A New Girl

"Well I moved here from Westdale a couple weeks into this school year. I was the junior captain of my cheerleading squad back home and I just wanted to try and join the squad and then everyone here said I was a slut and I just want to go back to where I come from," I hadn't intended to let out a long running sentence, or nearly break into tears when I was talking about myself, but that was basically what happened. They weren't exactly supportive of me, but they weren't cold either. Tara even patted my hand on the table.

"Fuck 'em," Misty said. Misty seemed to only tolerate me to the point that it allowed her to show a little bit of hatred for the other people at the school.

"Well Shae," Julie said, ending this little interview that was going absolutely nowhere, "If you want to hang out with us in the morning and eat lunch with us for the rest of the week, I think that'd be okay. If it doesn't work out I won't feel bad about kicking you out. In fact it will help me look like bitch in front of the other idiots at this school. But I figure you haven't really done anything to deserve to be treated like shit. I think Crystal's boyfriend wants in your pants and that is about the long and the short of it. So hang out with us if you don't think you're better than us," she said, phrasing the last question as an accusation. Its implications were clear. Give up the cheerleader Shae and have friends or be deluded.

"I don't think that," I said, trying to choose my words carefully, "I'd be happy to sit at the lunch table with you and everything. I am not Goth or Punk or anything though." Julie sort of laughed.

"We don't want you to be an anything. Just hang out with us if you want to and don't if you don't," she said matter-of-factly.

"Oh," I said, feeling like I had said the wrong thing, "Well I think it would be fun to sit with you guys."

"Great!" Tara said and then looked at the other girls for confirmation. They seemed a little bit annoyed by her cheerfulness but they nodded at me. Tara was definitely a junior partner here and I could tell she went out on a limb to ask if I could sit with them. I was immediately touched by that and furthermore I was ecstatic to have someone in this school who would at least talk to me.

I was still sitting with the girls and talking to them, trying to get to know them but they weren't really in the mood to give anything away. I was just about to tell Julie that I liked her hair when Crystal and her friends walked by.

"Oh my God!" she said, acting like she was talking to her friends, "it smells more and more like skanky trash in here all the time." Her friends giggle. She then looked me dead in the eyes.

"Hey Crystal, your tampon string is showing," Misty said and it was true! There was a cheerleading competition that evening and she was wearing her little skirt and it was clearly and grossly visible against her leg. Crystal struggled to come up with something to say, but she just turned and walked away. The other girls laughed and I joined them. It felt good.

"Don't let her bother you. Seriously," Misty said, which surprised me. It must have just been the spite she felt for Crystal. The bell rang and I said goodbye to my friends. My possible friends.

The rest of the day was a little bit easier. I went to my classes and things were still weird but at least I had some hope. There hadn't really been any girls like Julie, Misty, and Tara at my old school, at least not any that I knew anything about. They seemed a little bit bizarre, but I couldn't be picky.

Finally the last bell for the day rang and I walked out of my class. I felt an intense freedom that school was out and I didn't have to look at the drab walls or angry students anymore. I was considering this and sort of walking with my head in the clouds when I felt a tug on my elbow. I turned and looked and it was Tara smiling at me. I smiled back.

"Hey Tara!" I said, trying not to sound too excited, after all I was a trying to get in good with these girls and didn't want to seem desperate.

"Hey Shae," she said and then started to walk with me. It was heaven to walk in the hallway with someone by my side, "I really like your name."

"Oh that's so sweet," I said and she giggled.

"What?"

"Nothing, you just talk like a cheerleader," she said and I felt silly. I guess I would have to learn to walk the walk and talk the talk.

"Sorry," I said, not sure exactly what I was supposed to say.

"Don't worry about it, its just funny," she said.

"Oh okay," I said. I wanted to ask questions but I didn't really know what it was that I wanted to say. So I talked about music. I was into all the girly pop stuff and I just started talking about it because I assumed she would know what I was talking about.

"Hey Shae," she said, politely.

"Yeah," I said.

