John Billionaire Ch. 04

I have read a lot of stories here and I have read a lot of multi-part series stories, but this I would say is my favorite of them all. I have often wondered what I would do if faced with sudden riches. How would I handle it, how would my personal character and actions change? I enjoyed the way these characters were built and how they changed and involved, revealing other facets and sometimes deeper meaning. Very well done. Thank you so much for this and I will continue to read many more of your stories after this.

mc is a stupid simp

Great story, however the endless sex scenes turned boring to me. I would have preferred more of the business aspect explored.

Kinda preferred Taylor most of the way through, so good "ending". Now what happens in the sequel?

Really enjoyed this tale and yeah ALL the hot scenes😬😂. Thanks for taking the time to share with us. Much appreciated. Keep on writing and keep the scenes coming.

So---Bluedragonauthor, this story was crazy, mind blowing, fantasy "stuff" for us lowlifes. Truly enjoyed the reading. Forget the negative comments about your writing Just keep plugging along with more stories for our enjoyment.

Don't let all of this adoration go,to your head. Don't get me wrong, it is a god tale. Technically/mechanically, it's 90%. Story arc is decent, but the ups seemed to easy, at times, while the downs were a tab bit predictable. Plot was decent, as well. Where you shined was character development, dialogue, and the smut factor, (hey, it IS Lit, afterall); even though the sex was mechnically/physically somewhat repetitive, (all sex is, it's the nature of the beast), you managed to keep it interesting, and even surprising, at times.

You seem to engage in cognitive dissonance with your characters; while you developed them well, (good characters grow, good characters tell the story, instead of you writing a 'narrative', and turning the work into a Nat Geo or Earth documentary, when you can almost hear Attenborough in a voice over.

Some Lit writers just don't get it with characters; there stuff reads like a friggin' technical manual, or research paper, (and I should know, I wrote them for nearly 30 years!), while they characters just seem to be bits of clay moved here and there like it was a stop-action claymation being constructed.

The cognitive dissonance appears in your characters when they go from being astute, and aware of their actions, and how their actions impact their life, spontaneous, and fallible, to suddenly being predictable, and obvious.

It's a fine balance, between the two, but nobody said this writing shit's easy. Like most naturally talented writers, what separates the decent from the bestsellers is a professional editor. They become a partner, and most importantly, a second set of eyes and a second mind, to work out the difference between what you see & hear in your mind, and what you manage to write.

It's the same phenomena that makes self-proofing such a challenge; your brain tends to see what you meant to write, instead of what you actually wrote. You have an image in your mind of the story, and your brain can trick you into thinking that's what's on the paper, because you KNOW the story, and all the behind the scenes thoughts and activities of your characters.

A good editor will pull that knowledge out of you, and get it in the story.

And that's why, unlike the technique of reading your work aloud to beat brain's tricks while self-proofing, it takes a second mind to make bestsellers.

Still a good work, good enough I'll continue on to the next book. You've created some interesting characters; interesting enough I want to see what they get up to, next.

Surprisingly, or not so surprisingly, the protag is not one of them. He's just a bit too 'off'; sadism comes a bit too easily to him to be likeable, and the ease which he goes into rage mode is quite off putting.

Thanks for sharing your imagination, and thanks for all the work to put together the submission. Oh, on a technical note, I don't know precisely what causes it, but there is some code getting into your text which makes my iPad's full screen reading mode sense a page break, when it should only be a paragraph break.

The result is, the reader ends the text, and if I don't catch it, I go to the next page, and the scene changes, sometimes mid-dialogue. Don't see this too often on Lit, but I do commonly see it when someone changes to a block of italics for what ever their rrason is, (usually unnecessary). There is another obvious reason this happens, but I can't recall what it is, at the moment.

There's nothing obvious causing in your case; perhaps asking Lit support might clarifiy it for you.

Regards,

GeoD

Well done. REALLY well done. So well done, in fact, I don't have a single suggestion for change. You are a terrific writer.

what a lucky chappie. Thoroughly enjoyable series Keep them c*ming

There are so many opportunities for this story to go. Otherwise so great & hope you are bathing in the praise