All Comments on 'Will & Olivia'

Outstanding story with great build-up and teasing before the main events. Stories like this make we really wish I had a willing little sister, but it’s probably just as well that I am an only child…oh well…loved it and would love more with these two!

very enjoyable story, impressive writing what with it being the first you've shared here. hoping for more of your work soon.

I would appreciate it if you finished the series

What he said!! More.....Please. You have made a good story. It can go several ways. I look forward to what comes next. The love you take is equal to the love you make.

Most long stories tend to be filled with fluff that detract from the real story. This is so well written that the build up is constant. I couldn’t put it down once I started. The only critique I would offer Is to never use the word cunt in any story. It detracts from Will’s character. Best story I’ve read in a long while.

5* Will & Olivia chapter 2?

More please. Where do they go from here? Professed love for each other so maybe they become a couple and parents seem to be encouraging them. Maybe parents are siblings or cousins.

Congrats for the hall of fame

I shouldn't worry too much about the misspelled, grammatically incorrect criticism of the guy below who doesn't have the courage to use his name. It just proves the old adage that those who can, do, while those who can't, criticise. One wonders why he is reading incest/taboos stories if he thinks the authors are all A Holes (sic).

Great story. five stars from me.

There definitely needs to be a chapter 2

I enjoyed this story. Thanks.

Generally, incest is not my preferred reading material, but this was well done, enjoyable and erotic

Very nice, definitely worth a chapter 2! 5/5

Yes please! A great start to your Literotica catalog.

For your first story, you hit a grand slam!

I enjoyed your character development and the well written build up was worth it. Great sex scenes too.

Definitely worth a chapter 2 at least.

Great job on the setting and atmosphere! I like how well I was able to visualize the space based on your descriptions; it helps make the story come alive. And it really captured the idyll of a family summer vacation in a way that felt recognizable and, for the most part, authentic, from the boating and bathing to the board game nights. // In terms of improvements, I know that it's hard to make a scenario like this work without a good deal of suspension of disbelief, but in the context of such an otherwise realistic and well-drawn setup, I found the go-to tropes of "teasing sister who is 100% eager for incest with her brother from Day 1" and the familiar contrivances that push them in that direction a bit hard to swallow. If the mental landscapes and developments were portrayed as convincingly as the physical landscape and mundane events, this would be a real gem. // (Also, people calling out "Anonymous" comments as cowardly are ridiculous. As if they themselves are writing or commenting under their own real names. Registering and logging in is a hassle, anyway.)

This is an amazingly good first story, in fact it's an amazing story period. Would love to see a sequel, but regardless I hope we'll see more stories from you in the future.

Really enjoyable and has to have another chapter or more

Great first story! Cannot wait for part 2!!!!

So good! More stories please!!

Excellent

Really excellent, thank you

Awesome story! Great storyline and very erotic!

;-p>

This was a fabulous first story.

I’d love to see you continue Will and Liv’s story. Perhaps Liv could attend the same college and they could begin a “separate “ life of their own.

You really should keep writing!!

Well done! Nice build-up, excellent consummation. I certainly encourage the follow-up you’ve suggested.

An excellent story

Please continue Will and Lv’s story

Perhaps have her attend his college so they can pursue a separate life together

Excellent writing!

Great job -- voting for more :)

Excellent.

My favorite erotica author is Robert Lubrican. This story is similar to much of his writing in all the best ways. You are very talented in presenting a believable story about a family vacation. The attraction between Will and Liv grows with a great build up to a climatic love making and profession of love. I felt wholesomely aroused and fulfilled. Thank you for your work. I hope you continue writing.

the two of them could end up at the same university sharing an apartment to cut down on expenses.

Wow !!

Super Hot , Emotional Story !!

Keep rocking, Waiting for more magic from your side !!

Very sweet and hot. Really liked the ending!

Perfect build up. I could’ve read 100 more pages. Please right follow ups for this story. We have to know what happens lol!

Oh my goodness. THIS. WAS. SO. GOOD!!! Really good writing there. I love your descriptions and details. It was seriously really good. I too hope you continue to write. I would love to read more of your work. Even another chapter about these two would be awesome.

A little conflict for chpt 2? The old boyfriend emerges (there’s a reason she was on the pill).

The ‘rents discovery. Weirdos from the other side of the lake invading their privacy.

And the worst conflict of all: Mom & Dad approve. 😃

Fantastic job for a first-timer! I can't wait to read your next work!

