but this time she really just wanted a conversation with Anna. And Anna didn't hesitate to accept, a part of her was frightened, she did notice it was technically a date. A sapphic date, in fact. Something snapped in her that made her eager to see Adrienne and eat some damn good MSG-filled food.

They agreed on a time, and Anna not so patiently hopped on a streetcar going west. She got a text from Adrienne asking if she's comfortable "picking her up" at home as it's just a few blocks from their destination, so she said sure. She got off the street car and walked, eyes looking down as she navigates with her phone. When she got to the building and stepped into the lobby she texted back letting Adrienne know she's there. Didn't take a minute for Adrienne to come down, flashing a smile.

"Hey."

"Hi..." she replied with a forced sense of happiness.

"Can I hug you?"

"Yes."

Adrienne was a little taller, and easily covered Anna warmly, for a few seconds.

"Let's go!"

It turns out Adrienne lived in a wind tunnel, the street blasted them lightly in the face but neither of them seemed to care. It was an exciting night, the Fall air helped them walk a little faster. Adrienne put her elbow through Anna's and they walked side by side, Anna felt oddly relaxed. When they reached the noodle bar Adrienne opened the door and let Anna go first.

They sat, they ordered. They had a really good time! Adrienne, stubbornly, insisted on paying the bill but Anna snuck in her share into Adrienne's pocket. They got up and left.

"I don't feel like going home yet, do you?" Adrienne asked. "No."

"Well, would you want to walk around the neighborhood for a while?"

"Yeah why not."

The wind settled, they strolled slowly arm in arm through the dark residential area. Adrienne thought now is the time to ask her about earlier.

"Would you like to talk about what was going on today?"

"Yeah... I'm not actually religious."

Adrienne was taken back, and now things seemed more sad than if Anna was indoctrinated.

"They feed me a script. My parents got me involved with those people, that's why I was freaking out."

Adrienne tried being assuring, and they talked for a bit about how Anna's life is in her hands and she doesn't need to feel like she's tied to her parents.

"If you want to come out you should feel free to do that, I think it would be good for you."

"How did you-?"

Adrienne put her finger over Anna's mouth, smiled, reached behind her head... and kissed her. It took Anna a few seconds but she kissed her back. She enthusiastically let out an "Mm." Adrienne stepped back a bit, smiling, saw Anna staring like she'd seen a ghost, and gave her another kiss as if to say it's okay.

"You ticked the boxes."

"You're right, I'm gay. And I'm a virgin, and that felt really nice thank you."

"Let it out, baby."

Anna stopped walking to crouch and let out a roaring "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

She stayed there gasping for air, when Adrienne made her way to her, and crouched too. Pulling Anna's hair back, they look into each other's eyes. Adrienne pulled her in for another kiss, this time Anna threw her back onto the grass. She got on top of Adrienne and they made out for a minute, going from eager to soft. She pulled back from Adrienne again, who stroked her face and gave her a quick kiss.

They continued walking, hand in hand. Anna told Adrienne she can come out when she's ready because she neither lives with family nor depends on them in any way. Adrienne was relieved.

They reached the subway station, and Anna didn't want to leave but they both knew they probably should part ways for the night. Anna kissed Adrienne hard and held onto her hand as long as she could, as if she'd been sent off to war. She ran away to catch her train like an ecstatic school girl, while Adrienne turned the other way, and walked home the happiest she'd been in a long time.

She would normally be the one giddy and celebrating, but this time she helped someone come to terms with themselves. She did celebrate, but celebrate the way she'd like, would have to wait. But it was okay, that would come soon enough. She was going to get junk food and run home to brag about what just happened.