All Comments on 'Windows'

Gave up half way through page one fucken stupid

a little more structure and thought is required. break the storty up a bit, so your stories aren't so long winded. keep writing and trying. Iv been where you are now. Trust me, dont listen to thr haters. I dont intend too.

The narrator is so repulsive that I couldn't get past the first few paragraphs. Gigantic fail.

When guys start talking about their size, I cut it in half. That's closer to the truth.

When you want to last out at your readers and call us mother fuckers, well, that may be true, and the Mother I fucked wasn't the one who made me, but it's still insulting to your readers.

I get how you're vying for a record low score. You may get that prize with this non-effort. I'd rather watch and ant struggle with a crumb of bread ten times his own weight.

I don't know what the haters are talking about. I wonder if its the same guy, based on the spelling I'd say yes.

I thought you narrator was making fun of the way every guy who has ever posted a personal ad lies about the size of their penis. I don't get how anonymous 1 took that as you lashing out at your readers. I assume he meant "lash" and not "last".

Anonymous 2 has a point. Most millennials are a little repulsive. I thought the way you showed him being so in love with his wife took the edge off.

I think anonymous 3 may be the same hater as anonymous 1, or at least as unintelligent. What is "fucken"? I guess he meant "fucking" or was going for a more vernacular voice and meant "fuckin'". Your guess is as good as mine.

In the spirit of useful criticism, I thought you tried way too hard to work in millennial sounding slang. I didn't have a problem with the structure. A couple in bed hears another couple fucking and then fucks for them in return. To one of Bouncingboobs points, I think, you did have them in a lot of positions - blow job, cunnilingus, anal, doggie, snow-balling. It was a bit much.

Bouncingboobs has the right idea. Ignore the trolls still living in mommy's basement.

Normally, I give you a 3 or a 4 but in compensation for the trolls I'm giving you a 5! Wish I could vote again. Keep it up.

Get your shit together and write properly. You write like a fifteen year old.

Do people think these are real stories? I wonder sometimes.

I get that you want the narrator to be self-absorbed but you take it so far, I can see why some readers might just shut down. I wouldn't call him repulsive but he is a little hard to take. I have to say, I don't know how old you are and didn't check your bio, but I work with a lot of twenty-somethings. They're not like that. Where you going for a caricature? If so, wrong venue buddy.

You do manage to make him a little more charming but he brags so much about his hair and his dick I think you lost people before then.

Help your readers like the characters first, then expose their flaws.

As far as the sex goes. That was fine.

Is it a 5? No. Is it as bad as a couple of the other comments suggest? No.

Wow, I really missed the mark, with some folks anyway.

I appreciate the comments that actually have something to work with.

I pictured the narrator as a bright, goofy, oblivious, self-absorbed but ultimately sweet guy, very much in love with his wife. That quite clearly didn't come across for some of the readers.

I hope everyone realizes he's totally a work of fiction - bits and pieces of characters from movies, TV shows etc. He's certainly not me. I'm not in my twenties. Alas, no one has called me skinny in some time and I've never even come close to being an exhibitionist.

I did once live in a three family home, but in New Haven, not Hartford. They are close together but I never heard anyone having sex. Pity.

I was poking fun at stereotypical hipsters and concede I might have shoved too much slang and text-isms into the story.

I would never call my readers mother-fuckers, at least not in anger. I was, through, the narrator, laughing at how men always lie about the size of their penises. That's all.

Anyway, for the helpful comments, as always, much appreciated. For the others, I hope you found something closer to your tastes.

T

Love the sort of stream of consciousness thing going on. First person perspectives, in my opinion, are much more effective for immersion, and the running internal commentary drives it home. Sex was hot, but more importantly to me, the character telling the story was both fun and interesting.

Stopped reading by middle of the first page... All that internal self doubt glorified struggling... Lost interest... Would you really think all that If you heard moaning from next door?

I really liked it! The inner monologue is funny and the guy's in love with his wife. Then again i'm a millennial :) he's a surgeon yet he's afraid to hurt his wife during waxing, aww <3 sounds like marital bliss right there, different from what i usually come across here