Women Who Talk Pt. 04

"I didn't feel that pissed inside," she slurred, "but when I got out into the cold air it was like, whoa, who stole my legs."

The porch and living room lights were still on when they got back and Robyn shifted in her seat as Penny pulled into the driveway.

"Erin must be home," she released the seatbelt.

"She didn't go to her boyfriend's house?" Penny glanced at her, "or hasn't she got one?"

"No, she hasn't got a regular boyfriend, she's usually out with her girlfriends but she decided to stay home tonight and save up her money for a night out next weekend," she closed her eyes.

"Whoa," she opened her eyes, "head rush."

"Maybe we should get you inside," Penny offered.

Robyn said nothing as she stared at the house.

"Are you all right, sweetie?"

"I am such a fucking bitch."

"No you're not, you got drunk, I've been drunk plenty of times. You should've seen me in law school, I got through my first two years on a liquid diet, along with other substances."

"I'm hurting people," a tear dripped down her cheek.

"Who are you hurting? Certainly not me," she turned the engine off.

"I'm hurting Jeff, don't you see," she wiped her eye, "if you had taken me back to your joint I would have gone to bed with you, I'm the slut here."

"Considering the fact you haven't even had sex yet I wouldn't be using the word slut to apply to you but as I explained out there I don't take advantage of women when they're drunk, so even if I had taken you back home nothing would have happened tonight," she straightened up.

"What's wrong with me," Robyn whimpered as tears dripped down her cheeks, "I love Jeff, I love you, I love Kathy, I love Alana, I love Colleen even though she's old enough to be my mum, I even love Helen in her own weird way, but I don't love guys the same way."

"It's called waking up," Penny reassured her, "you've taken the first step, recognising that you feel differently about women, the next step is to take control of the situation and extricate yourself from your relationship with Jeff."

"How do I do that?" Robyn swallowed, "just say, hey, I'm breaking up with you because I'm gay?"

"It's a risky thing because you're both going to the same church," she replied.

"But sometimes you can just say you need a break, you just want to be friends, you want both of you to see other people. There are literally dozens of excuses from the more diplomatic ones that I've just mentioned to the more blunt, fuck off. The important thing to remember is that you've got to put some distance between the two of you. The longer this goes on the worse it gets until one day you end up exploding over some trivial matter or you break down," she stared at the porch light as she went on.

"I deal with it all day long, people who've decided to end twenty years of marriage. They have a lot to lose, the house, some of their friends, possibly the children and when you drill down to the nuts and bolts of the matter you find the rot started years ago when one of them started shutting down and over the years it grew like a cancer and by the time they get into my office the only solution is to cut it right out and make a new start."

She reached out and touched her hand.

"I'm here to listen, I can't advise you on how to break up with your boyfriend and it's not just me, there are other women in our group who're there for you and Colleen is one of my best friends, so she'll sit and listen all night long."

Robyn turned her hand and slipped it into Penny's and closed it. They sat there for the better part of a minute before she let go and turned to look at her. In that moment she was seized with an urge to kiss her and Penny smiled tightly as she turned Robyn's face so that she was looking at the house and then she leaned over and kissed her cheek gently.

"Thank you for my night out," she let go of her hand and leaned against her door, "you'll never wash that spot again, I'll call you tomorrow sometime."

Robyn nodded as she touched her cheek and then she opened the door and got out.

"Thanks again," Robyn leaned into the car.

"Thank you," Penny smiled.

Robyn closed the door and Penny watched her walk unsteadily to the front door, she dropped her keys and then the door opened and she saw Erin silhouetted against the living room light and then Robyn was stepping inside into Erin's arms.

Why didn't you? Penny started the engine again, you could have.

She frowned as she reversed out of the driveway.

Because then you'd be having another kind of talk, the morning after the night before.

Nevertheless, she still felt like a coward as she drove away.

Helen sat up and glanced in the rear view mirror as Penny drove away. She'd followed them all the way home but pulled over near the corner and waited for what seemed an eternity but when Penny reversed out she ducked down and waited for her to drive past. There was a chance her boss might have recognised the car but there were thousands of white Falcons on the road. She'd only notice if she read the number plate but hopefully she hadn't.

