All Comments on 'Girl's Day Out'

Jill should have had some attention from the other lady in the room with her..

I hope you have more Adventures of the Girl's Days Out.

But a quick read. It depends on your aims. if this was a one off life reflection.. either true or fantasy... it's a success. If this is any stage in you becoming an erotic or other life affairs writer it's plastic, the orgasms included. The language and actions are all too correct. There is no real being there to it. As an experimental first i would be saying yes, next please. Slow it down, begin, middle, and end. The afterwards sometimes make a scene. Be real. And ignore the critics who live in story heaven..Most Real life bends all grammar... as long as you learn and respond to points. This of course is just one view. My edit experience is in a totally different field.

These people seem like caricatures. They don't seem like real people...more like cheesy porn stars. The story could use more detail and character development. And where'd Amy, the single mother, get all this time to pick up guys? Do her friends think this is healthy behavior?

rubbish