tagHumor & SatireJust The Other Night

Just The Other Night


I couldn't believe my luck. "Hmm, nice place," that would be Katie.

"Yeah, but it's a little chilly out here," and that would be Amy. I glanced over my shoulder, pausing as I fumbled with my keys. Amy had one arm draped over Katie's shoulder, and appeared to be nuzzling Katie's neck. Neither of them were dressed for September. I doubted either of them were sober. They both noticed me looking, and with matching glints in their eye's, Katie lifted Amy's chin, bringing their lips together.

I scrambled desperately to get my house keys to open the damn door. Behind me I heard a hum of satisfaction, I wasn't sure who's it was, and it didn't really matter. What counted is I'd managed to talk two gorgeous ladies from the bar back to my place, and they were ready to get the party started without me.

I finally yanked the door open, "Here we go ladies," I waved them into the apartment, "Watch your step." They smiled at me as they passed. Katie was model perfect, in fact she claimed she to be a model. I thought she was a little to short for that job, weren't models all tall? Regardless, she had clear blue eyes, draping blonde hair, and high cheek bones. She had a figure made for a evening gown, breasts not too large, but all the right curves in all the right places. Meanwhile, Amy was the cute one. Short brown hair, tanned – maybe Italian – complexion, a fuller figure than Katie, breasts that were more pronounce but just as firm, with wider hips. Either one of them would have turned my head in a heartbeat, together, I nearly tripped over the door myself following them.

I decided to forego the tour of the place. They didn't seem to mind, crashing together on my living room couch. While I had intended to lead them to my bedroom, they seemed quite comfortable right where they were. Well, heck, far be if for me to complain. I can be flexible.

Amy went from nuzzling Katie's neck to kissing it, while Katie made a half-hearted attempt to take off her own light weather jacket. "Here, let me help you out of that," I sat down behind Katie, helping to pull off the jacket while she let Amy pull down the strap to her dress. I tossed aside the coat, eager to join Amy at undressing and kissing our way down Katie.

"Hmm, we should get out of all these clothes," suggested Katie as she started pulling up on Amy's blouse. This had little effect on stopping Amy from kissing her way down Katie's shoulder though. Katie squirmed, no doubt sensing that Amy wasn't going to stop till she'd worked her way down Katie's body. Katie smiled at me, "C'mon you, get those clothes off."

In a single motion I whipped off my shirt and sweater. I started pulling off my shoes, not bothering to undo them first, as Amy revealed Katie's left breast. She continued to kiss as she went to, much to the enjoyment of Katie. I realized that if I managed to get Amy out of some of her clothes she'd have her face buried between Katie's thighs and her own hips up in the air. I was tugging on the second shoe when the thought struck me.

I paused. Frozen. Panic stricken even. I went for my pockets. Nothing. Wallet? No, the date had expired and I'd thrown it out – better safe than sorry, right? Right. I didn't have a condom on me. "I'll be right back," I whispered, though it didn't look like either lady cared what I did, they were both too busy enjoying each other.

Bedroom, had to be one in the bedside table. Nothing. Oh my God. I ran, one shoe on, one off, to the bathroom. Just one! Just once! I could settle for fingers and tongues after that, but there had to be one! I gutted my medicine cabinet with no luck. No, no, no, no, no, this can't be happening.

Think. Think, where – the Seven-Eleven was four blocks down the street.

I poked my head back into the living room. Amy had Katie's dress off her breasts now, and was fondling and kissing them. Katie meanwhile had her head back, a relaxed hazy expression on her face. She tilted her head at the sight of me though, "C'mon, I want something to suck on," she ended with a soft gasp as Amy's hand slid up under her dress. Her eyes closed as she got lost in the sensation of Amy's mouth and hands on her. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my, I had no choice, I'd have to make a break for it and hope the two were still here when I got back.

There haven't been many times in my life when my sense of morals really ruined my day. I simply prayed this wasn't one of them. I was soooooo tempted to ditch the whole need for condoms. It was way more tempting than ever before. But I gritted my teeth, because I knew neither of them were in any shape to drive, and if at all lucky, I'd have both of them still here come dawn. And if that was the case, I most certainly didn't want them asking where the condom was when it was too late.