She stared at the house some four or five doors down. They hadn't been there that long so Penny had just dropped her off and gone home. The knowledge that Penny had taken out her girl filled her with a vindictive desire for revenge. Ordinarily she would've backed off if she knew her boss was interested in a woman because it could have consequences but she'd had no idea of the situation and thus could claim ignorance when she bedded the little virgin.

And she was going to bed her, she'd already fixed that in her mind. Penny might have the money and the flash house and car but she'd underestimated the wily underdog from Montrose, but if she was going to tickle her fancy she'd have to work quickly.

***

Robyn had gone to bed last night fully expecting to sleep until noon if not later but instead she opened her eyes at 8:00AM precisely and stared blankly at the ceiling as she lay stock still, her head felt fuzzy and her mouth was dry but there was no headache and then she recalled Penny's advice last night about eating plenty of food and having regular glasses of water. The latter had had seen her going to the toilet a couple of times but Penny's advice had been on the money, there was no headache.

She sat up and stared at the curtains, registering that it was Sunday morning and she was usually up about this time to get showered and dressed, before having breakfast and a read of the bible while she prepared herself for the service. The hot water chased away the last vestiges of sleep and as she padded through to her room she thought about last night. She'd held Penny's hand last night even though she was going out with Jeff. She pushed the memory out of sight and out of mind and got dressed, selecting a cream blouse made of silk noil, the little nobby bits broke up the natural shine of the blouse. It was fastened with two rows of buttons and the cuffs had three button closures. It was tucked into a rather colourful patterned A-line skirt with flowers and leaves on it, she chose the belt with the Harley Davidson buckle that day.

A light brown cardigan and black boots completed most of her outfit, there was just a long necklace made of brown beads of varying shades and her watch, she did her hair and makeup.

However, when she went through for breakfast the memory returned and she recalled her tears and the heartfelt confession of her own sexual orientation. The breakfast was adequate and she did try to read her bible but verses that might have meant something last week or even three days ago now felt almost alien to her. It was as if she was reading a complicated technical manual about the systems in a nuclear power plant.

She stared out the window and tugged at the top button of her cardigan as she imagined seeing Jeff at church. She'd have to kiss him of course and give him a bit of a cuddle, then they'd go inside and maybe hold hands in church. Afterwards they'd go into the coffee shop for coffee and biscuits, then they might go back to his place in Scoresby or even her place.

As if guided by some unseen power her phone beeped.

Jeff: Just out of bed, late night. Hope you had a good night. I didn't get a reply to my text. Hope you're all right.

"Shit," she scrolled back through messages and found an unopened one from Jeff sent just after midnight.

Jeff: Hope you had a good night, off to bed. Sleep tight. Love you. Jeff. XXX

She swallowed the lump in her throat as she fought the panic and then she closed her eyes and let her breath out slowly.

Breathe in and out, slowly, in... out... in... out, she let her nanna's mantra flow through her and a few minutes later she opened her eyes and undid the top button of her cardigan.

I shouldn't be there today but I have to talk to him.

Her phone rang and she jumped and looked down.

"Jeff, sorry I didn't reply last night... I got home late and just crashed out."

"How was it?"

"Great but I had a few drinks last night, I'm not feeling up to it this morning."

"That's what I'm calling about," he replied, "I was going to go to church but I've got to change the brake pads on my sister's car and do an oil change on mum's car and they're not going to be home until just before lunch so it's going to be late afternoon before we can catch up."

"No worries, that suits me... just text me when you're home."

She turned to look at the front door.

I need to be out of here, now, before they wake up.

Some five minutes later Robyn was out the door and getting into her car. She had no idea where she was going. She just knew she had to drive somewhere, anywhere but here. Her natural instinct was to either head for home or up the mountain but the first option would bring her back into contact with a mother she felt estranged from and the other would see her stopping off to see the woman she felt most attracted to. Instead she turned right at Durham Road and by degrees found herself drawing closer and closer to the Caribbean Market. She reached it sometime before ten o'clock and as she sat behind the wheel in the carpark she sent a brief text to Penny.

