All Comments on 'Hey Neighbors...'

Give more details.

No glaring technical errors to distract the reader. Some decent dialogue.

But pacing and balance ... You spent eighty five percent of the story on the heat, the property, the deli, the burgers and the banyan tree. And then I blinked and the sex was over. It sounds like it might have been hot, but it went by so fast, we will never know.

Keep writing. But slow down. Let the reader in.

Thanks for posting

toomuchinmyhead

Thanks for the feedback, I agree on all! I did not spend nearly enough time on the sex, truth of the matter is, I was trying to knock it out in one sitting and ran out of time. Will try better next time :)

I wish I had neighbors like this!