Women Who Talk Pt. 04

"Penny?" Helen looked at her, "are you and her involved?"

"No, nothing like that. We're friends, good friends but she's been having these sessions with me where we talk about sex."

"Sex," Helen smiled crookedly, "I have to admit, I've never talked to Penny about sex."

"But that's because you work together, she doesn't do office romance. That was one of the first things I asked her by the way," Robyn picked up a black cardigan.

"Well, take what you want and give the rest to the op shop, you're actually doing me a favour, I need to clear that drawer out to separate jeans from tracksuit pants."

"Okay," she turned around and held it up in front of her, "it's my size."

"Is that how you try on clothes?" Helen stepped in front of her as Robyn lowered the cardigan, "I know it's stretchy," she undid the top button, "but the sleeves might be the wrong length," she undid another button.

"So the only way to find out is to try it on," she eased the third button through the buttonhole and then stopped as she stared at Robyn's face. The younger woman was looking down at her hands and as the button came undone she looked up at her face and then looked away as she inhaled slowly.

Helen paused as she recalled a similar situation with Penny some years ago and considered stepping back, just in case she'd crossed a line.

"I wonder if this is what she meant?" Robyn looked down.

"What? Who?" Helen moved to the fourth button.

"Penny was right," she bit her lip as the button came undone.

"You mean Penny has a fetish about being undressed?" Helen stared at her, the cardigan was held together by the last button.

"Um," she bit her lip, "um... I..." Robyn looked away.

Helen hesitated before moving to the last button.

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me."

Robyn's eyes narrowed as she looked down, trying to avoid giving anything away but she sensed she'd already given too much away anyway.

"So, these conversations about sex? What exactly do you talk about? Or is that a secret?"

"Everything," she replied as the last button came undone.

"Everything? As in sex with women?"

"And men," she pulled the cardigan over her shoulders, "it's very informative," she eased it down further, "not just dry textbook stuff," she looked down as Helen grabbed a sleeve and pulled it over her hand.

"I feel as if I've been looking at life in black and white before then," she turned slightly and tugged at the other sleeve.

"And now?" Helen helped her remove the cardigan.

"Now it's in living colour and I'm just in awe, I don't know what to ask next. This is the stuff I wish I'd known when I turned eighteen."

Helen took a step back and watched her don the black cardigan. Robyn's revelation about Penny had awakened a memory from four years ago, in this very room. She stared at the mirrors as Robyn moved to the wardrobe mirror to button the cardigan, the garment was a nice fit.

"The sleeves are long enough," she stretched her arms out.

"Not too tight around the shoulders?" Helen moved up behind her and tugged at the cardigan.

"No," she dropped her hands and leaned forward, "it's a good fit," she straightened up, "although, it does draw attention to my boobs," she tugged at the top button.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"It all depends on who's doing the looking," she smiled crookedly.

"They look pretty good to me," Helen squeezed her shoulders, "but I'm gay."

"Cheeky," she chuckled and slapped her hand.

A moment later however she turned around and looked at her.

"Thank you," she murmured.

"For what?" Complimenting you on your breasts or giving you a pile of cardigans?"

"Both I think, but it's more the second than the first, I'm so fucking tired of feeling like this."

"Like what?"

"A fucking fraud, I don't use that word out loud in company but I think it all the fucking time and ever since I went to that meeting at Penny's joint I've been looking at women in church and feeling guilty about wanting to sleep with them. I lust after women and last night I got pissed and let it all out to Penny."

"What did she say?"

"She said that was a healthy thing, she thinks I'm brave but she also told me that I needed to be honest with Jeff about my orientation."

"She wants you to come out to your boyfriend?"

"I have to," she put her back against the wardrobe door, "I can't hurt him like this, I can't pretend anymore, it's wrong and she's right when she tells me that just pretending it's not happening will only make it worse for both Jeff and me," she closed her eyes and pinched her nose.

"I'm going to see him this arvo," she blinked and looked down at the carpet.

"You look exhausted," Helen stated the obvious, "maybe you should crash here," Helen stepped aside and nodded at the bed, "I'll be next door in the office, I was halfway through the jobs Penny has given me and she wants the work tomorrow but I could wake you if you like."

"You want me to crash on your bed," Robyn pushed away from the wardrobe, "isn't that pushing the envelope too far?"

"It's not as if I'm going to ravish you," Helen shrugged, "but if that's what concerns you, the couch is very comfortable and I can make you a strong coffee before you leave."

"Okay," she reached the bed and sat down, "let me use your loo first."

"Do that, I'll get a bag for these clothes," she walked towards the door.

By the time she'd returned Robyn was sitting with her back to the headboard with her legs stretched out along the bed, her shoes were on the floor.

"Consider it a test of my trust, wake me at half past three."

"No worries," she put the bag on the bed and opened it up.

"This'll be the first time I've lain down in a lesbian's bed," she laid down, "if my mother could see me now she'd start a prayer circle."

"I won't tell her then," Helen grinned, "it'll be our secret."

