A New Girl

"Hey," I said in a friendly, but surprisingly squeaky voice. I was very nervous.

"Hey," Tara said and Julie nodded. Misty rolled her eyes and looked away, tapping her foot.

"Okay," Julie said after a minute of silence, "I want everyone to know this. Misty and I are engaged." Tara smiled and clapped her hands; she was obviously at least somewhat unaware and being a sweet girl, was just happy for her friends. But Tara wasn't done talking, "Shae, whatever happened between us the other day is in the past," I felt relief. In the past. That is what I really wanted.

"What happened," Tara said, her face sinking.

"But Misty and I aren't comfortable hanging out with you anymore," Julie said, she wasn't looking me in the eye and it was clear that someone else was pulling the strings. I could see Misty trying to hide her grin. My heart sank, "We just don't know if we can trust you," she explained. It felt like someone had stabbed me in the back. This wasn't all my fault. It was at least as much Julie and Misty's fault as mine. I felt hot tears in my eyes but I fought hard and kept them from falling.

"Sorry," Misty said in a snotty sort of way.

"What happened?" Tara asked again, her eyebrows furrowed.

"I really am sorry," Julie said and she looked me in the eyes. There was a plea in her eyes there. It was almost like she was asking me to forgive her. But I was too hurt to even think about it now.

"What happened? Goddamnit, someone answer me!" Tara said, throwing her arms in the air.

"She fucked us," Misty said, giddily, "She fucked both of us and she was trying to tear us apart," I felt like I was going to vomit. I looked at Tara and I saw tears welling in her eyes. Misty and Julie started to walk away, back towards the school. Tara sat still for a moment.

"Oh," she said, the tears starting to fall now, "I thought...Well I thought we..."

"What?" I asked, my heart breaking for her.

"Nothing," she said. Then she turned, crying, and ran back to the other girls. It was only then that I realized what was going on. Tara liked me. She was in love with me and I hadn't even noticed it. I felt terrible. I fell to my knees in the mud behind the gym. I couldn't even stand if I wanted to. I thought about Misty and her hate. I thought about how Julie was so much weaker than I thought she had been. I thought about Tara. Sweet Tara. My best friend and I had broken her heart. I felt like a victim and a villain at the same time. I sat in the mud for the rest of the period. The rain poured down on me and I shivered. But I felt numb.

The rest of that week was worse than the first week at school. There were rumors swirling around the school as to why our little maligned clique was split up. Some of the rumors were crazy. Some of them were true but people dismissed them as being crazy. I wanted to crawl up into a ball and die. But I couldn't. I just kept going through the motions. Then, on Friday, something crazy happened.

I was sitting in the lunchroom, eating quietly by myself. I was at one end of the table and some of the forensics team kids were sitting on the other and they wouldn't even look at me. I was trying not to cry, which was basically my entire life at this point and I was just hoping for the bell to ring so I could go to class. I felt someone tap on my shoulder.

"Hey Shae, come sit with us!" The voice said, I turned and saw that it was Crystal! It was her and all of the cheerleaders, smiling and holding their trays.

"What?" I asked.

"Come on! Don't be a joker. Just come sit with us. It'll be fun!" she said. She smiled that same fake smile. I thought for a minute. They didn't want me to sit with them because they suddenly liked me. I had been a cheerleader. I knew. They wanted me for some reason. I looked around and saw my old friends, sitting at their table and staring at me. Julie looked absolutely pissed and Misty was angrier still. I realized why they wanted me. I was going to be there personal "Fuck You" to Julie. I didn't want to do it at first, but then I thought about it for a minute. I hadn't done anything wrong. Julie and Misty had sacrificed me for their relationship. I had trusted them.

"Sure," I said and got up. I even waved over at Julie as I walked over to the popular girl's table and sat down. Cheerleading season was over, but that was still what they were talking about. I have to admit, it didn't take me long to slip back into the old dodge and duck world of cheerleader talk. Before I knew it I was complimenting girls left and right and making safe little jokes. A couple of weeks later I was Crystal's right hand girl and I was dating a boy on the football team. Julie and that whole gang hated me and I loved every second of it.

