All Comments on 'Mary Potter's Final Swing'

Less gimmick, more effort at writing a story that makes sense. Parts of this read like Benedict Cumberbatch had a love child with Yoda.

Cute. Mis-spellings throughout, but cute. I suppose that it is not only guys who dream of being f---d to death.

I enjoyed the tale of a young man who works with windows and widows.

There are a few typos that an editor would have corrected, as well as parts such as this that could benefit from revision:

"She promptly got on with the job in hand and I just let my mind wander, asking me why on earth is this happening!"

Stylistically, though, the tale is a tad confusing.

There are parts that seem very natural.

But other parts of this read as if P.G. Wodehouse had Bertie Wooster more erotically inclined....

"just to please her in a way I could never have envisaged."

"Okay just once more! I ascertained. We must not let it happen again."

"conjured with the notion"

And, if coppers really say " It is down to the nick with you until we get to the bottom of this."

an appropriate response would be "Heavens above, guv'nor. You have me bang to rights!"

Thank you Gordon for you constructive crit, which is always welcome,

You are right. I have to make an extra effort to check before sending them out.

After all, I have had a novel published for heaven's sake! Thinking about it I get myself going so much when writing erotica I have to send them out as quickly as possible beforeI I go blind!

I know you addressed that early in your story but I'd still liked to have seen Ryan tenderly fuck her. Mary running her crinkled old hands all over Ryan's back and ass while he gently thrust long and deep into her. Can you do a follow up story? Perhaps have Ryan do the windows of one of Mary's elderly friends whom Mary bragged about Ryan to?

Follow up as you suggested sent today.

It problem took 7 undertakes to get the smile off Mary's face.