"Hey you can listen to whatever you like and you can talk about it with me when it's just the two of us even though I don't know about it. But do not talk about it in front of Misty and Julie. They will make fun of you so bad! Julie will just do it to be funny but Misty doesn't really want anyone else to sit with us so just try be cool about it," she said. I was surprised, but grateful. There were a lot of rules I supposed I had to learn.

By this time we were outside standing in front of the building. I heard a car backfire and then Misty pulled up in a beat up Ford Festiva. I saw Julie sitting in the passenger seat trying to paint her toenail black. Tara waved goodbye to me and then got in the car.

"See you tomorrow Shae," Julie said to me as Misty put her foot on the gas and they sped out of the parking lot.

Chapter 3: Blending In

The next day I got to school a little earlier and went over and sat with my new friends. They acknowledged me like I was supposed to be there but I sort of sat to the side and just listened. I had to get used to the rhythm of their interactions so I could figure out where I fit in without acting like a cheerleader or doing something that would make them dislike me. I noticed a few things.

First is that they were all a lot more direct that the cheerleaders. They didn't say anything passive aggressively. If they thought someone was doing something stupid, they just came out and said it. Secondly, they were a lot gruffer and more sexually explicit in their language, almost like they were boys or something. They made sexual jokes and talked about their breasts or vaginas in a way that I never would've dreamed of before. They weren't really talking about having sex or anything like that; they would just say vulgar things as parts of jokes. Finally, they were really sweet when you got down to it. They talk to each other in an intimate and real way that definitely wouldn't be matched on a cheerleading squad.

They didn't bother me or try to force me to talk in the morning and before long, I was in class going through the motions of another day. I was looking forward to lunch. I didn't know what would happen, but I was going to make my best effort before the end of the week. It was my only hope. I didn't pay attention in class but it didn't seem that anyone noticed.

Lunch rolled around and I moved with purpose. I had tried to look the part that day so I was wearing a skirt and a t-shirt, but the only skirt I had that looked anything like the ones my new friends wore as it was white and my shirt was just a plain black t-shirt I found in my mom's closet. I didn't really look like them, but it was better than nothing. They were already sitting and talking when I got there.

"Hey," Tara said and the other girls nodded when I sat down.

"Hey guys," I said, trying to sound casual.

"Who you calling a guy?" Julie asked, but not in a mean spirited way. I decided to try to give a little back.

"I don't know, I just saw this bulge in Misty's skirt when I walked up so I figured this was the boys track team table or something," I said, feeling my heart pounding in my chest as I gauged their reactions. They sat silently for a minute then Tara and Julie started howling with laughter.

"Fuck you!" Misty said, scowling. I was more than willing to piss her off to get the other two on my side, especially Julie. The lunch settled down after that I talked to them. I was actually a part of the conversation. It was like I had said some magic words and I was in. I found myself saying the sorts of vulgar things they said, they came out of my mouth without me even having to think. It was wonderful in a weird way.

"Oh man, so I was in Mr. Franklin's class this morning and he was going on and on about polynomials or something and I realized something," Tara said.

"What?" I asked.

"His head is shaped almost exactly like an ass. I mean look at him sometimes. Like her cheeks are all big and fleshy and he has this liked crushed in face that looks like a crack. Its totally gross," she said.

"Yeah and everything that comes out of his mouth is shit," I said, not having ever met Mr. Franklin and feeling a little guilty, but again the girls were impressed. To go through everything we said during lunch would be the height of tedium. Suffice it say, we bullshitted the entire lunch away and I felt really good for the first time since entering the school. I was sincerely sad when I left for class. I had had fun.

After school Tara came up to me in the hallway again and walked with me out to the parking lot. It was nice to have someone and I assumed that this was going to be a part of my routine from now on. We got to the front of the school again and this time Julie and Misty were standing in front of the school.

"Hey," Julie said.

"What's up?" I asked and they smiled at me.

"The Festiva died on the way home from school yesterday. We wanted to know if you could give us rides to our houses," Misty said, acting as though I was somehow asking her for a favor. In a way I guess I was. I was happy to give them a ride.