Sometimes I would think about my old friends and I would tell myself that I was better off now. I was with better people. People my mother liked and people who acted the way we were supposed to act. There was always something in the back of my mind though. Something that reminded me that I had really enjoyed my old friends. Something told me I hadn't been pretending back then. When I was with my boyfriend, Jack, and he would hold me and kiss me; I would know that I was pretending then. But I ignore those feelings and the rest of the year started to ease along and before long I was able to just ignore those things and get along.

Chapter 10: A New Beginning

It was about three weeks before the end of school when my new, new life unraveled on me again. I wasn't even upset this time. I think, subconsciously, I was hoping that it would happen. It began at lunch. I was sitting with Crystal and her boyfriend, waiting for some of the other girls to show up. She was talking on and on about how we should be roommates in college and I was smiling, nodding, and giggling.

"I really think we could be like sisters," she explained, I was acting as though I was interested, but I was in a particularly bad mood.

"Yeah, maybe we can," I said.

"You can be just like me!" she said as though it were a light-hearted joke. I could tell she was serious. She thought it was a great compliment. Like people would inject themselves with bleach to have a chance to be just like her. I started thinking back on the last few months. Something inside of me snapped. Everything that had been bottled up burst out of me. The time I spent with Crystal and the cheerleaders and all the goofy shit we had done. I realized all the faking I had done and how unhappy I was. I missed my real friends. I missed Julie and Misty (I couldn't believe it). More than anything else I missed Tara. I was thinking about her more and more all the time, without realizing it. It was like a missed opportunity. Something I would regret my entire life. I couldn't keep doing this.

"I don't know if I could live up to being like you," I said smiling.

"Oh I am sure you could," she said, acting like we were playing a game.

"Well I don't know," I said, "If I was like you I would have to do all kinds of stuff differently."

"Don't be silly," she said, then she turned and looked at me more seriously, with her eyebrows knit, "Like what?"

"Well for one thing I'd have to wear a lot more make-up. I'd have to hump this big block of meat and shit you call a boyfriend. I'd have to have halitosis. I'd have to have once drunkenly given my boyfriend's cousin a blow job at a family Christmas party. I'd have to think I was better than everyone else. I'd have to have everyone hating me behind my back but afraid to say anything because I am such an unholy bitch," I said. By the time I was done spilling the truth in the middle of the cafeteria I was standing, screaming, and shaking all over. Crystal's eyes were big and her mouth kept opening and closing as if she was struggling to find an answer, but she was done.

"Fuck you," was all she managed to sputter out. I stood up from the table and walked away. Everyone in the cafeteria was looking at me. They were all covering their mouths with their hands. Whispering to each other what I had said and giggling. They looked at me in an odd new way. I swear to God it was something close to respect. Respect for putting Crystal in her place. Respect for using the dirty mouth my old friends had taught me about. I didn't even turn around. I just walked out to the cafeteria, straight out to my car, and away to my house.

I felt numb the whole way home, but I knew I had done what I needed to do. When I got home I went up to my room and started to think about what had happened. My parents were both out of the house and I was alone with my thoughts. The numb feeling began to wear off and I felt my whole body becoming emotionally charged. All of the things I had ignored in my conscious mind for all this time flooded back into me. I felt the resentment for Misty I had been ignoring, I felt the disappointment and betrayed feeling I had towards Julie, and I felt the longing, yes that was it, for Tara. I wanted her. I loved her. I realized it then.

It was Friday. That meant they were going to be at Misty or Julie's house that night to get drunk. It was the last Friday of the month so Misty's mom and dad would be out for the night, getting drunk and then staying at a friends house. That is where they would be. I decided I was going to do what I was too shocked to do that day behind the gym. I was going to go over there that night and tell them all off. I was going to let them know that they were missing out on me, not the other way around.