Robyn closed her eyes once Helen had left the room and within a minute or two she was drifting off to sleep while the older woman carried the bags downstairs. By the time Helen came back upstairs she was fast asleep and had turned her back to the door and curled up into the foetal position. Helen stood in the doorway as she replayed the conversation she'd had with her earlier and one particular piece of information was all too familiar. She stared at the wardrobe as the memory came back of a woman who had stood right there nearly four years ago.

Had Penny told her about what happened in the bedroom four years ago? It seemed highly unlikely because her boss was meticulous about protecting her private life. A sly smile nudged her lips as she walked back into the office. She had inadvertently given her information that was invaluable. She'd just exposed her Achilles Heel. Penny had money and privilege but she had the rat cunning to take this all the way to the goal posts. She opened up the document she'd started on Robyn and typed up some more notes under the title Fetishes and then got back to some real work.

***

Robyn stirred as the ringing phone interrupted her sleep, registering that it was her phone, she'd fallen asleep on Helen's bed with the phone beside her and she pressed the button as she raised it to her ear and slowly opened her eyes.

"Hello?"

"G'day, I'm home earlier than I thought."

"Jeff," she stared at the ceiling.

"Are you okay? You sound half asleep."

"I am, I fell asleep on a friend's bed," she glanced over at the door Helen had closed earlier.

"It must have been some night if you're still tired now."

"Yeah, I was okay this morning funny enough, but it hit me about lunchtime."

"Did you go to church this morning?"

"Nope, I went to Penny's church," Robyn replied.

"Where's that?"

"Caribbean Market," Robyn grimaced, "I've been doing a bit of thinking about church lately, not just church, the whole fucking shit show."

"I had a feeling something was wrong the other week at coffee shop, you weren't your usual self when Penny and her friends were there."

Robyn didn't reply to that.

"They're gay, aren't they?"

"Uh huh," she mumbled, "maybe, yeah they are and I've been feeling so guilty ever since."

"Why guilty?" Jeff asked her, "are you?"

"Gay?" Robyn pinched her nose, "um... I didn't used to think so, I used to tell myself I was just missing nanna but meeting Penny and some of her friends has awakened something that I've been repressing for years," she trailed away.

"Go on," he urged her.

"It's as if something that I thought was broken turns out to be in perfect working order. You're the first guy who's ever lasted this long with me but that's because you never put the hard word on me, I could just hang out with you and not have to you know... perform."

"So, what about the other night? It threw me a curved ball, it wasn't as if I started something."

"I guess I was trying to prove something to myself," she sat up.

"How did it make you feel afterwards?"

"Guilty," she admitted, "I felt guilty because I still have sexual desires towards women, I want to be with women but we've been friends for so long and now I've fucked the whole thing."

"I admit I liked it," he replied, "but if it's going to cause you to lose your shit then maybe we should just throw in the towel, I'm still your mate though."

"How can you say that?" Robyn swung around and put her feet on the floor, "I'd be pissed off at me if I was you."

"And what good would that do anyone? We've had some good times and I still want to see you, but it's not like I don't have my eyes on women too. I guess that's one thing we have in common, we both like women."

Robyn managed a half laugh at that as she walked to the window.

"I guess so, who've you got your eyes on? I won't get mad I promise."

"Michelle from church, blonde Michelle."

"Oh, um you might want to watch out for Rick then, he's her ex but he broke up with his girlfriend a few weeks ago and she's been around to see him."

"I didn't know that, I thought they were both just friends."

"They are but she's wanting more and it's only a matter of time before he gives in, Cheryl would be a better bet. She's got a child and she hasn't been going to church that long but she's a wasted talent in my opinion."

"I didn't know she was single, I saw the kid and thought she was with someone."

"She says that to keep guys at bay, but her ex boyfriend isn't going to be an issue. He's moved in with someone else from what she told me."

"I'll keep that in mind," he replied, "but you and me, we're mates. Who am I going to talk to if I have problems with a chick? I can't ask another guy and I'm not going to see a counsellor at the church, I'm going to ask another girl."

"Of course, you can come around any time you want, day or night. I mean that, Jeff," she stared at the door as she heard Helen coming out of the office next door.

"What about you? Have you got your eyes on anyone?"

"Yeah, but I've got my doubts about all of them, they're either with someone or probably out of reach, so I'm really out there on my own. I don't even know about church yet, there's a lot for me to think about."

"No worries, I'm here for you if you need to blow off steam. I don't know if my advice is any good but there you have it and I'll keep my mouth shut at church. I'll just tell them that we decided to call it quits but we're still mates."

"Thanks, Jeff," she swallowed, "I do love you."

"I know, so do I," he replied.

She waited for a few more seconds before he spoke again.

"Okay, I gotta go but don't be a stranger."

"I won't, same to you."

She hung up and stared at the bed, a tear slid down her cheek a moment later and she wiped it away with a sleeve. She'd expended so much emotional energy into this one conversation, fully expecting it to be a highly charged face to face conversation and instead there was just a quiet acceptance that things weren't working out.