"Sure, follow me," I said and I led them to my car. I got in and Tara took the front seat. She smartly turned the volume all the way down on the radio before I started the engine and then smiled at me. I smiled to myself; it could've gotten ugly there. I drove Misty home first as she was only about a quarter mile from the school. She lived in a big house on Miller drive where all of the local bigwigs lived. Her dad owned the grocery store in town and was the mayor. She even thanked me when she got out. Next I took Tara home. She lived in a little trailer out by the railroad with her dad. Her mom had died when she was born and her dad was a bit of an alcoholic, but was very sweet to her. When she got out, Julie moved to the front seat and I went to take her home.

"Thanks again for the ride," she said and I nodded, "You really pissed Misty off today you know?"

"Oh yeah? Is that bad?" I asked, a little bit nervous.

"If Misty isn't pissed off at you she doesn't recognize that you are alive, I wouldn't worry about it," she said and then turned on the radio. It was worse than I had expected. Not only was it teeny bopper music but it was really, really old, bad teeny bopper music. Julie started laughing. For a second I felt really nervous, but then I realized that it was hilarious that somehow Hanson had made it onto my radio and I started laughing too.

We were still laughing when we pulled into Julie's house and she wiped a tear from her eye, careful not to mess out her make-up as she did. She was smiling a sweet little smirk and I smiled back at her. She didn't say anything she just waved to me as she left. I laughed the whole way home.

The next day was basically the same thing. I talked to my friends in the morning and then struggled to stay awake in class. I was a part of the conversation during lunch and even managed to make my new friends laugh. I found that Tara liked to walk with me to classes and I found that I liked her a lot. She was a bit of a follower and I don't know how into the whole alternative chick thing that she was but she was just happy to be a part of a group. I guess I was in the same boat. She was always giving me little bits of advice like what to say and wear to fit in well. I took what advice I liked and left the rest, but it was sweet of her to offer.

At the end of the day Tara and I walked over to the front of the building and we again saw Misty and Julie standing in front. Apparently I was now the ride. I didn't even say anything, I just smiled and they followed me to the car. We all piled in and then Julie spoke.

"Alright so your little trial period is over," Julie said as she lit a cigarette and cracked the window on my car, "So something has to give." I felt very upset. Everything had been going well; at least I thought it had. What did she mean?

"What?" I asked.

"Well we all think its cool if you want to hang out with us at school and maybe even on the weekends, but you gotta change your look. I mean I don't know if your panties come with a stick to put up your ass, but you have too much of an uptight sorority girl look going on," she said and they all laughed. I was relieved.

"Well, I guess its time for a change," I said and they directed me to the mall. It was sort of a blur as they took me around to various stores and put a whole bunch of charges on Misty's dad's credit card. They handed me clothes and shoved them in bags. They took me to a salon and got my hair dyed, telling me that my blonde hair would look great because it would take dye very easily. They begged, cajoled, and mocked me for two hours until I was somehow convinced to get three new piercing. I didn't even know what I looked like and they refused to let me look in a mirror. We drove back to Julie's house and went down to the basement where her room was located and they stripped me down to my bra and panties and then got me dressed into all of my new clothes.

When we were all finished, Julie took me over to a mirror and I was shocked by my transformation. My hair was the first thing. I had suggested some colors but what they had picked looked so much better. I had let Tara's two-tone long hair inspire my style, but where Tara had dark hair underneath of blonde hair I had dark purple hair underneath of bright pink hair. My platinum blonde hair had taken the hair superbly and I loved how it looked. I had violet eye shadow and thick eyeliner on that really accentuated my violet eyes. My Monroe piercing and the two studs on either side of my lower lip looked great with my new look face. Furthermore, my clothing looked great on me. I had a black, short, pleated skirt on that really showed off my legs. I had a pair of combat boots on that were comfortable and made me feel kind of tough. Finally I had a very tight white dress shirt with short sleeves and little purple tie. You could see my black bra through my shirt. I just loved how different it was. For the first time I looked like I belonged with my new friends.

"Well?" Julie asked as I stared at this new, alien girl in the mirror.

"I look sexy!" I said and then giggled. They giggled too.

"You look really, really good Shae," Tara added and I thanked her. Even Misty admitted that the transformation was complete. We all stood together looking in the mirror with our dyed hair and our piercings and make-up and we looked damn good. I wanted to stay and hang out but I looked at my watch and it was already 6:30. I realized that I was going to have to show my parents my new hair! My new piercings! This was going to be bad.