There were still several hours before night fell so I got to work. I went to my closet and dug through all of my clothes, finding the little skirt and my little shirt and tie. Thing I had put away forever. Things I had decided to put away forever. I put them on and looked at myself in the mirror. It wasn't quite right yet. I put on my make-up, coating it on thick so I looked like I used to. Then I went out to my car and drove to the mall. I got there just as the person who had dyed my hair before was getting settled in. She remembered dying my hair and told me she could do it again. I gave her a big tip when I left a little while later with my hair back the way it was supposed to be. I felt so sexy as I walked back to my car.

It was dark now and I knew that the girls would be at Misty's house. I got into my car and drove as fast I could towards Misty's house. I was on a mission now. The same venom I had felt for Crystal now was swelling up in my body and I was going to explode. I got to Misty's house and walked up to the door.

I knew they would be in the basement and the last thing that I wanted to do was knock on the door and wait for them to come to it and let me in. I decided to do something else instead. I walked around to the back of the house. There were three little windows, only about twelve inches high and two feet wide that lined the back of Misty's house that looked down into the basement. I went to the first window and looked in and it was completely black inside, I didn't even know what room it was. The next one was the one with the girls. I saw all three of them playing video games. They were obviously already drinking. They appeared to be laughing and having a good time. It made my blood boil. But Tara looked gorgeous. I forgot how pretty she looked late at night, when she was tired. Her blonde and black hair was tied up behind her and eyes looked so bright.

Finally I went to the last window and looked in on the laundry room. The light was on but no one was in the room. I put my hands against the glass and gently started to lift it. I was happy to find that it was unlocked. I lifted it very carefully. I was doing my best to avoid making a lot of noise and alerting them to my little break in attempt.

After a little work I opened the window. I got down on my stomach and then gently slithered in through the window. It was only a couple of feet from the window and the washing machine. I was very careful when I put my hands on the top, to keep the sheet metal from crumpling. With a few minutes of careful work I was down on the floor. I stood in the laundry room and considered what I was doing for a minute. I felt a little bit like I was going crazy. Like I was doing something completely irrational and possibly wrong. But I was too into what I was doing now. I decided to just walk in without thinking about what I was going to say.

I walked out the door and made a left turn and then another. With that I was standing in the doorway, looking in to see my old friends. They didn't notice me for a minute, but then Misty looked over and nearly jumped a mile into the air. I laughed slyly and leaned against the doorframe.

"How's it going guys?" I asked and they now all turned and looked at me and were quite surprised.

"Get the fuck out of my house! How in the Hell did you get in here?" Misty asked. I shrugged my shoulders.

"I am not going to be here for very long," I said.

"Damn right you aren't. I am going to call the cops," Misty said. Julie looked a bit confused, but I could sense she was a bit impressed. I'd be lying if I didn't say that flattered me. Tara was looking at me too, but I couldn't read her emotions.

"Don't be a melodramatic cunt," I said. Misty recoiled like she'd been hit. I decided not to wait any longer, "I just came to tell you all something that you need to know. I already talked to that bitch Crystal today and now it's your turn."

"I heard about that," Tara said and smiled a little, until Misty shot her an angry glare.

"I just came to tell you that you all are a bunch of assholes. You act like you are so much different than the other girls. Like you are the polar opposite of everything they stand for. But you really aren't. You just paint over with your make-up and funny music. So you can go fuck yourselves. You told me I could hang out with you and then you two, Julie and Misty, you took advantage of me and then when it threatened your happiness, you threw me away. You called me the kinds of names other people called you. I don't care why what happened between us happened. I still don't think any of it was my fault. Julie came on to me. But that doesn't matter. Friends wouldn't have let that tear them apart," I was fuming now. The words came out so fast that sometimes that tripped over themselves as they poured out of my mouth. When I was finished they were silent.

"The only thing I regret," I said now, "Is how things turned out with you, Tara. I am sorry that I hurt you. You were my best friend and I wouldn't ever do anything to hurt you. I have been thinking about you all the time. I want you to know that you have always been my best friend. The more I knew you and the more I think about you, the more I love you. I love you Tara. With all my heart."

This was all I could manage now. I felt like I was going to cry. Tara was looking at me blankly now and the others looked upset. I could tell that Julie was ashamed and I even think that Misty was as well. I turned to walk out the door. I wasn't going to slink out; I was headed for the front door.

