Family Isn't Blood - Fred's Life Ch. 03

Zophia's parents. Stella and Syzmon were and continued to be good people. They worked until they no longer could, raised three children, supported their daughter to the point of her masters. After they were forced to retire, they led a quiet life taking care of and than just playing with their grandchildren. Now these grandchildren were starting to get married and have kids. The circle of life. We walked out of there and I was tearing up. Zophia looked at me with a question in her eyes. I looked at her and said, "Right now you are so damn lucky. Not lucky that your parents have lost their abilty to live independently, but that you can be there with them while being surrounded by the rest of your family. It is the slow goodbye that is much more difficult without others." I had her drive home while I was lost in my thoughts of 30 years also. I had recovered by the time we got home and we continued to talk with one another till 1AM. Tomorrow morning was going to be tough.

When Zophia picked me up from work she was beaming and said that she was going to take me to dinner, someplace special. When we got there, I just laughed. We ended up near the university in a little deli and got some Italian subs. She was prepared and had brought additional paper towels to use as bibs. The hot Italian giardiniera oil ruined more than one tie of mine. We got to the lakefront and went to the rocks and sat down. After opening up the subs and the two cokes, we stated eating. With the cool wind in my face and this woman at my side, I was happy. That was when she said they made her an offer, an offer she accepted. She was moving to Chicago for her job, her parents, her son. Then looking at me she said, and for me, that I was the topping on the cake.

Having done my own laundry for several years now, I knew that this was a time I should not hug. I would have stained her cloths, but I leaned over and kissed her while holding my hands away from us like I had wings. When we broke away, she started to laugh at the sight if it.

We got to Shelly and Marek's by the appointed 6:45. He and Shelly and Maria were there along with someone new. They introduced us to Su Lin, a classmate of theirs. Su specialized in people with development disabilities. The four of them started talking, all talking the same language. Shelly and I could only marvel at them all. It was out of my league, but looking at Shelly, it was out of her league also. Shelly has handled some pretty difficult cases, but she was looking lost on this one.

Over an hour later, Zophia was looking calm and the three of them were relaxed. Because she knew Zophia's tight schedule, Su Lin had set up appointments for Thursday morning, another Thursday afternoon and the final on Friday morning for her at the top three possibilities. This time, she pulled Maria over and asked her a question privately to which Maria shook her head no. After a few minutes, we bade them goodnight.

I asked Zophia about how she felt about everything. She was pretty happy about it all. They had listened to her and appeared to find three suitable places for her son John. Now, she had to do that interviewing alone. All of them were working and I was too. She said that it would be OK, she was kind of used to that. That was when I told her that Angelka had offered to be available in case you needed some company. Just having another person with you, just to be there and bounce things off of does make a difference. She thought that it was a good idea and I told her to use my phone and look under A in the phone list. Angelka jumped at the chance and told Zophia to pick her up after she dropped me off. I tell you, we are a rough crowd here.

When Zophia picked me up after work on Thursday, she was looking very worn and haggard. It did not look like a good day. I know that facilities for the developmentally disabled were not great places to be at, but it is still depressing. Zophia had told me that even the one John was in right now was not much better looking. It was just so depressing for her. You can only hope, then you have to go with the reality of life. She needed to go home and crash. I suggested that I take her home and I pick up some Thai food for us. She smiled at me, held on to my arm and lay her head against my shoulder as we pulled up to the house. When we got inside, I sat her down in the living room and took off her shoes. Rubbing her feet sometimes made her feel better, having that human touch.

She started to cry, and just let it all out. The stresses and tensions job hunt, what ever was going to happen to her son, her brothers and her parents. She cried that she was taking John away from his father. It all just poured out of her. I sat next to her and held her in my arms while she sobbed and talked. Life is not fair, or easy. She was in the best of a bad situation, but that is small comfort.

Then I spoke softly to her, "It is only the people around you that can help. I sent you away 30 years ago, when I really needed you. I will not let that happen again. You know that you have great support here. You have your brothers and their wives, you have your parents, for the years that they may have left, and they may very well have years to go. You have this new extended family here too. No one gets to suffer in silence. We don't allow it. Believe that you are doing the right thing for you, your son and your parents. And even your ex-husband too. He knows you make the right decisions for John. If anything happens, you have people that will be here for you, people that you can count on." Then I pulled her face to see my eyes, "This people that will never let you go." That was when she relaxed into my arms. We ate leftovers that evening, with a bottle of merlot, or two. It was first accompanied by some slow and loving bonding, and later by love making.

The next day after work, Zophia was actually much better. A better night's sleep and a facility that was closer to the vision she had for her son brightened her considerably. When she picked me up, she said that dinner was on her again. From her direction, I was expecting Johnnie's Roast beef on North avenue in Elmwood Park. That place was famous for us and half the city. We had many good times from that standup/take out place. The customer lines for that place usually wrap around the front door, and then down the block in summertime.

But she kept driving west then down to Roosevelt road and we ended up at Emilio's Tapas on Roosevelt road. While she was driving, she was telling me about what she thought of the facility, of the little things she learned to pay attentions to, of the staff and the other clients. They generally were clients, not just patients or wards, this was not a warehouse or a semi-warehouse. Zophia saw the functional level of the others and felt that this was the place for John. The research of the cabal of social workers did also showed this place in a good light.

So today, this dinner was the celebration. A milestone was reached. She found a place for her son, and she did not do it alone. Along with the social workers, she said that Angelka was just the most perfect companion for her. For the past two days, she supported her when she needed that support, let her have space at those times too. Angelka listened and just reflected back what she had felt, without putting a spin on things. To paraphrase my mother, Angelka was Angelka, she was who she was.

They stayed and filled out the admitting paperwork, leaving the start date when everything could be coordinated with her ex, Bob. He was part of this too. I was very happy about her finding a place, and happy that Bob remained a part of his son's limited life.

We had a wonderful meal, a number of small plates, shared. Do not ever leave a tapas restaurant without the bacon wrapped dates. Because it is far, and I do not eat out much UNTIL THIS WEEK, I only go there every couple of years. That dish is always on my list.

Life can be good, if you work for it, sometimes.