Robyn: Thanks for listening to me last night. Still haven't spoken to Jeff yet but am going to see him this arvo, I'm at your church right now.

The reply came back almost right away.

Penny: Glad to see you're up and about so early, the gang's been here since 8:00, but which church is this? The last church I was in was St Paul's in the city for a funeral.

Robyn: The Caribbean Market?

Penny: Ah, of course! It is my church, well, enjoy the service and good luck this afternoon, these conversations can be tricky but I'm thinking of you. Call me if you need to talk, okay?

Robyn: Okay, no worries.

***

"What're you smiling about?" Cindy asked her as she walked out of the exercise/junk room with a box filled with an assortment of items, some of which didn't belong to her.

"Um, nothing," she put the phone into her pocket, "what the fuck?" Penny leaned in and took out a small cafetière designed to hold just one large cup or two small cups, "I wondered where this went to, how long has it been in this room?"

"I don't know but you'll need to soak it in hot water to loosen the dried coffee at the bottom."

"Ew," she frowned, "nasty."

"Downstairs with this box too?"

"Yeah," she came to herself a second later and turned to Kathy and Melissa, "any of you two fancy a cafetière? I've got three more downstairs."

"Not my thing," Kathy shrugged as she grabbed one end of the bench of the now disassembled bench press, "don't get me wrong, I'd take it but it'd just sit on the bench looking pretty, this baby on the other hand will get used," she stared at Melissa, "come on, one, two, lift."

The two women lifted and Melissa grinned, "this is lighter than I thought."

"Wait'll you start lifting the weights, by the time we've loaded all this gear into the back of the van we'll have done a complete workout."

Penny descended the staircase a few minutes later just in time to greet Astrid who'd come with Elke and Sigrid, they were speaking a combination of English and Swedish.

"Hey," Astrid greeted her, "we're here."

"So you are," Penny smirked as she regarded her. She was wearing what at first looked to be the same clothes as before but this white shirt looked to be more of a man's shirt.

So she likes wearing white, she nodded at Elke and Sigrid.

"Upstairs, I'll be with you in a minute."

Maybe Astrid could use it, she mused as she stepped into the kitchen and then she smiled and took her phone out to tap a message to Robyn.

Penny: Have just found something that will put a smile on your dial. If you can guess what it is before I see you I'll take you out for coffee. You get one hint per day and you can ask three questions before the end of the day. It's long and cylindrical.

Robyn smirked as she tapped out her first question.

Robyn: Can it be used for sex?

Penny: No but it is sometimes used in foreplay.

Robyn: Is it empty or full?

Penny: It can be empty or full but not at the same time.

Robyn: Is it a tube of lubricant?

Penny: No, but you could use a type of lubricant to clean it, better luck tomorrow.

Robyn lowered her phone and stared along the line of stalls to her left. She'd been here for the best part of an hour and her purchases were in a small plastic bag tucked into her handbag, two standard belt buckles and one ornamental one from Big Al's Leatherwork. The latter had caught her eye due to its unusual design, two pewter hands with the fingers of both hands facing inwards, it was highly suggestive and because the belt Penny had bought her had a press stud she could change buckles in seconds. The other two buckles were oval shaped, one was brass and the other was stainless steel, she'd picked those out because Penny had noticed them the other weekend. One would go to her and she'd keep the other and then she noticed the key rings attached to leather tabs. One had the letter A on it and she thought of Alana and bought it along with one with the letter R.

She sent a message to Alana not long afterwards.

Robyn: Have bought you a key tab. Hope I'm not overstepping your boundaries.

Alana: Wow! You didn't have to do that.

Robyn: It's an impulse buy and I'm bored out of my brain. Down at the Caribbean Market just killing time.

Alana: What're your plans for the rest of the day?

Robyn: Breaking up with Jeff and after that I think I'll go home and have a stiff drink.

The phone rang a few seconds later and she answered it on the first ring.

"Alana," she stared at the stand some fifteen feet away that sold motor oil, machine oil, engine grease, and other types of lubricant including graphite powder.

"Robyn, are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, just a bit seedy from last night. Suzi Quatro was awesome but I drank too much and woke up with a headache."

"So, you're breaking up with Jeff? What's brought all this on?"