Yet, I didn't want to go back into the living room. I didn't want to interrupt them. I made it back to my bedroom, grabbed a shirt and a left sneaker and got dressed. Having no other way out of the apartment but through the living room, I slipped out the window of my bedroom.


The shout startled me, and I more or less dropped out of the window instead of climbing. I landed, and hoped it wasn't too hard on my ankles.

"I'm gonna call the cops!"

"No, no, Mrs Langamore, it's just me!" I shouted over the hedge at my neighbor.

She obviously paused, recognizing my voice, "What'cha doin' climbin' outta ya window?"

"Long story, Mrs Langamore," though I wondered to myself what the eighty-year-old nosey bat was doing watching my apartment at this hour. I didn't pause to think about it though, I had to get back.

I ran the four blocks. If the prospect of two gorgeous ladies together in one night wasn't enough to sober me up, I figured the run would do the trick.

I burst into the Seven-Eleven like a small whirlwind. A line. There was a line. The bars were closed, why the fuck didn't this people go home?! I almost panicked. But, no. No. No panicking. I went to the end of the line, the small number watching my every move. Breath. Relax, the ladies weren't going anywhere. And they were females, not like they couldn't have multiple orgasms, right? Heck, I was counting on that, wasn't I? Sure I was, I'm the shit, I've got two gorgeous ladies fucking each others brains out on my living room couch right now and I'm standing in a fucking line at a Seven-Eleven at two-fucking-o'clock in the fucking morning.


Apparently everyone else in the world tuned into my idea to go home, because no one else entered the convenience store after me. So, I stood at the end of the line, the single cashier working at checking each one of us late night saps out one at a time.

Holy shit, I knew the cashier. Sandra. From my Graduate Economics of Sociology class. Not only did I have to ask for condoms from a female cashier, an embarrassment I was really too horny to care about to night, but I had to ask them from Sandra. Only one customer remained between us now.

Oh, Sandra. She was a petite redhead. She had small fearie like features, a face like a porcelain figurine. Her small breasts were easily hid beneath a sweater, or even a baggy shirt, but her hips, oh man. I made it a point to sit half way around the seminar circle every class just to get a good look at those hips. She wore tight jeans, or sometimes even a skirt, and her small, smooth legs would lead up to a waist I'd kill to go down on. I'd imagine doing that every class too. Kneeling happily before her. Running my hands up her legs when she wore a skirt, or eagerly undoing her jeans. And to pull them down off her, exposing her lily white body, would be a dream come true. And after I'd had a chance to taste her I'd go through a whole box of condoms.

At this point I realized two things. One, I was still quite drunk myself, because two, I'd been standing in front of Sandra this whole time telling her everything I was thinking.

She stared at me.

I stared back, wondering if I could swallow at this point, never mind breathing. I opened my mouth, "Best make that two boxes of condoms."

She turned beat red and looked away. Obviously embarrassed herself, she slid two boxes across the counter to me.

"Um, I'm," she interrupted my attempt at an apology.

"I knew you were staring, but," she let it trail off. She didn't sound upset? Holy smokes, she didn't sound upset! She sneaked a peek at me from under her red curls. I found myself as hard as a rock as I stared back. "Maybe next time you should sit next to me, you might be able to do more than stare," she slid a piece of paper across the counter at me.

I picked it up, aghast, it was her phone number?! With one hand I gripped the counter, not wanting to pass out right then. "How about I call you before our next class. Like, um," not sure when would be a good time. But she had a time in mind already.

"Ok, but I don't get done work till morning. I'm covering for the night shift tonight. Only."

"Maybe you'd like to join uh," shit, I almost said us, "um, me for breakfast?"

"Maybe. Call me."

"Count on it," I noticed someone else come into the store, and took the opportunity to slip out.

I headed back up the street, stunned. This had to be the greatest night of luck in any man's life, and better than most dreams! Then I remembered what had made it such a grand night to start with. The ladies!

I ran back up the street as fast as I could, panting the whole way. At 36th Street I had to cross. I had the light, I might still have been drunk enough to describe highly erotic scenes to a fellow student in a Seven-Eleven, but I know I saw green on that light. Apparently the sedan didn't agree. I managed to jump, and I'm not certain that the car hit me, or if I simply bounced off the parked car when I dove.

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God," for a second I thought that my voice had gone up an octave and I was back in my bedroom looking for a condom. Then I opened my eyes. She was in her forties I figured. "Are you ok?"

