Winter Soldier's Soulmate Ch. 12

It was two boring days of thinking and hoping before a letter arrived in the mail addressed to Lucy.

She knew who it was from. When Jarvis told her about it she raced to the mailroom, picked it up from a very frazzled looking intern named Jamie. He seemed nice enough if a little all over the place. But looking at the state of the mailroom it wasn't surprising. Apparently the Avengers got a lot of fan mail and hate mail.

She scurried back up to her room and opened the envelope with the utmost care. No condoms fell out this time thank god.

Lucy,

Hey, doll face, I know I'm an asshole, and the last letter didn't have much but I didn't want to write anything too personal in that one in case someone else read it before you could get your hands on it.

However, I'm hoping by this point everyone knows who the letters are for. I wrote to Steve. It was surreal. I mean he's my best friend, as I'm sure he's already told you, but still, there's this whole gap between then and now, not sure what to do with all that you know.

But you don't want to hear about that. What I'm sure you want is an explanation for why I left you there. And to be honest I guess I don't have one. I got scared Luce, terrified actually. That you're my person, and I'm not going to be good enough for you.

Lucy, you're like an angel sent down from heaven, you saved me. You deserve better than me, but I'm gonna try and be the man you deserve.

I'm starting by making sure you're safe while I deal with the people who are chasing you.

No one is ever going hurt you again Doll I can promise you that.

Yours,

Bucky

After reading the letter Lucy was two parts head over heels with this man and one part pissed. Of course, Bucky was good enough, He just needed to get his ass over here so she could tell him.

The shock of it all was gone. It had taken those five days of being at Avengers tower to figure some things out, but now she just wanted him here with her.

Oh she was still mad as hell at him and they needed to talk about some stuff, but he was her other half, He had proved that again and again on the road. He understood her better than anyone else ever had, even when he didn't even know who he was himself. He was funny, sweet, strong, caring, idiotic, but he was hers.

And the letters kept coming. Jarvis would alert her when one had arrived and she would drop everything and race down to see the haggard-looking Jamie as he slowly organized the mailroom.

However, he always had a smile on his face when he would hand her her letter of the day.

Lucy,

So I woke up last night thinking of where I would want to take you for the perfect date. I feel like I owe you one after everything you've been through with me. If it was 1941 I would have taken you to Coney Island and dragged Steve along so the little punk wasn't left alone by himself. I'd have had you bring a friend for him. I was always trying to get him out in the dating scene but he was impossible.

Now though, I'm not so sure. Coney Island doesn't feel like my kind of thing anymore. Maybe it's the noise of the crowds, But I wouldn't be able to relax there with you. So instead what about a picnic on the roof of a building overlooking Brooklyn so I can point out all the places where Steve and I used to get in trouble. Something quiet for just the two of us. Would you like that Luce?

Yours,

Bucky

God, of course, she would. It sounded like the perfect romantic outing. Now the overgrown idiot needed to get here so they could go.

*******

Lucy,

I miss you. I know that's probably way too sappy to put in a letter but it's no less true, I miss waking up with you in my arms, even though we were together for such a short amount of time. Knowing that you were there and that I could keep you safe, always filled me with such peace even if at the time I didn't know you were my soulmate.

I miss the way you would make me laugh and talk about what's important to you. I want to hear about school and what your life had been like before I blundered my way into it.

You asked me once what my favorite kind of music was. At that time I couldn't remember but I do now. My mom would play classical on the radio when she cooked or cleaned or did anything for that matter. I was like a lot of my peers, we listened to artists like Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, the Andrew Sisters, the Boswell Sisters, to name a few. Always had a crush on the Boswell Sisters. Steve used to tease me about them all the time. The insufferable twerp.

I want to take you dancing to all the music I used to swing to. Would you want to go dancing with me? Would you be willing to let me twirl you around the dance floor?

Yours,

Bucky

She read that one in the mailroom with a hot cup of tea that Jamie had pulled out of thin air for her, while he busied himself with throwing away hate mail and then later entertaining her with some of the love letters that got sent to the avengers.

********

Lucy,

I'm not sure why I keep writing these letters and sending them. I don't even know if you're reading them. I hope you are, but I would also understand if you just set fire to them and let them go up in smoke.

God, I hope you're reading these. Even if it's one-sided, being able to share myself with you. The James "Bucky" Barnes" side not the soldier side. I used to be so fun. I would go out every night I could, dance with all the ladies, I used to laugh, joke around, play pranks. I was a terror.

I wish you had gotten to know that guy, not the destroyed wreck I am now. I wish you had seen me when I wasn't covered in scars and had two arms. I think you would have liked that guy. At least I hope you would have. I could flirt back then, like decently. I wasn't an awkward potato, who didn't know how to string three words together. I could actually talk to people.