Superb build-up to some ultra hot sex between the siblings. It cries out for another chapter.

The only praise I can give to this without sounding rude is that, it was late night when I started reading this and It helped me fall asleep quickly.

So yeah thanks for that.

Good build-up to good story, really needs more chapters.

A perfect start, a solid chapter. Very entertaining, romantic, natural, and by the end, very hot. Got me laughing more than a couple of times, and on the edge when they were almost found. The interaction between the siblings was spot on, it reminded me of past family vacations and having fun with my sister (nothing sexual happened, you perverts!) while exploring, on the lake, that kind of joking and fighting between siblings when we were teens, or getting into trouble when we were kids, both practically the same age, and just having fun. Good old days...

I liked the characters, they were very real, and the dialogs not forced at all. Very well written. Just a few missing words here and there, and some minor typos, which I'll list at the end of my comment. But you have talent to write, and a style that capture the reader with its details. I liked that; nothing hurried, forced or obvious, and there was some reasons behind everything that was happening, without spoiling the reader before its time. The mother knew much more than she said, and I can tell she's going to be a major character later on. She sees and notices things without saying much, like for example, when she could tell that Liv really missed Will when nobody else noticed 'cause Liv was just playing though. The father seems to be very oblivious of everything. And now the new couple will need to play smart around them, but smarter around their mother.

If you're planning on continuing this story, maybe an honest heart-to-heart talk between the siblings during one of their alone times would be nice, to explain better how they feel and their exact feelings for each other. Will, like his father, was a little bit oblivious around his sister, and too horny to think straight or understand his own feelings. Liv knew all along, she is the clever one, playing the brother to get him on that state until he could not refuse her. But the story showed she had a major crush on him, and really loved him, but I don't think Will know how strong she has it for him, and how exactly she felt and what she did during those two years apart.

Current challenges for their future: Depending of their talk, if they want to stay together (or you planning it that way or otherwise); how to keep it a secret; how they plan to stay that way or the closer they can, since she's now going to college; maybe find a way to go to the same college or near (share a place?); trick their parents for approval of that (or more, if found out?); what to do if found out; who can be trusted; how to appear in public on vacation (town, on the lake) and back home; how it's going to be in public with friends and other people. And if they have to stay far away, is the distance and time apart going to be an issue for them and their newfound relation?

Don't be afraid to add some drama or conflict, although it was obvious that Liv had given this 'plan'? 'wish'? more thoughts than Will, it's a hard path ahead of them still. But please, whatever you do, keep the story about them. Don't listen to green old geezers asking to involve their parents, of making them siblings too or whatever, don't taint the story. It's obvious they're a close family, but not that type of "close". They look like any normal family, and the story it's perfect just about Will and Olivia.

As for Liv using the pill, someone said that she must have a boyfriend. Being on the pill is no indication of that, or also being sexually active either. The pill is also commonly used to regulate periods; it helps a lot with the pain and the amount of blood each month, making them last less days than without it. So far, Liv haven't said anything about a boyfriend to Will, and probably she would if she had. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if Liv later reveals to Will that she was a virgin before this, and just for fun, tell him that she lost her hymen playing with some toy while thinking about him... (LOL)

Anyway, I enjoyed reading your first story, and wish you well. Hopefully, you will continue to share this story with us.

Now, these are the typos I found so far, and please consider this just constructive criticism and nothing else. Maybe they will help you (or your editor) in your current and future works:

• "frontier man" → "frontiersman"

• "king sized" → "king-sized"

• "ahah" → "aha" (used to express surprise, triumph, or derision)

• "mmhm" → "mm-hmm" (used to indicate agreement, satisfaction, or encouragement to continue speaking)

• "family only" → "family-only"

• "til" → "till" or "'til"

• "bout" → "about" or "'bout"

• "might be" → "maybe" (perhaps)

• "hard on" → "hard-on"

• "bikini clad" → "bikini-clad"

• "christ sake" → "christ's sake"

• "shit eating grin" → "shit-eating grin"

• "showerhead" → "shower head"

• some "laid" should be "lay" and vice versa ("laid" is past of "lay" *something down*; "lay" is past of "lie" *oneself down*. Google "To Lay vs To Lie")

• "trouble maker" → "troublemaker"

• "cuming" → "cumming"

• "pre " → "pre-" (prefix)

• "one piece swimsuit" → "one-piece swimsuit"

• "wolf whistled" → "wolf-whistled"

• "clean shaved" → "clean-shaved"

• "water logged" → "water-logged"

• "sleepy eyed" → "sleepy-eyed"

• "alright" → "all right" ("alright" is used in informal speech and should be avoided for writing)

• "goodnight" → "good night" ("good night" is the saying, the farewell; "goodnight" is used as an adjective and noun adjective)

• "width wise" → "width-wise"

• "cock block/blocked" → "cock-block/blocked"

• "bandaid" → "band-aid"

• "hand job" → "handjob"

• "sweat covered (body)" → "sweat-covered (body)"

Thanks for this story.