"Um," I tried to sit up, slowly. Didn't feel too bad actually, "I think you missed me."

"Oh, thank God!" She was very upset. Maybe late forties? She looked somewhat familiar.

"Do I know you?"

She looked panicked stricken, "God I hope not." A second later she realized what she said, "No, I mean, um, oh my God."

"You've said that already," I was a little shook up, and maybe a scratch or two, but upon reflection, I realized she had missed me entirely.

"Do you need an ambulance?" she asked cautiously. "I have a cell phone if you really think you need one," and she clearly hoped I didn't. "It's only that the press will hear of it, and," she opted for shutting up at that point.

For my own part, I wasn't really hurt. And while, yeah, I probably should have her locked up for nearly running me over, I knew I'd rather just get back to my place and forget this part of the evening. If it was the worse luck I had all day, I'd be willing to let her have some of my good luck then. "I'm ok, really, I just have to get back," I glanced around for the boxes. I'd run out of the Seven-Eleven so quickly I'd not bothered with a bag. I'd been running down the street with the condoms in my hand. Shit.

"Are these," she saw them near the curb and picked them up, pausing as she did so, "yours?" The last word shifted her tone entirely.

"Yeah, thanks."

She held them out, then pulled them back, "Look, maybe we can forget this whole thing, just keep it between you and me?"

She'd clearly read the boxes. Two boxes at that. And this clearly put an idea into her head, one that certainly hadn't entered into mine until now. I looked her over again. Not a bad figure at all, actually. Dark hair, understated makeup, large rounded breasts, and very long legs.

She pulled a card out of her purse, "Here's my card," which she gave to me with the two boxes of condoms. "Let me know if anything aches, or if you simply need a massage."

I read the name. I looked at her, down at the card, then at her. The Dean of Student's wife? That's where I'd seen her before, at some Graduate Student function on campus. She'd stepped closer to me, nearly toe to toe, "But only if you can keep it between you and me."

I nodded, mutely, torn between ditching the card and pulling her into a long deep kiss right there on the street. Well, the later would certainly threaten the secrecy clause she wanted to establish, so I passed on that impulse and let her get back into her car and drive off without another word.

Shaking my head I tried not to think about what had just happened, be it a good thing or not. Instead I reminded myself why I was out running around the streets at this hour for in the first place. I ran back to my apartment.

And stopped. I was locked out. I must have dropped my keys on the side table when I went in the door, something I did every time I entered. Oh no. Dare I ring my own bell? Would the ladies, if there still there, dare answer it? Or do they even know I'm missing?

I could just picture the two of them, sixty-nining on my couch, Katie on top, her legs straddling over Amy's hungry mouth. Amy's own legs wide open as Katie ran tongue and finger in and out of her. Both of them so lost in their sensations that they don't even hear the doorbell ringing. They'd both be so sweaty too, and naked, and hardly willing to answer the door when they could simply ignore it and continue to taste each other instead.

Back around to my bedroom window. Mrs Langamore no where to be found, and thankfully, no sign of police either. I grabbed a trash can and propped it up under the window. It was a reach, but if ever I was tempted to take some risks in breaking my neck to break into my own apartment, tonight was the night.

Mind you, I might still have been drunk. It would explain hanging from my bedroom window by my elbows at nearly three o'clock in the morning. The trash can rattled off down the alley, and I prayed it didn't bring Mrs Langamore back out to her yard.

With a couple of kicks against the wall, and scrambling, I managed to claw my way into my apartment. I took a moment to rest before snatching the condoms off the floor where they'd landed. Then I bee-lined it for the living room.



Zip, zero, zilch, the ladies were gone.

I collapsed on the couch, excitement giving way to depression. Reaching behind me I pulled a bra out from the small of my back. Pausing, I glanced around the room. Blouse. Another, smaller, bra. Panties.

Listening, I realized I could hear the shower running. Jumping up I went to the bathroom and opened the door. A wall of steam fell into my face.

"Hey, cutie, there you are," that would be Katie, "where'd you go?"

"And close the door," that would be Amy, "you're letting all the steam out."

"Oh, don't worry Amy, I've got plenty of steam for you. And plenty more for Katie too. I pulled the door closed behind me, "Sorry I'm so late. Had to get some protection first."

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