Women Study Pt. 07: Norma and Deborah Again

How do I answer that one without lying? I was going to have to fall back on nuance and semantics to get me through this.

"No, Bowen, we haven't been fucking each other!" my voice was firm. (This was true. Women don't actually fuck each other. So, I'm honest: No Fucking. The only fucking type activity that went on was when Deborah used her strap-on dildo on me. I didn't use it on her so, technically, we weren't fucking each other. I created a clear conscience out of thin air on that one.)

Bowen took another thoughtful sip, "Norma, please believe me, it would not bother me if you were. Look, Deborah has been so much more approachable, affable, easy to work with since you and she have been collaborating on her remodel job. Now, I really don't know what shape your relationship with her has taken on; but whatever it has become, it is certainly helping me!"

I tried to conceal my surprise...no shock, "Bowen! How very generous of you to say that! I understand that the history of our sexual relationship has been...how should I say?...relatively unconventional. We've dealt with my bi-sexuality with love and understanding. We've even had some fun with it together. I wouldn't do anything with Deborah if I thought it would jeopardize your standing with her or the university. I must admit that Deborah is an attractive, powerful woman and the temptation is there...let's us just leave at that for now...O.K.?"

"I'm just saying, Norma," I sensed a calmness in Bowen, "if you were to have something going with Deborah, it is O.K. with me. Anything that means happiness for you is O.K. with me.... I've got some research to do, sorry..."

Bowen got up, leaned over and planted a kiss on my forehead, and padded into his study. The next thing I heard was rapid clicking of his computer keyboard. Did I ever mention that Bowen was a fabulous typist? Did I ever mention that Bowen was the loveliest man ever in the world?

My next tryst with Deborah was at her house. For some reason, it felt more comfortable than Room 1414. I soaked in the ambiance of Deborah's home surroundings. For all of her image as a case hardened advocate, her home was...well...homey. She had quality furnishings but nothing ostentatious. Some antiques...yes...but tasteful--a feeling I also got when we were out together looking for more curios.

We made love and I had the sensation that I was melting into her as we shared our orgasms. It is about the way that I can describe the indescribable. She knew when I needed a kiss and I knew when she needed her breasts to be kneaded or her nipples tweaked. I understood her shudders and she understood my sighs. To say that we were in another world when we were having sex would be...well...an entirely accurate assessment.

This time, after we finished, we lay naked on her bed clasping hands. She was playing her fingers against mine...it tickled.

"Deborah, something interesting has happened," my voice had a post-orgasm mellowness, "interesting and unexpected. It has to do with Bowen."

"Interesting? Unexpected?" Deborah acted startled and concerned, "is it any thing that I should be worried about? I mean, you and me? What?"

"Not to worry, Deborah, at least I don't think so," I gave her hand a squeeze, "but it is a 'wrinkle', one might say. So....let me tell you all about it."

I let go of Deborah's hand and sat on the bed, cross-legged, looking at her. She rolled over onto her side, facing me, propping herself up on her elbow. It occurred to me that her view at that level was right into my vagina and...yes...I caught her glancing at it more than once in our discussion.

"Deborah, you know that I have told you all about my relationship with Bowen. We've been together for more than 30 years and he has been totally tolerant of me in my sexual proclivities, of which he knows plenty...not all...but plenty. Specifically, he has always been accepting of my bi-sexuality. He knows I like to have sex with women and he enjoys the fact that I enjoy it. In fact...and I know I've told you about it before...at one point, and for several years, he and I had mutual sex with or companion, Mona. Now, she was more lesbian than she was bi-sexual and Bowen respected that in her. We had three-way sex but Bowen never had individual sex with Mona. Whatever Mona volunteered to do with Bowen when we were all together was entirely up to her...I never pressed her. I think, perhaps, the level of her participation depended a lot on her affection for me but...and I really believe this...she had much affection for Bowen, too."

I paused, reached over for my teacup, on the bedside night table, and took a sip, "What I'm trying to say is...and I will understand entirely if you think it is crazy...but....well...Do you think we should let Bowen participate with us having sex?"

I could see Deborah wince before she said, with some anxiety in her voice, "Norma! I really don't know what to say. You just threw me a huge curve ball out of the blue. I really don't know what to say. Please...I'm thinking out loud here....and there are so many things that go into this both for you and for me. Well, the first thing is: He works for me! Having sex with an employee is grounds for dismissal...tenured or not! On top of that, if it got out that I was having sex with a MALE employee, the least of it would be that I'd of be accused of having favoritism to that employee. Can you imagine the flak I would catch from the female members of my department...which is to say everyone else who works for me? A lawsuit wouldn't be the half of it! And that's just in the narrow venue of the University. The public at large would pillory me, an image of the women's movement...a lesbian image on top of that...succumbing to sexual urges with a MAN! Holy SHIT! We are worried about keeping our relationship under wraps. What do you think the paparazzai would do if they had a whiff of a rumor that I was out there fucking some guy?"

Deborah sat up, mirroring my cross-legged posture, took a deep breath and continued, "Second, I haven't had sex with a man for almost the entire duration of my adult life. That's so mainly because I love sex with women and I never really enjoyed sex with a man...there are so many things unpleasant for me about that. Bowen, as loving and accepting as he might be, is still A MAN! Third...and of all the things we've shared...I've never talked about it with you, or really to anybody since it all happened...is...well...I can hardly say...."

I could see Deborah's lips tighten and her eyes close...tight. When she opened her eyes there were tear there and her gaze was directed at her abdomen and that thin, faint scar that ran across it. She looked back at me and there was an expression of pain and anguish on her face the likes of which I had never see with her...and...really...hardly anybody else, for that matter. I can only think that is the way I looked when my mother died. Yes...that painful.

"It's time to tell you, Norma," Deborah was determined, "it's finally time that you know all about that, as hard as it is for me to tell you."