"It's," she frowned, "it's just facing facts. I can't lead him down the garden path, I'm just not into guys so I came out to myself this morning and accepted the reality, so you're the first person I've come out, well maybe the second. I kind of came out to Penny last night but I was pissed so that doesn't count, I'm stone cold sober now."

"Congratulations," Alana replied, "I'm so proud of you, I wish I had your courage."

"I don't know if it's courage or just resignation," she grimaced.

"I think it's courage," Alana replied.

"Thanks," she frowned, "and you don't mind that I lashed out on you today?"

"Not at all, as long as you didn't break your budget."

"Trust me, I didn't, I bought two, one for you and one for me. I would've bought one for Penny but I got her a belt buckle instead seeing as she bought a belt for me the other week. It's just my way of saying thanks for letting me use your staff discount, I really appreciated it."

"No worries, it was my pleasure. Look, if you need someone to talk to I'm here, okay?"

"Okay, thank you, I'll see you tomorrow then."

"No worries, you take care and thank you."

She hung up a moment later and looked down at the text that had just come in.

Helen: Hey, you fancy coming around to look at those cardigans?

She stared at the stalls and did a mental calculation.

Robyn: Sure, no problem. Leaving the Caribbean Market now, see you soon.

Some fifteen minutes later she was driving away from the market.

***

Helen jumped when the doorbell chimed. She stared at the clock on the laptop, it was 13:30 and she rose from her bed and headed downstairs. She'd just stepped out of the shower fifteen minutes ago and had spent the rest of the time taking the cardigans out and stacking them on the bed. She could have taken them downstairs but that situation was at odds with her plans.

For the second time in four days Robyn stepped into Helen's house and glanced over at the couch, it looked inviting compared to the worn out couches on Kathy's back porch. She ran an eye over her attire. Helen was wearing leather trousers and a white shirt, Robyn managed a tired grin.

"What?" Helen raised her eyebrows.

"Nothing," Robyn pushed her sunglasses over her head.

"Upstairs," she nodded at the other door, "you want to leave your bag here?"

"No need it's not that heavy."

"You look a bit weary," Helen glanced over her shoulder as she led her upstairs.

"Hard night last night," she pulled a wry grin, "I got a bit pissed last night but I can still remember the night though."

"That's not a good sign," Helen led her towards her bedroom, "if I can remember the night before then it wasn't that good."

"Oh it was good," she replied, "I was out with Penny, we went to see Suzi Quatro, which is why I noticed your leather pants."

"So that explains it," Helen glanced at her.

Robyn stared at the open office door as they drew nearer.

"I've been working today," Helen ushered her into the bedroom and nodded at the cardigans piled up in three neat piles, "behold, my cardigan collection."

"You've got a few there," Robyn glanced at them but as she turned to face her she saw a framed picture she'd briefly noticed the other day in passing the other day. It was a large photograph in a frame that showed people dismantling the old Berlin Wall.

"Huh," she moved closer, "Penny was just talking about the Berlin Wall a few weeks ago, that is the Berlin Wall, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I took it years ago when I was over there and had it blown up."

"I'd pay for an enlargement of that," she put her handbag on the bed.

"I'm not sure I can do that," Helen stared at the picture, "my ex girlfriend accidentally took the negatives when she took her shit, the negatives were a shoebox that had her stuff in as well and I don't want to go knocking on her door. Her girlfriend is a psycho killer," she grimaced.

"But it's your shit, can't you just knock on her door?"

"Not without an escort," she shook her head, "and it's only one packet of negatives to be honest, I have the photographs here just not the negatives, it's just a pain in the arse."

"Whatever," she turned back to the cardigans, "I should pay you for these, they're quite nice."

"You don't like people just doing things for you out of the goodness of their heart?"

"I do but I always feel like I have to do something in return and in certain situations that can put me at a disadvantage, guys pay for dinner and feel like it's an invitation to get involved with them and then I have to try and extricate myself."

"Is that why you insisted on paying for the sewing machine?"

"Kind of, not that you're like that of course but I have my boundaries, for me it's kind of like some kind of fetish. At least that's the way Penny referred to it anyway."