All Comments on 'Seruya Town Ch. 02'

Just a small attempt at good grammar can make this piece readable. It's quite simple to learn the correct usage of "your" and "you're."

... someone to take your 'story' and edit into a readable copy and then to point out to you why each of the many changes needed to be made.

As it is now it seems like the fantasy musings of a school kid!

i wonder why you said that since he also already conquest other woman like that natalie and that woman from the first chp. i also hope there is more threesome or moresome that was included 1 man and many woman though. well for now it is good read.

It's the terrible use of past tense in the wrong places that keeps annoying me the most. Using "her" instead of "he" at one point. I failed English twice in high school so if I can spot these issues then it must be quite bad.

you need an editor to proofread your work since it shows you did not do it yourself.

The author's treatment of Taylor's gift is first rate. The manner in which he is casual about its use makes the notion that it is inherent to his nature believable. Additionally, the need for physical activity such as sex to re-charge the gift is a useful device to drive the plot along. I found the abusive behavior at the end of chapter 2 a bit jarring; it didn't seem consistent with the character up to that point. I see Sanpeux has not posted in awhile; if you are reading this know at least one person out there would love to see a new story.