"Come on you guys," Misty said and she turned back to the TV, "I don't think we need to even respond to her bullshit. Fuck her." I kept walking, I heard someone behind me, I turned and looked. Tara was right behind me. She was smiling at me. I can't even describe the way I felt. It was single greatest moment of my entire life. She reached out here hand and I took it.

"Get the fuck back here!" Misty said. Julie looked concerned as well.

"She is right," Tara said back to them, "and I love her. I would rather be with her. If you guys don't want her then you can't have me." I felt like crying again. This time, because I was happy.

"Well let's just..." Julie began, but Misty cut her off.

"No. Tara if you want to go then you can get the fuck out of my house too. Just remember you can't ever come back," Misty said. She was in a blind rage now. Her face was red and she looked as though she were going to pass out. Tara and I had had enough. We were still holding hands as we ran up the stairs and out the front door.

We were running to my car but I pulled her back for a moment. She spun around and looked at me. Even her eyes were smiling and I wanted to say something to her. But I couldn't think of anything to say. I just looked into her eyes for a moment. Then I closed mine. I leaned in gently and I could feel her body press against mine. My heart was beating a mile a minute and as our breasts touched, I could feel her heart as well. Our lips touched. Just a light touch, her soft, supple lips against my own. My arms went around her and her's did the same. We just stood there for several minutes, just holding each other and kissing very gently.

After several minutes our lips broke. My eyes flooded open and she was looking at me. Smiling the same as I was. I felt love in a new way. I pulled her in again in a big hug. I felt her hold me too.

"I am so sorry," I said.

"What?"

"That we missed out on so much time. We should've been together a long time ago," I said.

"I forgive you Shae. I am not angry at all. I love you too," she said. We kissed again. Quickly.

"Let's go," I said and we got into my car.

"We can go over to my trailer. I don' think my dad is awake and it takes an earthquake to bother him. We can hang out," Tara said and smiled at me in the passenger seat. I just nodded and jetted off towards her trailer.

It didn't take us long to get there, it was relatively close. I parked in her driveway and we made our way up to the front door. My entire body felt electric. It had been such an emotionally draining day, but I was still a live wire. We headed up to the door and she carefully unlocked it and let us in. All of the lights were out and the door to her father's room was closed. We moved carefully until we were in her room with the door closed behind us. She turned on the lights and looked at me.

"I do love you," she said suddenly, as though it had been killing her not to say it.

"I love you too," I said. I wanted to say so much more. It was so complicated.

"I think about you all the time. I wanted you to know that I was sad because I loved you and you weren't around. I wasn't ever angry with you or anything like that. I was always saying to the other girls that we should just bring you back in, but they always fought me on it. Especially Misty," she blurted it all out at once as though she was asking me to forgive her!

"Tara, Tara. Let's not talk about the past. We have our whole future together and I know that I am happy now," I said. She smiled and then leaned forward and kissed me softly. I took her hand and kissed her back. Together we sat down on the bed, our lips still together. I could smell her perfume and taste her sweet lips and it was more wonderful than any feeling I had ever felt before.

I put my arm around her side and she set her hands in my lap. I looked into her eyes and they were sparkling. I didn't realize what love could be until this moment. It was soft but powerful. I pulled her in with my other arm and we kissed again. We kissed for a time that felt like a beautiful eternity. Our tongues danced in each other's mouths and it was like all of my senses came together in a single point.

After what felt like hours our kiss broke. We giggled and looked at each other for a moment. I put my hand on her shoulder and guided her down on the bed. We wrapped our legs together, our arms were intertwined and we continued to kiss. I felt my body get hot now. I felt her grinding against me as well. Our kisses became more passionate and my hands moved over her body.

We rolled over and I was on my back and Tara was straddling me. She sat up, smiling. She bit her lip and then reached down with her arms crossed. She lifted her arms up and removed her black t-shirt revealing a black bra. Her breasts looked amazing in them. Her hips were beautiful. I leaned up and kissed her bellybutton and she giggled.