The Alternate World of LiteroticabyAlgonquin Twit©
I had never looked at it this way before, but after reading an article at NPR's website it suddenly became very clear to me. Glen Weldon, in an article titled "Otherworldly: The Year's Most Transporting Books" detailed that what makes alternate reality come alive "—is how deftly their authors let us know their rules." Suddenly, a light flashed before me and I realized that my trips in and through Literotica were nothing less than stepping into a completely alternate world, into a world of glistening tumescence where erect nipples are splashed by towering erections while firm clitoral nubs quiver under the delicate caress of tongues, fingers, toes, vibrators and a countless array of sexual objects. Spectacular sexual unions occur nearly everywhere and every kink is a good kink, unless of course it's one of those sick things those perverts over there do.
Ah, yes, that's the rub, yes... yes, a little more to the left, oh right, pardon my diversion there. Where was I? The rub, that's it. That's the rub, the rules. In the world of Literotica sex begins at eighteen and it ain't happening between us and the furry creatures of this land, unless of course the furry creature is some mythological, non-human otherworldly beast of a sexy entity of some sort.
Hey, that's not too bad considering all the wonderful, fantastic sex happening all around. Now there are a few other rules like somehow sex just doesn't happen in less than seven hundred fifty words unless it is poetic, but all in all this alternate word of sex seems quite delectable.
Oh, but wait, apparently this alternate world has some unwritten rules. Contests... what can you say but wow. Here there are contests where winners get real money. Of course you must follow the rules, which seems easy enough, well, for some people it is.
Where it gets tough is the unwritten rules where apparently seven hundred fifty word sex is suddenly cheating. It seems you must have, well how much must you have, eight hundred... no that's not it, one thousand, twelve hundred? No, apparently you need to write at least as many words as the competitor who wants to call you a cheater.
And then, after you have counted all your words apparently there is an apparent etiquette involved in when you write your stories. It is considered good taste to write at the beginning of the contest and bad taste to write at the end. Yes, if one competitor is ahead in the contest at the end of the summer, it is simply abhorrent that another competitor might write more stories and by the end of the contest suddenly take the lead. For some it's merely bad taste, for others it is outright cheating. But this is an alternate world and poor sportsmanship can apparently, over time, become a heroic activity.
But damn, let's get back to the sex, I mean that's really what this alternate world is all about. Yes, the sex her is so wildly uninhibited, so utterly free, so... well, almost, we must remember the rules. Not the furry or age related rules, the unwritten rules. Okay, suppose I let myself imagine on my keyboard, fanaticize about a younger woman. Rich, powerful businessman that I am, I'm sure to attract plenty of younger women, hot ones, willing ones, women who are just waiting to hop into bed with me. Now, astute businessman that I am, one who has tested the waters of the slut of the month club many times, I know how to cover my tracks and protect myself.
So there I am, climbing into bed with a beautiful, young, naked woman, when I reach over to the nightstand, grab a small packet and open it up. I carefully slip out the lubricated latex item inside... suddenly there's a loud SMASH and the bedroom door flies open. Weapons are drawn and the comments are typed, "Terrible story, you ruined the fantasy when you grabbed the condom." Yes, the story police invaded my wonderful alternate world and tattooed me with a dreaded one. I broke the condom rule.
Reeling from my excursion with a hot younger woman I then decided to try something completely different. Yes, this time I found a lovely woman, a lovely woman who brought something extra to the bedroom. So after a wonderful night of dinner, dancing and the romantic moonlight we decide to get closer. Well, okay, yes it was a surprise when she slipped off her panties and there was, well there wasn't a... I mean, you know what I mean. Okay, there I was, a heterosexual man with a beautiful woman who also had a firm, hard cock. Completely thrown off guard I try to make the best of the situation and try a bit of oral... SMASH, the bedroom door swings open and once again I'm looking down the barrel of an irate reader's keyboard as he types a huge, unequivocal one.
With a huge one seared onto my forehead I quickly learned that the rules for transvestite stories must include anal if the participant is a pre-surgical male. Damn, I guess big brother was really watching and he obviously knew what he wanted. I made another note about another rule and moved on to a hopefully safer story category.
Okay, okay already, damn include one little mother-in-law story in the incest and taboo category and you get yet another one toasted onto your forehead. I get it now, if they ain't blood relations then I'm gonna get a one from someone. I also understand that to get a really good score you got to impregnate one of those blood relatives.
I tell you this new alternate world of no-holds barred, free, lascivious sex in getting more and more confusing to me. I even got a one because I wrote a non-erotic story and there was no fucking in it. Well, you live and you learn if you excuse me that cliché. I guess I'll just have to be more careful in picking my story categories. Let's see now, loving wives sounds like a nice, safe category...