Tip to commenters, a few sentences is great for a comments. Paragraphs etc should probably be sent via other means.

Wow

whoa! aQuite an abrupt turn around for Liv! From continually pushing the encounter to " do you think we made a mistake" , is a 180 if ever I saw one.

Before I co ntinue I must get this off my chest? IGNORE 95% of what Anal Angel told you! She is tryi ng to change your story to fit her own wishes. The unhyphenated remarks and the hmm or mhmhhmm or whatever the fuck it was are YOURS AND YOUR CHARACTERS! Anyone who even thinks that such things have strict literary rules must have to call a plumber for help taking a shit because she is so backed up and full of it!! Nothing is more irritating than someone else telling an obviously talented author how to write! Let them write their own damn story if they want to use 47 never before heard of "rules of writing for the fecal impacted". Granted, spelling errors should be corrected, as they often change what the character says to an unintended and totally out of the story meaning. But telling an author how their characters need to grunt?!!! Okay, I have to let this go here or I will never stop blasting this incredibly rude and inaccurate violation of every author's right to characterize their subjects through their use of language in their communication with others.

Your story was enjoyable and really hot at points. Made Old Al chuckle and recall a week long trip to a lake in the Maine woods many years ago when Al was a mere Nephew and not an Uncle, heh. ( And that's how Old Al chuckles! Anyone who doesn't like it can shove it up their ass with the other landfill-worthy amount of prose in there! )

Anyway, the rapid turnaround Liv made makes me think she is of very little sexual experience. She is just way too open and vulnerable to have been through very much with the opposite sex. I know I said that poorly, but your next chapter should answer a lot.

I will simply say I thank you for sharing this amazing work with us and hope you continue to share your talents with us in your own excellent style. I apologize to you for not writing a review of the high caliber this story justly deserves. I let distracting comments get the best of me. I only hope I have the pleasure of reading and commenting on another of your stellar efforts.

Your Old Uncle Al

Second read. Better than the first! I am so excited to read the next part of your story! ;-p

Well done! I thought that the dialog was very well done and the slow burn of sensual tension sublime.

Very nice. Loved the build-up, and looking forward to the next chapter (and the third, should it materialize).

Keep up the good work.

Truly beautiful!

Enjoyed both, the plot and the writing style. I’ve read Ch 2 also, but quite frankly, I don’t think it was really required.

Very nice buildup and finale

Excellent read. Great build up. Awesome ending. Not that I wasn't expecting them to have sex. But really enjoyed how you told the story. Great story.

Excellent.

Really surprised that a summer cabin has no ventilation for an upstairs bedroom, but the resultant ... hotness made up for that....

Amazing !

If I could give your story a 10, I would !!

Great build up, well writen. More stories please

Rooting for the home team to fall completely in love against all odds and live long lives as a couple damn the ethics, love conquers all!

Super well written. Turned me on.

I read part two and I still liked the story but it seems you cut some corners and a little editing mistakes. I can't wait till your next installment

A great story, took a long time to do it, kind of like 'edging' us as we read.

One of the best things I've read.

Très chaud comme récit, j'ai beaucoup aimé ayant vécu une histoire avec ma sœur, j'ai ressenti des sentiments et de l'excitation tout au long du récit

a

I

Loved this story. One of the best that I have read...

Learned something New

A Very Hot and enjoyable story. Olivia sounds like a doll. On a side note, i expanded my vocabulary here. I had never seen the word "minutiae" used before. Naturally i had to look it up. Thanks for the story. 5🌟

Very enjoyable story, and well done too.

Seriously, likely the best story here.

Very, very nice story; was not sure at the start just how well these two were gonna work out, THEN...

You wrote in the emotional build-up, the teasing, the little comments from sister about missing her brother so much, the innuendos, the sunbathing in the nude...then, the "It's about time" comment!!

These two are a great couple; Olivia and Will MAY BE my favorite incest sort here, out of all I have read; the commitment at the end was touching, and the nearly-getting-caught by dad...THAT was hilarious, in the exact dramatic way it was written!!