Now though,

I don't think I will ever be that manfully again. There will always be the soldier underneath the surface just waiting to leap out. I'm terrified I will never be able to relax, that there will never be peace if you pick me.

But in spite of all that, I hope...I pray that you will want to be by my side anyways.

Could you want that Lucy?

Yours faithfully,

Bucky

This one she let Jamie read. He snorted at the end.

"He sounds like heaven Lucy. If you don't jump his bones I will."

"Just because your gay doesn't mean everyone is, Jamie. Besides he's all mine."

Jamie gave an overdramatic sigh "fiiiiiine, but when you two bone I want details. And not just like how many times you come I want to know everything like his size and what he does and positions, everything Lucy."

Lucy couldn't stop the giggle she let out. "You are such a horn dog."

"That's what happens when your soulmate is unattainable."

"You ever gonna tell me who it is?"

"Nope, a secret I'm taking to my grave."

"Ugh you're killing me with curiosity."

"Guess you will just have to die then." Jamie shot back.

Lucy narrowed her eyes at the intern. "You are such a sadist."

"And a masochist, but who's counting kinks."

"I can't win with you."

"Nope," Jamie popped the p and gave her a crooked smile that was absolutely precious.

********

Lucy,

Now don't be mad but this might be the last letter for a little bit anyway. I'm headed out of mailing range for a week or two to deal with some of the guys that want you dead so I'm hoping you won't be too upset.

Of course, if you're burning or throwing these away it will probably be a nice reprieve from the constant mail.

I still hope you're not doing that, but I guess I'll find out at some point.

I still miss you terribly. I hope you miss me too.

Also, Lucy...this would probably be better said in person, but I can't keep it in anymore, I love you, Lucy. I have since the first car chase. The way you just took it all in stride. You're amazing, and I am so lucky to have your name written on my skin even if it is all covered in scars. I still find myself tracing those letters like I used to 70 years ago.

I want you to know that I don't regret meeting you, saving you, or loving you. I just hope you feel the same way. Do you? Could you love me? Even though I'm broken.

Yours forever,

Bucky

Lucy couldn't stop the well of tears that spilled from her eyes as she finished the letter.

"That asshole" she snuffled.

"Awww it'll be ok, see he wrote he loves you. He'll come back." Jamie comforted her by circling her in his lanky arms.

"That's the problem. I can't say it back" she wailed and hugged Jamie back.

That's where Steve found them. He had started grabbing her for lunch so they could talk and tell each other stories about Bucky and his antics both from 70 years ago and now.

The super soldier cleared his throat in the doorway looking awkward as hell.

Jamie and her looked over and Lucy felt how the intern stiffened and then turned his back to Captain America and busied himself with shuffling through mail.

Lucy looked at Jamie curiously, confused by his reaction. The man was so friendly and open. He was the person she was closest to in the whole tower.

However, Steve speaking distracted her: "you ready for lunch?"

"Yea. " she responded then looking back at Jamie's tense back. "I'll catch you later Jamie, yea?"

"Uh sure, yea, anytime Lucy. You know I'm always here." Jamie said, the words sounding forced.

"...ok," Lucy said before following Captain America to the elevators.

"That was weird," Lucy commented as the elevator rose.

"Hmm?" Steve responded, seeming pulled from his thoughts by her voice.

"Oh, just Jamie's reaction when you came in."

"Not really, as an Avenger I've seen it all."

Lucy hmmed, thinking "maybe."

Steve just shrugged. "I honestly don't know. I've only seen him a few times and we've never talked."

"Well I can ask him later." Lucy decided.

"You ready for lunch?"

"Yea, starving. I could eat a whole horse."

"Please don't, even I can't do that and I have three times the metabolism you do."

Lucy couldn't stop the snicker that escaped her. "That's what happens when you're a super soldier, everything gets amped up. Metabolism, strength..." Lucy trailed off as she actually thought about that.

"Ummmm Steve?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yea?"

"What about other stuff... does that get amped up to?"

"The serum affects a lot of things but what were you thinking of specifically?"

Steve was looking at her curiously but Lucy couldn't meet his eyes. It would be too embarrassing when she asked.

"Umm you know...things like...uh" she had to clear her throat before she went on. "Like libido"

"Oh" was Steve's articulate response.

Lucy peeked at him from behind her lashes and saw that the super-soldier had turned a bright cherry red that she hadn't expected him capable of.

He cleared his throat then cleared it again.

"Uhhhh...I mean, Um I don't know about Bucky but uh." Steve stumbled out.

"Yes?" Lucy asked, feeling more confident with Steve's look of utter discomfort.

Steve cleared his throat yet again. "I...yes." He finally got out pointedly staring at the wall of the elevator and not looking at Lucy.

"Oh," Lucy said, also staring at the wall. "That's good to know."

Author's note: What did you think? I know I've been gone a few days but the rest should be posted by the end of next week.