I got home just as my mom was finishing up with dinner. She had her head in the fridge and she heard me come into the room. I had been thinking the whole drive home about what I was going to say, but the more I thought about it the less I cared what I was going to say. I had been telling them that I was miserable for weeks and they hadn't done anything. If they didn't like my new look they had no one to blame but themselves.

"Shae honey, where have you..." she started and then took her head out of the fridge and looked at me.

"What?" I asked.

"What have you done to your hair? What are you wearing? Those had better not be real piercings?" she said. When my dad heard her yelling he came in from the living room and was equally shocked.

"What is going on?" he said, "are you doing drugs?" Classic response from my dad. He was so completely out of it that he thought hair dye must mean ecstasy. I actually started to laugh.

"Relax," I said, "I went shopping with my new friends."

"Are those real piercings?" my mother asked again.

"Yeah," I said, "I don't need your permission to get piercings. I am 18."

"I don't like this," My mother said. It was at this point that I started to feel a little bit bad. I decided to take it easy on them.

"Sorry mom. Listen. I am not doing drugs or anything. It's just my new friends sort of dress like this and they have studs and stuff too. I just wanted to fit in with my friends. But they are all good girls. Julie and Tara are both on the honor roll. Julie and Misty are both going to college, and Tara is going to got to Community College" I explained and she seemed to relax a little bit.

"You are such a sweet girl. You shouldn't have to change the way you look to have friends," she said. It was sweet of her, even if it wasn't really true. Everyone has to look and fit her part. Why else did dad wear a silk phallus around his neck at work?

"It's not like that. I wanted to do this," I explained. My mother smiled wistfully at me. She really was understanding in her own way most of the time.

"Alright honey," she said, "I trust you." With that my dad sat down at the table. He wasn't really concerned. As long as my mom was happy he was happy. Just as we sat down the phone rang. I got up and answered it. It was Tara.

"Hey Shae its Tara," she said.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Julie's parents are out of town and we are all going to stay over at her house tonight. You want to come?" She asked. I was excited. I hadn't been to a sleepover in months.

"Hold on," I said and put my hand over the mouthpiece, "Hey mom, can I go over to stay at Julie's house tonight?" She looked at my dad for a minute but he was a blank slate. She seemed to consider things and then she looked over her shoulder at me.

"Okay, but please behave," she said finally.

"Yeah sounds great! What time?" I asked and she told me to be there at 8:00. I hung up and sat back down and ate a relatively quiet dinner with my family and waited for the clock to change.

Chapter 4: The Sleepover

At around five after 8 I pulled my car into Julie's driveway. She had a pretty nice house; it was a sort of split-level house on one side and a big garage on the other where her dad rebuilt classic cars. The basement side of the split-level had four rooms; there was a small laundry room, a sort of billiards room, a bathroom, and Julie's bedroom. I had been told by Tara to just walk in the door and go down to Julie's bedroom. It felt weird, but I did it. As I opened the door I saw the other three were already there.

"Still looking good," Julie said and I smiled. They were playing the Wii, some sort of bowling game and they made room for me. They said that a pizza was on the way and I was glad that I hadn't eaten very much for dinner.

"So do you guys do this often?" I asked.

"Wii? Sure all the time," Misty said as she picked up a spare.

"No. I mean do you guys have sleepovers?" I asked.

"Sleepovers?" Misty asked as she sad down next to me on Julie's bed, "This isn't a sleepover. This is a full raging party. Can't you tell the difference?"

"Fuck off," Julie said, getting a strike, "She's just pissed because I only have a twelve pack of beer."

"Oh you guys are drinking?" I asked as Tara got up and bowled.

"No," Julie said, "We're drinking. I am going to drink, Misty will drink, Tara will drink, and unless you want to be totally lame, you will drink." she explained. She looked into my eyes when she said it. There was something charismatic in the way she conveyed herself and I wanted to do whatever she asked of me. It was about time I got drunk, I realized. I was nearly an adult, after all.