All Comments on 'Wild Night at the Pagan Campout'

Just plain fun. No emotional stuff about what her life has been about, or whether she routinely fucks everyone in sight. We have no real idea if she will do as she suggests and tell her man everything, or how he will react and what HE did that night. Just a beautiful relaxed story or enjoying sex with a number of others of both genders. A great third story, keep them coming.

Do not write in second person. I do not wear a skirt. I am not merciless. When your writing tells me I am things that I am not it repeatedly throws me out of the story and that makes for bad storytelling.

You write a story in second person. You submit it to Literotica. Your readership doesn't like it. You get a lower score than you ought to because of it. You learn from this and begin writing in first person or third person. People like your stories better.

Don't start a story by saying it's true and then writing the ridiculous shit in your head. Everyone knows it's bullshit. Three stories in one day, none of them worth reading entirely, you're either brave or extremely stupid. Then again, maybe you just like receiving dismal and humiliating ratings along with all the positive comments. Oh wait, there aren't any. Based on this mess you're nothing more than the next to ignore.

Don't write in 2nd person. I don't have a husband or wear skirts.

You really need to re-visit the Point Of View (POV). Writing in the third person, as an invisible eye-in-the-sky watching, observing things, can only go so far. You CANNOT then describe what a person is feeling or thinking, as that is 1st person. But you try to mix the two. As I stated, it does not work.

As this is predominantly the actions of Brenna, why haven't you written from her POV? Then you could have HER describe what she is feeling/thinking/experiencing etc. It would be far more realistic and the reader gets a far more detailed, indepth story line. Anyway, continue having fun. Cheers.

I swish my skirt? I am doing all of this right now? Wow. Present tense writing is simply a horrible idea.

"Writing in the third person, as an invisible eye-in-the-sky watching, observing things, can only go so far. You CANNOT then describe what a person is feeling or thinking, as that is 1st person. But you try to mix the two. "

<P>

Actually, Third Person Omniscient lets the narrator know every thought and feeling of every character. If you want to limit it to one or a few characters, that's called Third Person Limited Omniscient. For example, the Harry Potter series is written (except for a few chapters) from Third Person Limited Omniscient.from Harry's POV. Even in the other chapter the narrator has insight to what other characters are thinking and feeling. Using Harry Potter as another example, in the very first chapter, the reader knows what his uncle is thinking.

JFC was this bad.

Hopefully the divorce conversation the next day goes easily for them. Not that a nasty one isnt deserved in this case.

Garbage....or even worst, because is 2nd person garbage...1* (where are the negative ratings when we need them?)

A beautiful, relaxed story about a cheating slut who screws everything in sight. What horseshit.

Please don't write in second person voice. It's ridiculous. The "you" being addressed by the speaker is there with you and if she needs to be told what is happening to her there's something wrong with her brain. Alternatively, if the "you" being addressed is the reader, at least half your readership doesn't have the lady bits mentioned, nor are they capable of having reactions like ""AAGGGHHHHHHHH!!!" You gush all the cum down over him, drenching his crotch with all the accumulated excitement of the evening."

It's a bit difficult for a bloke to do that.

Second person works well as a note or letter, but it has to be future tense (looking forward to the excitement) or past tense (remembering how exciting it was). It cannot be present tense as a letter or message.

I couldn't read it. I find second person stuff so annoying and I am always arguing with the narrative as I try to read it. Next time you go down to the woods, stick with first person or third person. It's much more readable that way.

Lue

Who are these people? Why are they doing what they do? Why would the husband watch but not take his later? Hope you entertained yourself with that tale, it was not so good for the reader without the backstory.

Hijacking the comments a little to say, “Hey Lue, where you been?” “I’ve kinda missed your slightly biased comments.”

I just haven't felt that there was much worth commenting on, my friend. Although several of my comments were in categories other than the dreaded LW, so the Moral Brigade has missed my words of wisdom, perhaps.

Lue

There are other categories, and some of the stories in those categories are excellent. Wander around some sweet little virgins exploring their First Time, or Mature ladies and gentlemen giving younger people the benefits of their experience, and so on. There's all sorts of wonderful things happening in other categories.

It's sad that people simply enjoy the stories they read in these categories, give them a score and move on. No other category has the rabidly involved commentariat that we find in LW. That's what makes the category entertaining. I suspect that there are authors submitting LW stories that are designed to gain maximum outrage in the comments.

(Or, at least, I hope that there are. It's a worthy pursuit.)

Lue

2nd person

A no read no score story.

While camping after the children were in bed my wife let her inhibitions fly out of control when she went to the restroom saying she didn't want to wake the children. After she was gone a while I went to check and heard her in the tent with a used to be friend that was single. I listened and recorded just enough to have proof. Went back to our camper that was still hooked up and drove away. We were home before she called and ask what happened? You ended our marriage then I just played the recording in the phone. When I shut it off I said I would called and find a lawyer Monday and hung up. It took several almost a year because she was fighting it hard her family had money. We ended up where she had custody and I paid child support. If it wasn't for the children I would have left the country. Her dad was a know it all and blaming me saying I cheated on his daughter so I sent him and my mother inlaw copies of the recording I had made. My mother inlaw apologized to me but he couldn't bring himself to admit he was wrong. I really love my wife and really had a hard time accepting her not loving me enough to be faithful and told her so. 2 years later we started dating again she nor I dated anyone till we started dating again a year later we remarried on out original wedding date. That was 8 years ago.

A crappy one about some braindead idiots in a clusterfuck. Despicable characters and infantile plot.

Duude, stay with SF.

Captcha

I find it best to only write in 2nd person when specifically writing about my 2nd cousins twice removed. Otherwise it seems to get too many peoples panties in a bunch. They may not wear skirts but clearly panties. And who needs a backstory, just dropped right into a hot landing zone with no intel and no lay of the land. At least in this story the husband had been spying and it is alluded to that they discussed her self treatment for acute hysteria and nymphomania. Maybe this story should be read before the 2am missing wife one, That was a real shit show.

All of that aside, the sex was pretty hot and varied. Little miss hot pants shagged three different peoples spouses and even hit from both sides of the plate. I’m almost intrigued enough to check out you alien stories.

don't like second person

I don't like or read 2nd person stories. Too bad that is what you write.

No read no score

Ugly inane characters, no real value to this one - just a waste.

tried again,

2nd person pov really is the worst way to write a story.