I don't know if it's COSMO magazine or the Internet or where she gets these ideas from but ..
We're curled up on the couch like little bunnies watching some girly movie and she starts talking smack.
'Hey D, hand me the popcorn - cock ornament.'
Here we go...... She's smirking at me.
ME: ' What's the magic word? hmm? - cum guzzler?'
Smack in the back of the head
Her: (loud) THE MAGIC WORD IS NOW! Don't make me bust your ass bitch!!!'
Me: Don't make me GAG YOU WITH COCK AND MAKE YOU MY COCK ORNAMENT - er, COCK ORNAMENT!
This goes on for 10 minutes.
You know, foreplay.
She beat me by a second, I swear , I was gonna yank her over my knee and just WAIL on that ass. I really was. I was just stretching my legs, you know - getting ready.
I think I was laughing at her last retort and was in the middle of saying something smart like like 'pfffft - who do you think you're fucking kidding bitch? I'm like fucking BRIER RABBIT over here - you know the story? - don't throw me in the brier patch said'
And that was it. I never saw it coming. I got cut off mid-sentence
She had snuck her fingers into my hair and looped my hair around her fist and - so fast it just stunned me - she slipped an arm across my neck in a choke hold and in one smooth motion - stepped up and off the couch from behind me (I was laying in her lap) and YANKED ME RIGHT OFF the couch and onto the floor.
She's 5'2 and maybe a buck and a quarter soaking wet - and she took me straight to the floor faster than you can say WTF!
She had the toy stashed under the couch and it was in her hand and no joke - before you could COUNT TO THREE she had yanked my shorts down, spit where the sun don't shine , yelled ' READY WHORE? HUH? CUZ HERE IT COMES! and just RAMMED IT in.
It's her fat red jelly cock that she loved fucking herself silly with.
That's when I realized.
Yeah. I'm thinking maybe I really pissed her off at this point.
She's got my hair in her fist and she's RANTING at me calling me "WHORE CUNT BITCH! FUCK YOU! HOW DO YOU LIKE IT IN YOUR FUCKING ASS!"
She's WHACKING ME with - what? her hairbrush?
Way to improvise babe!
And so on. It was just a fucking blur.
After about 5 minutes she yanks it out and throws it across the room in the general direction of the kitchen sink, misses completely, and knocks a bottle of wine off the counter which promptly falls to the floor and just EXPLODES.
She yells "CLEAN THIS SHIT UP - FUCKING WHORE!!!" and goes and takes a shower.
Leaving me sitting on the floor. Rubbing my ass ( She REALLY hit me with her hairbrush - wtf?)
Whoooooaaaaaaa. What the fuck just happened?
She's in the shower a really long time...
She gets out of the shower and she has that a mischievous smirk ....
She looks around and smiles. Of course, everything's cleaned up. Shut up.
I'm wondering what's coming next. It only takes a few minutes and she starts up with me.
She's having a lot of fun at this point.
Oh Yeah. She was thoroughly enjoying herself. She's (so help me)
She's walking around the house in her little singsong voice ' LA-LA-La-lA - D got ASS - fucked, la-la-la-la D got ASS raped - la - la -l a- la nan-ner nan-er'.
"WHO just got Buttfucked? - D Did!"
"WHO just got ASS-RAPED? - D DID!"
I'm just sitting there shaking my head and grinning like Tom Cruise because - WELL what the fuck else am I going to do? I just got punk'd.
She got her turn an hour later.
She's going on and on with this for an hour now.
Making up the lyrics as she goes and she's giggling lalalala ha ha....tossing clothes in the wash.
She's banging around making all kinds of noise SINGING REALLY FUCKING LOUD.
I'm TRYING to watch some fucking Battlestar Galactica.
So yeah, Now I'm getting annoyed. You don't fuck with my BSG.
Out of the corner of my eye I see her reaching up for the detergent.
She's stretching and reaching and making little noises to get my attention.
So. of course. I look over.
She's wearing one of my beaters and she's leaning WAY over the machine ...she's WAY up on her tippytoes and her ass is just suddenly WAY THE FUCK OUT THERE .
First thing I realize: she's got nothing on underneath. I can see everything.
2nd thing. I'm rock hard. CLICK - Just that fast.
This girl really just knew how to push all my buttons. She just did it for me.
She knows all she has to do to get fucked like an animal is to let me see her ass like that.
She KNOWS THIS. We've talked about it. I've told her.
Keep your ass covered....because the sight of her ass wiggling around in the open air.....
I can't guarantee your safety baby. I might just have to fuck you to death.
Wait a second. Is that what I think it is?
Oh no. Oh, holy fucking Jesus. NO WAY.
WAY. She's got her little red rubber ponytail butt plug buried all the way in her ass.
Did she just wiggle her fucking ass at me?
CLICK my eyes meet hers. She's looking me right in the eye with that little smile..... another wiggle wiggle wiggle.
Her lips are moving but she's not actually speaking but I can read her from across the room....
whatcha gonna do? huh? whatcha gonna do? you ain't gonna do shit...
I don't remember my feet touching the ground but it's 15 feet from the couch to the hall and the washing machine. I had to touch the ground. I'm sure of it.
She got it right there on the washing machine.
Oh yes. Yes she did. I was there. I saw me doing it to her.
I might have been a little out of my mind. I'm normally very low key and gentle until the time calls for me not to be.
And this was one of those times. I was transformed into a roaring savage.
I'm ranting at her "open your hole whore!".
I made her reach back with both hands and hold herself wide open.
And then I spread her even wider.
She's in midair and her feet dangling over the floor as I'm just grabbing onto her hips and holding her in midair...pounding.....
She leaned all the way forward and stuck her butt way up high in the air...