Yorkshire Pudding Ch. 04

"I guess I am feeling the same. Whatever we went through had me feeling young and invulnerable. And now I feel so very exposed, old and quite vulnerable."

"I had to pee really badly and was cradled in your arm. I was so slow and careful to not wake you as I disentangled us that I almost peed down my leg on the way to the loo. And while I sat there, only 20 or 30 feet away from you, I felt a visceral loss from the lack of your touch. I have never felt that before with anyone."

I thought back to when I left the bed to grab the water bottle.............

"Yeah, I think I know what you mean, I had........"

"No, you don't. That's why I put on the robe and have been sitting here, examining you, examining us."

"Stop it Miriam..... I do understand." And I tell her about my reaction earlier in the evening.

"Well, shit...... you too! What's going on here? This really is something more than two randy old goats isn't it?"

"Yes, I think it is."

"We can't exactly take each other home to our spouses and proclaim that we have a fun new friend. But I can't consider leaving here without the promise of seeing you again. I want to spend time with you in the daylight."

For the first time Miriam has intimated that there may be something for us after this night.

"Yes, but when and where? For fuck's sake, we live on separate continents. I will be here in the UK for another week, maybe two, but after that.........."

"Hank, when are you going to retire?"

"You sound like Terri. I don't know. I would like a few more years of income, but don't really need it if I am honest."

I pack two pillows against the headboard and sit up in the bed, my chest and sagging belly now exposed. I immediately, try to suck my belly flat, but it simply folds into two, smaller sags.

Miriam laughs and I begin to pull the covers up over my belly.

"Don't you dare! I'm sorry I laughed. It was because you were so dearly transparent in that moment. I love that you sucked in your tummy for me. But you are also much braver than I, in my terry cloth castle covering my obviously aged body"

I let the covers remain at my waist and let my stomach relax. I take a long drink from the water bottle on the bedside table. For what seems like an eternity, but is actually only two, maybe three minutes, we gaze at each other, neither saying a word, each momentarily overwhelmed by line that we are stepping over.

She goes first.

"I asked about retirement because my whole perspective on life changed when I retired. I realized that I have limited time left on the planet, but I also felt like I had been unfettered from chains I didn't even know were in place. Every step I have taken since then has been ever so precious to me."

"I think I know what you are saying, I have certainly been aware of the fact that I am finally 'old' and have far fewer years left than I have already spent. Every act I take needs to be one I will not regret."

"I fucking love my husband to bits. He is bright, charming, handsome. He loves me. But you and I have connected in ways that I never knew possible. I feel like I have known you forever. I have never believed in prior lives and now I think we have lived a dozen of them together............ Oh Christ! We are a cliché."

"A cliché is a stereotype, something unoriginal. Miriam, whatever we are, it is not that."

"No, I meant that we are star crossed lovers who might ruin the lives of other people to satisfy their own desires."

"Oh, THAT stereotype......I don't want anyone to get hurt. But I am not going to deny us whatever lies ahead. I know you will be risking more than I am, at least more people are involved."

"Yes, Hank. But much as I want to deny it, I have fallen in love with you. And if I head back to London without making plans to see you again, knowing how to reach you, I will regret it for the rest of my life. Just promise me that if your feelings ever change that you will let me know immediately."

"Let's consider that a mutual promise."

I climb out of bed, still quite self conscious and get my phone from my pants.

I am almost crouching as I move around the room.

I'm trying to hide my man boobs and belly. Hoping to avoid any position that shows how my ass sags like a bag of mush. Keeping my skinny, stick type arms to my sides. So embarrassed of myself without carnal lust lighting me up and driving me forward.

But then I see how she is looking at me, with absolute acceptance and I gain confidence and strength, moving upright and at ease. This woman truly accepts me as I am and it infuses a new strength in my bearing.

I sit across from her at the table and we exchange contact info and begin planning where to go from here.

We compare calendars and plan on meeting up in Paris in 6 weeks. That will allow each of us to spend time at home and assess all we have invested in our marriages and if we are really prepared to try and juggle the two worlds.

James has a trip to the US at that time and we pick Paris because I begin a series of site surveys for a new film to be shot there. The plan is for me to fly in five days early and for us to spend them together and find out if we can sustain 'us' as a couple outside the bedroom.

We promise to initiate contact via innocuous texts and do all details by phone only. Nothing that can later be innocently stumbled upon by those we love.

My watch shows 5:30AM and we agree that I better get back to my room. Miriam hands my toy pouch to me. "I cleaned your plug and put back everything but the nipple suckers, which I am going to keep because my nipples fill them better than yours." She then laughs. The same, brilliant laugh that started all of this.

I go to gather the rest of my clothes from the floor where they have lain since my arrival in her room and start to get dressed.

"Wait! Not yet. Just one more thing"

Miriam waits as I place my pants and shirt on the bed, standing there naked and confused.

She rises from the arm chair and as she walks to me, she unties the robe's belt and shrugs herself out from under her terrycloth covering.

She stands before me and I see her in full.

The crepe skin along the back of her upper arms. The soft sag of her belly, pronounced enough to form a saddle of her pelvis. An unnoticed scar from one of her births. Her thighs lightly dimpled with cellulite. Her breasts are uneven. Stretch marks showing there and on her belly.

Our lack of sleep has left shadows under her eyes. Clear of makeup, age spots darken her brows and temples.

She looks directly at me, open, unafraid, but demanding that I see her.

Yes, I see her in full. My throat goes into a knot, my eyes well up with tears, Christ! I truly love this woman.

"Oh stop it! I just wanted to check. I felt a bit cowardly hiding in my robe and needed to be sure."

She bends over, picks up the robe and puts it back on. Walking up to me, she gives me a quick kiss, slaps me on the ass and says "Text me next week and you better get out of here, Dan and Ginny like an early breakfast and may already be moving about."

As she enters the bathroom I can see her reflection in the mirror and tears are streaming down her cheeks.