Will I Ever Learn?

So, a very embarrassing thing happened last night.

I was sitting at my computer after my wife went to bed. I was masturbating and looking at all the hypno videos telling me how badly I wanted cock up my ass. Well, they worked, because I really wanted cock up my ass. The dildo I have for anal play is too massive to be able to play with when my wife is asleep in the next room.

But, something smaller....

I looked around and settled on an empty Chobani yogurt bottle that I had just emptied.

I cleaned it and sat back down, slid my pants and underwear down and lubed the bottle with shortening. I put it to my asshole and it slid inn with no resistance whatsoever. So, I sat there, looking at videos and feeling something in my ass.

Soon, I felt it sliding in, and then suddenly, I felt a more pronounced movement. I reached around and felt for it. I couldn't feel it. I poked my fingers up my asshole but I could not reach it. I could touch it, but it had gone around the curve of my colon and was lodged at a 45-degree angle.

From the angle I had to work with I could only get the tips of my fingers on it, and I couldn't budge it.

I tried for several more minutes and when I saw that my efforts had resulted in a pretty significant amount of blood on my hand, I decided it was time to go to the hospital.

The hospital is only about 15 minutes away and my wife was asleep. I felt sure I could get there, get treated and get back before she woke up in the morning. It was, after all, about 11 o'clock on a Sunday night.

There was only 1 drawback to my plan. She is a doctor at this very same hospital. Granted, she does not work in the ER. She works in Interventional Radiology, but I was worried that she would still be able to see the chart or that the nurse or doctor treating me would know her.

But there was nothing I could do. It was time to go to the hospital.

I drove there without incident. I parked went past the security guard who had me empty my pockets and scanned me. I couldn't stop the feeling that he knew what I was there for or at least that it was something perverted. I knew better, but the thought persisted.

I noticed there were only two people in the waiting room. They were both older men, and listening to their conversation, they were both addicts.

I stopped at the imprint on the floor telling me to wait here until called and was immediately summoned by a dour looking gray-haired lady.

"What brings you in?" she asked monotonously.

"This is going to be embarrassing" I started, "But, I have a foreign object lodged in my rectum." I kept my face up and maintained eye contact, as did she. You would have thought she encountered it every day.

"What is the object?" she asked.

"A Chobani yogurt bottle" I replied.

Maintaining a straight face she asked for all the prerequisite information and told me to have a seat and I would be called in a few moments. I did as I was told and took a seat directly in her line of sight so as not to be forgotten. I wanted to get it removed and get home before my wife knew I was gone and hopefully that would be the end of it.

I took out my phone and began reading a book I was working on in the Kindle app. After a few minutes, I started feeling pressure in my ass. Fearing it was travelling further up, I jumped up and told her that I was going to the bathroom right around the corner in case I was called.

I went in and quickly pulled down my pants and underwear. I stuck my fingers up my ass and could still feel it. It had travelled no further but was still wedged at the bend.

I tried once again for all I was worth to remove it, but to no avail.

I went back out to my seat, stopping to tell her "Unfortunately, I am still here".

"OK" she replied dully.

I picked up where I left off in the book and read a couple more chapters before a nurse called me into a side room to check my insurance information. A few basic questions there and I was again asked what brought me in.

It wasn't any easier to tell the 25 year old nurse than it had been to tell the 60 year old clerk. I was humiliated.

Another couple of chapters in my book and suddenly, the pressure returned again. I informed the clerk and almost sprinted to the bathroom.

I sat down and pushed. Hard. I felt something slide. It felt like I had pushed hard enough that the bottom of the bottle slid over the bone and was working its way out.

I stuck my hand down there and checked. It was protruding about a half inch from my ass. I grabbed it and yanked it out. I cleaned up and washed my hands thoroughly and walked triumphantly out of the bathroom.

The clerk was engaged in her screen, and I almost walked out but I remembered if I walked out AMA insurance would not pay and even though I had not been seen, there were probably charges incurred so I stopped and told her.

She had me sign some form and I was home by 2:30. I got to sleep until 5:30 when my

wife got up to get ready for work.

Funny thin is, it didn't teach me any lessons except to be more careful. In the two days since, I have been putting a huge dildo up my ass more and more frequently. This thing is huge and I can now get it 3/4 of the way in. It hurts, but I don't care.

I don't know if I will ever learn.