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Latest 15 Reader Comments

Are you critics serious?

Okay so he has some plotting issues and for me, too much detail. That doesn't mean he should quit. Yes a competent editor will help. All he needs is time to get it together. Many first timers make errors until they get it right. If many of them listened to you their great stories would not be here now.
Give new writers a break. Helpful comments and suggestions. If you didn't like the story say so but please don't harshly criticize the story. Everybody needs help and encouragement.

Next adventure

I must say, I can't wait for the next chapter with an ending like that.

chapter 21when and where?

Waiting with baited breath
Keep up the good work

Chapter 2?

Please give us a second chapter

How the heck did this "make the grade" with Literotica?

Lit has Volunteer Editors, but other commenters have told you not to waste their time. At the present, I agree that your writing style is poor. Read a Danielle Steele book. She writes some racey books. Please read professionally edited printed books - libraries have oodles of them.


The one part of this that is really hard to defend and which, I think, angers some readers is the appearance of laziness in the writing. Most of us who've posted stories here or elsewhere have done so after two, three, or more drafts, and we still find things we don't like after the story is published. There is plenty in this story that would have been caught by spelling and grammar check on a word processor or at an online site (Google "free online spelling and grammar check).

No Need to be Mean-Spirited

OK, so the story's got a logic problem with the ages of the son and the mother, and it's got some grammar and usage issues. That's all fixable, with a little help, and the writer would learn something.

I would never judge myself qualified to tell someone that they should just give up on writing, especially since much of it is made up of acquired skills. Also, it's kind of a leap of faith to put something creative out into the world -- especially if you're not all that confident in your skills as an artist. That leap of faith is about faith in your fellow human beings to respond to your work in constructive ways or to not respond at all. That doesn't mean that no criticism is allowed; it just means that critics should identify what needs to be fixed in the work, not what's wrong with the writer.

I actually only visited this story because I saw that it had an outrageous number of comments for a newly posted story. Not a fan of the incest theme myself, but that doesn't mean that I label or demean those who write such stories -- I just move on to another story. It's just fiction, people. And the only thing you spent on it was a little time.

Dear Gothicbabe_59: Don't give up on writing, but do use a volunteer editor. Like I said: You could learn a lot just by having someone edit your work. I don't have a ton of free time, but I'd be willing to red-pencil your story if you have trouble finding someone.

Who are you kidding?

Creating accounts to favourite this garbage doesn't fool anyone.
This crap is so bad, it's nauseating and only another retard would say he/she likes it.
Do yourself and everyone a favour and go back to your crayons.

End of sries

Thanks for all the great comments. Although I could continue this story line for a while. What I wanted to write was a story about teachers forced into slavery and how they changed as their submission progressed. I believe I accomplished this. This story is now coming to a natural conclusion. If I continue the story line any further it becomes redundant. There is only so much I can put them through before my limited imagination reaches it's limit. After that I just repeat things over and over. Maybe I will do a sequel and follow some of the characters after this ends. I am working on the last chapter and hopefully will finish it shortly. Please let me know what you think of the ending and then offer any suggestions on a sequel or if I should leave it here.

umm what?

This is horrible. How does a 27 yr old woman have an 18 yr old son?

at this rate

John will soon join his father as a prisoner in the ring.

Dear Absolutely

Please go back and read your first chapter.
What you are now posting is not a continuation of that story.
It may be interesting to some of your readers, but, it is a serious disappointment to the rest of us. And slogging through your many spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors is becoming tedious.

Didn't he already solve this problem?

or did the author forget what he had John do in chapter 02 regarding his mother and the ring?

"You will no longer be attracted to me, sexually." John stated flatly. He watched her face frown. "You are to act as the loving mother you have always been. You are not nor have you ever been sexual attraction to me. I am you son and that would be wrong. Do you understand?"

Mary said, "Yes, Johnny. I understand. Sex with my son would be wrong. No sex with Johnny"

I hate it when that happens.

I wish

You had made him 21 instead of 18 so he could be a bit more mature
That he hadn't gone overboard with the remodeling of April

and that you used Shudder when a person has that special bit of physical shaking and muscle spasm associated with pleasure. Shutters go on the outside of windows.

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