Five**5**Stars, for a very touching story! Now, Part 2!!

P.S.-You apparently have a very happy French reader, from the comment below!! Yyyaaayyy!!!!!!

Excellent. Well done. I don't give out fives often - but you get one. The pacing and dialog were quite believable with a steady build. For me, just the right amount of detail with the story arc working, hot, but not pornographic. You are up there with the best writers on the site. Please keep writing.

Excellent. Well done. I don't give out fives often - but you get one. The pacing and dialog were quite believable with a steady build. For me, just the right amount of detail with the story arc working, hot, but not pornographic. You are up there with the best writers on the site. Please keep writing.

Excellent. Well done. I don't give out fives often - but you get one. The pacing and dialog were quite believable with a steady build. For me, just the right amount of detail with the story arc working, hot, but not pornographic. You are up there with the best writers on the site. Please keep writing.

This is a realistic sounding story with all the doubt of self and others and the exploration of the motives of both siblings a lot of these incest stories almost make it seem as though it was a given that they would end up as a couple whereas here that is not so it would probably take longer than a couple of days for the new reality to establish but given the timescale available I feel it is quite realistic. Lovely story.

Excellent story. Beautiful writing. Great description. Slow and somewhat painful buildup. Incest isn't a sin when there's so much love between the siblings.

I love the commentary. This is not just about sex, this is about love. It feels right.

Beautiful imagery, pacing, and eroticism. Realistic characters and situations. Great job. Only downside is the plethora of grammatical errors; not only the common misuse of forms of ‘lie’ and ‘lay,’ but odd distracting errors such as saying“I’s” instead of “mine.” Recommend using an editor or even a program such as Grammarly would catch most errors. Look forward to the next chapter though, enjoy the story.

Outstanding! Bravo!

GREAT story!!! And the buildup to, and execution of, the sex between them was wonderful. Please keep writing.

Very, very good, no need to comment, just excellent.

Perfectly written and beautifully described!

5 stars for your perfection.

Brilliant piece of writing, loved it. The build up drawing you in, then the explosion of love between them. Written seductively not crudely

Many thanks

Like a symphony, you build and release each time the tide is higher and closer to the brink. The ebb and flow, the lee and swell merging and melding into the inevitable maelstrom. Crashing through boundaries and venting it's fury like old testament wrath in a torrent of exaltation and raw, tawdry hot and messy joy.

And then you go get a beer.

A brilliantly executed slow burn of thinly veiled passion and forbidden desire. Perfect balance of romance and tasteful, exquisite eroticism. Bravo.

Hello, Dunk Crinkle.

Just a note to say thank you most kindly for a wonderful story!

I'm feeling very satisfied and loved by the quality of your tale of Will and Liv.

The speed of the build up is perfect, and in my mind I can see vividly the scenes as described., and can feel their emotions as their true feelings come to light.

Thank you also for not using the typical macho point of view of women being used as cum dumps, the sex act nothing more than another meaningless conquest to boost a shallow male ego. I hate porn like that!

No. For me, there has to be love and respect, and there's no shortage of that with Will and Liv.

Oh, how I wish I was Will, and had a pretty, loving sister like Liv to fall deeply in love with!

I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to the next chapter...,

Thank you again for composing quality work. I'll definetly be reading more of your work besides this story

Sincerely,

B4PW

p.s. Thanks also for having Liv already on birth control. I hope she and Will decide to keep it that way, and just bask in their love. Pregnancy ruins everything.

I really enjoy reading these, but just once I wish the guy didn't spend the entirety of the first part doubting any feelings he may have. I was young once and anything I looked at was enough. The girls always have resolved their feelings, but the guys devolve to the day puberty hit, every time.

You are a fantastic writer, and I loved this very much.

For me, I thought the buildup was a bit slow. But still a good read ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Pretty sexy and well donre!

Loved it. One of the better reads in awhile. Keep it up..

Great story, hot as fuck

Fantastic story!! Wonderful! Hotter than the fiery pits of hell!

Build up was slow, but worth it, Good story.

0/10 no one on the planet plays 3 back to back games of catan the first game should have started on page 4 and just been the rest of the story if you wanted any semblance of realism.

I have three stunning, smoking hot sisters. But I’m so glad I didn’t read this when we were young….. great read, slow build masterfully crafted, thanks for sharing.

Loved it!!!

Love it!!!