She walked to the bed as another tear inched down her other cheek. By the time she got the tissues out of her handbag her cheeks were wet with tears and she dabbed at her eyes and blew her nose. A part of her wanted to take the whole thing back, throw in the towel and try to make the best of it but the other part of her was just grateful she'd retained his friendship and support.

I didn't deserve him, she stared at the floor.

The door opened a few seconds later and she looked up at Helen.

"What's wrong?"

"I just ended it with Jeff."

"I'm sorry," she stepped into the room.

"Thank you," she dabbed at her eyes again, "he's such a beautiful guy, he supports me and all I've done is confuse him."

"What can I do to help?"

"Nothing," she replied as Helen sat down beside her, "it's got nothing to do with anyone by the way," she stared at the open doorway.

"What're you going to do now?"

"Go home I guess."

"Why not just stay here?" Helen rubbed her back gently, "I've finished work, I can cook something and you can just chill out, I'm here for you."

Robyn didn't reply as she stared straight ahead.

"Do you want something to drink, water, wine, bourbon, or all of the above?"

"Just water," she replied.

"No worries," she put an arm around her shoulders, "I'm having a beer though."

"Whatever," she leaned into her.

Helen sat there for a minute or so before getting up and exiting the room. Robyn waited until she had gone downstairs before going to the bathroom to wash her face. Her makeup had run and she contemplated reapplying it before changing her mind and walking out.

Downstairs, Helen contemplated her next move and like most decisions she made, alcohol was a contributing factor in making said decisions, and Robyn had just broken up with her boyfriend. She stared at the cans in her fridge. There was the remains of a six-pack of beer and three UDL cans, two of them were Southern Comfort and Coke, the other was a gin and tonic. On a whim, she grabbed the two cans of Southern and headed upstairs again. Robyn seemed to be meticulous about not drinking and driving because drivers on a probationary licence had to maintain a zero alcohol reading whilst driving. Even one drink would put her at risk, she'd have to stay here for at least six hours and in that time Helen was convinced she could take advantage of the situation.

Robyn was standing on her bed with her back against one of the beams. She had taken off her belt and it was dangling over one hand as she tapped out a text message, their eyes met briefly and then she kept touching the keyboard as Helen put the cans and glass of water on top of the bedside drawers.

Robyn: No worries, I can only use a couple of cardigans anyway.

She sent the message and tossed the phone onto the bed. Helen noticed the Harley Davidson buckle on the bed, it was near her handbag and a plastic bag.

"You're up on my bed, talk about making yourself at home," she knelt on the bed.

"Sorry," she started sliding the belt through the loops, "I couldn't resist."

"That's cool, it's good you feel at home here."

Robyn didn't reply for a few moments as she finished sliding the belt through the belt loops but as she pushed the buckle into a hole she spoke quietly.

"What's with the Southern and Coke?"

"I changed my mind, I thought I'd have something stronger."

"What do you think?" Robyn looked down at herself, "I bought it today."

"What? The belt or the buckle?"

"The buckle," she replied, "Penny bought the belt and buckle the other week."

"It looks fucking awesome," she replied.

"Hmm," she turned and walking to the end of the bed, grabbed the upper crossbeam and glanced over her shoulder, "will this take my weight?"

"Fuck yeah, look at the thickness of the beam, I've used it for pull ups in the past."

Robyn lowered herself and kicked her legs out, the crossbeam did creak but stayed firmly in place as she dropped to the floor and walked to the wardrobe mirror.

"It is a nice buckle," she stared at herself, "I like it."

She turned and walked back to the other side of the bed and once again she grabbed the beam and pulled herself up. She had a bemused smile as she bent her knees and spread her legs to put her feet on the bed.

"I'd love to have one of these beds."

"It does have its uses."

"So," she regarded her as she arched her back and swung back and forth, "do your girlfriends hang from the beams while you spank them?"

"A few do," she grinned, "I have a feather duster as well."

Robyn winced at that as she pulled herself upwards and then lowered herself.

"Wow, this would be great for strengthening your back," she did it again.

"I tend to use the gym downstairs these days, I can't do many pull ups because it's too easy to fall into bed and just lie there."

"Piker," she lowered herself and let go of the beam, "I'd be doing pull ups when I got out of bed for sure," she adjusted her position slightly.

"I do need to join a gym though, just doing a couple of pull ups tells me everything."

"Do you fancy staying for dinner?" Helen opened a can.

"Maybe," Robyn frowned a moment or two later as she smelled the sweet smell of Southern and Coke, "why'd you bring up two?"

"In case you wanted one but if not I'll drink it later," she took a swig.

"So, what's it going to be? Coffee? Food? Alcohol or all of the above?"

Robyn stared at the can and contemplated her options. A moment later she crawled across the bed to join Helen on the other side but just as she put her back to the headboard and stretched her legs out along the bed her phone beeped.

Helen handed her the unopened can of Southern Comfort and Coke.

To be continued...